Thursday, April 29, 2004
I’ve finished the mural!
I’ve finished the mural!
Once I finally set things in motion, I got it finished pretty quickly. It felt good getting a goal like that accomplished, it’s been a while since I undertook a medium term endeavour. (Cooking a dinner is short term, fattening Ian is long term, and pencil sketches don’t count as anything.)
It took me about an hour to get into a groove, and just kept going from there. I’ve been doing constant touch ups, but finally forced myself to leave it be. I can see 8 zillion mistakes in it, but they’re not so bad. Once I get the room setup, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to ignore the problems.
It actually looks as good as I’d hoped. Even Ian thinks it adds a lot to the room without being overpowering. It’s tough to get the colouring right one something so large, but using light roses really helps keep it in the background, while still making it prominent at first.
Of course, the critics I’m most worried about are Michelle and Thomas. I’m not sure when I’ll invite Michelle to see it (she’s never seen any of my paintings! Just some pencil stuff). She wasn’t as hot on the concept as Thomas was. But I’d like her to see it before Thomas comes home. Then I can fix it if there’re any problems.
Once I finally set things in motion, I got it finished pretty quickly. It felt good getting a goal like that accomplished, it’s been a while since I undertook a medium term endeavour. (Cooking a dinner is short term, fattening Ian is long term, and pencil sketches don’t count as anything.)
It took me about an hour to get into a groove, and just kept going from there. I’ve been doing constant touch ups, but finally forced myself to leave it be. I can see 8 zillion mistakes in it, but they’re not so bad. Once I get the room setup, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to ignore the problems.
It actually looks as good as I’d hoped. Even Ian thinks it adds a lot to the room without being overpowering. It’s tough to get the colouring right one something so large, but using light roses really helps keep it in the background, while still making it prominent at first.
Of course, the critics I’m most worried about are Michelle and Thomas. I’m not sure when I’ll invite Michelle to see it (she’s never seen any of my paintings! Just some pencil stuff). She wasn’t as hot on the concept as Thomas was. But I’d like her to see it before Thomas comes home. Then I can fix it if there’re any problems.
Friday, April 23, 2004
It’s been a while since I wrote here
It’s been a while since I wrote here.
I know that a diary isn’t exactly haute couture, but I do feel that it is a fun creative outlet. Since I’ve been focusing my creative energies on my mural, I haven’t had much left over for this. I’m okay with that though, since I AM actually getting progress done on the mural!
This week I moved the furniture out to give me room to work. Ian pointed out that losing weight helped here, I can work in less space than I could before, so we didn’t have to tear the place apart to accommodate my fat ass. I’ve prepped the wall and roughed in what I want to do, so now all I have to do is PAINT. I’ll get that done this weekend I think.
Amy’s going to keep Ian out of my hair. She’s not so happy that Thomas is in Italy, especially since she won’t get a chance to go. I’m not so sure I’ll be going either, I want to get the mural done before he comes home, and I don’t want to go if Amy can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her.
I’m sure they’ll find something to do. There’s always hockey, pizza, Chinese food, DVDs to watch, cars to drive. They have a lot of common interests, which I like. Ian doesn’t get me to do stuff I don’t want to any more!
Ian’s upto 505 pounds this week. He’s looking better and better by the day. I still find myself a little shocked that I find his form so aesthetically pleasing. There’s still a small part tucked in the back of my brain that looks at him and goes ‘oh my god he is SO FAT’. But then the rest of my brain goes ‘oh yeah!’. So it works out.
Lately my favourite part is his back. There’s so much fat it kind of makes me think of a waterfall. The folds from his stomach sort of wrap around, creating rolls on his back. There’s a bunch of them, and they don’t all line up symmetrically. I like how warm, soft and smooth they feel. Ian finds they’re very ticklish, and I can get some absolutely incredible jiggle inducing shivers out of him if I play them just right.
I know that a diary isn’t exactly haute couture, but I do feel that it is a fun creative outlet. Since I’ve been focusing my creative energies on my mural, I haven’t had much left over for this. I’m okay with that though, since I AM actually getting progress done on the mural!
This week I moved the furniture out to give me room to work. Ian pointed out that losing weight helped here, I can work in less space than I could before, so we didn’t have to tear the place apart to accommodate my fat ass. I’ve prepped the wall and roughed in what I want to do, so now all I have to do is PAINT. I’ll get that done this weekend I think.
Amy’s going to keep Ian out of my hair. She’s not so happy that Thomas is in Italy, especially since she won’t get a chance to go. I’m not so sure I’ll be going either, I want to get the mural done before he comes home, and I don’t want to go if Amy can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to her.
I’m sure they’ll find something to do. There’s always hockey, pizza, Chinese food, DVDs to watch, cars to drive. They have a lot of common interests, which I like. Ian doesn’t get me to do stuff I don’t want to any more!
Ian’s upto 505 pounds this week. He’s looking better and better by the day. I still find myself a little shocked that I find his form so aesthetically pleasing. There’s still a small part tucked in the back of my brain that looks at him and goes ‘oh my god he is SO FAT’. But then the rest of my brain goes ‘oh yeah!’. So it works out.
Lately my favourite part is his back. There’s so much fat it kind of makes me think of a waterfall. The folds from his stomach sort of wrap around, creating rolls on his back. There’s a bunch of them, and they don’t all line up symmetrically. I like how warm, soft and smooth they feel. Ian finds they’re very ticklish, and I can get some absolutely incredible jiggle inducing shivers out of him if I play them just right.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Ian’s up another pound
Ian’s up another pound.
Pretty good since over the weekend he didn’t get in nearly as much eating as he’d have liked to. Of course, spending time with friends and family is vastly preferable to simple indulgence. That makes the pound that much more special, he only really had three days to gain it.
I liked being back home. I love this living away from my family thing! It makes me appreciate them more when it’s special to see them, not a simple phone call and car ride. We have to plan it, we have to cherish our time.
Of course, now that there is distance between me and my mom, she seems to be a little more… direct about my weight. I know when I was a teen they wanted me to eat more. I know that when I gained weight, they wanted me to stop. Now she’s happy that I’ve lost a lot of weight. I wonder how much I SHOULD weigh. I don’t really want to put her on the spot though. It’s not really her fault, is it?
I got to see Amanda again. I miss her so much. Jeri too, of course. But she always seems so much older than I remember, it just breaks my heart that I don’t get to see her every day. A couple of her friends really like my mural in her room, and have asked if I could make one for them. I’m a little out of practise (hence the, ahem, delay in doing the one in our apartment), but I’m going to consider it. It might be fun to do as a sideline!
Friday we had dinner with Ian’s family. They’re weird about his weight. They don’t talk about it, at all, even though Ian is more than happy to announce it. They don’t give him a hard time about it, but you can tell that it’s something they wish would go away. Not that they treat him differently, I don’t think. Mostly it’s a non-issue I guess.
Saturday I hung out with Jeri and Amanda while Ian and James went out to watch hockey with some friends.
Sunday night we had dinner with my family, I cooked up a ham with side dishes. I didn’t give the meal enough forethought, but it turned out pretty good anyway.
Monday we were back in London. Amy came over to watch hockey. She’s pretty bummed that Thomas has gone to Italy (I’m bummed about that too!), but settled into her old routine watching hockey with Ian. Actually, both nights she’s come over this week she brought over cheesecakes. I’m pretty sure their calorie count is growing as the hockey playoffs go on. I can’t imagine how much they’ll be eating when it’s done in June. Ian will probably be nearing 520, and Amy’ll be pushing 300 for sure.
I really noticed the difference in Amy, not seeing her for only a few days and she seemed that much bigger. I guess it just has to do with familiarity and expectations. But she really does look fat now. She still seems smaller than me, but if Ian’s BMI calculations are correct, she is fatter than I am, and getting moreso!
With all the running around I did on the weekend, I managed to drop 4 pounds this week. I’m still shocked that I can lose this much weight. I anticipated a big battle for each and every pound, but instead I’m melting away. I’m feeling good though, at 296 pounds.
The place I notice my weight loss the most is in bed. Every pound I lose feels like another pound that Ian’s gained; so even though his weight is creeping up slowly, it feels like it’s going faster to me. 1 pound for him, 4 for me equals a 5 pound difference, that’s a full percent of his weight! When I reach my arms around him, I can feel that extra pound on him, plus I can get closer to him. It’s absolutely fantastic. I want to keep losing, just to prolong this experience.
Pretty good since over the weekend he didn’t get in nearly as much eating as he’d have liked to. Of course, spending time with friends and family is vastly preferable to simple indulgence. That makes the pound that much more special, he only really had three days to gain it.
I liked being back home. I love this living away from my family thing! It makes me appreciate them more when it’s special to see them, not a simple phone call and car ride. We have to plan it, we have to cherish our time.
Of course, now that there is distance between me and my mom, she seems to be a little more… direct about my weight. I know when I was a teen they wanted me to eat more. I know that when I gained weight, they wanted me to stop. Now she’s happy that I’ve lost a lot of weight. I wonder how much I SHOULD weigh. I don’t really want to put her on the spot though. It’s not really her fault, is it?
I got to see Amanda again. I miss her so much. Jeri too, of course. But she always seems so much older than I remember, it just breaks my heart that I don’t get to see her every day. A couple of her friends really like my mural in her room, and have asked if I could make one for them. I’m a little out of practise (hence the, ahem, delay in doing the one in our apartment), but I’m going to consider it. It might be fun to do as a sideline!
Friday we had dinner with Ian’s family. They’re weird about his weight. They don’t talk about it, at all, even though Ian is more than happy to announce it. They don’t give him a hard time about it, but you can tell that it’s something they wish would go away. Not that they treat him differently, I don’t think. Mostly it’s a non-issue I guess.
Saturday I hung out with Jeri and Amanda while Ian and James went out to watch hockey with some friends.
Sunday night we had dinner with my family, I cooked up a ham with side dishes. I didn’t give the meal enough forethought, but it turned out pretty good anyway.
Monday we were back in London. Amy came over to watch hockey. She’s pretty bummed that Thomas has gone to Italy (I’m bummed about that too!), but settled into her old routine watching hockey with Ian. Actually, both nights she’s come over this week she brought over cheesecakes. I’m pretty sure their calorie count is growing as the hockey playoffs go on. I can’t imagine how much they’ll be eating when it’s done in June. Ian will probably be nearing 520, and Amy’ll be pushing 300 for sure.
I really noticed the difference in Amy, not seeing her for only a few days and she seemed that much bigger. I guess it just has to do with familiarity and expectations. But she really does look fat now. She still seems smaller than me, but if Ian’s BMI calculations are correct, she is fatter than I am, and getting moreso!
With all the running around I did on the weekend, I managed to drop 4 pounds this week. I’m still shocked that I can lose this much weight. I anticipated a big battle for each and every pound, but instead I’m melting away. I’m feeling good though, at 296 pounds.
The place I notice my weight loss the most is in bed. Every pound I lose feels like another pound that Ian’s gained; so even though his weight is creeping up slowly, it feels like it’s going faster to me. 1 pound for him, 4 for me equals a 5 pound difference, that’s a full percent of his weight! When I reach my arms around him, I can feel that extra pound on him, plus I can get closer to him. It’s absolutely fantastic. I want to keep losing, just to prolong this experience.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
Last night
Last night
...Ian, commented that Amy was looking bigger than me. Not by much, but he thought that especially her stomach was more pronounced than mine. So, he compared our BMIs. Even though Amy weighs only 277 pounds to my 300, because she’s shorter, her BMI is higher than mine. Technically, she’s fatter than I am!
It’s been a while since I ‘checked Amy out’, but with her being my size, I gave her the once over. She’s defiantly become a BBW, that’s for sure. She seems smaller than I feel, but I suppose that’s just perception at this point. It’s not like she seems thin, by any means. She does have a round stomach, she does have a double chin, thunderthighs, saddlebags. Looks good on her!
In fact, she reminds me of when Jeri was gaining weight. It’s always interesting to see old friends in a completely new light. In some ways, she’s the same old friends, and yet, she’s not. In addition to being fatter, she’s gained a new perspective on life. She enjoys eating rather than hates being fat. Like Jeri, like me, she’s opened her mind. She may, like us, eventually decide being fat isn’t what she wants, but it will be an informed decision, not societal pressure.
...Ian, commented that Amy was looking bigger than me. Not by much, but he thought that especially her stomach was more pronounced than mine. So, he compared our BMIs. Even though Amy weighs only 277 pounds to my 300, because she’s shorter, her BMI is higher than mine. Technically, she’s fatter than I am!
It’s been a while since I ‘checked Amy out’, but with her being my size, I gave her the once over. She’s defiantly become a BBW, that’s for sure. She seems smaller than I feel, but I suppose that’s just perception at this point. It’s not like she seems thin, by any means. She does have a round stomach, she does have a double chin, thunderthighs, saddlebags. Looks good on her!
In fact, she reminds me of when Jeri was gaining weight. It’s always interesting to see old friends in a completely new light. In some ways, she’s the same old friends, and yet, she’s not. In addition to being fatter, she’s gained a new perspective on life. She enjoys eating rather than hates being fat. Like Jeri, like me, she’s opened her mind. She may, like us, eventually decide being fat isn’t what she wants, but it will be an informed decision, not societal pressure.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Over a year ago
Over a year ago
...I set a goal for myself.
I would weigh 300 pounds before I got married and had a baby.
Well, I’m ready to get married and have a baby!
I weighed in at 300 pounds this morning. I honestly didn’t think it would happen this quickly, but it has, and I’m very happy that I’ve accomplished this. Now it’s just a matter of getting a wedding and honey moon sorted out.
Jeri’s getting married in June, and even though she’s got it mostly sorted out, the stress is killing her she says. She’s gained a lot of weight (well, a lot for the ‘new’ Jeri). I’m worried about having that stress too.
Now that I’ve hit 300, I’m starting to think that 280 pounds might be a bit more comfortable. Size 20 would be nice for a wedding dress.
Ian managed to gain no weight this week. I guess that’s the way it goes. At least he didn’t lose any weight, he’s still 502 pounds. He’s certainly milking his weight for all it’s worth. He refers to his weight as a quarter ton, not 500 pounds. I guess he’s entitled to that. Besides that, he knows that I can’t keep my hands off him either. He’s really gained a certain mystique, even I can’t put my finger on it. He’s just a bit bigger, a bit softer, a bit warmer. Whatever it is, I just LOVE feeling him. ALL of him. And there’s a lot to feel.
...I set a goal for myself.
I would weigh 300 pounds before I got married and had a baby.
Well, I’m ready to get married and have a baby!
I weighed in at 300 pounds this morning. I honestly didn’t think it would happen this quickly, but it has, and I’m very happy that I’ve accomplished this. Now it’s just a matter of getting a wedding and honey moon sorted out.
Jeri’s getting married in June, and even though she’s got it mostly sorted out, the stress is killing her she says. She’s gained a lot of weight (well, a lot for the ‘new’ Jeri). I’m worried about having that stress too.
Now that I’ve hit 300, I’m starting to think that 280 pounds might be a bit more comfortable. Size 20 would be nice for a wedding dress.
Ian managed to gain no weight this week. I guess that’s the way it goes. At least he didn’t lose any weight, he’s still 502 pounds. He’s certainly milking his weight for all it’s worth. He refers to his weight as a quarter ton, not 500 pounds. I guess he’s entitled to that. Besides that, he knows that I can’t keep my hands off him either. He’s really gained a certain mystique, even I can’t put my finger on it. He’s just a bit bigger, a bit softer, a bit warmer. Whatever it is, I just LOVE feeling him. ALL of him. And there’s a lot to feel.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Viva Italia
Viva Italia
Well, Thomas is flying out to Italy this weekend. He’ll be there for 6 weeks, lucky bastard. Amy is trying to get some time off so we can both fly over. Ian doesn’t want to miss the playoffs, and isn’t really a touristy kind of guy. The trip would be wasted on him!
I’m actually curious to see what a week on his own will accomplish. I wonder if he’d gain more, or less, without me around. My guess is less, but he could come up with something that I haven’t thought of.
Only one way to find out!
Well, Thomas is flying out to Italy this weekend. He’ll be there for 6 weeks, lucky bastard. Amy is trying to get some time off so we can both fly over. Ian doesn’t want to miss the playoffs, and isn’t really a touristy kind of guy. The trip would be wasted on him!
I’m actually curious to see what a week on his own will accomplish. I wonder if he’d gain more, or less, without me around. My guess is less, but he could come up with something that I haven’t thought of.
Only one way to find out!
