MsCezanne's Odyssey

517 pounds!

I never would have guessed that I would love someone so large in all my life. Even when Ian proclaimed his choice to gain, I never expected him to become this big.

But, his appetite continues to grow. It’s a lot of fun pushing him to new limits week in and week out. It’s not like he eats all that much more, but it all adds up over time. Mostly in his gut.

It is amazing how people change over the course of their lives. I remember finding the idea of gaining weight to be reprehensible. I clearly remember thinking how disgusting it would be to date a fat man. I even remember fighting with Ian about his weight, how our relationship teetered and hinged on the subject.

But I changed. The world changed, and I grew to love it all that much more. I’m so much happier now than I’d ever have imagined. Is it because Ian is fat? It’s impossible for me to objectively say. I’m completely infatuated with every aspect about him. I’m giddy just thinking about kneading that mass of flesh tonight. I’m excited about the prospect of cooking him dinner. I can’t underscore how much I’m looking forward to watching him sit down and snack.

How can such a superficial thing make me so happy?

Who knows?

Who cares?

Of course, Ian’s weight ISN’T superficial. Anyone who has been fat knows full well it’s not simply a matter of how you look. Well, sure, when you gain 10 pounds in high school and scream about how fat you are… I guess that is a matter of how you look. But once you’re clinically obese, it changes everything. Being fat is an integral part of Ian’s life now, it affects everything.

And since my life is utterly blended with Ian’s, it means Ian’s being fat is an integral part of my life. That’s not superficial.

Of course, I do like the superficial parts. I love watching him sleep. I love watching him get out of bed, I love watching him waddle to the shower, I love watching him shower, I love watching him dry off, I love watching him get dressed, I love watching him eat breakfast, sit and watch tv, squeeze into his car, drive down a bumpy road. Everything. There is not a moment in life where I don’t love to see his body in motion or in rest. Of course, just breathing keeps his body in motion.

My imagination is no longer boggled by his sheer size. In fact, my imagination has looked forward to Ian at 600, 700, perhaps even 1000 pounds. In my mind, I’ve seen Ian expand to fill our bed. I’ve envisioned him being a large mass of fat, with his arms, legs and head just poking out from within the soft folds of flesh.

It’s not possible for Ian to be too fat for me to love him.

Although 517 works just fine for me right now.

... just too nice to be indoors! It was sunny, but cool, perfect for being outdoors! Unless you have fair skin and forgot your sunscreen… so I wasn’t outdoors as much as I’d have liked.

Of course, indoor time is time I get to spend ensuring Ian has enough to eat. So this weekend really was the best of both worlds: I got in some good walking/sketching at the park, AND I got some serious calories into Ian.

Didn’t really do much else, mostly a quiet weekend.

A funny thing happened the other day at the store.

An absolutely enormous blonde woman came in and poked around a little bit, and then left.

I watched her walking through the store. She was very careful about where she stepped, ensuring she never bumped into anything, although very aware of the limits of her size. She was very cute too. Tall as well, about my height.

As she left the store, I realized she was about the size I was at my maximum weight!

That’s what people saw each and everyday I was walking around the store.

I wonder if they were as turned on as I was by this woman’s breathtaking stature?

Michelle was getting to know some new artists (new to her anyway) on the weekend, and let me tag along with them.

Met one guy who was pretty cool. He’d just finished doing a series of paintings for a pregnant woman. Basically, he did several transitionals of her at various stages of her pregnancy. It was more than that though: he did it in her back yard, so he could capture how the seasons were changing along with her. Very cool stuff.

Saturday night he showed me some of his sketches (she has the paintings), and I thought it was very cool. Reminds me of my sketches of Ian, except there’s so much more depth to his work. Mine are just a fat guy, but he’s got the whole changing world on display. He’s going to see if he can show me the actual paintings.

Anyway, I showed him some of my sketches of Ian and Amy, telling him about their transformations. He’s never heard of someone deliberately gaining like that, but he thought the idea of creating a series would be pretty cool.

Last night I was chatting at Dimensions and an interesting thread came up. Someone had discussed gaining enough weight that she would become immobile.

The question, of course, is if that’s something that I’d like to pursue with Ian.

There are, I must make clear, two answers. The fantasy answer, and the reality answer.

As a fantasy, I think it would be tremendously exciting for Ian to become so massive he simply can’t walk any more. Just picturing that much flesh occupying our bed gives me an elated shiver.

In addition to the obvious physical accomplishment that would be, there is also the psychological achievement: Ian would be completely dependant on me. In effect, a gigantic baby. I’d feed him, change him, keep him entertained. I would have complete power over him.

Of course, in reality that is where the fantasy would wear off. While the idea of having complete control over someone is always appealing, it’s not really all that simple. I vastly prefer to have a partner than a dependant. Further, fulfilling Ian’s basic needs would get old fast. I’m not prepared to anchor myself to our home like that. Even with a baby I can go out!

I haven’t discussed this idea with Ian either. I’m not sure it’s a discussion I’d like to have. What if he DOES want this? I’d hate to have to disappoint him. And if he doesn’t want it, then we don’t really need the discussion, do we?

Hhmmm. Maybe I could get him to play ‘immobile for a day’. Keep the big guy in bed, see how it plays out. Even in a worst case scenario, we just stop.

Of course, I was working indoors.

Not that I’m really complaining, the days I had off were pretty good too.

I missed the Canadian Grand Prix yesterday afternoon, but I think Ian managed to eat his way through it pretty well. He and Amy managed to polish of 4 pizzas, 2 dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts, as well as some chips and drinks. He was pretty stuffed by the time I got home, but he still managed to eat 3 platefuls of pasta. Always a trooper that one is!

Actually, I kept feeding him all night. We just watched some TV, but I managed to get a bag of Oreos into him, as well as some ice cream. I’m just a sucker for seeing how much food he can eat! Of course, seeing him lay back with that massive stomach filled to capacity is pretty exciting. And then actually giving him a tummy rub is very exciting.

We’ve both got some vacation time coming up. Maybe I can see how much he can REALLY eat then! I can picture it now: he spends a solid week planted on the couch, not moving. I’ll keep the treats, snacks and meals coming.

I wonder how many straight hours he can eat?

I wonder if I can watch stretch marks form and grow?

I wonder if I can see folds of fat turn into rolls?

Hmmm.

I think the hard part would be not wasting any of his calories on sex!

My goal was to reach 280 pounds, and I’ve done it.

Of course, now that I’m at 280, I’m starting to think that 250 would be nicer.

I’m not sure where I’ll really stop. Even though I’m setting these goals, they’re just numbers. It’s more about eating right, exercising etc. As long as I’m doing that, then I’m sure I’ll keep losing weight. It would be too much to expect to weigh 110 again, but at this point I really do feel that anything is possible.

Ian had told me that he was going to stop gaining once the NHL playoffs were done. With Tampa winning the cup, they’re over. He’s disappointed to be only 511 pounds though, so I’m pretty sure he’ll keep gaining. Besides, I think he truly enjoys spending time gaining with Amy. He’s not going to just give that up.

He’s still shooting for 525, and I’m certainly looking forward to that. I still want to get him up to 600 pounds, but at the rate he’s going, it could take a long time. Luckily, I can be patient.

I didn’t really want to write anything about it in my online diary, but my friend Jeri got married on the weekend!

She felt bad not having me in her wedding party, but being out of town, I understood that it’s easier to have local people coordinate everything. I did help out with the invitations and decoration, so I didn’t feel left out at all.

It was a lot of fun to go back home and see friends. Some I hadn’t seen in quite a while. A few hadn’t seen Amy in quite a while. Amy’s definitely changed since high school! (Of course, these friends didn’t get to see me at 460. Too bad.) I loved getting to show off Ian. I always love going out with him.

The other fun part was helping Amy buy an outfit to wear. She obviously didn’t have anything big enough, and there was nothing from my collection that was the right size and style for her to wear. So we went to Addition-Elle and tried stuff on for a couple hours. Gave me a good excuse to check Amy out! She looks absolutely great these days, makes me a little jealous. Her body is built differently from me, she’s definitely getting a little pear shaped. Her behind is becoming two big spheres, and we got her a skirt that really complements it. Her legs are good, fairly smooth, and they look great when she walks.

Up front her belly is definitely becoming more prominent than her breasts, but we found a top that made her look absolutely statuesque. I want to take her shopping for more outfits now! I loved helping her try stuff on. My very own Barbie doll.

The wedding itself was beautiful. And the reception went very smoothly. It was a lot of fun, I wish we could do it more often!