Wednesday, April 10, 2002
Prologue:
I used to keep a diary when I was younger. It held my thoughts of the day, my dreams, my aspirations, my accomplishments.
When I started that, I never really appreciated how well it would help me make sense of my life. Just seeing your thoughts on paper, rereading them, organizing them, it really does force you to reevaluate your day, your activities and your life.
When I started University, I drifted away from my diary. I made maybe 5 entries before time constraints tossed it out the window. That’s ironic, because University was certainly a time I could have used it.
On the other hand, maybe I didn’t need it. My life was changing, but I was letting it change. I didn’t have a goal, a destination, a dream. I just wanted to do school, to have fun, to learn. It wasn’t about ME. It was about the world AROUND me. I like to look back, and see who I was, and who I am. In some ways, I guess I’m glad there is no record of the transformation. It was a special time, reserved for the person I was at the moment. And that’s what university was to me, being a person of the moment. Not looking forward, not looking back.
I’ve been that same girl since then, almost 10 years now. A girl (woman? Now that’s a scary thought!) who never looked forward, never looked back. Someone who just let life live itself, and enjoying the ride.
So what has that gotten me? Well, of course, everything is hard to quantify. I drive a crappy car, but I’m FINALLY getting a new one! I have a crappy job, but I enjoy the people I work with. I had a whole long string of failed relationships, but now I’m with a man I love very much. And… ultimately, I’m become a Fat Girl.
And that’s the point of my new Diary, my Blogg (what the hell does that mean, anyway?). It’s time to look back. It’s time to look forward. It’s time to dream, to aspire to reflect.
With my thoughts in order, then maybe I can get on track. Or maybe discover I AM on track, but can’t see it. Or maybe I’ll find out that I enjoy being off track, and that life is actually very good.
That brings me to the immediate problem at hand. The reason I started this Diary in the first place. I am now fat. I weigh 445 lbs, I’m 5’10” tall. I didn’t get fat over night, and I have to reflect on my life, fat and all.
I used to keep a diary when I was younger. It held my thoughts of the day, my dreams, my aspirations, my accomplishments.
When I started that, I never really appreciated how well it would help me make sense of my life. Just seeing your thoughts on paper, rereading them, organizing them, it really does force you to reevaluate your day, your activities and your life.
When I started University, I drifted away from my diary. I made maybe 5 entries before time constraints tossed it out the window. That’s ironic, because University was certainly a time I could have used it.
On the other hand, maybe I didn’t need it. My life was changing, but I was letting it change. I didn’t have a goal, a destination, a dream. I just wanted to do school, to have fun, to learn. It wasn’t about ME. It was about the world AROUND me. I like to look back, and see who I was, and who I am. In some ways, I guess I’m glad there is no record of the transformation. It was a special time, reserved for the person I was at the moment. And that’s what university was to me, being a person of the moment. Not looking forward, not looking back.
I’ve been that same girl since then, almost 10 years now. A girl (woman? Now that’s a scary thought!) who never looked forward, never looked back. Someone who just let life live itself, and enjoying the ride.
So what has that gotten me? Well, of course, everything is hard to quantify. I drive a crappy car, but I’m FINALLY getting a new one! I have a crappy job, but I enjoy the people I work with. I had a whole long string of failed relationships, but now I’m with a man I love very much. And… ultimately, I’m become a Fat Girl.
And that’s the point of my new Diary, my Blogg (what the hell does that mean, anyway?). It’s time to look back. It’s time to look forward. It’s time to dream, to aspire to reflect.
With my thoughts in order, then maybe I can get on track. Or maybe discover I AM on track, but can’t see it. Or maybe I’ll find out that I enjoy being off track, and that life is actually very good.
That brings me to the immediate problem at hand. The reason I started this Diary in the first place. I am now fat. I weigh 445 lbs, I’m 5’10” tall. I didn’t get fat over night, and I have to reflect on my life, fat and all.
// posted by Charlotte @ 3:31:00 PM 
