Thursday, November 28, 2002

Not too much going on this week.

Been pretty much a homebody.

Ian’s in Nashville, he’s going out a lot, so I’ve only talked to him once since he got down there. He really likes it, and will bring me down once before he decides to move there. If he does move there, I don’t know how often I’ll see him. I do know that I want to stay in my current job for a while. Amy did a great job getting it for me, I’d hate to leave her holding the bag by giving it up right away. Plus the experience is great for me.

Amy and I have been talking a bit. We’ve also been watching movies. She’s got a huge DVD collection, so there’s something to suit any mood. We watched Gladiator this week. I love that movie (not just ‘cause Rusell Crowe is in it… though that doesn’t hurt!).

It’s funny how you change after high school. I remember then thinking that’s how I’d always be, how Jeri would always be, Amy, everyone. Well, Jeri kind of is, but she never went to university. But Amy and I were both changes by going to University. You make new friends, learn new perspectives. Amy’s not the same girl I hang out with in grade 13, and yet we’re good friends! It’s fun seeing how she’s changed, how she sees how I’ve changed, and talking about other people.

I think I’ll go out with her and some friends this weekend. No idea what we’ll do, but it should be fun.

Monday, November 25, 2002

It was nice being home again.

Just been missing Ian. I remember when I first moved here I was worried that I wouldn’t miss him. Well, that’s solved. I guess our love is that everlasting eternal stuff you hear about in Disney movies.

I also missed spending time with Amanda. I love her so much, and miss seeing her whenever I want. It’s a lesson: never take anything, or anyone, for granted. She’s growing up so fast. She’s a bright kid, knows how to have fun.

Jeri’s doing really well too. She’s doing a fantastic job of rebuilding her life. Everything came crashing down on her, and now… you’d never know it. I’m lucky to have a friend like her, because I know she’ll be there when I need her! She looks amasing. She’s just a little chubby now, you would never call her ‘fat’. She’s got great curves, nice skin, everything. She’s 166 pounds and I don’t think she should lose another ounce. Of course, she still aims for her Pre-Amanda weight, but her breasts are going to keep her a few pounds over that, no matter what she does.

It was nice spending time with Ian. He appreciates my cooking on a level that Amy just can’t. Of course she likes it, but she doesn’t see eating the same way we do. Ian and I just have this bond, and yes, food is a central part of it. I’m sure we have bonds beyond the food, or else being apart would drive us apart!

But I got to cook for him. We got to feed each other, I made him a huge breakfast on Sunday, we just ate and ate like we used to.

One thing I like about being with Ian is he’s the same size as me. Yeah, I’m actually heavier, but the way he carries his weight he seems larger. I’ve always enjoyed being apart from the crowd, but being in London, by myself, I feel like I’m always out of the crowd, and I like the feeling of belonging I get when I’m with Ian, even if it’s just the two of us, I feel right where I should be.

Of course, getting to sleep with the big guy is always a bonus! Fat sex is the best sex. Anyone who says otherwise has neither been fat, nor has a halfway decent imagination. But just pressing his flesh against mine is a special treat. It’s nice to have someone warm to hug and cuddle.

And speaking of being big… I guess I’m relieved I’m not 460 pounds, but I am 459! That’s the biggest I’ve ever been, and I’ve been trying to lose weight in London! Maybe I should be trying to bulk up. I don’t’ know. It doesn’t matter when I’m around Ian, in fact when I’m around him, I’ll be as big as he wants. But now that I’m back in London… YIKES! There’s no doubt in my mind the next time I waddle up to that scale I’ll be over 460 pounds.

Ian is losing weight without me, why can’t I do the same? We’d joked that by the time we got back together, he’d finally be bigger than me. Joke that it was, I’d hoped it was true, but now I’ve got 25 pounds on him!

Oh well. What’s a girl to do?

He’s on his way down to Nashville again this week, and then the Nasvhillians are up to visit him next week. He wants me to come to Toronto to meet them, I’ll see what I can do. I’m kind of curious to meet them, and I know I want to spend time with Ian again!

Friday, November 22, 2002

This weekend I’m going back home again.

Ian will be in Nashville again next week, not that I’ll miss him much since I’ll be in London!

Speaking of Ian, the poor guy has lost another 2 pounds. I guess without my good cooking, he’s just not interested in eating!

I must admit, now that I can’t weigh myself whenever I want, I find myself dying to know what I weigh. Maybe I’ll find somewhere around here I can haul my fat ass onto a scale. I have a sneaking suspicion I’ve been gaining weight. Ack, I might have broken 460 pounds! Well, at least I know Ian will love that.

I think Amy’s gaining weight too. I’m making dinner for both of us, and, well, I’m used to cooking for Ian and me. Even though I’m not making as much, I think it’s still a lot. Not to mention at work I’m always snacking, and there’s an internet café that has some great stuff where I like to go.

Amy talked with Jeri about losing weight. And she’s the girl to talk to! 166 pounds, way to go Jerica! She was almost 400 pounds not so long ago! Wow, I’m almost 300 pounds heavier than she is… never ever ever thought that would happen.

I went on a ‘date’ with a guy I met at the gallery. It wasn’t like a romantic date, just, you know, people going out, having coffee, talking. His name is Alan, he’s pretty cool. We talked about art, we talked about my weight. He found it very fascinating that I was unabashedly fat. You don’t run into many of us, so he wanted to know my ‘fat history’, which, you know, I love to tell people! He’s pretty cute. Not fit, but not really fat either. I think he said he was about 200 pounds.

Thursday, November 14, 2002

The Thursday Thumb-Twiddler
http://www.hill-kleerup.org/blog/thursday/

1. Would it disturb you much if, upon your death, your body were simply thrown into the woods and left to rot? Why?
Yes, it would disturb me. Who the hell can throw the body of a 450 pound woman!?

2. The head of the Postal Service calls you up and tells you that you've been chosen at random to create a postage stamp with anyone or anything on it. What would you choose?
Hmmm. Well, so many great works of art to choose from, but it would be a crime to reduce them to a postage stamp!
The Scream would be kind of ironic.
What about a set that form Lilly Pads? Like a set of 8000?

Failing that... how about NOTHING. Just a blank field with the dollar amount?

3. What's the longest line you've ever stood in?
Probably to pee at a Blue Jays game. Maybe it only seemed like it.


Tuesday, November 05, 2002

I went back home on the weekend.

It’s kinda funny to think of it that way, but, well, it’s what I did! It felt like I’d been gone for too long, and it was only a few weeks! A lot has happened, and Ian had come to visit me, and I’ve settled and learned and just lots.

Amanda has grown. She’s so adorable, more fun each and every time I see her! She gave me a great big hug. I brought her a stuffed dog, she loved it. Jeri, conversely, seems to have shrunk! I mean she’s down a few pounds, but I guess my mental image of her gets distorted when I don’t see her for a few weeks. She also thinner than Amy, and I’m used to looking at Amy, so it’s a bit of an illusion.

Jeri gave Amy her diet tips, so maybe Amy will drop some of her weight again. She looked good when she was thin. Not that she doesn’t look good now, but the weight bugs her, and no one looks good when they’re not happy.

As for me… I thought I’d been losing weight. I haven’t been having big meals, I’ve been busy running around, I thought for SURE I’d be 440-something. Nope. Human blimp, I’m upto 456! That’s the biggest I’ve ever been. I guess I can’t feel too bad about that though, I felt good until I saw the number, nothing changed, so no big deal.

Amy was amased by the scale that Ian has. It is a big scale, not a tiny floor thing, but it’s got a platform that’s like 4 square feet and then a huge dial on a three foot pedestal. But when you’re as big as Ian, and you need to know your weight, it’s a great way to go.

I missed being home, but you know what? I realised I was happy in London. I’m doing something I want, I’m doing new things in my life, I’m meeting new people. I can always come ‘home’ to Toronto when I need it, but now I know I did the right thing in going to London!

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