Thursday, January 29, 2004
More Hockey?
More Hockey?
I had no idea hockey was on TV so much!
Amy was over again last night to watch some game (it wasn’t the Maple Leafs) with Ian. I rather like it when she comes over, he seems to eat more when she’s around. Of course, it helps when she brings a couple of pizzas to share…
I’ve been trying to keep Ian’s caloric intake up in light of last weekend. Dinner last night consisted of grilled chicken and asparagus over rice. Not the most inspired meal of all time, but I did use a half dozen chicken breasts. Dessert was a chocolate cake I’d picked up on my home from work. That was before the large pizza he had during the hockey game. Or the chips. Or the ice cream he had before bed.
Amy was wearing a pair of my old pants. It’s weird seeing her wearing my clothes. She normally dresses a little differently, so that’s part of it. Not to mention wearing flowing clothes instead of skin tight clothes makes her look 20 pounds heavier. (At least, I don’t think she gained 20 lbs that fast, but anything could happen!)
It’s sort of nice having that time to myself. I goof around online, or do some sketches. I could use the time to paint but for some reason my inspiration just isn’t there. Or more to the point, I think my creative energy has been redirected into the kitchen, and I’m fine with that. So’s Ian!
I had no idea hockey was on TV so much!
Amy was over again last night to watch some game (it wasn’t the Maple Leafs) with Ian. I rather like it when she comes over, he seems to eat more when she’s around. Of course, it helps when she brings a couple of pizzas to share…
I’ve been trying to keep Ian’s caloric intake up in light of last weekend. Dinner last night consisted of grilled chicken and asparagus over rice. Not the most inspired meal of all time, but I did use a half dozen chicken breasts. Dessert was a chocolate cake I’d picked up on my home from work. That was before the large pizza he had during the hockey game. Or the chips. Or the ice cream he had before bed.
Amy was wearing a pair of my old pants. It’s weird seeing her wearing my clothes. She normally dresses a little differently, so that’s part of it. Not to mention wearing flowing clothes instead of skin tight clothes makes her look 20 pounds heavier. (At least, I don’t think she gained 20 lbs that fast, but anything could happen!)
It’s sort of nice having that time to myself. I goof around online, or do some sketches. I could use the time to paint but for some reason my inspiration just isn’t there. Or more to the point, I think my creative energy has been redirected into the kitchen, and I’m fine with that. So’s Ian!
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Just Today's Entry
Just Today's Entry
I must admit, I like the little stats thingy on my diary. Not just to see how many people come to visit, but it also lets me know where they came from. A lot of visits are from people who have been here before (but don’t seem to leave comments :_( ), a lot of visits are from chats where I have my diary posted. Every once in a while, I get hits from search engines. Yesterday someone came to my diary looking for ‘over 400 pounds’. I’m happy to say that according to Google, I’m the third most authoritative source on the subject!
Having been over 400 pounds myself, and getting Ian well past 400 pounds, I can see how that’s true.
I wonder how I rank on the search for over 500 pounds? Ian’s still a little while from there.
Actually, he’s not all that far. Last weekend had it’s desired effect, I managed to pack 4 pounds into that lovely belly of his! It’s not just the weekend, of course, it’s a whole week’s worth of eating, but the weekend certainly accounted for those extra 2 or 3 pounds, given how slowly he’s been gaining lately.
He’s ecstatic that he’s gained 4 pounds in a week, and let me tell you, there is nothing on earth like watching a 487 pound guy do an ecstatic dance!
My week was busy, so I’m getting further from being over 400 pounds myself. Actually, I’m now 328 pounds. I don’t know what it is, but breaking 330 seems to be a big relief. Somehow those 2 pounds make all the difference. 330 is really FAT, but 328 is just Fat. If you don’t understand, then you’ve never been in my position ;-)
I found my size 20’s, they ought to fit Amy. I don’t have a large selection of them, I wasn’t size 20 for very long! Of course, Amy doesn’t look like she’ll be size 20 for very long either.
I must admit, I like the little stats thingy on my diary. Not just to see how many people come to visit, but it also lets me know where they came from. A lot of visits are from people who have been here before (but don’t seem to leave comments :_( ), a lot of visits are from chats where I have my diary posted. Every once in a while, I get hits from search engines. Yesterday someone came to my diary looking for ‘over 400 pounds’. I’m happy to say that according to Google, I’m the third most authoritative source on the subject!
Having been over 400 pounds myself, and getting Ian well past 400 pounds, I can see how that’s true.
I wonder how I rank on the search for over 500 pounds? Ian’s still a little while from there.
Actually, he’s not all that far. Last weekend had it’s desired effect, I managed to pack 4 pounds into that lovely belly of his! It’s not just the weekend, of course, it’s a whole week’s worth of eating, but the weekend certainly accounted for those extra 2 or 3 pounds, given how slowly he’s been gaining lately.
He’s ecstatic that he’s gained 4 pounds in a week, and let me tell you, there is nothing on earth like watching a 487 pound guy do an ecstatic dance!
My week was busy, so I’m getting further from being over 400 pounds myself. Actually, I’m now 328 pounds. I don’t know what it is, but breaking 330 seems to be a big relief. Somehow those 2 pounds make all the difference. 330 is really FAT, but 328 is just Fat. If you don’t understand, then you’ve never been in my position ;-)
I found my size 20’s, they ought to fit Amy. I don’t have a large selection of them, I wasn’t size 20 for very long! Of course, Amy doesn’t look like she’ll be size 20 for very long either.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
How can I ever trust meteorologists again?
How can I ever trust meteorologists again?
Yesterday we were told that last night would be the worst storm in memory. I’m thinking buried up to our armpits in snow and ice, deadly winds, temperatures approaching those on Pluto.
Instead, there’s a little snow, a smattering of ice.
I remember the snow last week. THAT WAS WORSE. So this means one of two things: meteorologists have incredibly short memory, or they don’t know weather.
Neither one fills me with much confidence.
I mean, I can look outside and guess the weather and be right at least half the time! Sure it’s a little tougher when you move to a new city, but I’ve got London pretty much figured out I think.
Yesterday we were told that last night would be the worst storm in memory. I’m thinking buried up to our armpits in snow and ice, deadly winds, temperatures approaching those on Pluto.
Instead, there’s a little snow, a smattering of ice.
I remember the snow last week. THAT WAS WORSE. So this means one of two things: meteorologists have incredibly short memory, or they don’t know weather.
Neither one fills me with much confidence.
I mean, I can look outside and guess the weather and be right at least half the time! Sure it’s a little tougher when you move to a new city, but I’ve got London pretty much figured out I think.
Monday, January 26, 2004
The Feast of Saint Marcarius of Alexandria
The Feast of Saint Marcarius of Alexandria
Turns out that the Memorial of Saint Marcarius the Younger (of Alexandria) is my birthday. So we missed it by a couple weeks. Why does this matter? Saint Marc is the patron of Cooks, Confectioners and Pastry Chefs. If I were Catholic, I’d have no choice but to follow these paths. (Of course, to be catholic there’d be no pre-marital sex either, so we’re doing okay with our agnosticism).
The main goal of the weekend was to give Ian a bit of an early birthday present, to pack a good amount of pounds onto his frame before his birthday. I think we did pretty good. He ate just about everything I could throw at him, which was quite a lot! I took my time, paced him, ensured I left time to give him his belly rubs that seem to allow a lot more food in.
These belly rubs have become something almost unearthly. His tummy has become an absolutely enormous expanse of flesh. It’s round, it’s incredibly soft, and when he’s stuffed full, it contains a rock hard stomach at it’s centre. Trying to massage the stomach itself means pushing my hands hard into the yielding fat surrounding it. I push so hard that it feels like it should hurt, but Ian says he likes it, because he loves the feeling of my fingers working against the actual stomach. It almost reminds me of when I was little and playing with play-dough. All squishy, but without the mess.
But beyond the belly rubs there is the simple act of watching him eat. He loves to eat, and he embraces it. He enjoys every bite, every morsel. He carefully chews everything, letting the aroma penetrate his palate, the juices overwhelm his taste buds. He doesn’t waste a bite, and it’s amasing to see someone enjoy something so much.
The only time he really speeds up when he’s eating is when Amy’s around. He likes to show that he’s a big man and can out eat a little girl like Amy (little girl? She’s 251 pounds now! I’m giving her a bunch of my old clothes, though it won’t be long before she’s wearing the same size I am). Actually, Saturday night he put on quite a show. Thomas and I bought them each a family meal from KFC, and he just tore through it. This was after a day of gorging, breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the still had room for all that food!
Aside from the belly rubs, aside from the orgasmic eating, there is still more to enjoy with Ian! When he’s sitting there on the sofa, totally relaxed, you get a great idea of how massive he’s become. He lays back at an angle, and his stomach just takes over. It spills over his lap, going almost to his knees. It spreads out to the sides, creating an arm rest that he clasps his hands over. He looks so content, his hands just resting, moving up and down with each breath. He easily takes up two cushions on the couch, and could probably take up three if he were to strategically position himself.
If he’s a work of art in still life, then ‘poetry in motion’ simply doesn’t do him justice when he gets going. First off, there is watching him get up when his stomach is full. He has to be careful not to disturb it too much. He moves slowly, gently, almost glacially. First he has to get his centre of gravity moving. To do that, he moves his legs wide apart and leans forward, letting his belly settle below his knees. He turns to his side, dropping one leg into a half crouch. With one hand firmly on the arm rest of the couch, the other touching the coffee table for balance, he slowly straightens his knees, bringing his gargantuan frame to its full height. With his stomach this full it takes a moment of swaying to find his new centre of gravity before he can begin walking.
Walking, of course, isn’t the word that best communicates his elephantine waddle. When he’s this full, each step is slow and deliberate. Each foot is soundly planted before the next one begins its arc. His steps are surprisingly quick, though short, given his height. As each foot raises, the muscles relax, and fat thighs wiggle before the foot is planted, and muscles flex under their layer of blubber, creating a solid column supporting his weight. It’s almost hypnotic, watching his stomach wobble back and forth with each stride. It’s impossible not to notice the sway of his massive ass as it ripples with each step. He may be sexy to watch walk, but that waddle he has when he’s stuffed full is something out of my hottest dreams.
As if that’s not enough to get me going (and trust me, it is), there is the sight of this behemoth in bed. Even getting into bed is something to see. He backs in, sits down; well, not sit, he collapses onto the bed. Watching the mattress and box spring absorb this huge amount of weight is incredible. After settling his weight on the mattress, he flings his torso around, using the heft of his belly to pull his legs up into the bed. In one motion he’s gone from sitting to laying on his side, facing my side of the bed. As huge as Ian looks when he’s sitting on the couch, he is the proverbial beached whale in bed. With that belly supported from the side, it just spreads out. Even with his ass near the edge of the bed, the expanse of flesh pours well onto my side of the bed. (I shudder with the thought of Ian in a single bed, his butt hanging over one side, his stomach drooping over the other!)
It’s interesting to see the different shapes that massive stomach can take on. If he’s sitting, it’s like a gigantic ball. When he’s standing, it hangs, like a giant sack of fat. When he’s lying on his side, it’s a warm, soft pillow. When he rolls onto his back, it becomes a hemisphere, the surface of a sexy planet.
The one drawback to stuffing Ian until he can barely move means… he can barely move! Sex is out of the question when he’s this full, so we have to improvise. Of course, he falls asleep pretty quickly, especially if I’m giving his belly a massage. He has a great goofy grin on his face though, it’s so great to see that.
I’m hoping to try the same thing this weekend coming up, except I have to work a little, so he won’t get the constant attention I’d like to lavish on him.
More importantly, I’m hoping we brought him a big step (waddle) closer to 500 pounds.
Turns out that the Memorial of Saint Marcarius the Younger (of Alexandria) is my birthday. So we missed it by a couple weeks. Why does this matter? Saint Marc is the patron of Cooks, Confectioners and Pastry Chefs. If I were Catholic, I’d have no choice but to follow these paths. (Of course, to be catholic there’d be no pre-marital sex either, so we’re doing okay with our agnosticism).
The main goal of the weekend was to give Ian a bit of an early birthday present, to pack a good amount of pounds onto his frame before his birthday. I think we did pretty good. He ate just about everything I could throw at him, which was quite a lot! I took my time, paced him, ensured I left time to give him his belly rubs that seem to allow a lot more food in.
These belly rubs have become something almost unearthly. His tummy has become an absolutely enormous expanse of flesh. It’s round, it’s incredibly soft, and when he’s stuffed full, it contains a rock hard stomach at it’s centre. Trying to massage the stomach itself means pushing my hands hard into the yielding fat surrounding it. I push so hard that it feels like it should hurt, but Ian says he likes it, because he loves the feeling of my fingers working against the actual stomach. It almost reminds me of when I was little and playing with play-dough. All squishy, but without the mess.
But beyond the belly rubs there is the simple act of watching him eat. He loves to eat, and he embraces it. He enjoys every bite, every morsel. He carefully chews everything, letting the aroma penetrate his palate, the juices overwhelm his taste buds. He doesn’t waste a bite, and it’s amasing to see someone enjoy something so much.
The only time he really speeds up when he’s eating is when Amy’s around. He likes to show that he’s a big man and can out eat a little girl like Amy (little girl? She’s 251 pounds now! I’m giving her a bunch of my old clothes, though it won’t be long before she’s wearing the same size I am). Actually, Saturday night he put on quite a show. Thomas and I bought them each a family meal from KFC, and he just tore through it. This was after a day of gorging, breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the still had room for all that food!
Aside from the belly rubs, aside from the orgasmic eating, there is still more to enjoy with Ian! When he’s sitting there on the sofa, totally relaxed, you get a great idea of how massive he’s become. He lays back at an angle, and his stomach just takes over. It spills over his lap, going almost to his knees. It spreads out to the sides, creating an arm rest that he clasps his hands over. He looks so content, his hands just resting, moving up and down with each breath. He easily takes up two cushions on the couch, and could probably take up three if he were to strategically position himself.
If he’s a work of art in still life, then ‘poetry in motion’ simply doesn’t do him justice when he gets going. First off, there is watching him get up when his stomach is full. He has to be careful not to disturb it too much. He moves slowly, gently, almost glacially. First he has to get his centre of gravity moving. To do that, he moves his legs wide apart and leans forward, letting his belly settle below his knees. He turns to his side, dropping one leg into a half crouch. With one hand firmly on the arm rest of the couch, the other touching the coffee table for balance, he slowly straightens his knees, bringing his gargantuan frame to its full height. With his stomach this full it takes a moment of swaying to find his new centre of gravity before he can begin walking.
Walking, of course, isn’t the word that best communicates his elephantine waddle. When he’s this full, each step is slow and deliberate. Each foot is soundly planted before the next one begins its arc. His steps are surprisingly quick, though short, given his height. As each foot raises, the muscles relax, and fat thighs wiggle before the foot is planted, and muscles flex under their layer of blubber, creating a solid column supporting his weight. It’s almost hypnotic, watching his stomach wobble back and forth with each stride. It’s impossible not to notice the sway of his massive ass as it ripples with each step. He may be sexy to watch walk, but that waddle he has when he’s stuffed full is something out of my hottest dreams.
As if that’s not enough to get me going (and trust me, it is), there is the sight of this behemoth in bed. Even getting into bed is something to see. He backs in, sits down; well, not sit, he collapses onto the bed. Watching the mattress and box spring absorb this huge amount of weight is incredible. After settling his weight on the mattress, he flings his torso around, using the heft of his belly to pull his legs up into the bed. In one motion he’s gone from sitting to laying on his side, facing my side of the bed. As huge as Ian looks when he’s sitting on the couch, he is the proverbial beached whale in bed. With that belly supported from the side, it just spreads out. Even with his ass near the edge of the bed, the expanse of flesh pours well onto my side of the bed. (I shudder with the thought of Ian in a single bed, his butt hanging over one side, his stomach drooping over the other!)
It’s interesting to see the different shapes that massive stomach can take on. If he’s sitting, it’s like a gigantic ball. When he’s standing, it hangs, like a giant sack of fat. When he’s lying on his side, it’s a warm, soft pillow. When he rolls onto his back, it becomes a hemisphere, the surface of a sexy planet.
The one drawback to stuffing Ian until he can barely move means… he can barely move! Sex is out of the question when he’s this full, so we have to improvise. Of course, he falls asleep pretty quickly, especially if I’m giving his belly a massage. He has a great goofy grin on his face though, it’s so great to see that.
I’m hoping to try the same thing this weekend coming up, except I have to work a little, so he won’t get the constant attention I’d like to lavish on him.
More importantly, I’m hoping we brought him a big step (waddle) closer to 500 pounds.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Full Tilt Weekend
Full Tilt Weekend
I’ve got the weekend off, Ian’s going full tilt! I’ve got a huge supply of food in the pantry, and we’re going through as much of it as we can.
To start off, I’ve got a crock pot recipe on that will be ready when he gets home. That’ll be supplemented with salad, bread and rice.
For dessert I’ve got a cheesecake in the fridge. It’s not a high quality one, but we’re after quantity this weekend, it should do!
To get Ian through the evening we’re stocked up on chips, pretzels and candy. I’m considering a second dinner at 11 PM, maybe some pizza, or perhaps pasta. I’ll see what he’s in the mood for.
After that I’ve got a tub of ice cream with his name on it. It’s vanilla, but I’ve got chocolate, cherry and maple syrups, caramel sauces, chocolate chips, coconut, sprinkles, and maraschino cherries to spice it up.
Tomorrow morning will involve pancakes, bacon, sausage, maple syrup, hashbrowns and maybe eggs (depends on how much I can get on the stove!) While I’m making breakfast, there will be muffins with cream cheese waiting for him.
I don’t know how long breakfast will take. If it’s over early, then I’ll step out for some Krispy Kremes. If not, we’ll go right into lunch: three cheese macaroni. It’s quick, it’s easy, and he’s a sucker for it!
In the afternoon I’ll be plying him with cookies mostly. We go with chewy chocolate chip, he seems to be able to put those away better than anything else. I’ve got some Oreos and Fudgee-Os on standby though.
Dinner tomorrow will be a roast, I’ll get that going early on. I’ll have to get creative with the side dishes, but I’m thinking mashed potatoes for sure, probably mixed vegetables.
Over the evening we’ll have Thomas and Amy over. I’m going to go over their menu with Thomas, but I’m leaning towards Krispy Kremes (depends if he has them earlier I suppose). I might get Thomas to pick up some stuff at the store. He’s got a pretty good imagination when it comes to snack food. We might order a few large pizzas to race them through.
Once the hockey game is over, I’m going to switch Ian over to some fruit salad. Nothing fancy, just the store bought stuff in heavy syrup. It’s been a while since we had that, but it seems like a good idea. They sell it in pretty big containers!
Sunday morning will feature Belgian waffles. Ian loves ‘em with peaches and heavy cream, so that’s what he’ll be getting.
Lunch will furnished by McDonald’s. We’ll see what inspires us when we get to the drive thru, but I’m picturing double big macs and plenty of chicken nuggets.
Afternoon snacks will be any left overs from previous snacks, if there are any.
In the evening I’m going to try a new recipe, just open the book, and make sure I’ve got the ingredients on hand. I think it’ll be chicken based, as that’s what I have on hand…
It’s a stretch to hope he can gain more than 2 pounds this week, but I’ll go down fighting!
I’ve got the weekend off, Ian’s going full tilt! I’ve got a huge supply of food in the pantry, and we’re going through as much of it as we can.
To start off, I’ve got a crock pot recipe on that will be ready when he gets home. That’ll be supplemented with salad, bread and rice.
For dessert I’ve got a cheesecake in the fridge. It’s not a high quality one, but we’re after quantity this weekend, it should do!
To get Ian through the evening we’re stocked up on chips, pretzels and candy. I’m considering a second dinner at 11 PM, maybe some pizza, or perhaps pasta. I’ll see what he’s in the mood for.
After that I’ve got a tub of ice cream with his name on it. It’s vanilla, but I’ve got chocolate, cherry and maple syrups, caramel sauces, chocolate chips, coconut, sprinkles, and maraschino cherries to spice it up.
Tomorrow morning will involve pancakes, bacon, sausage, maple syrup, hashbrowns and maybe eggs (depends on how much I can get on the stove!) While I’m making breakfast, there will be muffins with cream cheese waiting for him.
I don’t know how long breakfast will take. If it’s over early, then I’ll step out for some Krispy Kremes. If not, we’ll go right into lunch: three cheese macaroni. It’s quick, it’s easy, and he’s a sucker for it!
In the afternoon I’ll be plying him with cookies mostly. We go with chewy chocolate chip, he seems to be able to put those away better than anything else. I’ve got some Oreos and Fudgee-Os on standby though.
Dinner tomorrow will be a roast, I’ll get that going early on. I’ll have to get creative with the side dishes, but I’m thinking mashed potatoes for sure, probably mixed vegetables.
Over the evening we’ll have Thomas and Amy over. I’m going to go over their menu with Thomas, but I’m leaning towards Krispy Kremes (depends if he has them earlier I suppose). I might get Thomas to pick up some stuff at the store. He’s got a pretty good imagination when it comes to snack food. We might order a few large pizzas to race them through.
Once the hockey game is over, I’m going to switch Ian over to some fruit salad. Nothing fancy, just the store bought stuff in heavy syrup. It’s been a while since we had that, but it seems like a good idea. They sell it in pretty big containers!
Sunday morning will feature Belgian waffles. Ian loves ‘em with peaches and heavy cream, so that’s what he’ll be getting.
Lunch will furnished by McDonald’s. We’ll see what inspires us when we get to the drive thru, but I’m picturing double big macs and plenty of chicken nuggets.
Afternoon snacks will be any left overs from previous snacks, if there are any.
In the evening I’m going to try a new recipe, just open the book, and make sure I’ve got the ingredients on hand. I think it’ll be chicken based, as that’s what I have on hand…
It’s a stretch to hope he can gain more than 2 pounds this week, but I’ll go down fighting!
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Okay.
I know this is Canada.
I know this is January.
But honestly, just how much cold and snow are we supposed to deal with?
I know this is Canada.
I know this is January.
But honestly, just how much cold and snow are we supposed to deal with?
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Bad Basketball
Bad Basketball
I’ve always been a very competitive person. If I do something, I have to win, have to be the best. I’m aware that some people consider this a bad trait. Hell, I sometimes consider it a bad trait. But it’s who I am, so I live with it.
As such, I’m absolutely flabbergasted that I’m playing basketball regularly. I mean, I’m terrible, I’m AWFUL. I have no athletic talent what so ever. But I’m having fun.
Everyone can dribble right around me, but I keep playing.
I have the grace of a rhino when I attempt a layup, but I keep playing.
I’m worn out completely after 5 minutes, but I keep playing.
Why?
I’m having fun!
I don’t care that I suck! The people that I play with don’t care that I suck.
Who knew I could enjoy something that I was so bad at?!
(Or is it that, deep down, I secretly know that I will regain my old form, and that I have to endure this bloated un-basketball humiliation to get there?)
In other news, Ian’s creeping towards 500 pounds, he’s up to 483 as of this morning. That’s up 2 pounds from last week, which is pretty good, but what’s better is that he’s gained at least a pound for 8 straight weeks now. No chance of him hitting 500 by his birthday, and slim chance of it by Valentine’s day, so now we’re aiming to get him to 500 by spring.
I’ve always been a very competitive person. If I do something, I have to win, have to be the best. I’m aware that some people consider this a bad trait. Hell, I sometimes consider it a bad trait. But it’s who I am, so I live with it.
As such, I’m absolutely flabbergasted that I’m playing basketball regularly. I mean, I’m terrible, I’m AWFUL. I have no athletic talent what so ever. But I’m having fun.
Everyone can dribble right around me, but I keep playing.
I have the grace of a rhino when I attempt a layup, but I keep playing.
I’m worn out completely after 5 minutes, but I keep playing.
Why?
I’m having fun!
I don’t care that I suck! The people that I play with don’t care that I suck.
Who knew I could enjoy something that I was so bad at?!
(Or is it that, deep down, I secretly know that I will regain my old form, and that I have to endure this bloated un-basketball humiliation to get there?)
In other news, Ian’s creeping towards 500 pounds, he’s up to 483 as of this morning. That’s up 2 pounds from last week, which is pretty good, but what’s better is that he’s gained at least a pound for 8 straight weeks now. No chance of him hitting 500 by his birthday, and slim chance of it by Valentine’s day, so now we’re aiming to get him to 500 by spring.
Monday, January 19, 2004
Pro Sports?
Pro Sports?
I’ve never really been a fan of pro-sports. I used to play basketball and volleyball, but it was different to go out and play than to just watch. When I dated Ian I just accepted that he liked to watch hockey. Most guys do, so why fight it? I’d use that time to do something else, no big deal.
Now, I’m a fan of pro-sports. Not that I’m watching them (well, not enjoying it), but rather I’m watching Ian watch them. He just chows down on chips, treats and everything while watching! I realised that if I’m there to keep him in constant supply, he’ll eat tonnes!
And there was a lot to watch over the weekend, the Leafs were on TV a few times, and then there was football!
Amy too has learned the joys of watching sports. She never ever was into sports before, but now she’ll plant herself on the couch beside Ian and put away the chips as fast as he will. It’s pretty incredible watching them, they barely realise how much they’re eating, they focus on the game and it just becomes automatic to either be chewing, or putting something in their mouths!
Now, I’d rather be cooking a huge meal, but it doesn’t seem right to go to all that effort when they’re going to eat whatever while the games are on. Indeed, without snack type food, they might slow down. We can’t have that, can we?
I’m never surprised at how much food Ian can eat these days. It’s almost a surprise when he stops (and that’s usually because he’s simply run out of food or time, not because he’s full!) Amy, on the other hand, she is going pretty much bite for bite with the big guy. That is surprising to see. I’m not sure why it’s surprising, I guess I just never really watched her eat.
In fact, it’s been a while since I ‘checked her out’. She’s gained quite a bit of weight, even next to Ian it’s pretty obvious she is definitely ‘fat’. I’d say at least 230 pounds now. She’s still 100 lbs less than me, and half Ian’s size, but 230 pounds IS fat, right?
I’ve never really been a fan of pro-sports. I used to play basketball and volleyball, but it was different to go out and play than to just watch. When I dated Ian I just accepted that he liked to watch hockey. Most guys do, so why fight it? I’d use that time to do something else, no big deal.
Now, I’m a fan of pro-sports. Not that I’m watching them (well, not enjoying it), but rather I’m watching Ian watch them. He just chows down on chips, treats and everything while watching! I realised that if I’m there to keep him in constant supply, he’ll eat tonnes!
And there was a lot to watch over the weekend, the Leafs were on TV a few times, and then there was football!
Amy too has learned the joys of watching sports. She never ever was into sports before, but now she’ll plant herself on the couch beside Ian and put away the chips as fast as he will. It’s pretty incredible watching them, they barely realise how much they’re eating, they focus on the game and it just becomes automatic to either be chewing, or putting something in their mouths!
Now, I’d rather be cooking a huge meal, but it doesn’t seem right to go to all that effort when they’re going to eat whatever while the games are on. Indeed, without snack type food, they might slow down. We can’t have that, can we?
I’m never surprised at how much food Ian can eat these days. It’s almost a surprise when he stops (and that’s usually because he’s simply run out of food or time, not because he’s full!) Amy, on the other hand, she is going pretty much bite for bite with the big guy. That is surprising to see. I’m not sure why it’s surprising, I guess I just never really watched her eat.
In fact, it’s been a while since I ‘checked her out’. She’s gained quite a bit of weight, even next to Ian it’s pretty obvious she is definitely ‘fat’. I’d say at least 230 pounds now. She’s still 100 lbs less than me, and half Ian’s size, but 230 pounds IS fat, right?
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Another week another pound
Another week another pound.
Sometimes Ian can be so frustrating! I swear, he must’ve eaten a tonne of food this week, and all he gains is one measly pound? At this rate, might single-handedly save Parmalat getting him upto 500.
He really did eat a lot. I don’t know if he was busy at work and slacking off, or he wasn’t eating enough while watching hockey (I’m not there with him, so maybe he doesn’t eat then?!). Although I doubt that, he watches hockey with Amy, and there is no way he slacks off while she’s around. In fact, if she were around more, I think we’d get past this namby-pampy one pound a week thing.
At least I’m doing my part, I dropped 3 pounds from last week, 335 feels good on me. I’m still big, but I feel like I’ve got a little more control over my body. Next up: getting the spring back in my step.
Sometimes Ian can be so frustrating! I swear, he must’ve eaten a tonne of food this week, and all he gains is one measly pound? At this rate, might single-handedly save Parmalat getting him upto 500.
He really did eat a lot. I don’t know if he was busy at work and slacking off, or he wasn’t eating enough while watching hockey (I’m not there with him, so maybe he doesn’t eat then?!). Although I doubt that, he watches hockey with Amy, and there is no way he slacks off while she’s around. In fact, if she were around more, I think we’d get past this namby-pampy one pound a week thing.
At least I’m doing my part, I dropped 3 pounds from last week, 335 feels good on me. I’m still big, but I feel like I’ve got a little more control over my body. Next up: getting the spring back in my step.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Weight Loss
Weight Loss
Losing weight, to me, is an incredibly complex matter. One thing about complex matters, they’re virtually impossible to put into words. I could write an entire volume about weight loss (as many people have), and it won’t make sense to anyone, because there are feelings, thoughts, sensations, dreams, nightmares and other intangibles that just defy being expressed in English.
What’s more, I’ve lost 120 pounds in one year. 120 pounds! Many people struggle their entire life and don’t lose that much. Other people spend their entire life weighing less than 120 pounds. I don’t know how I could possibly express my feelings in a way that those people would understand. I wish I could.
Like many people, I see myself as unique. I pride myself on being unfathomable, even though intellectually I know there are many people who are going to be able to understand any given aspect of my psyche. So I always wonder if I’m searching to find someone who understands, or if I’m hoping to find someone who can understand, or if I am really and truly hoping to confuse the hell out of people. Seems like I’m rambling? Trust me, this is related to my weight!
If my experiences as a teenaged girl mean anything, there are a lot of people who hate fat. The thought of their bodies becoming engrossed with fat is as scary as kissing a snake covered with spiders. These people have no compassion for people who are fat. They hate people who are fat, and come up with reasons to hate them: lazy, sick, greedy. And god forbid these people become fat. They are filled with self-loathing for being lazy, sick or greedy. They cannot be happy in this state, and are prepared to assume the entire world shares their view.
I was one of these people. If someone had told me when I was 14 that on my 28th birthday I would weigh 460 pounds, I’d have laughed. If someone could prove I would be, suicide would have been a very possible option. Luckily I changed (or else this diary would have ended depressingly a year ago!)
Why I changed is certainly quite a long story in and of itself. Let’s just skip to the summary. I learned that there was indeed beauty to be found in a rotund female form. I learned that food can be enjoyed as art, combining tastes, smells, textures was just as enjoyable as mixing colours on canvas or musical notes on a CD. I learned that cooking was a fun art form too!
Once I started actually gaining weight, there was more to it than that. I loved the attention gained when someone gains weight. The lingering stares, the unasked questions from friends, the asked questions from loved ones. I loved the excuse to go shopping for new clothes. I enjoyed adapting to my constantly changing reality.
In other words: gaining weight was a way for me to be expressive in a way few other people were.
With my new love for being fat and gaining weight, I was off. I gained a lot of weight, and I gained it fast. I loved it!
But then I got over 400 pounds, and approached 450 pounds, and finally topped off at 460 pounds. It wasn’t that I hated being that big. It was just too much to trade off. It was hard to find good clothes, it was hard to get comfortable, it was hard to find activities I could go to and enjoy. I was just missing too much.
Yet, I was 460 pounds for several months. Why did I suddenly take an interest in losing weight? Ian proposed to me.
I know it’s kind of silly, but at that moment it struck me that I was too fat to get married. It had been a long time since I’d ever thought about getting married, and when my fairytale wedding got pulled out in my mind, it dated to when I was a skinny fat-phobic teenager. I literally couldn’t picture myself getting married.
And yet, that’s not it entirely. I had convinced myself that being fat was okay, surely I could have convinced myself that a fat bride was okay too. The reason I want to get married is so we can have kids. I was too fat to be a mom.
I know, there are plenty of fat moms, and many were fat before they were moms. But that’s not it. I remember Jeri playing with Amanda. I remember when Jeri was fat, how much trouble she had chasing after a baby learning to crawl, or chasing after a toddler who was fully aware that mommy was too big to reach into some areas. Jeri lost a lot of weight, and she has a lot more fun with Amanda than she did before.
That’s what I want. I want to be able to play with my kids, to run, chase and all those things that I just couldn’t do at 460 pounds.
And how come I’ve been able to lose all this weight? Did I stumble across some sort of magic formula? Am I following some plan that will see me balloon right back up? Am I just one of those contemptible people who can lose weight easily?
Honestly, I don’t know. I can say that I’ve cut my food intake way off. I’m still eating balanced meals. I drink lots of water. I’m more active than I was. I don’t deny my cravings.
I think the fact that my weight never stabilised really helped.
I think focusing on getting Ian to gain weight has made it easier on me (if I spend all my time cooking and serving and clearing, I don’t miss not eating!)
Do I expect to regain weight? I don’t know about ‘expect’, but I wouldn’t be surprised. In fact, there are days I miss being really big. I feel so small next to Ian, so weak. I loved the power trip involved in being more massive that someone! Granted, I’m still bigger than most people, but I feel diminished some days.
I still have more weight to lose, I’m aiming for 300 pounds, though the closer I get to 300, the more I think 280 might be a better goal for running around. I don’t want to set unreasonable goals, but my goal isn’t a number on a scale, it’s a feeling. I want to feel energetic, without giving up more size than I have to.
Losing weight, to me, is an incredibly complex matter. One thing about complex matters, they’re virtually impossible to put into words. I could write an entire volume about weight loss (as many people have), and it won’t make sense to anyone, because there are feelings, thoughts, sensations, dreams, nightmares and other intangibles that just defy being expressed in English.
What’s more, I’ve lost 120 pounds in one year. 120 pounds! Many people struggle their entire life and don’t lose that much. Other people spend their entire life weighing less than 120 pounds. I don’t know how I could possibly express my feelings in a way that those people would understand. I wish I could.
Like many people, I see myself as unique. I pride myself on being unfathomable, even though intellectually I know there are many people who are going to be able to understand any given aspect of my psyche. So I always wonder if I’m searching to find someone who understands, or if I’m hoping to find someone who can understand, or if I am really and truly hoping to confuse the hell out of people. Seems like I’m rambling? Trust me, this is related to my weight!
If my experiences as a teenaged girl mean anything, there are a lot of people who hate fat. The thought of their bodies becoming engrossed with fat is as scary as kissing a snake covered with spiders. These people have no compassion for people who are fat. They hate people who are fat, and come up with reasons to hate them: lazy, sick, greedy. And god forbid these people become fat. They are filled with self-loathing for being lazy, sick or greedy. They cannot be happy in this state, and are prepared to assume the entire world shares their view.
I was one of these people. If someone had told me when I was 14 that on my 28th birthday I would weigh 460 pounds, I’d have laughed. If someone could prove I would be, suicide would have been a very possible option. Luckily I changed (or else this diary would have ended depressingly a year ago!)
Why I changed is certainly quite a long story in and of itself. Let’s just skip to the summary. I learned that there was indeed beauty to be found in a rotund female form. I learned that food can be enjoyed as art, combining tastes, smells, textures was just as enjoyable as mixing colours on canvas or musical notes on a CD. I learned that cooking was a fun art form too!
Once I started actually gaining weight, there was more to it than that. I loved the attention gained when someone gains weight. The lingering stares, the unasked questions from friends, the asked questions from loved ones. I loved the excuse to go shopping for new clothes. I enjoyed adapting to my constantly changing reality.
In other words: gaining weight was a way for me to be expressive in a way few other people were.
With my new love for being fat and gaining weight, I was off. I gained a lot of weight, and I gained it fast. I loved it!
But then I got over 400 pounds, and approached 450 pounds, and finally topped off at 460 pounds. It wasn’t that I hated being that big. It was just too much to trade off. It was hard to find good clothes, it was hard to get comfortable, it was hard to find activities I could go to and enjoy. I was just missing too much.
Yet, I was 460 pounds for several months. Why did I suddenly take an interest in losing weight? Ian proposed to me.
I know it’s kind of silly, but at that moment it struck me that I was too fat to get married. It had been a long time since I’d ever thought about getting married, and when my fairytale wedding got pulled out in my mind, it dated to when I was a skinny fat-phobic teenager. I literally couldn’t picture myself getting married.
And yet, that’s not it entirely. I had convinced myself that being fat was okay, surely I could have convinced myself that a fat bride was okay too. The reason I want to get married is so we can have kids. I was too fat to be a mom.
I know, there are plenty of fat moms, and many were fat before they were moms. But that’s not it. I remember Jeri playing with Amanda. I remember when Jeri was fat, how much trouble she had chasing after a baby learning to crawl, or chasing after a toddler who was fully aware that mommy was too big to reach into some areas. Jeri lost a lot of weight, and she has a lot more fun with Amanda than she did before.
That’s what I want. I want to be able to play with my kids, to run, chase and all those things that I just couldn’t do at 460 pounds.
And how come I’ve been able to lose all this weight? Did I stumble across some sort of magic formula? Am I following some plan that will see me balloon right back up? Am I just one of those contemptible people who can lose weight easily?
Honestly, I don’t know. I can say that I’ve cut my food intake way off. I’m still eating balanced meals. I drink lots of water. I’m more active than I was. I don’t deny my cravings.
I think the fact that my weight never stabilised really helped.
I think focusing on getting Ian to gain weight has made it easier on me (if I spend all my time cooking and serving and clearing, I don’t miss not eating!)
Do I expect to regain weight? I don’t know about ‘expect’, but I wouldn’t be surprised. In fact, there are days I miss being really big. I feel so small next to Ian, so weak. I loved the power trip involved in being more massive that someone! Granted, I’m still bigger than most people, but I feel diminished some days.
I still have more weight to lose, I’m aiming for 300 pounds, though the closer I get to 300, the more I think 280 might be a better goal for running around. I don’t want to set unreasonable goals, but my goal isn’t a number on a scale, it’s a feeling. I want to feel energetic, without giving up more size than I have to.
Fattest Man Alive?
Fattest Man Alive?
Interesting, I was looking at hits to my diary, and someone had come looking for The Fattest Man Alive! Ian may be fat, but he’s not that fat! Even if you add our weight together, I’m pretty sure the fattest man alive outweighs us.
On the other hand, maybe this person did a search on my diary in the future! Perhaps Ian will eventually be the Fattest Man Alive. Wouldn’t THAT be something? I have no idea how that would work. He’d need pretty much constant attention, how would we achieve that? I suppose he could work from home. Or we could charge admission to see him.
Interesting, I was looking at hits to my diary, and someone had come looking for The Fattest Man Alive! Ian may be fat, but he’s not that fat! Even if you add our weight together, I’m pretty sure the fattest man alive outweighs us.
On the other hand, maybe this person did a search on my diary in the future! Perhaps Ian will eventually be the Fattest Man Alive. Wouldn’t THAT be something? I have no idea how that would work. He’d need pretty much constant attention, how would we achieve that? I suppose he could work from home. Or we could charge admission to see him.
Monday, January 05, 2004
Now that things have settled back down
Now that things have settled back down
I can get back to my neglected diary. It’s hard to write about everything that has transpired over the last 3 weeks, so obviously what gets written is what meant most to me as of this writing. Or at least stuck out in my mind for whatever reason. Maybe in the future I’ll remember something else. Or misremember it. Fiction can become fact if we forget what really happened!
First off, by going back home, I got to see people I haven’t seen in a while. Or more to the point, people who hadn’t seen me in a while got to see me. This lead to the phenomenon of people commenting on how great I look. While I received that comment many times in my thin days, it’s not something I heard a lot of after I got fat. But now that I’m losing weight, people feel obliged to comment on it.
And, I’m almost ashamed of it, but I like that! I like that people are noticing, and commenting on my accomplishment. It has been quite an effort to lose weight when I’ve obviously living a lifestyle of temptation. I don’t like that the comments indicate that they think I look better: I don’t think I look better. But I’m like anyone else, I can’t help but love the attention and comments!
Even the people who have seen me since I’ve lost weight, they notice the drop too. Of course, standing next to Ian, with his weight gain, creates a contrast.
The best reactions are from family who I haven’t seen in a whole year. Last Christmas I was 460 pounds, Ian was a ‘mere’ 440. I was considerably wider than he was. Now at 340 and 470 respectively, I can vanish into his shadow.
It was great seeing all my friends again, but the best was getting to see Jeri and Amanda again. I miss them so much, I still remember living with them, changing Amanda’s diapers, being up with her at night. I’m so ready to have my own kids, it almost hurts.
Jeri and James are getting married in June, and I get to be the maid of honour! I’ve never gotten to be in the bridal party, so this is pretty cool stuff. (Also note: so as not to infringe on their wedding, we’re thinking of getting married in the fall.)
For Christmas Ian got me diamond earrings, and then for my birthday he got me the matching pendant. He says it’s not fair to have my birthday and Christmas so close, it makes it harder to spoil me. I just tell him that he’s going to have to get creative.
I got him a new leather jacket. I have no idea how many cows had to die for it, but it looks fantastic on him! It’s even got room for him to grow into it, but it doesn’t LOOK like it, which is important.
New Years was a lot of fun. Another party at James’s Dad’s condo. That, of course, is where Ian and met, so it’s always special for us. One minor issue, Ian wanted to weigh in at midnight, but since our scale was 2 hours away, this didn’t happen. In fact, I’ve convinced him to wait until Wednesday, as per usual, so we have some more anticipation to look forward to.
I was going to write about reflections on the past year. Certainly a lot has happened, but I think that’s worthy of another full journal entry!
Happy 2004
I can get back to my neglected diary. It’s hard to write about everything that has transpired over the last 3 weeks, so obviously what gets written is what meant most to me as of this writing. Or at least stuck out in my mind for whatever reason. Maybe in the future I’ll remember something else. Or misremember it. Fiction can become fact if we forget what really happened!
First off, by going back home, I got to see people I haven’t seen in a while. Or more to the point, people who hadn’t seen me in a while got to see me. This lead to the phenomenon of people commenting on how great I look. While I received that comment many times in my thin days, it’s not something I heard a lot of after I got fat. But now that I’m losing weight, people feel obliged to comment on it.
And, I’m almost ashamed of it, but I like that! I like that people are noticing, and commenting on my accomplishment. It has been quite an effort to lose weight when I’ve obviously living a lifestyle of temptation. I don’t like that the comments indicate that they think I look better: I don’t think I look better. But I’m like anyone else, I can’t help but love the attention and comments!
Even the people who have seen me since I’ve lost weight, they notice the drop too. Of course, standing next to Ian, with his weight gain, creates a contrast.
The best reactions are from family who I haven’t seen in a whole year. Last Christmas I was 460 pounds, Ian was a ‘mere’ 440. I was considerably wider than he was. Now at 340 and 470 respectively, I can vanish into his shadow.
It was great seeing all my friends again, but the best was getting to see Jeri and Amanda again. I miss them so much, I still remember living with them, changing Amanda’s diapers, being up with her at night. I’m so ready to have my own kids, it almost hurts.
Jeri and James are getting married in June, and I get to be the maid of honour! I’ve never gotten to be in the bridal party, so this is pretty cool stuff. (Also note: so as not to infringe on their wedding, we’re thinking of getting married in the fall.)
For Christmas Ian got me diamond earrings, and then for my birthday he got me the matching pendant. He says it’s not fair to have my birthday and Christmas so close, it makes it harder to spoil me. I just tell him that he’s going to have to get creative.
I got him a new leather jacket. I have no idea how many cows had to die for it, but it looks fantastic on him! It’s even got room for him to grow into it, but it doesn’t LOOK like it, which is important.
New Years was a lot of fun. Another party at James’s Dad’s condo. That, of course, is where Ian and met, so it’s always special for us. One minor issue, Ian wanted to weigh in at midnight, but since our scale was 2 hours away, this didn’t happen. In fact, I’ve convinced him to wait until Wednesday, as per usual, so we have some more anticipation to look forward to.
I was going to write about reflections on the past year. Certainly a lot has happened, but I think that’s worthy of another full journal entry!
Happy 2004
