Tuesday, April 29, 2003

I had the most odd, and vivid dream the other night!

I dreamt that I was Ian!

This must’ve been in the future a little bit because I (Ian) was considerably larger than I (he) am (is) right now. I was at least 500 pounds, and could really feel it!

In the dream I was lying in bed, and just seeing my stomach was huge! Then over the top of my stomach I saw Charlotte (me)! She was giving me a blow job, but I couldn’t see her at all! Unfortunately, I didn’t get to feel it either. Damn dreams.

Anyway, when she (me) was done, we cuddled up in bed. She (I) was tiny. Not the skinniest that she (I) had ever been, but maybe 150 pounds or so.

That’s all I really remember, but damn, when I woke up I felt I was in someone else’s body for at least 20 minutes!

It’s not the first time I’ve woken up not recognising my own body, but it’s the first dream like that I’ve had in a while. And it’s certainly the first dream I’ve had where I was Ian!

Amy and I had pasta in garlic sauce last night. I think she took the leftovers for lunch, but if not, I’m having it again!


Monday, April 28, 2003

Yikes

I’m getting bad about keeping up with this journal.

Why?

I don’t know!

Spring is here, that’s great! I’m going out for walks, London is decent for that. Not a lot of crowds, a fair amount of parks nearby. Not much IN the parks, but that’s okay. One of them actually has a water treatment plant, yucky.

It feels good going for walks, I can feel that I’ve lost weight! It’s hard to describe the sensation exactly. I’m still quite large, over 400 pounds for sure. So it’s not like I’m a sprite bouncing up and down the jogging path. And yet I have lost a lot of weight. My clothes are looser, I can feel more room when I’m sitting down, I feel a little more balanced now.

I’ve still got a long way to go, but I’m enjoying it.

Maybe once I’ve lost weight my shelved ‘body building’ dreams will come back into the picture!

Or not.

lol.


Monday, April 21, 2003

Okay, it’s been a while since I wrote anything there.

Does that mean nothing has been going on in my life?

No, of course not.

Does it mean that that nothing interesting has been going on in my life?

Not necessarily.

Does it mean that I was too lazy to update?

Now we’re getting warmer!

I’m not sure what I want to put on this diary. I could put everything. But that would take dedication on my part. And how many people want to read everything?

Anyway, while I was ‘gone’ what happened? There was a big ‘art tour’ here in London. Local galleries and artists put on displays for the public. I think it went pretty well! It’s a very good idea.

Easter came, and went.
Damn, you gotta love modern hedonistic holiday traditions eh? I mean a holiday dedicated to candy!? (I know, that’s not what Easter’s about, but damn if you can believe that while visiting any retail outlet in Canada!) Besides, since I don’t believe Jesus was the son of God, I’m not really required to celebrate a rebirth I don’t believe in, right? I mean there are still modern instances of people being written off for dead, who turn out to be alive a few days later.

So I did make it to Toronto to celebrate the joining of Chocolate and Ian’s Tummy. He’d lost a little weight, so I made sure he was back on track. I myself am doing pretty good on the weight loss front. Not only am I down to 425, but Ian says he thinks I look thinner now (wow, it only took me 35 pounds to look thinner!).

Actually, interestingly Ian says this weekend was the first time he actually felt bigger than me. He’s outweighed me for about a month now, but given the differences in height, build fat distribution etc, he never felt bigger than me. We now he does. Interestingly, I still feel bigger than him! I guess I’m used to being bigger than everyone.

It was a lot of fun to visit with Amanda. Little kids live for days like Easter! The weather was great, so we got to play outside. Jeri’s doing really well, she can really get around now, which is exactly what she wanted! She’s around 160 lbs these days. And looking very good, I might add.

Well, that’s it for now.

If anyone wants me to add anything, give me some ideas. Sorry Andi, I never did come up with anything about eating peas with honey.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Woohoo!

My archive is back.

Now I'll start writing again.

Just for the record, Ian is now 451 pounds, and I'm downto 430. 21 lbs... I still feel bigger, and of course because of his height, I'm still technically fatter than Ian.


Thursday, April 03, 2003

How Depressing

My archives don't seem to be working very well.
Almost a year of my wisdom may be lost forever!

Hmm.

Well... some data may be lost anyway...

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

So what’s new in the world?

Let’s see… Saddam Hussein is still cowering in fear of George Bush and Tony Blair. I assume he’s cowering. Maybe he’s not. I never thought of Hussein as stupid, but even the best of us have our moments, right?

Air Canada is going under pretty quick. Too bad… not that I fly anywhere. Maybe that’s the problem?

Nah, don’t care about that.

What’s new in my world?

Not too much. I think my rut is in danger of running pretty deep. I like my work, I don’t love it though. I was hoping to love this job, and certainly the infatuation was there when I started. Now it’s sort of dragging a little. But I still like it. I get to deal with art, artists and people who appreciate art! I’m certainly curious where it will lead me, which means I have to stick to it.

London’s social scene just isn’t the same as Toronto. It’s nice and all, but… smaller. Besides, since I’m not looking to ‘hook up’, it takes some of the fun out of it.

Amy’s a great roommate. We get along very well, and she understands my need for confrontation and is doing very good at not taking it personally! I’ve learned a lot about her, and learned about myself in the process. Or else I’ve changed. That’s possible.

I know I’ve changed. I’m more patient now than I was. I look a little further ahead, and even try to take the time to look ahead! Who knew? lol.

I’ve changed my diet and lifestyle. I know I’ve lost weight, and I’m dying to find out how much I’ve lost! I’ll have to go home to Toronto to find out I suppose.

Ian came for a visit on the weekend. I LOVE when he visits. I wish it were more often, but you take what you can get, right? Besides, aren’t tortured souls the most interesting ones? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Um… that’s all I got. On top of that, I think having the time to ourselves is very helpful. I hope when we get back together that the balance doesn’t get tipped!

Anyway, I love when he visits. I get to bring out my A game in the kitchen. All this ‘healthy’ stuff that I’ve been making is good, but it’s just not as much fun to make a sensible salad as it is to prepare an enormous, delectable meal like the ones I make for Ian! I think I managed to feed him more this weekend than I ever have. His capacity is really getting to be enormous; I’m sure he eats more than I ever could now! He had four full meals on Saturday, and on Sunday he had three (I had to make dinner ‘light’ so he could drive home okay.) A full meal for Ian would probably feed most families!

This weekend I really did keep him stuffed most of the time. He spend a lot of time just sitting on the couch while I massaged his stomach. It really helps stop the discomfort you get from having your stomach full. (I learned this many years… and many pounds… ago)

He ate pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausages, salad, ice cream, chips, cheesecake, pasta, chicken. And that was just Saturday! Sunday was waffles, omelettes, soup, popcorn and pork chops.

I’ve been thinking back to when Ian was a ‘mere’ 300 pounds, and deciding that he really wanted to be serious about gaining weight. I remember taunting him about his weight, and how he rather enjoyed my barbs. I haven’t been doing that lately, since I see him so little the last thing I want to do is spend my time mocking him! But he did enjoy it, maybe I could go back to it. Certainly now that he’s bigger than me I’m coming at a better angle to make fat jokes eh?

Oh, by the way, as of today he’s 449 pounds. I knew I should have bought him that second cheesecake! He’ll probably hit 450 sometime this week, but maybe I can visit him to help put him over the top.

Anyway… what words would be best used to lovingly make light of his weight? He already chats under the name ‘Tilikum’, which is the name of the largest whale in captivity! Certainly elephantine would be one word describing him!

Ah well. I’ll come up with something good!


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