Friday, March 30, 2007
Time Flies
Time flies, I feel like I just posted here, I guess not!
It's been a busy week, with the nice weather comes the cleaning instinct, so Ian and I have been getting the apartment straightened out, spring clothes purchased (go figure, none of the three of us fit our clothes from last spring!)
It's not very exciting to write/read, but I do feel accomplished.
I did gain some weight too: I'm now 489 pounds.
Ian's been going for walks with Sherry and the kids, he's down to 470 pounds.
It wasn't that long ago he was fat. I guess time flies!
It's been a busy week, with the nice weather comes the cleaning instinct, so Ian and I have been getting the apartment straightened out, spring clothes purchased (go figure, none of the three of us fit our clothes from last spring!)
It's not very exciting to write/read, but I do feel accomplished.
I did gain some weight too: I'm now 489 pounds.
Ian's been going for walks with Sherry and the kids, he's down to 470 pounds.
It wasn't that long ago he was fat. I guess time flies!
Friday, March 23, 2007
Charlotte's Weight Report
Charlotte up 1 pound to 487 pounds
Ian down 2 pounds to 473 pounds
Amy up 2 pounds to 513 pounds
And now the Weather.
The spring weather is getting tantalisingly close. The snow has mostly vanished, and bundling up is becoming passe. It's certainly not 'nice' out yet, but it's getting to be 'close enough'. Ian's even made appointments to get the snow tires taken off. I'm looking forward to walking through the park as the leaves start coming out again.
In business news...
...Ian has been taking on 'greater responsibilities' at work. He doesn't want me to write too much about it, since it's 'temporary', but there'll have some changes for us around here, so I'll write more sooner or later!
And finally...
The weekend is upon us. I don't have many plans, though the ones I do have involve family and food. No surprises there!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Fatso vs Preggo
It's my understanding that pregnancy is a very individual thing, different people have different experiences, and, for that matter, different pregnancies are easier/harder for women who have done it before!
My pregnancy went very well. It might be because even though I gained weight while pregnant, I was still a shadow of my former self. So I can compare the experiences, but I can't compare gaining weight from being skinny and getting preggo from being skinny.
Further, since being preggo, I find gaining weight MUCH easier. I think that's because being preggo was more awkward than simply being fat, so in comparison, this is pretty easy.
There are aches and pains associated with weight gain, but I'm told there are hormones released during pregnancy that ease them, and that the effects might be permanent, i.e., after having a baby it's just easier to gain weight.
So, in summary... I liked being pregnant at 350 pounds more than I liked being 460 pounds before I was pregnant. While I enjoyed being pregnant more than I enjoy being 482 pounds, I'm finding myself much happier with my body now than before I was pregnant.
I really miss the liscenses to eat and be crazy (she's eating for two, it's just her hormones). I have no such excuses now. Doesn't stop me from eating or being crazy, of course.
PS: Storth - if I'm doing my job as a writer, then I'm far more beautiful in your imagination than I could ever be in a picture!
My pregnancy went very well. It might be because even though I gained weight while pregnant, I was still a shadow of my former self. So I can compare the experiences, but I can't compare gaining weight from being skinny and getting preggo from being skinny.
Further, since being preggo, I find gaining weight MUCH easier. I think that's because being preggo was more awkward than simply being fat, so in comparison, this is pretty easy.
There are aches and pains associated with weight gain, but I'm told there are hormones released during pregnancy that ease them, and that the effects might be permanent, i.e., after having a baby it's just easier to gain weight.
So, in summary... I liked being pregnant at 350 pounds more than I liked being 460 pounds before I was pregnant. While I enjoyed being pregnant more than I enjoy being 482 pounds, I'm finding myself much happier with my body now than before I was pregnant.
I really miss the liscenses to eat and be crazy (she's eating for two, it's just her hormones). I have no such excuses now. Doesn't stop me from eating or being crazy, of course.
PS: Storth - if I'm doing my job as a writer, then I'm far more beautiful in your imagination than I could ever be in a picture!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Fatty fat fat
In the span of two weeks I’ve gone from being the skinny person in the house hold to being a full 11 pounds heavier than Ian! We’ve been celebrating food so much this week, I’ve managed to gain four glorious pounds. I’m up to a massive 486 pounds, Ian’s down to a svelte 475.
The weight is suiting me very well, as I’ve already mentioned. I’m feeling heavier now, but it feels good, solid, sensual. While it doesn’t really do the feeling justice, the best word for the feeling I have now is: existence. I feel like I exist. Like I REALLY exist, life is there, solid, tangible. I am alive, I exist.
The weight is suiting me very well, as I’ve already mentioned. I’m feeling heavier now, but it feels good, solid, sensual. While it doesn’t really do the feeling justice, the best word for the feeling I have now is: existence. I feel like I exist. Like I REALLY exist, life is there, solid, tangible. I am alive, I exist.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Ruminating on Changes
This past week has been one of the best of my life. Obviously it's hard to compare different times in your life, so I'll make it clear that this has been one of the best weeks in terms of pure physical pleasure.
This week has been a celebration of size. My size.
It has been a celebration of fat. My fat.
It has been a celebration of food. My food.
Reaching a weight that exceeded Ian's seemed, for the longest time, to be a goal on paper. Seeing the numbers of our weights close in was fascinating, but no more fascinating than watching the sunrise, it happens, it's nice, but, well, it's not all that special, really. When those numbers finally came together, and started growing apart though, it isn't 'just another sunrise'. It's that sunrise where the clouds are perfect, the wind is perfect. It comes up right across the horizon forming a perfect silhouette against the landscape and cityscape, and you feel as though a billion colours have been invented for just that moment.
It is impossible to describe what I've been feeling. Where a perfect sunrise gives you a billion new colours, our accomplishment has given me a billion new sensations. I've talked about being in tune with my body before, but never like this, nothing like this. I feel like I've awoken, that I can see where I was blind, like I now hear where I was deaf.
There were times (as my blog friends Kate and Stephanie probably could guess) where I wondered what the hell I was doing, if this was something worth doing. No longer do I wonder. Yes. I'm infinitely glad I've done this. Not everyone will ever see that perfect sunrise, not everyone will achieve perfect attunement with their body. They don't know what they're missing, and I would feel sad for them, if I wasn't feeling so damned happy for myself.
Certainly Ian has gone a long way to helping me enjoy this. He's been elated, and pretty much can't keep his hands off me. He takes care of much around the apartment as he can, leaving me time to simply reflect on my changes and, of course, eat. When he's not busy, he's giving me massages, keeping me comfortable etc. He's very good, and you'd think he'd never seen me fat before!
I am feeling larger than ever, which makes sense since I am, but I'm really feeling it more than ever. I'm aware of just how far out I go now, which is easy to understand intellectually, but sometimes my brain doesn't understand that, yes, I'm now a few feet across, and my bum is going to take up a lot of space when I sit down. Having that awareness presents a very satisfying sense of scale that I'm am absolutely enjoying.
It has been far more amazing than I ever thought it would be, and I am completely in love with myself, Ian, and the world.
This week has been a celebration of size. My size.
It has been a celebration of fat. My fat.
It has been a celebration of food. My food.
Reaching a weight that exceeded Ian's seemed, for the longest time, to be a goal on paper. Seeing the numbers of our weights close in was fascinating, but no more fascinating than watching the sunrise, it happens, it's nice, but, well, it's not all that special, really. When those numbers finally came together, and started growing apart though, it isn't 'just another sunrise'. It's that sunrise where the clouds are perfect, the wind is perfect. It comes up right across the horizon forming a perfect silhouette against the landscape and cityscape, and you feel as though a billion colours have been invented for just that moment.
It is impossible to describe what I've been feeling. Where a perfect sunrise gives you a billion new colours, our accomplishment has given me a billion new sensations. I've talked about being in tune with my body before, but never like this, nothing like this. I feel like I've awoken, that I can see where I was blind, like I now hear where I was deaf.
There were times (as my blog friends Kate and Stephanie probably could guess) where I wondered what the hell I was doing, if this was something worth doing. No longer do I wonder. Yes. I'm infinitely glad I've done this. Not everyone will ever see that perfect sunrise, not everyone will achieve perfect attunement with their body. They don't know what they're missing, and I would feel sad for them, if I wasn't feeling so damned happy for myself.
Certainly Ian has gone a long way to helping me enjoy this. He's been elated, and pretty much can't keep his hands off me. He takes care of much around the apartment as he can, leaving me time to simply reflect on my changes and, of course, eat. When he's not busy, he's giving me massages, keeping me comfortable etc. He's very good, and you'd think he'd never seen me fat before!
I am feeling larger than ever, which makes sense since I am, but I'm really feeling it more than ever. I'm aware of just how far out I go now, which is easy to understand intellectually, but sometimes my brain doesn't understand that, yes, I'm now a few feet across, and my bum is going to take up a lot of space when I sit down. Having that awareness presents a very satisfying sense of scale that I'm am absolutely enjoying.
It has been far more amazing than I ever thought it would be, and I am completely in love with myself, Ian, and the world.
Friday, March 09, 2007
I remembered an old post I did called the Feedee Quiz
http://mscezanne.blogspot.com/2004/02/my-feedee-quiz.html
I figured it was time to do this again. Last time I did it I regretted not doing when I was a Feedee. Well, since I AM now, seems like a good idea.
My Feedee Quiz
<- Some History --
1. At what age can you remember having your first fat fantasy?
23 years old. (No Change)
2. Who was the first fat person you admired/envied?
That was Jeri (No Change)
3. As a kid did you ever tell anyone you wanted to be fat or pad while playing?
It never appealed to me as a kid. (No Change)
4. At what age do you first remember overeating to intentionally get fatter?
24 (No Change)
5. Did you have any fat friends as a kid?
Not really (No Change)
6. Where you a fat kid?
Nope (No Change)
7. What is the heaviest you weighed before the age of 18?
112 pounds (No Change)
8. What is the heaviest you have weighed after the age of 18?
482 pounds
-- Relations --
9. Have you ever dated a Fat Admirer?
Yes! (No Change)
10. Have you ever dated an Feeder?
Yes! (No Change)
11. Have you ever been fed?
Yes! (No Change)
12. Would you rather be hand fed or encouraged to eat in other ways?
I prefer to be tantalised. (No Change)
13. Is gaining a sexual "thing" for you?
The human mind lives in a sea of sensations. Myriad stimulations provide an cornucopia of responses for this complicated organ. I do find that as my body changes (up or down in weight!), the sensations change, making sex a greater combination of sensations. So, yes, it is a sexual thing, as weight gain makes sex better! (No Change)
15. Are you strictly a Feedee or do you have Feeder tendencies also?
Over time the tendencies have changed. I like to think I've covered a broad spectrum. At this point I believe I have enough experience to say that, officially, I prefer being the feedee, but enjoy being a feeder very much.
16. Is it important to you that your partner know about your desires and goals in regards to weight gain? Important?
No. I’m happy about it though. (No Change)
17. Would you date another Feedee?
I’m not sure I’d date someone who wasn’t! (No Change)
-- Right now --
18. What do you weigh today?
482 pounds
19. What would you like to weigh?
Compound answer:280 pounds is my ultimate goal. It's big enough to be fat, but there aren't many serious trade offs in terms of mobility, fitting in and buying clothes.
In the short term, I'm aiming to be 500 pounds. Although an idea has been percolating that I'd like to try doubling Ian's weight. He's been twice my size, but I've never been twice his.
20. If possible, would you just fatten a certain part of yourself? What part?
I'd love to experience extreme weight gain in various parts of my body simply for the experience. I'd love to see what it's like to be extremely top or bottom heavy.
In the balance though, I'm pretty happy with my current shape, I suppose I'd like a little less belly and a little more hip, but not enough to worry about
21. Are you more into the gaining, the eating, or both equally?
Both equally
22. Who are your gaining idols?
Jeri and Ian are the only ones for me! Oh, and Elizia Volkmann Might as well add in Amy ;-)
23. If you could switch bodies with anyone else on Earth, who would it be? (person can be alive or dead)
I wish I could've been Ian when he was 600 pounds. He was so mindblowingly massive, I try to imagine what it was like, but I'm not sure I can come even close.
24. What did you eat at your last meal?
Bacon, eggs, toast, chocolate chip muffin, orange juice, milk, fruit salad
25. What will your next meal be?
Not entirely sure yet (No Change)
26. What is your favorite meal?
Variety is important to me, i might have cravings from time to time, but picking out one meal that I would choose ahead of any others wouldn't work, I'd be sick of it after three nights. (Good thing we don't have many left overs...)
27. What is your favorite dessert?
Cherry cheesecake (No Change)
28. What is your favorite beverage?
I’ve never settled on one. I like variety too much. (No Change)
29. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope. (No Change)
30. Does your family know about your gaining?
Yes.
31. Your friends?
Yes.
32. Co-workers?
It's not a secret, though I don't announce it. A few people know, and I'm sure it's been gossipped around
33. Anyone?
It's not a secret, though I don't announce it.
34. Do you ever regret your gaining? Why?
Sure, like most human beings many decisions have room for regret. This isn't something I wish I hadn't done, but there are a few regrets. I can't quite be the mother I thought I could be. I'm a good mom, but... feel like I could do more. Clothes are tough to come by, a lot of choices in life are dictated by what I can't do, not so much by what I want to do.
But, the experiences I've had far outweigh the regrets. While I doubt I'd have regretted not gaining weight, I'd never have known what I know now. With this knowledge, I would have regretted not gaining weight far more.
35. What is your most recent fat fantasy?
To achieve 500 pounds
http://mscezanne.blogspot.com/2004/02/my-feedee-quiz.html
I figured it was time to do this again. Last time I did it I regretted not doing when I was a Feedee. Well, since I AM now, seems like a good idea.
My Feedee Quiz
<- Some History --
1. At what age can you remember having your first fat fantasy?
23 years old. (No Change)
2. Who was the first fat person you admired/envied?
That was Jeri (No Change)
3. As a kid did you ever tell anyone you wanted to be fat or pad while playing?
It never appealed to me as a kid. (No Change)
4. At what age do you first remember overeating to intentionally get fatter?
24 (No Change)
5. Did you have any fat friends as a kid?
Not really (No Change)
6. Where you a fat kid?
Nope (No Change)
7. What is the heaviest you weighed before the age of 18?
112 pounds (No Change)
8. What is the heaviest you have weighed after the age of 18?
482 pounds
-- Relations --
9. Have you ever dated a Fat Admirer?
Yes! (No Change)
10. Have you ever dated an Feeder?
Yes! (No Change)
11. Have you ever been fed?
Yes! (No Change)
12. Would you rather be hand fed or encouraged to eat in other ways?
I prefer to be tantalised. (No Change)
13. Is gaining a sexual "thing" for you?
The human mind lives in a sea of sensations. Myriad stimulations provide an cornucopia of responses for this complicated organ. I do find that as my body changes (up or down in weight!), the sensations change, making sex a greater combination of sensations. So, yes, it is a sexual thing, as weight gain makes sex better! (No Change)
15. Are you strictly a Feedee or do you have Feeder tendencies also?
Over time the tendencies have changed. I like to think I've covered a broad spectrum. At this point I believe I have enough experience to say that, officially, I prefer being the feedee, but enjoy being a feeder very much.
16. Is it important to you that your partner know about your desires and goals in regards to weight gain? Important?
No. I’m happy about it though. (No Change)
17. Would you date another Feedee?
I’m not sure I’d date someone who wasn’t! (No Change)
-- Right now --
18. What do you weigh today?
482 pounds
19. What would you like to weigh?
Compound answer:280 pounds is my ultimate goal. It's big enough to be fat, but there aren't many serious trade offs in terms of mobility, fitting in and buying clothes.
In the short term, I'm aiming to be 500 pounds. Although an idea has been percolating that I'd like to try doubling Ian's weight. He's been twice my size, but I've never been twice his.
20. If possible, would you just fatten a certain part of yourself? What part?
I'd love to experience extreme weight gain in various parts of my body simply for the experience. I'd love to see what it's like to be extremely top or bottom heavy.
In the balance though, I'm pretty happy with my current shape, I suppose I'd like a little less belly and a little more hip, but not enough to worry about
21. Are you more into the gaining, the eating, or both equally?
Both equally
22. Who are your gaining idols?
Jeri and Ian are the only ones for me! Oh, and Elizia Volkmann Might as well add in Amy ;-)
23. If you could switch bodies with anyone else on Earth, who would it be? (person can be alive or dead)
I wish I could've been Ian when he was 600 pounds. He was so mindblowingly massive, I try to imagine what it was like, but I'm not sure I can come even close.
24. What did you eat at your last meal?
Bacon, eggs, toast, chocolate chip muffin, orange juice, milk, fruit salad
25. What will your next meal be?
Not entirely sure yet (No Change)
26. What is your favorite meal?
Variety is important to me, i might have cravings from time to time, but picking out one meal that I would choose ahead of any others wouldn't work, I'd be sick of it after three nights. (Good thing we don't have many left overs...)
27. What is your favorite dessert?
Cherry cheesecake (No Change)
28. What is your favorite beverage?
I’ve never settled on one. I like variety too much. (No Change)
29. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope. (No Change)
30. Does your family know about your gaining?
Yes.
31. Your friends?
Yes.
32. Co-workers?
It's not a secret, though I don't announce it. A few people know, and I'm sure it's been gossipped around
33. Anyone?
It's not a secret, though I don't announce it.
34. Do you ever regret your gaining? Why?
Sure, like most human beings many decisions have room for regret. This isn't something I wish I hadn't done, but there are a few regrets. I can't quite be the mother I thought I could be. I'm a good mom, but... feel like I could do more. Clothes are tough to come by, a lot of choices in life are dictated by what I can't do, not so much by what I want to do.
But, the experiences I've had far outweigh the regrets. While I doubt I'd have regretted not gaining weight, I'd never have known what I know now. With this knowledge, I would have regretted not gaining weight far more.
35. What is your most recent fat fantasy?
To achieve 500 pounds
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Life is Good
Mmmmmm.
I know it wasn't that big a change for us, but it was a huge change for us. I'm 482 pounds, Ian is 479 pounds, once again, I'm bigger than Ian and it's absolutely fabulous. Everything feels better now, clearer, like something that was wrong has been righted.
We celebrated in style yesterday, I won't go into great detail, but there was plenty of food, among other activities.
Now I'm going to try to keep up my momentum and get to 500 pounds, it can't come soon enough!
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Anticipation
While many people understand that anticipation is frequently the best part of anything, usually people will discuss their impatience, rather than their building excitement.
In all probability, come tomorrow I will be officially heavier than Ian, and the anticipation I'm feeling is absolutely incredible! It's not going to be a huge change, a couple pounds for me, a couple pounds for Ian. Our lives won't be drastically different, I've been 'fatter' than Ian by BMI for a while now, and given his exercise regimen and my eating routines, I've been 'effectively' fatter than Ian for quite some time now.
And yet... the wait is killing me!
It's a culmination, something we've been working towards, expecting, hoping, dreaming for almost a year now. All that time will come down to us hopping up on that scale tomorrow morning and changing our world.
Even if the changes aren't drastic, I can't wait to see how I feel about it, and how Ian feels about it.
In all probability, come tomorrow I will be officially heavier than Ian, and the anticipation I'm feeling is absolutely incredible! It's not going to be a huge change, a couple pounds for me, a couple pounds for Ian. Our lives won't be drastically different, I've been 'fatter' than Ian by BMI for a while now, and given his exercise regimen and my eating routines, I've been 'effectively' fatter than Ian for quite some time now.
And yet... the wait is killing me!
It's a culmination, something we've been working towards, expecting, hoping, dreaming for almost a year now. All that time will come down to us hopping up on that scale tomorrow morning and changing our world.
Even if the changes aren't drastic, I can't wait to see how I feel about it, and how Ian feels about it.
