Wednesday, August 20, 2003
A Little Time Back Home
Okay, there is a very good reason why I haven’t updated in almost two weeks. I was back home in Toronto!
But doesn’t Ian have a computer you ask? Well, yes, he does, but he was playing with it and kind of broke it.
But isn’t Ian super computer nerd boy? Yes, he is, but we decided we’d rather spend time together than fixing Ian’s computer.
But didn’t I see you online? Yes, while in Toronto I was helping my friend Jerica out. I was babysitting her daughter (my god-daughter) Amanda while she was working, or going out with James.
Okay, so that’s out of the way.
It was great getting to spend a lot of time with Ian! He was still working, which left me with time to myself. I spent much of that time preparing meals, which was fun to get to do that for a few days in a row. I don’t get to prepare meals like I used to often, only if Thomas is visiting (or Ian, of course).
To list off all the food that Ian ate while I was there would be impossible, it would be like taking inventory of a grocery store! But I made his favourites, tried some new things that went over well. How successful was I?
Well, for the month of August Ian has gained 15 pounds! I think that speaks for itself.
For those keeping score, Ian’s total weight is upto 470! He’s fully 10 pounds fatter than I ever was, and he’s still going up! Ironically we never talked about ‘goals’ while I was there, but I know Ian’s long standing goal of reaching 500 pounds isn’t all that far away. Indeed, if things work out and he moves here to London, he’ll be 500 lbs by winter! Of course, my goal is for him to be twice my size, so we’ve still got a little while to go.
As for my size, I continue to shrink! I don’t feel it, but I’m 389 pounds. I’ve lost 71 pounds this year! That’s pretty incredible. It also puts me 81 pounds less than Ian. It’s not long before he’s 100 pounds more than me! I remember being 100 pounds more than he was. It wasn’t all that long ago. I love a world of change.
One weird side effect of spending time with Ian: I was really starting to feel small. After all, being 80 pounds smaller than someone (hmm, come to think of it, that was my usual weight difference with boyfriends from my slim days!) is enough to make you feel skinny. But now that I’m back home with Amy, I’m downright huge again! It’s very surreal, it makes me feel like I’ve somehow inflated, when of course that’s not true. And yet, just being home, and hell, back at work, I felt like a huge ungainly brute. Been a while since I felt that, so I guess it has to do with comparing myself to Ian.
Actually, spending time with Amanda might affect that too. She’s getting so big, but kids do that when you don’t get to see them often. I remember her being a teeny tiny little baby, now she seems like she’s halfway to being a teenage! (she’s 4)
Ah well. It was a lot of fun to go back to Toronto, and interesting that after a year I still think of that as ‘home’.
Okay, there is a very good reason why I haven’t updated in almost two weeks. I was back home in Toronto!
But doesn’t Ian have a computer you ask? Well, yes, he does, but he was playing with it and kind of broke it.
But isn’t Ian super computer nerd boy? Yes, he is, but we decided we’d rather spend time together than fixing Ian’s computer.
But didn’t I see you online? Yes, while in Toronto I was helping my friend Jerica out. I was babysitting her daughter (my god-daughter) Amanda while she was working, or going out with James.
Okay, so that’s out of the way.
It was great getting to spend a lot of time with Ian! He was still working, which left me with time to myself. I spent much of that time preparing meals, which was fun to get to do that for a few days in a row. I don’t get to prepare meals like I used to often, only if Thomas is visiting (or Ian, of course).
To list off all the food that Ian ate while I was there would be impossible, it would be like taking inventory of a grocery store! But I made his favourites, tried some new things that went over well. How successful was I?
Well, for the month of August Ian has gained 15 pounds! I think that speaks for itself.
For those keeping score, Ian’s total weight is upto 470! He’s fully 10 pounds fatter than I ever was, and he’s still going up! Ironically we never talked about ‘goals’ while I was there, but I know Ian’s long standing goal of reaching 500 pounds isn’t all that far away. Indeed, if things work out and he moves here to London, he’ll be 500 lbs by winter! Of course, my goal is for him to be twice my size, so we’ve still got a little while to go.
As for my size, I continue to shrink! I don’t feel it, but I’m 389 pounds. I’ve lost 71 pounds this year! That’s pretty incredible. It also puts me 81 pounds less than Ian. It’s not long before he’s 100 pounds more than me! I remember being 100 pounds more than he was. It wasn’t all that long ago. I love a world of change.
One weird side effect of spending time with Ian: I was really starting to feel small. After all, being 80 pounds smaller than someone (hmm, come to think of it, that was my usual weight difference with boyfriends from my slim days!) is enough to make you feel skinny. But now that I’m back home with Amy, I’m downright huge again! It’s very surreal, it makes me feel like I’ve somehow inflated, when of course that’s not true. And yet, just being home, and hell, back at work, I felt like a huge ungainly brute. Been a while since I felt that, so I guess it has to do with comparing myself to Ian.
Actually, spending time with Amanda might affect that too. She’s getting so big, but kids do that when you don’t get to see them often. I remember her being a teeny tiny little baby, now she seems like she’s halfway to being a teenage! (she’s 4)
Ah well. It was a lot of fun to go back to Toronto, and interesting that after a year I still think of that as ‘home’.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Ian’s back up!
I’m glad to hear that Ian had a good weekend. He’s back over 460 pounds (461 as of Wednesday), which again puts him at a higher weight than I ever (officially…) was. It’s a very comforting thought, and I’m not really sure why, but who am I to argue with how I feel?
I’m glad he was here for the weekend. Not just because I got to see him, and not because I got to feed him, and not because I got to have sex with him. I liked that HE came to ME this time. Usually I’m going home to Toronto. That makes more sense, what with feeling like Toronto is my home and I’m just a visitor here in London. That’s certainly true enough, but it has that feeling of… equality. Well, it makes more sense in my head than in writing.
Things are in motion though, we should be getting together soon. I don’t want to write about it too much, for fear of jynxing it. I’m not really superstitious, and yet I’d feel foolish if I didn’t believe and it were true. So maybe I am superstitious, how silly is that?
I’m so excited that Ian is back up in weight though. I still dream about when he’s twice my size! Even now, the size difference is pretty noticeable. He makes me feel… well, not skinny, but I don’t feel huge when he’s around either. Actually, I don’t feel huge much, unless I surrounded by skinny people (which happens at work… it doesn’t help that the store is a touch cramped with makes it quite tight for me!). Of course, Amy’s not as thin as she used to be, so I don’t feel so big around her either.
I’m glad to hear that Ian had a good weekend. He’s back over 460 pounds (461 as of Wednesday), which again puts him at a higher weight than I ever (officially…) was. It’s a very comforting thought, and I’m not really sure why, but who am I to argue with how I feel?
I’m glad he was here for the weekend. Not just because I got to see him, and not because I got to feed him, and not because I got to have sex with him. I liked that HE came to ME this time. Usually I’m going home to Toronto. That makes more sense, what with feeling like Toronto is my home and I’m just a visitor here in London. That’s certainly true enough, but it has that feeling of… equality. Well, it makes more sense in my head than in writing.
Things are in motion though, we should be getting together soon. I don’t want to write about it too much, for fear of jynxing it. I’m not really superstitious, and yet I’d feel foolish if I didn’t believe and it were true. So maybe I am superstitious, how silly is that?
I’m so excited that Ian is back up in weight though. I still dream about when he’s twice my size! Even now, the size difference is pretty noticeable. He makes me feel… well, not skinny, but I don’t feel huge when he’s around either. Actually, I don’t feel huge much, unless I surrounded by skinny people (which happens at work… it doesn’t help that the store is a touch cramped with makes it quite tight for me!). Of course, Amy’s not as thin as she used to be, so I don’t feel so big around her either.
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
Nice LOOOOONG Weekend.
Why do people like to stretch out words like that? I certainly can’t complain, I’m obviously guilty of it myself. Another mystery to add to the pile I suppose.
Anyway, Ian had his job interview on Friday. He says it went well, and while it’s a pay cut, the costs of living in London vs. Toronto make it about break even, which was more than he was hoping for! He’ll find out ‘soon’ if he’s got the job or not.
But who cares about such details. The main focus of the weekend, of course, was FOOD!
London has a lot of little festivals downtown every summer. This weekend had the ‘rib fest’. It’s basically what it sounds, a bunch of restaurants cook up ribs, and someone decides who has the best. For us it was overpriced, and a lot more walking around than we’d prefer. It was fun being there, but it’s not a place for serious eating.
Now, another fact that needs to be brought to bear: Thomas is very interested in the idea of ‘feederism’. Amy isn’t so much. However, she’s been going along with his whims, but she only eats if he’s around, otherwise she’s on her normal ‘diet’ (her word, not mine!) While seeing Thomas her weight has been slowly creeping up, but she’s just not into it. I can’t say I blame her, if your heart’s not into it, if you can’t get past all the social conditioning, it’s not fun being fat! But Thomas persists, and she really likes him…
Anyway, with Ian in town, Thomas had someone he could really… use as an example. He watched how Ian ate, the pacing, the snacks, everything. That’s one thing I’ve learned that if you are eating to gain weight, then it’s not simply a matter of eating a huge dinner. It has to be food that is appealing, and it has to be spaced out so you can process it. If your stomach is crammed full, you’ll stop eating. But if it’s almost full, you can always eat a bit more. It’s tough finding that ‘almost full’ point, and slowly dancing around it, but with practise, it becomes easier, like anything else. That’s how Ian’s gained so much weight so quickly, he’s not always full, but perpetually almost full.
Amy has always eaten well when others eat well, she’s a ‘social eater’, she only feels bad if she’s eating alone, but if she’s with someone eating more than her, then she’ll eat lots. Obviously with Ian, she couldn’t possibly keep up with him, so she did eat quite well over the weekend.
Saturday featured my famous pancake breakfast, flapjacks coated with butter and maple syrup, joined by bacon and sausage. I’d like to say I make them from scratch, but the mix is pretty good, and certainly saves a lot of time. I don’t remember how many a box can make… but there were no left overs either.
Even though Ian was fully enjoying his meal, Amy was clearly uncomfortable being so full. This is when Ian and I shared another secret with them: the massage! When a stomach is full to capacity, it makes the rest of the abdomen sensitive. When something is sensitive, it responds well to a massage! Now, massaging a full tummy is always a delicate task. Push too hard, and they’ll just feel worse. Move in the wrong direction, that doesn’t help anyone, and lord help you if you accidentally tickle!
Obviously with their size difference, the massages required by almost ¼ tonne Ian and under 200 pound Amy would be different. Before getting to Ian I showed Thomas the correct technique for Amy. Of course, it had been a long time since Ian was a comparable size to Amy, but I managed to get it explained to Thomas, and it was pretty obvious that he was getting it right! For me, that was the first time I’ve put my hands on a woman like that in a long time. It felt damn good.
As much as I enjoyed rubbing Amy’s tiny tummy, my ‘main course’ was diving into Ian’s gut. With his layer of fat it takes a much more vigorous massage. It actually takes a defter touch with someone like him, because his stomach is buried, and requires more effort, but still doesn’t take well to too much effort. Of course, Ian’s stomach is what I’m used to, what my hands were longing for. I could write paragraphs about his smooth skin, his soft fat and the hard rock of his full stomach hiding within. But this was but the beginning of the weekend, there is more to come!
With breakfast settled, it was time for Ian to further instruct his ‘young apprentice’. It helps to drink a lot while doing other activities. The body needs water for digestion, but you don’t need to drink water, you can drink other things: milk is good, even cream from time to time. It doesn’t take up much room in your stomach, and your body processes it quickly, but there are a lot of calories to be found there!
Morning snacks are also important. While Amy was still full, Ian’s stomach was already expecting a treat. I’d prepared for the weekend, so I had some doughnuts ready for him. Amy wasn’t so sure, but Ian told her that if she got used to eating while full, her stomach would stretch a bit, and also by eating at set times, her body would come to expect the food, making it much easier to remember when to eat. She managed to have one to Ian’s five…
Lunch wasn’t anything special, just some home made macaroni and cheese (well, the macaroni and cheese were store bought, but separately, I cooked the separate ingredients, but the pasta and dairy products weren’t made by me…). I’m not sure who was the most impressed with how much Ian ate. He certainly surprised even me!
Over the afternoon Thomas, Ian and Amy watched some movies. Thomas is learning about movies from Amy, and Ian was happy to lend his expertise on the subject. I’m not sure what they watched, but I read a little, played around on the internet and got dinner ready. Of course, they all snacked! I’d made sure there was plenty of chips, crackers, dips, pop and popcorn available for the weekend.
We went our separate ways for dinner. Ian and I went to The Keg. Ian had a big steak, I had prime rib. The Keg is always great, but never enough for Ian, despite having my potato and dessert. On the way home we stopped at Dairy Queen, where he got a large blizzard. I was stuffed by this point, but was having fond memories of the days where I was a bottomless pit like Ian! I remember being able to eat anything and everything that came to mind. It’s kind of weird to think of food, long for food, and yet my stomach turns upside down and says ‘no more, please’. But, I had no choice, there wasn’t any room left.
One interesting note about my current living arrangements… since I knew it would be temporary I just bought a cheap bed. It’s a double bed, not a queen like we have in Toronto. A double bed is a tight fit for us! It makes for an interesting night though. Can’t complain when I’m pressed up against Ian for 8 hours!
Sunday morning brought another epic breakfast, of course. This time we went for scrambled eggs, muffins, more bacon, fruit and hashbrowns. It was a lot of cooking on my part, but I don’t really mind. Between the four of us we had 2 dozen eggs, a pack of bacon, and a bag of hashbrowns. Even though Amy was doing her best, I’m sure that Ian ate half of that himself. He’s such a show off!
In the afternoon we repeated our activities, I went off on my own while they snacked and watched a few more movies. I don’t mind letting them have Ian for a few hours. I like the idea of him getting to know my friends, and it let me have some ‘alone time’, which I greatly value.
Okay, I’ve run out of time to work on this post. I’ll put more later!
Why do people like to stretch out words like that? I certainly can’t complain, I’m obviously guilty of it myself. Another mystery to add to the pile I suppose.
Anyway, Ian had his job interview on Friday. He says it went well, and while it’s a pay cut, the costs of living in London vs. Toronto make it about break even, which was more than he was hoping for! He’ll find out ‘soon’ if he’s got the job or not.
But who cares about such details. The main focus of the weekend, of course, was FOOD!
London has a lot of little festivals downtown every summer. This weekend had the ‘rib fest’. It’s basically what it sounds, a bunch of restaurants cook up ribs, and someone decides who has the best. For us it was overpriced, and a lot more walking around than we’d prefer. It was fun being there, but it’s not a place for serious eating.
Now, another fact that needs to be brought to bear: Thomas is very interested in the idea of ‘feederism’. Amy isn’t so much. However, she’s been going along with his whims, but she only eats if he’s around, otherwise she’s on her normal ‘diet’ (her word, not mine!) While seeing Thomas her weight has been slowly creeping up, but she’s just not into it. I can’t say I blame her, if your heart’s not into it, if you can’t get past all the social conditioning, it’s not fun being fat! But Thomas persists, and she really likes him…
Anyway, with Ian in town, Thomas had someone he could really… use as an example. He watched how Ian ate, the pacing, the snacks, everything. That’s one thing I’ve learned that if you are eating to gain weight, then it’s not simply a matter of eating a huge dinner. It has to be food that is appealing, and it has to be spaced out so you can process it. If your stomach is crammed full, you’ll stop eating. But if it’s almost full, you can always eat a bit more. It’s tough finding that ‘almost full’ point, and slowly dancing around it, but with practise, it becomes easier, like anything else. That’s how Ian’s gained so much weight so quickly, he’s not always full, but perpetually almost full.
Amy has always eaten well when others eat well, she’s a ‘social eater’, she only feels bad if she’s eating alone, but if she’s with someone eating more than her, then she’ll eat lots. Obviously with Ian, she couldn’t possibly keep up with him, so she did eat quite well over the weekend.
Saturday featured my famous pancake breakfast, flapjacks coated with butter and maple syrup, joined by bacon and sausage. I’d like to say I make them from scratch, but the mix is pretty good, and certainly saves a lot of time. I don’t remember how many a box can make… but there were no left overs either.
Even though Ian was fully enjoying his meal, Amy was clearly uncomfortable being so full. This is when Ian and I shared another secret with them: the massage! When a stomach is full to capacity, it makes the rest of the abdomen sensitive. When something is sensitive, it responds well to a massage! Now, massaging a full tummy is always a delicate task. Push too hard, and they’ll just feel worse. Move in the wrong direction, that doesn’t help anyone, and lord help you if you accidentally tickle!
Obviously with their size difference, the massages required by almost ¼ tonne Ian and under 200 pound Amy would be different. Before getting to Ian I showed Thomas the correct technique for Amy. Of course, it had been a long time since Ian was a comparable size to Amy, but I managed to get it explained to Thomas, and it was pretty obvious that he was getting it right! For me, that was the first time I’ve put my hands on a woman like that in a long time. It felt damn good.
As much as I enjoyed rubbing Amy’s tiny tummy, my ‘main course’ was diving into Ian’s gut. With his layer of fat it takes a much more vigorous massage. It actually takes a defter touch with someone like him, because his stomach is buried, and requires more effort, but still doesn’t take well to too much effort. Of course, Ian’s stomach is what I’m used to, what my hands were longing for. I could write paragraphs about his smooth skin, his soft fat and the hard rock of his full stomach hiding within. But this was but the beginning of the weekend, there is more to come!
With breakfast settled, it was time for Ian to further instruct his ‘young apprentice’. It helps to drink a lot while doing other activities. The body needs water for digestion, but you don’t need to drink water, you can drink other things: milk is good, even cream from time to time. It doesn’t take up much room in your stomach, and your body processes it quickly, but there are a lot of calories to be found there!
Morning snacks are also important. While Amy was still full, Ian’s stomach was already expecting a treat. I’d prepared for the weekend, so I had some doughnuts ready for him. Amy wasn’t so sure, but Ian told her that if she got used to eating while full, her stomach would stretch a bit, and also by eating at set times, her body would come to expect the food, making it much easier to remember when to eat. She managed to have one to Ian’s five…
Lunch wasn’t anything special, just some home made macaroni and cheese (well, the macaroni and cheese were store bought, but separately, I cooked the separate ingredients, but the pasta and dairy products weren’t made by me…). I’m not sure who was the most impressed with how much Ian ate. He certainly surprised even me!
Over the afternoon Thomas, Ian and Amy watched some movies. Thomas is learning about movies from Amy, and Ian was happy to lend his expertise on the subject. I’m not sure what they watched, but I read a little, played around on the internet and got dinner ready. Of course, they all snacked! I’d made sure there was plenty of chips, crackers, dips, pop and popcorn available for the weekend.
We went our separate ways for dinner. Ian and I went to The Keg. Ian had a big steak, I had prime rib. The Keg is always great, but never enough for Ian, despite having my potato and dessert. On the way home we stopped at Dairy Queen, where he got a large blizzard. I was stuffed by this point, but was having fond memories of the days where I was a bottomless pit like Ian! I remember being able to eat anything and everything that came to mind. It’s kind of weird to think of food, long for food, and yet my stomach turns upside down and says ‘no more, please’. But, I had no choice, there wasn’t any room left.
One interesting note about my current living arrangements… since I knew it would be temporary I just bought a cheap bed. It’s a double bed, not a queen like we have in Toronto. A double bed is a tight fit for us! It makes for an interesting night though. Can’t complain when I’m pressed up against Ian for 8 hours!
Sunday morning brought another epic breakfast, of course. This time we went for scrambled eggs, muffins, more bacon, fruit and hashbrowns. It was a lot of cooking on my part, but I don’t really mind. Between the four of us we had 2 dozen eggs, a pack of bacon, and a bag of hashbrowns. Even though Amy was doing her best, I’m sure that Ian ate half of that himself. He’s such a show off!
In the afternoon we repeated our activities, I went off on my own while they snacked and watched a few more movies. I don’t mind letting them have Ian for a few hours. I like the idea of him getting to know my friends, and it let me have some ‘alone time’, which I greatly value.
Okay, I’ve run out of time to work on this post. I’ll put more later!
Friday, August 01, 2003
Fat Boy’s in town for the weekend
I’m so excited!!!
He’s actually in London for a lot of reasons, and I’m putting them in order that I think are important, and he’d better think so too:
1) He loves me.
2) There’s a rib fest here in town, and I hear it’s really really good
3) He’s on a job interview with a company here in London
4) There’s a balloon festival
Okay, he’s not here for the balloon festival, it’s not the same kind of ballooning he likes to do…
I’m excited that he’s in town for a job interview though! That means he’ll move to London, I can keep my job (not my dream job, but the best job I’ve ever had), and we can get married!
It’ll be a good weekend, I’ll get to do some serious feeding with Ian, and he’ll get to know my friends in London better. He’s busy today, with his interview. I have no idea what the company does, Ian told me but… it went over my head. Whatever. I hope it goes well for him.
Then the rest of the weekend will be about stuffing Ian silly.
Woohoo!
I’m so excited!!!
He’s actually in London for a lot of reasons, and I’m putting them in order that I think are important, and he’d better think so too:
1) He loves me.
2) There’s a rib fest here in town, and I hear it’s really really good
3) He’s on a job interview with a company here in London
4) There’s a balloon festival
Okay, he’s not here for the balloon festival, it’s not the same kind of ballooning he likes to do…
I’m excited that he’s in town for a job interview though! That means he’ll move to London, I can keep my job (not my dream job, but the best job I’ve ever had), and we can get married!
It’ll be a good weekend, I’ll get to do some serious feeding with Ian, and he’ll get to know my friends in London better. He’s busy today, with his interview. I have no idea what the company does, Ian told me but… it went over my head. Whatever. I hope it goes well for him.
Then the rest of the weekend will be about stuffing Ian silly.
Woohoo!
