Tuesday, May 21, 2002
Oh mother of god!
What have I done?
I just had one of the greatest weekends I’ve had in a while! So, why don’t I feel like it right now? Easy… Ian and I made complete PIGS of ourselves on the weekend.
So how did this come about?
Well, while waiting in line Thursday to see Star Wars (Ian’s friend got us tickets), Ian and I were talking. Well, he was complaining that his knees hurt! Well duh, he’s got 350 pound of lard, of course they hurt. Mine hurt, but I don’t complain, it’s my own choice to be 400+ lbs, so I just live with it. Of course, 2 hours of standing around wasn’t all that much fun!
But the movie was! Of course, going to movies is where I most acutely hate being fat. Public places just aren’t designed to hold me. I know that, I acknowledge that, and I generally try to avoid being in places that are just too small. But we had to see this movie, so we crammed our butts into the seats! We made sure we sat in the middle of the theatre, because once I’m there, you can’t get past me, lol.
The movie was great! Lots of action, lots of great sound effects. A plot that is more complicated than ‘Look bad guy, shoot’! Even with the atrocious dialogue, it was pretty good to sit through! Definitely worth the bruises I get on my hips from those god awful cupholders.
So, as I was saying, to kill time Ian and I debated fat. Our fat. Our decisions to be fat. I really would like to drop a couple (hundred) pounds, and would just as soon Ian would too. He’s not ready to do it, like I am, which makes it a little hard for me. He got fat because I was eating so much, and I’m staying fat because he’s eating so much! It’s not a matter of will power, but a matter of snacking. If good food is there, it’s too easy to munch without even noticing. It comes in under the will power radar, so to speak.
I’ve told Ian flat out that I just can’t afford to be 500 pounds. The weight would be too much of an encumbrance, getting clothes just too hard, and lord knows life just isn’t going to be easier as I get bigger! That for me, he has to start eating ‘normally’ so I can start eating normally. If he can’t do that, then I can’t stay with him, it’s just not practical.
So, he proposed that we talk about it this week, but have one last ‘eating binge’ over the weekend. I used to LOOOVE my eating binges with Jeri. We’d hole up, buy a tonne of groceries, get take out/delivery, and just eat until we couldn’t move. I did it a couple times with Ian, back before I noticed him getting fat. (I guess this may be my fault eh?)
So, I decided we might as well. Wow. It’s been a long time since I pigged out, and a long time since I actually SAW what Ian could eat if he put his mind to it. I haven’t been so full since I moved out of Jeri’s place.
We just ate and ate and ate! It was the first time in months that I’d been able to look at food and actually think ‘god, I can’t eat that!’ It’s kinda funny when a new thought like that pops into your head, and I think it popped into my head like four or five times over the weekend!
So lets think about this. I’m about 450 pounds now. Last time I ate with this much abandon must’ve been when I was living with Jeri, I was 340 pounds when I moved out! So this is the fullest I’ve been in over 100 pounds!
Ian ate an incredible amount of food. His face was constantly chewing it seemed. He could easily have gained 10 pounds over three days! (Yeah, okay… me too)
I haven’t been too interested in my weight lately. I know I’m fat, and what’s the difference, seriously, between 450 and 460? 10 pounds for me just isn’t what it was in High school. Really, I can’t see much about me changing until I get to about 500 pounds. Hell, think about it. When I was 110 lbs, 10 lbs was less than 10 % of my body weight, so that is literally like 50 lbs, which is about 10% of my body weight now!
And I’ve come to LOATHE Ian’s weekly weigh ins, where he brags about closing in on the limits of his scale. Hmmm, his scale goes to 350, and he was 344 last week. I think he might have to find a new scale. Oh I so didn’t want that to happen.
Well, despite all that, I really do want to know what he weighs now, what I weigh now! Am I really upto 460 pounds? Is Ian over 350? That’s a lot of weight! I was 110 in high school, so the two of us would account for almost EIGHT of what I was in highschool! That’s just an unreal number.
I’m going to miss some parts of being fat. There really is nothing like spending three days eating. There isn’t. You can’t describe the feeling, you can’t replace the experience. I’m glad Ian and I got to share it just this one time, but now it’s time to move on, to find a new adventure to share together.
Otherwise, I’ll have to find an adventure of my own.
What have I done?
I just had one of the greatest weekends I’ve had in a while! So, why don’t I feel like it right now? Easy… Ian and I made complete PIGS of ourselves on the weekend.
So how did this come about?
Well, while waiting in line Thursday to see Star Wars (Ian’s friend got us tickets), Ian and I were talking. Well, he was complaining that his knees hurt! Well duh, he’s got 350 pound of lard, of course they hurt. Mine hurt, but I don’t complain, it’s my own choice to be 400+ lbs, so I just live with it. Of course, 2 hours of standing around wasn’t all that much fun!
But the movie was! Of course, going to movies is where I most acutely hate being fat. Public places just aren’t designed to hold me. I know that, I acknowledge that, and I generally try to avoid being in places that are just too small. But we had to see this movie, so we crammed our butts into the seats! We made sure we sat in the middle of the theatre, because once I’m there, you can’t get past me, lol.
The movie was great! Lots of action, lots of great sound effects. A plot that is more complicated than ‘Look bad guy, shoot’! Even with the atrocious dialogue, it was pretty good to sit through! Definitely worth the bruises I get on my hips from those god awful cupholders.
So, as I was saying, to kill time Ian and I debated fat. Our fat. Our decisions to be fat. I really would like to drop a couple (hundred) pounds, and would just as soon Ian would too. He’s not ready to do it, like I am, which makes it a little hard for me. He got fat because I was eating so much, and I’m staying fat because he’s eating so much! It’s not a matter of will power, but a matter of snacking. If good food is there, it’s too easy to munch without even noticing. It comes in under the will power radar, so to speak.
I’ve told Ian flat out that I just can’t afford to be 500 pounds. The weight would be too much of an encumbrance, getting clothes just too hard, and lord knows life just isn’t going to be easier as I get bigger! That for me, he has to start eating ‘normally’ so I can start eating normally. If he can’t do that, then I can’t stay with him, it’s just not practical.
So, he proposed that we talk about it this week, but have one last ‘eating binge’ over the weekend. I used to LOOOVE my eating binges with Jeri. We’d hole up, buy a tonne of groceries, get take out/delivery, and just eat until we couldn’t move. I did it a couple times with Ian, back before I noticed him getting fat. (I guess this may be my fault eh?)
So, I decided we might as well. Wow. It’s been a long time since I pigged out, and a long time since I actually SAW what Ian could eat if he put his mind to it. I haven’t been so full since I moved out of Jeri’s place.
We just ate and ate and ate! It was the first time in months that I’d been able to look at food and actually think ‘god, I can’t eat that!’ It’s kinda funny when a new thought like that pops into your head, and I think it popped into my head like four or five times over the weekend!
So lets think about this. I’m about 450 pounds now. Last time I ate with this much abandon must’ve been when I was living with Jeri, I was 340 pounds when I moved out! So this is the fullest I’ve been in over 100 pounds!
Ian ate an incredible amount of food. His face was constantly chewing it seemed. He could easily have gained 10 pounds over three days! (Yeah, okay… me too)
I haven’t been too interested in my weight lately. I know I’m fat, and what’s the difference, seriously, between 450 and 460? 10 pounds for me just isn’t what it was in High school. Really, I can’t see much about me changing until I get to about 500 pounds. Hell, think about it. When I was 110 lbs, 10 lbs was less than 10 % of my body weight, so that is literally like 50 lbs, which is about 10% of my body weight now!
And I’ve come to LOATHE Ian’s weekly weigh ins, where he brags about closing in on the limits of his scale. Hmmm, his scale goes to 350, and he was 344 last week. I think he might have to find a new scale. Oh I so didn’t want that to happen.
Well, despite all that, I really do want to know what he weighs now, what I weigh now! Am I really upto 460 pounds? Is Ian over 350? That’s a lot of weight! I was 110 in high school, so the two of us would account for almost EIGHT of what I was in highschool! That’s just an unreal number.
I’m going to miss some parts of being fat. There really is nothing like spending three days eating. There isn’t. You can’t describe the feeling, you can’t replace the experience. I’m glad Ian and I got to share it just this one time, but now it’s time to move on, to find a new adventure to share together.
Otherwise, I’ll have to find an adventure of my own.
// posted by Charlotte @ 2:58:00 PM 
