Monday, May 13, 2002
Okay, now I don’t know what to think.
Ian’s weight continues it’s ongoing march, he’s 341 pounds now! And he shows no signs of slowing down either.
I’ve tried to reason with him. I’ve tried to empathise with him. I’ve tried to cajole, I’ve withheld sex, I’ve hidden the good food, I’ve mocked him, I’ve embarrassed him. It’s not working, and he’s just getting too huge!
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve made a few ultimatums, he’s just ignored them, as though my feelings count for shit. Now he’s accusing me of NOT hating his fat, but that my inner feelings are confused, and I’m lashing out at the easiest target. In all likelihood, he says, I probably LIKE him fat, or else I’d have followed through on my threats.
I don’t know what to say! Certainly I think he looks ridiculous. I don’t find him sexually attractive.
So why don’t I leave him? Simple, I do love him! He’s smart, he’s creative, he can be funny. In many ways he’s a counterpoint to me. We don’t agree on a lot of things, but we know where we stand, and we feel more complete having each other’s influence in our lives. I don’t want to be with someone just like me.
I want the opposite. Is that the problem?
Do I see more and more of myself in Ian? Do I feel threatened that I’m not the fat one anymore? (Well, I still outweigh the guy by 100 pounds… but he’s still huge by just about any standard)
Maybe Ian really is losing what made him special to me, and the fat is just the easiest way to spot it.
Or maybe I’m a perfectionist, and I feel that I can still get the ‘perfect Ian’ back.
I don’t know, and this accusation, that I love his fat… I don’t like it, but I don’t know what else to do.
I just want him back to the way he was so badly. I love him, but I don’t know how much longer I can ‘put up’ with him!
As for myself, I’m not as happy with my weight as I used to be. 450 pounds is NOT as much fun as it sounds. (lol, to most people, it probably doesn’t sound like fun at all!)
What I’d like to do is lose weight, maybe Challenge Ian… make sure that he always weighs less than me J Of course, if I can get my weight below his, then I can legitimately make fun of him!
I do admit, I rather enjoy coming up with creative fat jokes. I’m not sure Ian appreciates it, but you have to keep in mind, anything I say, reflects back on me, plus 100 pounds. If he can’t stand it, he can leave me.
If he can fit through the door.
lol
Ian’s weight continues it’s ongoing march, he’s 341 pounds now! And he shows no signs of slowing down either.
I’ve tried to reason with him. I’ve tried to empathise with him. I’ve tried to cajole, I’ve withheld sex, I’ve hidden the good food, I’ve mocked him, I’ve embarrassed him. It’s not working, and he’s just getting too huge!
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve made a few ultimatums, he’s just ignored them, as though my feelings count for shit. Now he’s accusing me of NOT hating his fat, but that my inner feelings are confused, and I’m lashing out at the easiest target. In all likelihood, he says, I probably LIKE him fat, or else I’d have followed through on my threats.
I don’t know what to say! Certainly I think he looks ridiculous. I don’t find him sexually attractive.
So why don’t I leave him? Simple, I do love him! He’s smart, he’s creative, he can be funny. In many ways he’s a counterpoint to me. We don’t agree on a lot of things, but we know where we stand, and we feel more complete having each other’s influence in our lives. I don’t want to be with someone just like me.
I want the opposite. Is that the problem?
Do I see more and more of myself in Ian? Do I feel threatened that I’m not the fat one anymore? (Well, I still outweigh the guy by 100 pounds… but he’s still huge by just about any standard)
Maybe Ian really is losing what made him special to me, and the fat is just the easiest way to spot it.
Or maybe I’m a perfectionist, and I feel that I can still get the ‘perfect Ian’ back.
I don’t know, and this accusation, that I love his fat… I don’t like it, but I don’t know what else to do.
I just want him back to the way he was so badly. I love him, but I don’t know how much longer I can ‘put up’ with him!
As for myself, I’m not as happy with my weight as I used to be. 450 pounds is NOT as much fun as it sounds. (lol, to most people, it probably doesn’t sound like fun at all!)
What I’d like to do is lose weight, maybe Challenge Ian… make sure that he always weighs less than me J Of course, if I can get my weight below his, then I can legitimately make fun of him!
I do admit, I rather enjoy coming up with creative fat jokes. I’m not sure Ian appreciates it, but you have to keep in mind, anything I say, reflects back on me, plus 100 pounds. If he can’t stand it, he can leave me.
If he can fit through the door.
lol
// posted by Charlotte @ 1:57:00 PM 
