Friday, July 26, 2002
It’s called a changeover
– the movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.
You’ve gotta love these moments in your life.
What you were doing is no longer what you’re going to be doing, for whatever reason.
End of a school year, finishing a painting, dumping a boyfriend, moving to a new place, getting a new job. I’ve had thousands of these changeovers in my life.
Most of the time they’re good, it means I get to do something new and exciting. This is the first time I’ve reached a point where I know I can’t keep going like I have, but I don’t know what I’m going to do next. (Well, a couple office jobs kinda sucked, but I didn’t mind leaving them!)
I don’t know for sure that my life, as it is now, is going to change, but I’m starting to feel stagnant. I could probably plan something: going back to school, taking courses, doing a new painting. But none of that really interests me now.
So what’s changed? Ian’s changing. I mean he was changing before, from a fit guy into a fat guy. It took me a while to buy into the change, but now I love that fat lug! But now he’s not gaining any more. I’m still fatter than him. So that’s got me down. I was looking forward to being smaller than someone finally.
I’d really gotten into cooking, baking, shopping; everything to feed Ian’s appetite. I hate to think of myself as serving him, but basically, I was. I was doing it because I enjoyed the entire operation, feeding him was a goal, not a requirement. Making him happy, making him full, making him gain weight, these were rewards for a job well done. I was good at it. I loved doing it. Now I can’t.
I need to find something to fill this void. I’ll probably end up just regaining weight. I noticed that I’m falling back into my old routine of eating just about everything.
Damn it was easy to lose weight with eating Ian around!
– the movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.
You’ve gotta love these moments in your life.
What you were doing is no longer what you’re going to be doing, for whatever reason.
End of a school year, finishing a painting, dumping a boyfriend, moving to a new place, getting a new job. I’ve had thousands of these changeovers in my life.
Most of the time they’re good, it means I get to do something new and exciting. This is the first time I’ve reached a point where I know I can’t keep going like I have, but I don’t know what I’m going to do next. (Well, a couple office jobs kinda sucked, but I didn’t mind leaving them!)
I don’t know for sure that my life, as it is now, is going to change, but I’m starting to feel stagnant. I could probably plan something: going back to school, taking courses, doing a new painting. But none of that really interests me now.
So what’s changed? Ian’s changing. I mean he was changing before, from a fit guy into a fat guy. It took me a while to buy into the change, but now I love that fat lug! But now he’s not gaining any more. I’m still fatter than him. So that’s got me down. I was looking forward to being smaller than someone finally.
I’d really gotten into cooking, baking, shopping; everything to feed Ian’s appetite. I hate to think of myself as serving him, but basically, I was. I was doing it because I enjoyed the entire operation, feeding him was a goal, not a requirement. Making him happy, making him full, making him gain weight, these were rewards for a job well done. I was good at it. I loved doing it. Now I can’t.
I need to find something to fill this void. I’ll probably end up just regaining weight. I noticed that I’m falling back into my old routine of eating just about everything.
Damn it was easy to lose weight with eating Ian around!
// posted by Charlotte @ 2:45:00 PM 
