MsCezanne's Odyssey

For Harry

Thanks for your comment. I do enjoy reminiscing about my weight gain. I know that seems weird to some, but then you can find someone who thinks EVERYTHING is weird. I just know there is somebody, somewhere who cringes with each and every breath he takes, his very core believing that drawing oxygen from the atmosphere is weird.

Um.

Anyway.

By far the weirdest part of gaining weight was back when I was starting out. I was learning how to cook, and I was learning to truly enjoy food. It was hard for me, I’d spent so long thinking of food as an enemy, something to be consumed to keep me going. I ate the bare minimum, and was happy with that. Up to that point, joy came from taking in art, going out with friends, having promiscuous sex. What could food possibly offer that I wasn’t getting from any of those things!?

I hate to think of myself as close minded. But what the hell was I thinking? I had never tried to enjoy food, so of course I never could. But Jeri was enjoying it so much that it got me curious. I tried different treats that she enjoyed. I tried to let the food ‘get to me’. At first it was… well weird. Just like anytime you eat a new cuisine it usually tastes odd, not bad or good. It’s not until you repeat it that you start to form a good opinion of it. I was like that with ALL food.

So, of course, it took a little time for me to really enjoy the food. It helped that when I was cooking I started seeing it as an art form, this time a coalescence of smells and flavours, instead of mixing of oil colour on canvas. With a new perspective, I really did start to enjoy eating.

Once my body was past the weirdness of spending time actually enjoying food, it began to crave it (I’ve never done anything in moderation. Why? Why not?). So very quickly I went from eating barely nothing to eating virtually everything. I wanted new tastes, new sensations, and I also wanted to repeatedly enjoy the ‘old’ tastes that I loved. It takes a lot of eating to get all that in.

What happens to a metabolism that is used to hoarding each precious calorie when it is suddenly inundated with vast amounts of food? It stores it as long missing fat! As my appetite grew, so did I.

That was weird. I’d never, ever been ‘fat’. I’d never been chubby, soft, voluptuous, anything. And within a few months, I was indeed starting to soften up. My clothes didn’t fit. My clothes had never not fit since I stopped growing!

At this point I was intellectually mortified. I was getting fat! I’d always hated fat people (obviously not any more), and to become fat!? Except, deep inside, I didn’t care. It was weird to have two parts of me with different feelings. Once I realised I didn’t care, then it was no big deal. And it was easy to not care. Jeri had gotten fat. And she looked GOOD fat. So, why wouldn’t I?

This was the turning point. This is when in my life I decided to try being fat. At that point ‘fat’ was 200 pounds. I figured that I’d gain 90 pounds and be HUGE, and then probably lose weight after that.

Seemed like a lot of weight at the time!