Monday, November 10, 2003
Ruminations on Losing 100 Pounds
Losing weight is turning out to be just as fascinating a process as gaining weight was. It’s certainly very different, and to be honest, I had a lot more fun gaining weight than I am losing weight, but in terms of the isolated events of weight gain/loss, they’re equally interesting.
When I was gaining weight, there was the issue of changing balance, I had to adjust how I walked to accommodate my changing centre of gravity, the way my legs rubbed together, and the length of my stride to carry weight from foot to foot.
Now that I’ve lost over 100 pounds, I’ve noticed that the same issues are at play again. My centre of gravity is changing, my legs don’t rub as much together, and I find that my leg muscles are used to carrying more weight, so my stride is ‘off’. I’m not sure how, I guess my body is used to waddling, when in fact I don’t really need to any more.
Another fact of getting fatter is that my clothes would get tight every couple of months, and I’d have to go out and buy new ones. I rather enjoyed that feeling of accomplishment, and enjoyed an excuse to buy new clothes.
Now, my clothes are getting looser, and I’ll just notice that they look ‘wrong’ on me, or feel like they’re about to come off. It’s not nearly as much fun to go digging into boxes of old clothes as it was to buy new stuff. On the other hand, it’s nice to get a little life out of outfits that I really was sad to outgrow. It’s also interesting to remember how something fit before, and notice it fits differently now. I guess weight goes on and comes off of different places. Or else I just misremember how I used to be.
Then of course there is the issue of where my fat ass can physically fit! I remember the day that sitting down at McDonald’s physically hurt. I always thought it was funny that I was too fat for a fast food restaurant! Other places grew too small: seats on the subway, seats at certain movie theatres. I learned to avoid chairs with armrests in general.
Then, just as I get used to the massive amount of space I required, I started losing weight, now I can breeze through openings that my mind labels as ‘too small’! Sometimes I don’t even notice, like at work I’ll squeeze down an aisle and not have my thighs bump into things that I suddenly remembered I have to worry about knocking over. It’s weird. It’s a little like growing up: just like I could reach things I forgot I ‘couldn’t reach’, I can now go into places that I forgot I ‘couldn’t fit into’. It’s quite an extraordinary feeling, and very tough to describe if you haven’t had it.
Now, of course this does NOT mean I prefer losing weight to gaining weight (or remaining at the same weight). It just means that there is as much to experience on the way down as I found on the way up.
There certainly are benefits to losing weight: I find I have more energy. I can just ‘go longer’ now. But that could easily be because I’m exercising much more now. I can also buy a much larger range of clothes. I’m into sizes that have more variety again. There is the afore mentioned being able to fit into places. Except there’s still not many places I fit… yet.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still huge! There is still a limited selection of clothes, few places I can really fit into, and I’m not about to run a marathon.
And also, while I find losing weight to be fascinating, I did enjoy gaining weight more. For one thing, I love to cook and eat! Since I’m eating much less, I’m doing less of something I love to do. Of course, with Ian here, I still cook tonnes, and to be honest, without Ian, I’d probably still be 460, probably more by now!
I didn’t mind getting bigger, all the changes one way I loved just as much the other way. I actually relished getting ‘too big for society’. I’ve always liked to see myself as a bit of an outsider… and in a society that links obesity with McDonald’s, there is a perverse pleasure to be had in being too big for a place known for it’s fat! I just like falling outside of society’s norms.
Losing weight is turning out to be just as fascinating a process as gaining weight was. It’s certainly very different, and to be honest, I had a lot more fun gaining weight than I am losing weight, but in terms of the isolated events of weight gain/loss, they’re equally interesting.
When I was gaining weight, there was the issue of changing balance, I had to adjust how I walked to accommodate my changing centre of gravity, the way my legs rubbed together, and the length of my stride to carry weight from foot to foot.
Now that I’ve lost over 100 pounds, I’ve noticed that the same issues are at play again. My centre of gravity is changing, my legs don’t rub as much together, and I find that my leg muscles are used to carrying more weight, so my stride is ‘off’. I’m not sure how, I guess my body is used to waddling, when in fact I don’t really need to any more.
Another fact of getting fatter is that my clothes would get tight every couple of months, and I’d have to go out and buy new ones. I rather enjoyed that feeling of accomplishment, and enjoyed an excuse to buy new clothes.
Now, my clothes are getting looser, and I’ll just notice that they look ‘wrong’ on me, or feel like they’re about to come off. It’s not nearly as much fun to go digging into boxes of old clothes as it was to buy new stuff. On the other hand, it’s nice to get a little life out of outfits that I really was sad to outgrow. It’s also interesting to remember how something fit before, and notice it fits differently now. I guess weight goes on and comes off of different places. Or else I just misremember how I used to be.
Then of course there is the issue of where my fat ass can physically fit! I remember the day that sitting down at McDonald’s physically hurt. I always thought it was funny that I was too fat for a fast food restaurant! Other places grew too small: seats on the subway, seats at certain movie theatres. I learned to avoid chairs with armrests in general.
Then, just as I get used to the massive amount of space I required, I started losing weight, now I can breeze through openings that my mind labels as ‘too small’! Sometimes I don’t even notice, like at work I’ll squeeze down an aisle and not have my thighs bump into things that I suddenly remembered I have to worry about knocking over. It’s weird. It’s a little like growing up: just like I could reach things I forgot I ‘couldn’t reach’, I can now go into places that I forgot I ‘couldn’t fit into’. It’s quite an extraordinary feeling, and very tough to describe if you haven’t had it.
Now, of course this does NOT mean I prefer losing weight to gaining weight (or remaining at the same weight). It just means that there is as much to experience on the way down as I found on the way up.
There certainly are benefits to losing weight: I find I have more energy. I can just ‘go longer’ now. But that could easily be because I’m exercising much more now. I can also buy a much larger range of clothes. I’m into sizes that have more variety again. There is the afore mentioned being able to fit into places. Except there’s still not many places I fit… yet.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still huge! There is still a limited selection of clothes, few places I can really fit into, and I’m not about to run a marathon.
And also, while I find losing weight to be fascinating, I did enjoy gaining weight more. For one thing, I love to cook and eat! Since I’m eating much less, I’m doing less of something I love to do. Of course, with Ian here, I still cook tonnes, and to be honest, without Ian, I’d probably still be 460, probably more by now!
I didn’t mind getting bigger, all the changes one way I loved just as much the other way. I actually relished getting ‘too big for society’. I’ve always liked to see myself as a bit of an outsider… and in a society that links obesity with McDonald’s, there is a perverse pleasure to be had in being too big for a place known for it’s fat! I just like falling outside of society’s norms.
// posted by Charlotte @ 3:03:00 PM 
