Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Ian’s expansion continues unabated
517 pounds!
I never would have guessed that I would love someone so large in all my life. Even when Ian proclaimed his choice to gain, I never expected him to become this big.
But, his appetite continues to grow. It’s a lot of fun pushing him to new limits week in and week out. It’s not like he eats all that much more, but it all adds up over time. Mostly in his gut.
It is amazing how people change over the course of their lives. I remember finding the idea of gaining weight to be reprehensible. I clearly remember thinking how disgusting it would be to date a fat man. I even remember fighting with Ian about his weight, how our relationship teetered and hinged on the subject.
But I changed. The world changed, and I grew to love it all that much more. I’m so much happier now than I’d ever have imagined. Is it because Ian is fat? It’s impossible for me to objectively say. I’m completely infatuated with every aspect about him. I’m giddy just thinking about kneading that mass of flesh tonight. I’m excited about the prospect of cooking him dinner. I can’t underscore how much I’m looking forward to watching him sit down and snack.
How can such a superficial thing make me so happy?
Who knows?
Who cares?
Of course, Ian’s weight ISN’T superficial. Anyone who has been fat knows full well it’s not simply a matter of how you look. Well, sure, when you gain 10 pounds in high school and scream about how fat you are… I guess that is a matter of how you look. But once you’re clinically obese, it changes everything. Being fat is an integral part of Ian’s life now, it affects everything.
And since my life is utterly blended with Ian’s, it means Ian’s being fat is an integral part of my life. That’s not superficial.
Of course, I do like the superficial parts. I love watching him sleep. I love watching him get out of bed, I love watching him waddle to the shower, I love watching him shower, I love watching him dry off, I love watching him get dressed, I love watching him eat breakfast, sit and watch tv, squeeze into his car, drive down a bumpy road. Everything. There is not a moment in life where I don’t love to see his body in motion or in rest. Of course, just breathing keeps his body in motion.
My imagination is no longer boggled by his sheer size. In fact, my imagination has looked forward to Ian at 600, 700, perhaps even 1000 pounds. In my mind, I’ve seen Ian expand to fill our bed. I’ve envisioned him being a large mass of fat, with his arms, legs and head just poking out from within the soft folds of flesh.
It’s not possible for Ian to be too fat for me to love him.
Although 517 works just fine for me right now.
I never would have guessed that I would love someone so large in all my life. Even when Ian proclaimed his choice to gain, I never expected him to become this big.
But, his appetite continues to grow. It’s a lot of fun pushing him to new limits week in and week out. It’s not like he eats all that much more, but it all adds up over time. Mostly in his gut.
It is amazing how people change over the course of their lives. I remember finding the idea of gaining weight to be reprehensible. I clearly remember thinking how disgusting it would be to date a fat man. I even remember fighting with Ian about his weight, how our relationship teetered and hinged on the subject.
But I changed. The world changed, and I grew to love it all that much more. I’m so much happier now than I’d ever have imagined. Is it because Ian is fat? It’s impossible for me to objectively say. I’m completely infatuated with every aspect about him. I’m giddy just thinking about kneading that mass of flesh tonight. I’m excited about the prospect of cooking him dinner. I can’t underscore how much I’m looking forward to watching him sit down and snack.
How can such a superficial thing make me so happy?
Who knows?
Who cares?
Of course, Ian’s weight ISN’T superficial. Anyone who has been fat knows full well it’s not simply a matter of how you look. Well, sure, when you gain 10 pounds in high school and scream about how fat you are… I guess that is a matter of how you look. But once you’re clinically obese, it changes everything. Being fat is an integral part of Ian’s life now, it affects everything.
And since my life is utterly blended with Ian’s, it means Ian’s being fat is an integral part of my life. That’s not superficial.
Of course, I do like the superficial parts. I love watching him sleep. I love watching him get out of bed, I love watching him waddle to the shower, I love watching him shower, I love watching him dry off, I love watching him get dressed, I love watching him eat breakfast, sit and watch tv, squeeze into his car, drive down a bumpy road. Everything. There is not a moment in life where I don’t love to see his body in motion or in rest. Of course, just breathing keeps his body in motion.
My imagination is no longer boggled by his sheer size. In fact, my imagination has looked forward to Ian at 600, 700, perhaps even 1000 pounds. In my mind, I’ve seen Ian expand to fill our bed. I’ve envisioned him being a large mass of fat, with his arms, legs and head just poking out from within the soft folds of flesh.
It’s not possible for Ian to be too fat for me to love him.
Although 517 works just fine for me right now.
// posted by Charlotte @ 3:50:00 PM 
