Thursday, October 14, 2004
Happiness
Ever wonder what it means to be happy?
Is it possible for everything to come together, and have a perfect life?
Or do you really have to just look on the bright side of life, and just put up with the bits that you’re not happy with?
Is happiness a relentless pursuit, where the journey is the part to enjoy? Is there a finish line? Is it the same for everyone? Are ‘happy’ people the ones who gave up and are deluding themselves?
Is it reasonable for something that makes you happy to fade?
Is it even possible to know what goals will truly make you happy? What happens if you ignore the wrong ones?
Is this going somewhere?
Yes.
I think I’m happy. I’m deeply in love with Ian, and I’m completely infatuated with him. I look forward to the time we spend together, and I lament the time spent apart.
But it was never a goal of mine to marry a very fat man. It was never a goal of mine to learn to cook, to work at a small art store, or to live in a city like London. London’s nice… but it’s just not what I’m looking for.
So I’m happy, but could be happier.
One thing I’d LOVE to be doing is having a baby. We’re trying, but nothing yet.
And, as much as I love work, I’d like to move on to a real gallery.
Also, I think I’d like to spend more time with my family. For some reason… I suddenly feel disconnected from them.
I must admit, I’m a little surprised how I feel about my body right now. I’m 261 pounds, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be 261 pounds. On my way up, it was never a goal. And on my way down, I only wanted to get to 280. Even when I went past 280, I was hoping to regain. I’ve lost more wiggle than I’d like.
But at the same time, I’m really liking my body now. I’m still ‘fat’ by most people’s point of view. Of course, I don’t feel fat from my own point of view. I like how my body moves, how it feels. Ian says I look sleek, and in saying it, it’s true! I FEEL sleek. It’s funny, because, again, there are few people who would consider a 260 pound woman to be sleek, but, hell, it’s what I feel.
My life is the most… undisturbed it has been in a long time. It’s time to stir the pot, see what happens.
Is it possible for everything to come together, and have a perfect life?
Or do you really have to just look on the bright side of life, and just put up with the bits that you’re not happy with?
Is happiness a relentless pursuit, where the journey is the part to enjoy? Is there a finish line? Is it the same for everyone? Are ‘happy’ people the ones who gave up and are deluding themselves?
Is it reasonable for something that makes you happy to fade?
Is it even possible to know what goals will truly make you happy? What happens if you ignore the wrong ones?
Is this going somewhere?
Yes.
I think I’m happy. I’m deeply in love with Ian, and I’m completely infatuated with him. I look forward to the time we spend together, and I lament the time spent apart.
But it was never a goal of mine to marry a very fat man. It was never a goal of mine to learn to cook, to work at a small art store, or to live in a city like London. London’s nice… but it’s just not what I’m looking for.
So I’m happy, but could be happier.
One thing I’d LOVE to be doing is having a baby. We’re trying, but nothing yet.
And, as much as I love work, I’d like to move on to a real gallery.
Also, I think I’d like to spend more time with my family. For some reason… I suddenly feel disconnected from them.
I must admit, I’m a little surprised how I feel about my body right now. I’m 261 pounds, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to be 261 pounds. On my way up, it was never a goal. And on my way down, I only wanted to get to 280. Even when I went past 280, I was hoping to regain. I’ve lost more wiggle than I’d like.
But at the same time, I’m really liking my body now. I’m still ‘fat’ by most people’s point of view. Of course, I don’t feel fat from my own point of view. I like how my body moves, how it feels. Ian says I look sleek, and in saying it, it’s true! I FEEL sleek. It’s funny, because, again, there are few people who would consider a 260 pound woman to be sleek, but, hell, it’s what I feel.
My life is the most… undisturbed it has been in a long time. It’s time to stir the pot, see what happens.
// posted by Charlotte @ 11:15:00 AM 
Comments:
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"Is happiness a relentless pursuit, where the journey is the part to enjoy? Is there a finish line?"
You talk a lot about goals and plans; sometimes it sounds as if you thought life was a checklist, and happiness was if you had checked off enough items... and more, it seems you are suprised that you haven't met 'enough' and are fairly happy anyway.
I'm a bit older than you, and I've found that as I learn more about life and about myself that a lot of my goals change; old ones don't seem as important, some I've given up on, the most important I came close to reaching and decided it wasn't what I wanted after all, and new goals (my kids!) that I never even considered are now the most important in my life.
Maybe some lives run like an arrow to a destination; mine has wandered all over the place, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless.
John
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You talk a lot about goals and plans; sometimes it sounds as if you thought life was a checklist, and happiness was if you had checked off enough items... and more, it seems you are suprised that you haven't met 'enough' and are fairly happy anyway.
I'm a bit older than you, and I've found that as I learn more about life and about myself that a lot of my goals change; old ones don't seem as important, some I've given up on, the most important I came close to reaching and decided it wasn't what I wanted after all, and new goals (my kids!) that I never even considered are now the most important in my life.
Maybe some lives run like an arrow to a destination; mine has wandered all over the place, but I'm enjoying it nonetheless.
John
# posted by 
: 2:25 PM
: 2:25 PM << Home
