MsCezanne's Odyssey

Sure, there are the sacrifices in time, sleep and flexibility. There's the radical changes to my own physiology, affecting me physically, mentally and emotionally. There's the changes in the relationship dynamics between me and Ian.

I'm used to those. I was expecting those.

I wasn't expecting the changes in my relationship with everyone else. I'm no longer a daughter, a sister or a friend. Now I'm the transportation device for a cute bundle of joy. I'm an information station on how delivery went, how Paul is handling everything, what things have changed. I feel like I need to bring pamphlets "Delivery was fine, labour was 8 hours. Paul's sleeping well, feeding well etc."

On the other hand, there are plenty of people willing to keep an eye on him, so I can actually be someone besides mom for a while!

Over the holidays I got to see my friends gain. Jen, Tasha and Jeri's friend Angela are ALL pregnant now! Next year, Amy will be the only one without a kid. When life changes, it changes fast. It was funny, all of us hanging out, the preggos were eating, Amy, Ian and Jeri were eating. I was eating (it's amasing, since I'm breastfeeding, I think I'm even hungrier than when I was preggo!). The guys talked hockey, the girls talked hormones, and the food bill really added up.

I got to make dinner for my family, which was a lot of fun. My mom was more than happy to keep an eye on Paul while I ran the kitchen solo. It wasn't as elaborate a dinner as Thanksgiving this year (it normally is) but since it was a little crazier this time, everyone was very happy with the results.

Speaking of crazy, Paul got so many clothes and blankets and toys that Ian commented that we won't have to buy him anything for years. I can live with that.

Ian got me some upgraded jewellery. It's stuff that fits a little tighter so Paul has less to grab at when I'm wearing it. It's very nice, and Paul's already noticed it.

Ian had his weigh in yesterday, and he's up to 590 pounds. It's pretty good when you consider that he's been busy, and even though the holidays are famous for weight gain, it's actually tough for Ian to get enough to eat because of all the visiting! So I consider that extra pound to be a Christmas Miracle.

He's handling the weight well too. He seems like he's lazy and immobile, but once he's on a mission, he's got a surprising amount of energy, and gets around well enough. He's still helping out with chores and errands around the house. He's doing a better job than I would be!

I'm at a bit of cross roads with my weight. It's not a secret that I'd like to be 280 pounds. It's not a secret that I'm considerably bigger than 280 pounds. It's also tough to hide my appetite: as I said earlier, breastfeeding really bumped up my appetite. (It *IS* a secret how big I am though. Not even Ian knows.)

The conundrum is, even though I want to be 280, I'm enjoying myself right now. I'm enjoying the extra weight, I'm enjoying the extra food. My head and my heart are in disagreement, and I'm not sure my head has ever won out over my heart.

We'll see what happens when my hormones start turning back to normal.