Monday, February 06, 2006
How much do I weigh? HAPPY BIRHTDAY IAN!
Well, the cat's out of the bag, so to speak. For Ian's birthday I told him how much I weigh. I know, that sounds like a goofy birthday present, but it's not all he got, and it's something he enjoyed immensely.
In some ways, it's nice to get that off my chest. I've been bottling it up and, well, we all know how good an idea it is to bottle up your emotions, especially for someone like me! I know it sounds silly, but I wasn't happy with myself: I'd aimed to be 280 pounds, so being bigger than 280 was a sort of failure. Keeping it to myself was essentially denial, I'd rather have a private failure than a public one!
So if I'm not 280 at present, how fat am I? I've been implying that I'm around 320. That's not true. In fact, I was 371 pounds the day Paul was born. On Ian's birthday, just 78 days later, I was 373 pounds.
I'd like to say this was a shock, but it wasn't. I've been weight myself quite often when Ian's not around. I really am of two about the whole thing. At one level, I really want to be back at a sleek 280 pounds. It really felt right for me. But, I'm eating tonnes, and, I'm loving it! There really is a fat girl trying to get out. As much as I want to be 280 pounds, I also want to be 500 pounds.
Ian and I have been discussing our future various future weights, though we haven't really concluded anything yet. In the near term, I'm going to get back to 280, and Ian will aim for 500. Ian figures 300 pounds is his ultimate goal, but since that's still a while away, 500 is a decent interim goal.
Before Ian heads for 500 pounds though, we've got to get him to 600! Another part of his birthday present has been to push him as far as I can. From when he got home Wednesday night until falling asleep Sunday night, I stuffed him as full as I possibly could. Form cooking his favourites to ordering in to keeping his snack supply full and handy, he's never eaten more over 4 days than he just did.
Even though I was keeping him too full to movie, I did get him up a few times. He's got the sexiest waddle ever right now, especially when he's full, and I just couldn't help myself. His weight has shifted nicely, giving him great curves, and an interesting centre of gravity. Throw in the ginger movement of a full belly and he's just PERFECT.
Friday night he was actually too full to come to bed! He's never actually done that before. He normally gets into bed when he can finally move again. I did miss him that night, but it was also nice to have some room in bed for once. On Sunday Paul and I cuddled in bed for a little bit while Ian did whatever.
In some ways, it's nice to get that off my chest. I've been bottling it up and, well, we all know how good an idea it is to bottle up your emotions, especially for someone like me! I know it sounds silly, but I wasn't happy with myself: I'd aimed to be 280 pounds, so being bigger than 280 was a sort of failure. Keeping it to myself was essentially denial, I'd rather have a private failure than a public one!
So if I'm not 280 at present, how fat am I? I've been implying that I'm around 320. That's not true. In fact, I was 371 pounds the day Paul was born. On Ian's birthday, just 78 days later, I was 373 pounds.
I'd like to say this was a shock, but it wasn't. I've been weight myself quite often when Ian's not around. I really am of two about the whole thing. At one level, I really want to be back at a sleek 280 pounds. It really felt right for me. But, I'm eating tonnes, and, I'm loving it! There really is a fat girl trying to get out. As much as I want to be 280 pounds, I also want to be 500 pounds.
Ian and I have been discussing our future various future weights, though we haven't really concluded anything yet. In the near term, I'm going to get back to 280, and Ian will aim for 500. Ian figures 300 pounds is his ultimate goal, but since that's still a while away, 500 is a decent interim goal.
Before Ian heads for 500 pounds though, we've got to get him to 600! Another part of his birthday present has been to push him as far as I can. From when he got home Wednesday night until falling asleep Sunday night, I stuffed him as full as I possibly could. Form cooking his favourites to ordering in to keeping his snack supply full and handy, he's never eaten more over 4 days than he just did.
Even though I was keeping him too full to movie, I did get him up a few times. He's got the sexiest waddle ever right now, especially when he's full, and I just couldn't help myself. His weight has shifted nicely, giving him great curves, and an interesting centre of gravity. Throw in the ginger movement of a full belly and he's just PERFECT.
Friday night he was actually too full to come to bed! He's never actually done that before. He normally gets into bed when he can finally move again. I did miss him that night, but it was also nice to have some room in bed for once. On Sunday Paul and I cuddled in bed for a little bit while Ian did whatever.
// posted by Charlotte @ 7:53:00 PM 
