MsCezanne's Odyssey

Last night Amy made her last blog post. While she's not leaving quite yet, she is leaving, and it is a big deal to me. I've been friends with Amy for 17 years, and while her presence in my life has come and gone, I'd have to say she's been one of the most important people in my life, and I'm going to miss her a lot.

I first met her in grade 9. We were in the same gym class, and we formed a clique with three other girls, the five of us were friends throughout high school, with all the normal things that come in that form of relationship, fights over friends and clothes, going to the right parties, not talking to each other for a week and being best friends the next. When high school was done the five of us went our own ways, and while we made the effort to keep in touch, we really did drift apart.

Then Amy managed to get in touch with me, her roommate from university was looking for someone to work at her gallery, and Amy knew that's something I'd always wanted to do. She called me, and asked if I was still interested! Since I was still working at the dealership, I jumped at that chance. I went to London, interviewed for the job and I got it! The irony of the situation was that I was actually replacing Thomas at the job because he'd moved to England. It wasn't until he came back that they hooked up.

Anyway, with a new job in a new city, Amy offered to let me live with her while I got to know the city a little better. She'd just broken up with her boyfriend, and the apartment was feeling a little empty. It was a great chance to get to know each other again, and learn what had changed since high school. Of course, a lot had changed! The biggest change was, of course, me. In high school I was 110 pounds soaking wet, and was now over 400 pounds and a complete food addict. Nor was she the taught volleyball player I'd been friends with either. I do admit that I very much wanted her to learn to enjoy her food and her weight, and even though she asked if I was trying to fatten her up, I lied and said I wasn't. I was. I loved having someone to eat with, to be fat with, and since Amy was already kinda fat, I loved cooking for her, tempting her, and seeing how much she would eat without realising how much she was eating.

She still didn't like being fat, not until Thomas came back. Then it was too easy. He taught her to enjoy her fat like I couldn't, and suddenly I couldn't keep up with her. I was so proud of her, so happy for her! I really enjoyed the formative gaining, accepting the gain, exploring my appetite, just pushing the limits, and getting to relive it through her was great!

Then I moved to Ottawa for a 'better' job. Turned out the job wasn't better at all, so I moved back to London. The new job in London isn't great either, but London was home to me. It's where Ian still was, of course, but it also was where Amy was. She had become my best friend, and I wanted to be close to her if I could be.

I'm so glad I did, seeing her continue to gain, to grow, to love herself has been awesome. She's pushed herself past anything I could do myself. I never ever expected her to get as big as I had, and I certainly didn't think she had it in her to get as big as she has now! Where I admired her, I now envy her. I wish I could have the body she has, I wish I had the courage to push myself like she has. I'm also proud, because I know that she wouldn't have had the courage without me. I can't take total credit for her weight, but I do know that I helped set her course.

So, I am going to miss her. I'm going to miss her as a friend, we get along so well. I'm going to miss her as a sister, she really has been there when I needed her, and I've been there for her. These last few years have been far better than the 5 years of high school! I don't know if there's a much stronger bond than being fat and gaining together, I really don't.

I also admit I'm going to miss seeing her continue developing. I know she's going to reach 500 pounds, and she's going to do it soon, and I'm going to miss it. She's going to get bigger, and I'm going to miss it. I won't be able to watch her navigate a door frame, wonder if she'll be able to get off the couch, or see if that third pizza is the end of dinner, or just the end of the first course. Watching her grow has been as exciting as watching Paul grow!

Finally, I know we'll grow apart, distance does that. We'll try to remain friends, and I think we will. Like I said, our bond is stronger than most. She knows what she means to me. I know what I mean to her. We both know that if she didn't take this job, it would be same as me not taking the job that brought me to London in the first place, and neither of us want that. She will be happy. She will continue to grow, and we will continue to be friends. But, it just won't be the same, and I'll miss her.