MsCezanne's Odyssey

Hardly an original sentiment, but for those of us who celebrate Christmas, it is, it really is. There are so many different aspects to Christmas, so many different interpretations, so many things happen that you're bound to love one or two of them. We're certainly in a culture where giving/receiving gifts has become the best part. I won't argue against that, I've always loved it, and I don't care if it makes me look shallow, lying about it is worse. There's getting to see your family, which is a bigger deal when you live out of town, and an even bigger deal when you have kids. I love Paul, but knowing that my mom has him while I'm doing whatever is just an awesome feeling of freedom. You get to see friends, you get to decorate (a lot of people are very bad at it, but if they enjoy it, I can see the beauty in it), and of course you get to EAT!

This year was probably my most perfect Christmas of all. Giving/receiving was probably the least interesting part of the whole thing (and it was still fantastic. I love sparklies, and I love seeing Paul become enamoured with every new thing put under his nose). Like I said, it was nice being with family, I appreciate it all so much more now... to anyone who is ambivalent about family, have kids, you'll get it. And I loved the food. This is my fattest Christmas ever, and boy did I let go and eat! Cookies, chocolates, candy canes, coffee cakes, turkeys, hams, potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberries, vegetables of all kinds, pies of all kinds. The surprise isn't that I gained 3 pounds, the surprise is that I ONLY gained three pounds. I could have eaten so much more, I wish I had, but I was enjoying my time with family and friends.

I thought the holidays would be a little tough for Ian, this is his first Christmas on his diet, we were going to be out of town, so hitting the gym wasn't an option either. He did gain 3 pounds as well, but he's been fine with it. I think he'll get back into his routine now that we're back home, but we'll know later. He did enjoy 'letting loose' for a week though, and I enjoyed eating along with him, it's been far too long! Everywhere we went though, everyone noticed how much weight he's lost. He really was enjoying that, and he should, he's worked very hard, and it's nice to get some recognition for it. Many of these same people also said that I was 'looking good as well'. I know they didn't mean it, for the most part, but I don't mind, I enjoyed their reactions too.

Speaking of eating with someone after far too long, we got to see Amy and Thomas for a little bit. I was so sure Amy was going to be my size, but she's not. Not even close, she's bigger than ever, bigger than Ian, I'm sure. I know that time and memory can play tricks, but when she says she's 470 pounds, and I'm 467 pounds, we should be about the same size, and we're not. I'm SURE she's bigger than the 494 that I saw her at in September, though she insists otherwise. Now, she does look a lot different, she's got a sparkle in her eye, a joy in her smile, and a lot of energy in her step. She is certainly a happier woman than she was in September, so I guess that makes her feel slimmer? Ian's got more energy than I do, so even though he's bigger than me, he seems slimmer, maybe she's got the same thing going on. I don't know, I just can't wait to hear what she weighs in at on New Year's eve.

We did get to sit down and eat together for a few hours. It wasn't nearly enough.

I also got to see Jeri and Amanda (and James, lol). Everytime I see them, I miss them so much. Amanda's growing up, she's not a baby, I mean, of course she's not a baby, but last time I saw her, I swear, she was just a little girl. Not now! She's growing up, she does so much, she's so bright, she knows so much, I hate that I missed that. I'd spend every day with her if I could. I can't wait to have my own little girl, I want her to be as special as Amanda (nothing against Paul, I love him like anything, but he's not a girl, lol.) I don't really know her any more, and she doesn't really know me. She knows who I am, she knows that I'm special, but there's just not the connection that we used to have, and I miss that. Over the years, it'll keep changing.

Seeing Jeri was fun too. We've grown apart, that makes me a little sad, but having Paul gives us something else to bond over, so we talked plenty about that too. We also ate plenty, just like the old days. In fact, Jeri's gained a lot of weight this past year, so it's a lot like old times! Except I'm the fatter one now, lol. She doesn't mind that at all, and I don't mind one bit either. Back when I was first gaining, I never even dreamed I would become this big, and now I dream of nothing but becoming bigger.

I really have been surprised by this year, acknowledging that, yes, I did want to gain. Helping Ian turn around his lifestyle to lose nearly 100 pounds after working so hard to help him gain them. Last Christmas I was a dainty 360 pounds, he was a monolithic 590, and I never thought that our roles would reverse so dramatically, much less that I would be loving it more now than I was then. I can hardly wait to see what next year holds!