Monday, February 12, 2007
Dearest Stephanie
Dearest Stephanie,
I'm 5'11" tall and 32 years old.
I understand and appreciate your concern, and quite frankly applaud your courage to actually attach your name. You'd be surprised how many people feel the need to criticize me, but only behind a cowardly wall of anonymity.
The fact is there is more to life than living the longest one possible. Yes, living a long and healthy life is a good thing, and I can understand why a great many people aspire to that. If I happen to have a long and healthy life, I will not be disappointed by that result.
However, my goal isn't to just get by, to coast along. That's not who I am. Getting to be 500 pounds hasn't exactly been a life long goal of mine, but it has become a goal as of late, and if I don't do it, I will live with regret for the rest of my life. Regret is an awful thing to live with, and I will not trade my happiness for an extended period of regret.
The thrill of food, the joy of weight gain is very alien in our culture. I can't pretend to explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it. Until I chose to open myself to it, it seemed pretty ugly to me too. Food is art, it can be enjoyed on so many levels, and putting together an exquisite meal really is a pleasure equalled only by appreciating it. Weight gain (and to be fair weight loss) changes your body in new and exciting ways. Where's the fun in waking up every morning with the exact same body you had last week, last month, or for the last 20 years? There's no sense of discovery, nothing new to experience, and you must rely on the outside world for stimulation and, trust me, the outside world can be a bit of a bummer from time to time.
The other analysis is much simpler: the world is full of people who do 'stupid things'. I doubt you're posting in the blogs of people who smoke, who drink, who drive without a seatbelt, who skydive, who climb mountains, who choose to wage war on their fellow man. Their activity is every bit as risky as mine. Many of them are fully aware of the risks, but choose to enjoy themselves and in some cases, embrace their death defying accomplishments. There is room in the world for them. There is room in the world for me (no matter how obese I become). There is room in the world for those who would make themselves feel better by warning us we're going to die.
So Stephanie, I hope you do have vices in your life that bring you joy. I hope you understand that, yes, I know what I'm doing isn't normal, yes, I know what I'm doing might be dangerous and, yes, I truly enjoy it.
Feel free to email me at any time if you'd like to discuss it further: charmcd@gmail.com Or post away with your concerns, you're welcome here. Maybe you'll win me over!
And to anyone who might disagree with Stephanie, she didn't post out of a mean spirit, I hope you can understand that it's good to have caring people in the world who are willing to be unpopular to get their point across.
I'm 5'11" tall and 32 years old.
I understand and appreciate your concern, and quite frankly applaud your courage to actually attach your name. You'd be surprised how many people feel the need to criticize me, but only behind a cowardly wall of anonymity.
The fact is there is more to life than living the longest one possible. Yes, living a long and healthy life is a good thing, and I can understand why a great many people aspire to that. If I happen to have a long and healthy life, I will not be disappointed by that result.
However, my goal isn't to just get by, to coast along. That's not who I am. Getting to be 500 pounds hasn't exactly been a life long goal of mine, but it has become a goal as of late, and if I don't do it, I will live with regret for the rest of my life. Regret is an awful thing to live with, and I will not trade my happiness for an extended period of regret.
The thrill of food, the joy of weight gain is very alien in our culture. I can't pretend to explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it. Until I chose to open myself to it, it seemed pretty ugly to me too. Food is art, it can be enjoyed on so many levels, and putting together an exquisite meal really is a pleasure equalled only by appreciating it. Weight gain (and to be fair weight loss) changes your body in new and exciting ways. Where's the fun in waking up every morning with the exact same body you had last week, last month, or for the last 20 years? There's no sense of discovery, nothing new to experience, and you must rely on the outside world for stimulation and, trust me, the outside world can be a bit of a bummer from time to time.
The other analysis is much simpler: the world is full of people who do 'stupid things'. I doubt you're posting in the blogs of people who smoke, who drink, who drive without a seatbelt, who skydive, who climb mountains, who choose to wage war on their fellow man. Their activity is every bit as risky as mine. Many of them are fully aware of the risks, but choose to enjoy themselves and in some cases, embrace their death defying accomplishments. There is room in the world for them. There is room in the world for me (no matter how obese I become). There is room in the world for those who would make themselves feel better by warning us we're going to die.
So Stephanie, I hope you do have vices in your life that bring you joy. I hope you understand that, yes, I know what I'm doing isn't normal, yes, I know what I'm doing might be dangerous and, yes, I truly enjoy it.
Feel free to email me at any time if you'd like to discuss it further: charmcd@gmail.com Or post away with your concerns, you're welcome here. Maybe you'll win me over!
And to anyone who might disagree with Stephanie, she didn't post out of a mean spirit, I hope you can understand that it's good to have caring people in the world who are willing to be unpopular to get their point across.
// posted by Charlotte @ 10:17:00 AM 
Comments:
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Hi Charlotte,
I have posted before as an Anonymouse, questioning you on why you do what you do (I've never been nasty about it like some idiots who seem to think it's okay to be abusive but all the same I know I take an unpopular viewpoint among your readers).
Actually, I don't mind you knowing my name and age (Kate, 30) but, like Stephanie, I'll keep my email and website to myself. If that makes me a coward so be it, but it's not just your blog; I don't like my personal details being out there in too many places on the web.
I just wanted to say that it's not just the weight gainers. If I can across a pro-smoking blog or a pro-war blog or an anti-seat belt blog, I would probably feel compelled to respond as well. I see that analogy a lot and it's just not true that we're picking on the fat admirers!
Mountain climbing or sky diving, no; I don't think those pursuits are anywhere near as dangerous as being 500 pounds. If you have statistics to prove me wrong I'd be interested to know but very surprised.
I think you are old enough, and you seem smart enough, to make an informed decision about what to do with your body. I don't understand it as I get great joy out of having lots of energy and being active and although I enjoy good food, I don't enjoy a surfeit of it.
What I don't like is the darker side of the fat admirer community. I don't like the stories on Dimensions where the guy fantasises about feeding his wife until she is immobile; this strikes me as a form of spousal abuse and though it might start as consensual it might not end that way.
I also don't like how many young children, age 11, 12, 13, who are trying to embrace weight gain (I guess as a form of rebellion). If you look at a site like www.43things.com and search for the term 'fat', you will find many children who are trying to become obese without their parents knowing. There are people on there who take it as a mark of pride when their doctor tells them they are borderline diabetic or their cholestorol is dangerously high.
I also have to admit that, as an environmentalist, I find the excessive consumption and waste a bit offputting, but again that is individual choice. I take too many international flights so I can't lecture on that front.
I have posted before as an Anonymouse, questioning you on why you do what you do (I've never been nasty about it like some idiots who seem to think it's okay to be abusive but all the same I know I take an unpopular viewpoint among your readers).
Actually, I don't mind you knowing my name and age (Kate, 30) but, like Stephanie, I'll keep my email and website to myself. If that makes me a coward so be it, but it's not just your blog; I don't like my personal details being out there in too many places on the web.
I just wanted to say that it's not just the weight gainers. If I can across a pro-smoking blog or a pro-war blog or an anti-seat belt blog, I would probably feel compelled to respond as well. I see that analogy a lot and it's just not true that we're picking on the fat admirers!
Mountain climbing or sky diving, no; I don't think those pursuits are anywhere near as dangerous as being 500 pounds. If you have statistics to prove me wrong I'd be interested to know but very surprised.
I think you are old enough, and you seem smart enough, to make an informed decision about what to do with your body. I don't understand it as I get great joy out of having lots of energy and being active and although I enjoy good food, I don't enjoy a surfeit of it.
What I don't like is the darker side of the fat admirer community. I don't like the stories on Dimensions where the guy fantasises about feeding his wife until she is immobile; this strikes me as a form of spousal abuse and though it might start as consensual it might not end that way.
I also don't like how many young children, age 11, 12, 13, who are trying to embrace weight gain (I guess as a form of rebellion). If you look at a site like www.43things.com and search for the term 'fat', you will find many children who are trying to become obese without their parents knowing. There are people on there who take it as a mark of pride when their doctor tells them they are borderline diabetic or their cholestorol is dangerously high.
I also have to admit that, as an environmentalist, I find the excessive consumption and waste a bit offputting, but again that is individual choice. I take too many international flights so I can't lecture on that front.
# posted by 
: 2:46 PM
: 2:46 PM
I just offered her (or you, or anyone) to email me directly. I'm not going to air dirty laundry in public, I'm not going to send your email to anyone else. I understand not posting it on a blog, that's a route to getting spammed, if nothing else!
I don't have stats, however I've read that the leading causes of death from 'obesity' intersect with the leading causes of death from 'stress'. Given the criticism that many obese people endure on a daily basis, one wonders if it's the weight or the stress.
I like to think I don't suffer that stress, so we'll see what happens.
I had no idea that kids were into this. I can't say I approve of that. At the same time, I'm guessing there are other issues with their parents that I'd hope I don't have to worry about!
As for the stories, I've written some. Given the genre of popular movies these days, they're not so bad.
Just curious though... how would one compare being obese with skydiving? I suspect most skydivers only do it a few times a week at most. I'm willing to bet I spend more time obese than the most dedicated skydiver spends in the air ;-)
I don't have stats, however I've read that the leading causes of death from 'obesity' intersect with the leading causes of death from 'stress'. Given the criticism that many obese people endure on a daily basis, one wonders if it's the weight or the stress.
I like to think I don't suffer that stress, so we'll see what happens.
I had no idea that kids were into this. I can't say I approve of that. At the same time, I'm guessing there are other issues with their parents that I'd hope I don't have to worry about!
As for the stories, I've written some. Given the genre of popular movies these days, they're not so bad.
Just curious though... how would one compare being obese with skydiving? I suspect most skydivers only do it a few times a week at most. I'm willing to bet I spend more time obese than the most dedicated skydiver spends in the air ;-)
Many of you have been fooled into thinking that being obese is an instant ticket to an early death. If you bothered to look around, you'd realize that this is not really the case. Burl Ives, the folk singer that most younger people know as the animated narrator of the "Rudolph the Red-Nodes Reindeer" Christmas special, was very obese all his adult life, and he lived to 85, dying of cancer, which is not so unusual for an 85 year old, Studs Terkel, a famous author, has always been obese, and he is still alive at 94. My own grandmother weighed twice what she should have, and she lived to age 80 in an era when medical science was not nearly as good as it is now.
I'm sure Char has no intention of weighing 500 pounds for the rest of her life - she's simply exploring the feeling right now. She will probably never be skinny again, but, if she eventually gets down to a moderately obese weight, say 300 pounds, she won't probably shorten her life all that much.
The options that really shorten one's life the most involve where you live and what you do. People that live in big cities live significantly shorter lives than those that live in small towns, and miners live the shortest lives of all (even shorter than skydivers).
I'm sure Char has no intention of weighing 500 pounds for the rest of her life - she's simply exploring the feeling right now. She will probably never be skinny again, but, if she eventually gets down to a moderately obese weight, say 300 pounds, she won't probably shorten her life all that much.
The options that really shorten one's life the most involve where you live and what you do. People that live in big cities live significantly shorter lives than those that live in small towns, and miners live the shortest lives of all (even shorter than skydivers).
# posted by : 10:40 PM
: 10:40 PM
Kate, again. Thanks for the offer but I would rather do this via the public forum than email; I am quite interested in the community response at any rate. If you would rather I didn't comment, then please let me know.
I have read some of the gainer fiction and you are right, it is not all bad. But a lot of stories advocate getting someone to gain weight by deceit or force and I have to object to that. I realise it's fiction; but for many people I understand it's also inspiration for real life. I have also seen forums where people have condemned a fellow FA/feeder for letting his wife lose weight because she was developing health problems as "wimping out" when on the verge of "achieving the ultimate FA fantasy - immobility and complete domination". That is CLEARLY not the sort of relationship you have with Ian, who seems like a very nice man, but it seems to go on.
I think there is a danger of chubby girls with low self esteem getting caught up with the validation that comes from either finding a FA boyfriend or having FA guys egging her on to gain weight via chat forums and blogs. It can be very hard for them to change their mind later.
And kids. Yes, there are loads of kids into this. They may have other problems but, again, for a kid with low self esteem the validation that comes from the online gaining community must be pretty seductive.
You are quite right: a skydiver probably has a higher risk of dying for the 10 minutes or so that they are falling but since that risk disappears once they are safely back at ground level, whereas you are obese all the time, your risk is greater overall. That just proves my point!
Largebob, what on earth is 'moderately obese?' 300lb is still huge! Hell, 200lb is big! I am 154lb and technically I am a few pounds overweight (I don't obsess over this).
Of course, I don't think that obesity is a surefire death ticket, any more than smoking is, but if I read a blog about someone deliberately trying to get addicted to cigarettes and trying to smoke more and more cigarettes every day, I'd be disturbed. Wouldn't you?
I guess even more important than size is eating enough fruit and vegetables and getting enough exercise; most of the stats on the ill-health of obese people is clouded by the stats on the ill-health of sedentary people. In our culture they are usually one and the same people; but the good health of Sumo wrestlers (not retired ones) shows the folly of conflating the two. In fact, someone who is underweight and sedentary is less healthy than someone who is overweight (not obese!) and active. But I digress...
There is a difference between fat acceptance, which I think is important, and promoting it as a positive, which can be dangerous.
As Char says, it's not just about length of life, it's about quality of life. To me, quality of life means being active, spontaneous, energetic, enthusiastic and knowing I'm doing everything I can to be there for those I love. Much as it's fun to read about someone who thinks differently, quality of life to me would not involve being constantly breathless, lethargic, clumsy, finding it difficult to move, or worse, having to jab needles into myself every day or risk losing limbs. But hey, everybody's different!
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I have read some of the gainer fiction and you are right, it is not all bad. But a lot of stories advocate getting someone to gain weight by deceit or force and I have to object to that. I realise it's fiction; but for many people I understand it's also inspiration for real life. I have also seen forums where people have condemned a fellow FA/feeder for letting his wife lose weight because she was developing health problems as "wimping out" when on the verge of "achieving the ultimate FA fantasy - immobility and complete domination". That is CLEARLY not the sort of relationship you have with Ian, who seems like a very nice man, but it seems to go on.
I think there is a danger of chubby girls with low self esteem getting caught up with the validation that comes from either finding a FA boyfriend or having FA guys egging her on to gain weight via chat forums and blogs. It can be very hard for them to change their mind later.
And kids. Yes, there are loads of kids into this. They may have other problems but, again, for a kid with low self esteem the validation that comes from the online gaining community must be pretty seductive.
You are quite right: a skydiver probably has a higher risk of dying for the 10 minutes or so that they are falling but since that risk disappears once they are safely back at ground level, whereas you are obese all the time, your risk is greater overall. That just proves my point!
Largebob, what on earth is 'moderately obese?' 300lb is still huge! Hell, 200lb is big! I am 154lb and technically I am a few pounds overweight (I don't obsess over this).
Of course, I don't think that obesity is a surefire death ticket, any more than smoking is, but if I read a blog about someone deliberately trying to get addicted to cigarettes and trying to smoke more and more cigarettes every day, I'd be disturbed. Wouldn't you?
I guess even more important than size is eating enough fruit and vegetables and getting enough exercise; most of the stats on the ill-health of obese people is clouded by the stats on the ill-health of sedentary people. In our culture they are usually one and the same people; but the good health of Sumo wrestlers (not retired ones) shows the folly of conflating the two. In fact, someone who is underweight and sedentary is less healthy than someone who is overweight (not obese!) and active. But I digress...
There is a difference between fat acceptance, which I think is important, and promoting it as a positive, which can be dangerous.
As Char says, it's not just about length of life, it's about quality of life. To me, quality of life means being active, spontaneous, energetic, enthusiastic and knowing I'm doing everything I can to be there for those I love. Much as it's fun to read about someone who thinks differently, quality of life to me would not involve being constantly breathless, lethargic, clumsy, finding it difficult to move, or worse, having to jab needles into myself every day or risk losing limbs. But hey, everybody's different!
# posted by : 8:55 AM
: 8:55 AM << Home
