Monday, April 09, 2007
Impressions and Easter
Kate, you're absolutely right. Sizism exists, and it does exist in both directions. I don't mind that people like Largebob would objectify me, just as I didn't mind it when I fit a more conventional beauty standard. I don't even mind when 'narrow' minded people just see my fat and have an unpleasant reaction. It gives me a chance to surprise them if I wish, or an easy out to avoid them if I wish. In some ways, going out fat is easier than going out thin. I don't have guys all over me, which is nice in moderation, but really gets tiresome too.
These days a lot of people make a big effort to not put stock in outward appearances, and yet they do anyways. It's nice to see someone honestly say they just don't like fat people because they're fat. It doesn't make you evil, just human. Most people really are open minded enough to get past prejudices if they're given a chance, and if you choose to live outside of societal norms, you must expect that. I do, and like I have said before, I enjoy the extra aspect it brings to my life. I admit to being shallow, I'll judge someone on their appearances. It won't stop me from getting to know them.
In some ways, however, my diary really is the opposite of that. You're not looking at my body, you're reading my thoughts, in essence, you get to see what's inside, and then draw your conclusions about my physical appearance from what I've said. I absolutely love that. I love that my words count here. I love that I can stoke the imagination to the point where Largebob is drooling without seeing me, with Kate believing (if you'll excuse the hyperbole) I'm some cow that just eats all day. They don't know me, and yet they do. They've read what I write, they've formed an image of me, all without the benefit of a single prejudice!
Obviously Kate sees more to me than some cow that eats all day, otherwise she'd have moved on by now. I feel bad to pick on her, though from what I've read of her, I think she'd understand that she's a convenient foil, and there's no genuine animosity. Indeed, a couple of different choices in life and anything she writes would be something I'd write. I used to hate fat people far more savagely than Kate does. 15 years ago I'd never have had a civil discourse with a BBW, unless you count barnyard sounds as civil... So, in some ways it has taken becoming a bigger person literally to become one figuratively. Maybe I'd have matured without getting fat. Maybe not.
For Easter we went back home, of course. Holidays are a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and vice versa. It's tough to tell who's more excited about it, really. Ian and I got a chance to see friends we don't see much. Ian got to watch the hockey game with his friends, I got to hang out with Jeri and Amanda. Everyone had a great time.
I got to make dinner for Sunday night, I always love doing that. I don't get to cook nice big meals very much any more, so it's fun to have a chance. Everyone was happy, but by now it's more surprising when people don't like what I'm making. If I say so myself.
These days a lot of people make a big effort to not put stock in outward appearances, and yet they do anyways. It's nice to see someone honestly say they just don't like fat people because they're fat. It doesn't make you evil, just human. Most people really are open minded enough to get past prejudices if they're given a chance, and if you choose to live outside of societal norms, you must expect that. I do, and like I have said before, I enjoy the extra aspect it brings to my life. I admit to being shallow, I'll judge someone on their appearances. It won't stop me from getting to know them.
In some ways, however, my diary really is the opposite of that. You're not looking at my body, you're reading my thoughts, in essence, you get to see what's inside, and then draw your conclusions about my physical appearance from what I've said. I absolutely love that. I love that my words count here. I love that I can stoke the imagination to the point where Largebob is drooling without seeing me, with Kate believing (if you'll excuse the hyperbole) I'm some cow that just eats all day. They don't know me, and yet they do. They've read what I write, they've formed an image of me, all without the benefit of a single prejudice!
Obviously Kate sees more to me than some cow that eats all day, otherwise she'd have moved on by now. I feel bad to pick on her, though from what I've read of her, I think she'd understand that she's a convenient foil, and there's no genuine animosity. Indeed, a couple of different choices in life and anything she writes would be something I'd write. I used to hate fat people far more savagely than Kate does. 15 years ago I'd never have had a civil discourse with a BBW, unless you count barnyard sounds as civil... So, in some ways it has taken becoming a bigger person literally to become one figuratively. Maybe I'd have matured without getting fat. Maybe not.
For Easter we went back home, of course. Holidays are a chance for the kids to see their grandparents and vice versa. It's tough to tell who's more excited about it, really. Ian and I got a chance to see friends we don't see much. Ian got to watch the hockey game with his friends, I got to hang out with Jeri and Amanda. Everyone had a great time.
I got to make dinner for Sunday night, I always love doing that. I don't get to cook nice big meals very much any more, so it's fun to have a chance. Everyone was happy, but by now it's more surprising when people don't like what I'm making. If I say so myself.
// posted by Charlotte @ 11:20:00 AM 
Comments:
<< Home
Charlotte:
I've been following your recent foray into the shock journalism of the size words with a combination of biting my tongue and genuine amusement.
You are, as you've always been an agent provacateur, or as Reggie Jackson used to call himself when he was on the New York Yankees, the straw that stirs the drink. I've covered similar ground to yours related to the terms associated with our fat community and watched as those from different parts of the fat phobic, fat loving and fat neutral spectrum apply their special fat filtering glasses to the terms and react.
I've been amused by the ways in which people talk about the line between BBW and SSBBW for many a year and have even tossed in a historical analysis, evolutionary change in the terms and my view of the current state of the division. I think that the thing that your commenters haven't really focused on is the way in which those terms are used in practice. Generally, the terms are used either in the clothing area or the dating area. In the clothing area it divides ranges of sizes(which of course vary from manufacturer to manufacturer and from vendor to vendor). In the dating area it's a quickie shorthand to let someone have a sense of what the woman is like(sizewise) so that a fella(or gal) can determine whether it makes sense to press on and learn more.
I've known women from 100 to over 1000 pounds and some of the smaller women consider themselves much fatter than they objectively are(180 pound woman thought she was a SSBBW) and 750 pound gal only believed she was a BBW and needed to gain another 100 or more pounds until she reached SSBBW status in her mind. So, people will use the terms in whatever way they like. That's part of the problem with language, people use terms which are fuzzy at best and totally variable at worst. The person hearing the term applies his or her own definition and is then either disappointed, encouraged or totally blown away depending on how close to the other person's understanding of the term their's is.
Anyhow, I enjoy your posts immensely and am glad that you're reveling in your immensity and closeness to 500. I wonder if you'd consider adjusting your goal up so that your BMI at your top weight would be the same as Ian's at his top weight(which was clearly a bit over 600). Whadja say?
Huge
I've been following your recent foray into the shock journalism of the size words with a combination of biting my tongue and genuine amusement.
You are, as you've always been an agent provacateur, or as Reggie Jackson used to call himself when he was on the New York Yankees, the straw that stirs the drink. I've covered similar ground to yours related to the terms associated with our fat community and watched as those from different parts of the fat phobic, fat loving and fat neutral spectrum apply their special fat filtering glasses to the terms and react.
I've been amused by the ways in which people talk about the line between BBW and SSBBW for many a year and have even tossed in a historical analysis, evolutionary change in the terms and my view of the current state of the division. I think that the thing that your commenters haven't really focused on is the way in which those terms are used in practice. Generally, the terms are used either in the clothing area or the dating area. In the clothing area it divides ranges of sizes(which of course vary from manufacturer to manufacturer and from vendor to vendor). In the dating area it's a quickie shorthand to let someone have a sense of what the woman is like(sizewise) so that a fella(or gal) can determine whether it makes sense to press on and learn more.
I've known women from 100 to over 1000 pounds and some of the smaller women consider themselves much fatter than they objectively are(180 pound woman thought she was a SSBBW) and 750 pound gal only believed she was a BBW and needed to gain another 100 or more pounds until she reached SSBBW status in her mind. So, people will use the terms in whatever way they like. That's part of the problem with language, people use terms which are fuzzy at best and totally variable at worst. The person hearing the term applies his or her own definition and is then either disappointed, encouraged or totally blown away depending on how close to the other person's understanding of the term their's is.
Anyhow, I enjoy your posts immensely and am glad that you're reveling in your immensity and closeness to 500. I wonder if you'd consider adjusting your goal up so that your BMI at your top weight would be the same as Ian's at his top weight(which was clearly a bit over 600). Whadja say?
Huge
A comment to Kate -
As Char says, people get objectified all the time. I just said I like seeing and daydreaming about large women. I didn't say I was going to try and bed every large woman I met.
I get objectified by people, so I know what I'm talking about. I am tall (taller than Ian), and I occasionally see a woman's eyes glaze over a bit just at the sight of me. The first words out of the mouths of about 40% of the people I meet is, "Do you play basketball?" (I love Brad Garrett's comeback: "No. Are you a jockey?"). Another 40% say, "How's the weather up there?" The other 20% say, "How tall are you?" (to which my normal comeback is 1.98 meters)
In reality, also like Ian, I am a computer scientist, and, as anybody who's worked with me for a while would tell you, I'm one of the best (and I work hard to keep it that way).
So, the next time you feel your concentration drifting a little at the thought of a tall, dark, handsome man, just realize that all I was talking about was that feeling.
(BTW - I am neither dark, nor overly hadnsome).
As Char says, people get objectified all the time. I just said I like seeing and daydreaming about large women. I didn't say I was going to try and bed every large woman I met.
I get objectified by people, so I know what I'm talking about. I am tall (taller than Ian), and I occasionally see a woman's eyes glaze over a bit just at the sight of me. The first words out of the mouths of about 40% of the people I meet is, "Do you play basketball?" (I love Brad Garrett's comeback: "No. Are you a jockey?"). Another 40% say, "How's the weather up there?" The other 20% say, "How tall are you?" (to which my normal comeback is 1.98 meters)
In reality, also like Ian, I am a computer scientist, and, as anybody who's worked with me for a while would tell you, I'm one of the best (and I work hard to keep it that way).
So, the next time you feel your concentration drifting a little at the thought of a tall, dark, handsome man, just realize that all I was talking about was that feeling.
(BTW - I am neither dark, nor overly hadnsome).
# posted by 
: 7:47 PM
: 7:47 PM
I don't hate fat people! What did I ever say that made you think that?!
What I said was this: when I pass someone on the street and they are really, really big, it's the first and sometimes the only thing I notice about them.
If I see someone walking down the street with a pink mohawk, ditto.
I'm talking about the first impression of someone I pass in a very casual way. If I meet someone who is really, really big and we have a conversation, then I'll be thinking about other things, like the fact that we both saw the same movie last week or whatever.
There's no hatred there. At all.
And no I don't think of you as a fat cow who sits around eating all day, though I do wonder how you find time for other things since eating seems to take up so much of your time!
- Kate
Post a Comment
What I said was this: when I pass someone on the street and they are really, really big, it's the first and sometimes the only thing I notice about them.
If I see someone walking down the street with a pink mohawk, ditto.
I'm talking about the first impression of someone I pass in a very casual way. If I meet someone who is really, really big and we have a conversation, then I'll be thinking about other things, like the fact that we both saw the same movie last week or whatever.
There's no hatred there. At all.
And no I don't think of you as a fat cow who sits around eating all day, though I do wonder how you find time for other things since eating seems to take up so much of your time!
- Kate
# posted by : 10:00 AM
: 10:00 AM << Home
