MsCezanne's Odyssey

As a journalist I'm in a tough position, I want to write a piece that is unbiased as possible. It's my job to report the facts, and then leave my readers to draw their conclusion. However, this series is about my experiences, it is, in essence, my own opinion. So, for example, a good journalist would never say that 'She is turning into a fat slob.' However, as the subject of a story about gaining weight, I feel like I'm turning into a fat slob!

I am trying to keep an open mind about the experience, but it's hard. We live in a society where being thin is highly prized, and being obese is frowned upon. I cannot help but feel like I'm transforming myself into a fat slob. I use the expression with the utmost respect. In no way am I implying that fat people are slobs. In no way am I a slob myself. Just, in the interests of being open and honest, the words are connected in my brain. Sitting on the couch eating chips and cookies, I just feel like a slob, even though in no way am I.

I am getting fat though.

I gained almost 3 pounds this past week, and while it doesn't seem like much on its own, altogether I've gained about 6 pounds, and I'm starting to feel the effects. Certainly some of the effects are from living a more sedentary lifestyle. I know there are many people of size who aren't sedentary, but if I kept up my activity levels, I'd never gain weight. I can't replicate everyone's experience.

My clothes are getting ever tighter. My appetite has expanded, before I was forcing myself to eat, and now I find that I'm often looking for something to eat. The overall changes are subtle, I don't know that anyone has noticed them yet. My cheeks are rounder, my stomach is bulgy, my hips are thickening. My breasts feel fuller, so it's not all bad. (I say this as the subject, not the journalist. As the journalist they appear bigger. As the subject, it's good that they're bigger.)

Labels: byline, FA, fiction, weight gain