MsCezanne's Odyssey

Ellen felt lighter than she'd ever felt before. It wasn't because she'd lost weight though; it was because she was so happy at having met Ryan. Her friends always told her how special it was to find someone that makes you happy. She'd always dismissed their claims, but now she got it. She really did feel like she was floating through life. She couldn't wait to see Ryan again!

Unfortunately, she did have to wait, he wasn't on the subway that morning. She tried calling him at work, but through their various meetings didn't get in touch until after lunch. When they did finally talk Ellen was pleased to learn he'd had as much fun meeting her as she'd had meeting him. They planned to go out for dinner on Friday.

Friday could not come soon enough for Ellen. She bought something new to wear. She spent extra time at the gym burning off nervous energy. She cleaned her apartment. She got her hair done. The week was a interminable dull blur to her. Nothing mattered, she just wanted to get to Friday.

Friday did come, and Ellen went to meet Ryan at the restaurant. It was a nice little place she'd heard of, but never went to. It wasn't a place with a dress code, but it seemed like it should. Once again, Ryan was there first. Once again, Ryan's mouth was agape when he first laid eyes on Ellen in her form fitting dress.

They had a pleasant dinner, talking about their respective weeks, talking about how nice it was to find someone that they've clicked so well with, talking about other things they might go out to do together.

Finally, as they finished their entrees and waited to order dessert, Ryan burst out, "I can't hold it back any more. I mean I know I'm not supposed to ask your weight, and I know you don't want to tell me, but I want to know. I need to ask. There, I've asked, you don't need to answer. But I want to know." He cast his eyes down on the table.

Ellen smiled, "I never understood why people don't talk about their weight."

Ryan's eyes lit up, looking deep into Ellen's. Her smile broadened.

"It's been a couple of days since I weighed myself, but I was 332 pounds then. Probably a little less now, I've been hitting the gym pretty hard."

"Three hundred and thirty two," Ryan repeated slowly, as though he now had the secret of life. "Um, would it be too much to ask how much you used to weigh?"

"Not at all," Ellen had never talked about her weight with anyone outside her family. It didn't really come up very much within her family. They weren't embarrassed to discuss weight, but since they were all big, and comfortable with it, there was very little to discuss. Opening up about it to Ryan was quite exciting to her. "The most I've ever weighed is 387 pounds. That was about a year ago."

"Three hundred and eighty seven? Wow!" Ryan's eyes were wide in appreciation. "What's that like, you know, being that big?"

"Lonely," Ellen laughed.

"Really? I'm sorry. But that's not what I mean, I mean... how does it feel?"

Ellen thought a moment, "It's hard to say. I was bigger. My clothes were bigger, I couldn't run. I don't really run now, but I don't think I could run then. It was just who I am."

"So how does it feel now?"

"It's awful! I feel like I'm depriving myself, I think I ate more tonight than I did all week. I'm always at the gym, I'm always eating 'right', I feel like my life is one big sacrifice, just losing weight to find someone who likes me."

Ryan took a moment to choose his words, "So you don't like losing weight?"

"No."

"You don't want to be thin?"

"I had to lose 50 pounds before a boy would talk to me."

Ryan paused again. "You didn't need to lose 50 pounds for me."

"It sure feels like I did," Ellen sighed.

"If I'd known, I'd have talked to you earlier."

"There wasn't room on the seat earlier."

"That's true," Ryan laughed. "So you really like being fat?"

"Yes."

"Would you like..." Ryan was interrupted by their waiter clearing the plates and giving them a dessert menu. "Would you like to be 387 pounds again?"

Ellen let out a wistful sigh. "Yes."

"So do it."

"Do what?" Ellen asked. "Gain weight?"

"Yes."

"On purpose?"

Ryan almost shouted, and took a moment to compose himself, "yes."

"Why?"

"Because you want to! Because you looked so good when you were fat. I mean bigger, I mean. You know what i mean. You looked incredible. I mean you look incredible now, but then you were so... ahhh... well..."

Ellen interrupted him, "you really want me to gain weight? To be 387 pounds?"

Ryan nodded, trying not to let his voice rise and thoughts ramble.

She turned to the waiter and ordered three desserts. She could see Ryan nearly explode with pleasure.

Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain

// posted by Charlotte @ 8:05:00 PM