Monday, November 05, 2007
Ryan and Ellen I
It was just one of those mornings where nothing went right. Ryan forgot to set his alarm, so he overslept. His shower was cold (at least that helped him keep it short), the coffee maker created sludge, and the bagel he hoped to eat on the way was mouldy. Worst of all, he was going to catch a later train, and be late to work.
One thing that Ryantruly hated was taking a later train. He liked to get going early, and catch a train that wasn't busy. He'd get a seat, he'd get some room to himself. Not now. The platform was crammed, he'd be moving along with a mass of people, and standing for 40 minutes while the subway headed downtown.
Suddenly Ryan's day got much better. Suddenly Ryan caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly Ryan had a purpose in life.
Ryan had caught sight of a woman who was beautiful. Many people would disagree with him, for the woman was quite overweight by just about any standard. Ryan's standards were different. This woman was quite beautiful, and at perhaps 300 pounds, was at a very appealing weight to him.
For as long as Ryan could remember he'd had an attraction to bigger girls. It was something he found embarrassing, because in this day and age being fat was frowned upon, how could he tell people that he liked fat women? So he kept his feelings to himself and dated skinny women. A few of them weren't dreadfully skinny, and he certainly did enjoy their company, they just never really filled the place in his heart that was waiting for a really big girl.
This woman wasn't the first big girl Ryan had ever seen of course. As he tried to cast a critical eye on her, without being seen to stare, Ryan could admit she wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Certainly not a classic beauty. There was a quality about her though that made her far more desirable than any woman he'd ever seen before. Across a crowded, moving subway car, it was impossible to tell what it was.
For the whole trip he tried to move closer to this woman, but found it impossible without being too obvious. He couldn't really bring himself to just force his way through. People would know what he was up to. 40 minutes passed too quickly, and he was forced to leave the train and get to his office.
Ryan's day was pre-occupied by this woman. Who was she? Why had he never seen her before? Would he see her again? What was it about her that had struck him so completely?
On the ride home he looked around for her, but he couldn't find her. Ryan spent the next few days trying to find her on the train, but he was so set in his habits he found it difficult to wait for a later train. He couldn't find her again, and while she remained in his thoughts, she faded.
***
Several months later Ryan found himself having another bad morning, and being forced to take an overcrowded later train. As he was busily willing the people around him to die he caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye. He noticed a woman was sitting not far from him, and there was no one beside her. There was no room on the seat beside her, she was taking it up.
It was her.
His miserable morning quickly forgotten, Ryan turned his full attention to her. Again, he tried to make sure he wasn't staring at her, but he had 40 minutes to take in as much detail of her as he could. He had a much better view of her than he'd had before.
She looked bigger, had she gotten bigger? Or was it a trick of the imagination? She was as beautiful as before. She was well dressed, she must have a good job or, his heart sank for a moment, a rich husband. No ring on the finger. He chose to believe she wasn't married. Again, he was struck by how beautiful she was, even though she didn't look quite as beautiful as he felt she did.
It was an odd sensation. He finally realised what it was. Most big women he spied in public seemed to be embarrassed about their weight. They dressed to hide, they kept their eyes down, hoping no one would notice them. Not her. She seemed like she might be queen of the subway, if anyone bothered to notice. He noticed.
Again she occupied his thoughts for the day. Again he attempted to find her again over the next few weeks. Again, it wasn't to be, and she faded from memory.
***
This pattern repeated itself a few times where he would come across her, notice that she was bigger than before, and not quite get the chance to talk to her. He knew that if he REALLY wanted to talk to her, he could. He just... couldn't. He wished he could, but just could not seem to get that extra ounce of confidence he needed.
One time he saw her and his heart almost broke: for the first time she actually seemed SMALLER than the last time he'd seen her. If only he could tell her it was okay to be fat.
Over time he saw her again and again, and each time there seemed to be less and less of her.
***
Finally the day came. Ryan got on the subway. It was busy, but not crowded. He could deal with that. He looked around and saw there was a free seat he could get to. He wondered why no one wanted it. As he got closer, he could see that the woman sitting next to the empty seat was taking it up a little bit. A moment later he realised it was her.
He sat down, trying not to touch her, though when their elbows brushed, he felt like a million volts were passing between them. She turned to him, apparently a little surprised he was there.
He smiled and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ryan."
She looked a little stunned before stammering, "Um, hi. I'm... I'm Ellen."
One thing that Ryantruly hated was taking a later train. He liked to get going early, and catch a train that wasn't busy. He'd get a seat, he'd get some room to himself. Not now. The platform was crammed, he'd be moving along with a mass of people, and standing for 40 minutes while the subway headed downtown.
Suddenly Ryan's day got much better. Suddenly Ryan caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly Ryan had a purpose in life.
Ryan had caught sight of a woman who was beautiful. Many people would disagree with him, for the woman was quite overweight by just about any standard. Ryan's standards were different. This woman was quite beautiful, and at perhaps 300 pounds, was at a very appealing weight to him.
For as long as Ryan could remember he'd had an attraction to bigger girls. It was something he found embarrassing, because in this day and age being fat was frowned upon, how could he tell people that he liked fat women? So he kept his feelings to himself and dated skinny women. A few of them weren't dreadfully skinny, and he certainly did enjoy their company, they just never really filled the place in his heart that was waiting for a really big girl.
This woman wasn't the first big girl Ryan had ever seen of course. As he tried to cast a critical eye on her, without being seen to stare, Ryan could admit she wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Certainly not a classic beauty. There was a quality about her though that made her far more desirable than any woman he'd ever seen before. Across a crowded, moving subway car, it was impossible to tell what it was.
For the whole trip he tried to move closer to this woman, but found it impossible without being too obvious. He couldn't really bring himself to just force his way through. People would know what he was up to. 40 minutes passed too quickly, and he was forced to leave the train and get to his office.
Ryan's day was pre-occupied by this woman. Who was she? Why had he never seen her before? Would he see her again? What was it about her that had struck him so completely?
On the ride home he looked around for her, but he couldn't find her. Ryan spent the next few days trying to find her on the train, but he was so set in his habits he found it difficult to wait for a later train. He couldn't find her again, and while she remained in his thoughts, she faded.
***
Several months later Ryan found himself having another bad morning, and being forced to take an overcrowded later train. As he was busily willing the people around him to die he caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye. He noticed a woman was sitting not far from him, and there was no one beside her. There was no room on the seat beside her, she was taking it up.
It was her.
His miserable morning quickly forgotten, Ryan turned his full attention to her. Again, he tried to make sure he wasn't staring at her, but he had 40 minutes to take in as much detail of her as he could. He had a much better view of her than he'd had before.
She looked bigger, had she gotten bigger? Or was it a trick of the imagination? She was as beautiful as before. She was well dressed, she must have a good job or, his heart sank for a moment, a rich husband. No ring on the finger. He chose to believe she wasn't married. Again, he was struck by how beautiful she was, even though she didn't look quite as beautiful as he felt she did.
It was an odd sensation. He finally realised what it was. Most big women he spied in public seemed to be embarrassed about their weight. They dressed to hide, they kept their eyes down, hoping no one would notice them. Not her. She seemed like she might be queen of the subway, if anyone bothered to notice. He noticed.
Again she occupied his thoughts for the day. Again he attempted to find her again over the next few weeks. Again, it wasn't to be, and she faded from memory.
***
This pattern repeated itself a few times where he would come across her, notice that she was bigger than before, and not quite get the chance to talk to her. He knew that if he REALLY wanted to talk to her, he could. He just... couldn't. He wished he could, but just could not seem to get that extra ounce of confidence he needed.
One time he saw her and his heart almost broke: for the first time she actually seemed SMALLER than the last time he'd seen her. If only he could tell her it was okay to be fat.
Over time he saw her again and again, and each time there seemed to be less and less of her.
***
Finally the day came. Ryan got on the subway. It was busy, but not crowded. He could deal with that. He looked around and saw there was a free seat he could get to. He wondered why no one wanted it. As he got closer, he could see that the woman sitting next to the empty seat was taking it up a little bit. A moment later he realised it was her.
He sat down, trying not to touch her, though when their elbows brushed, he felt like a million volts were passing between them. She turned to him, apparently a little surprised he was there.
He smiled and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ryan."
She looked a little stunned before stammering, "Um, hi. I'm... I'm Ellen."
Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain
// posted by Charlotte @ 6:57:00 PM 
