MsCezanne's Odyssey

Well, everything seems to have gone to plan, and with any luck we'll have a baby within a year!

I'm tipping the scales at 282 pounds, not quite the 260 we were shooting for, but close enough that we're happy with it for now. I'm very happy about this, and very excited. Maybe even very very excited...

Before moving on to the next stage of my life, it's time to look back at the stage I've come out of. It's been a few years of constant change. Paul's growing up, with all the daily miracles that entails. We've moved into a new house, which was a LOT more work than I ever expected (it's one thing to move from house to house as a poor student... quite another for a mature family to rearrange their entire lives into a larger space!) Finally, there's the changes in me.

I've lost a lot of weight in the interest of 'health'. It's been a lot of work, and there were many many (many) days where I wasn't sure if it was going to happen, if it was going to be worth it. Now... with my goals in sight, I'm glad that I did it, that I stuck with it, that I've managed to become Charlotte the Lesser.

As excited as I am to move forward, there is a sense of loss, both literally and figuratively. Part of my life is gone, probably gone forever, and I miss it.

I miss sitting down to a pile of food, knowing that I get to eat all of it.

I miss sitting down on a couch, always in the back of my mind wondering if it's going to hold me this time.

I miss waddling into a room, and seeing everyone's eyes go wide when they realise how big I am.

I miss simply sitting, being in tune with my body. I can do that now, but there's just so much LESS to be in tune, it's like comparing Cezanne's studio with The Louvre. I'd love to check out the studio, but I can happily be lost in The Louvre forever.

I even miss folding my laundry, wondering why my clothes looked so much bigger than I felt.

In the interests of fairness, there are some things I don't miss:

I'm quite happy that my plans now include what I want to, rather than what I can do. (Alas, most of my plans are things that HAVE to be done... but even still, a lot more of those get done these days.)

I guess that's all that comes to mind right now.

I'm not happy that I 'get' to do the laundry, or the chores, or the errands. It's nice to be able to do it all, but I don't LIKE doing them, lol.

I can buy clothes much easier, which is also nice, but the giant clothes should be as easy to get.

Labels: Char, diary, weigh in, weight loss