Wednesday, December 17, 2003
I had a bit of an odd dream last night.
I had a bit of an odd dream last night.
I was back to my old (fat) self, but it was a little different. I had the mobility and balance I do now, just I was bigger! I kept running into things, getting stuck in small spaces because I kept forgetting that I was fatter than I felt.
The dream was mostly recreating events in my recent life: work, shopping, arranging the apartment. Nothing fancy. I guess lately I’ve been enjoying the fact that I fit places I couldn’t before!
Anyway, the dream became odd because when I got home, Ian was absolutely mammoth. Basically, the same proportion as now… so he must’ve been about 650 pounds! He could still walk around, like he does now, but he looked like he was made of Jell-o. Like me, he had no idea he was actually as big as he was, and he was getting quite upset he couldn’t fit through the door!
Nothing really happened in the dream, well, nothing that I remember. I just thought it was odd.
I was back to my old (fat) self, but it was a little different. I had the mobility and balance I do now, just I was bigger! I kept running into things, getting stuck in small spaces because I kept forgetting that I was fatter than I felt.
The dream was mostly recreating events in my recent life: work, shopping, arranging the apartment. Nothing fancy. I guess lately I’ve been enjoying the fact that I fit places I couldn’t before!
Anyway, the dream became odd because when I got home, Ian was absolutely mammoth. Basically, the same proportion as now… so he must’ve been about 650 pounds! He could still walk around, like he does now, but he looked like he was made of Jell-o. Like me, he had no idea he was actually as big as he was, and he was getting quite upset he couldn’t fit through the door!
Nothing really happened in the dream, well, nothing that I remember. I just thought it was odd.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Memoirs of a Fat Man: Response
Memoirs of a Fat Man: Response
Ian really is enjoying his excess weight. I’ve read what he’s written on it (part 1, part 2), and it barely scratches the surface of the day to day joy he experiences simply because he’s fat. Ian could write for months, and I don’t think he could do justice to the incredible experiences he has in just one day.
Some days I’m jealous of him. I was once quite large myself, and I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as he did. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t let myself enjoy it. Or maybe this really is the way he was meant to be, and it just wasn’t for me. Everyone has different things that make them happy, and I’m absolutely ecstatic that Ian has found his. I’m also quite pleased that a fat Ian is one of the things that makes me happy.
All of what Ian writes about enjoying his weight could certainly apply to me. I might change the order around, I loved eating more than I loved being fat, I think he loves being fat more than eating. But it’s a subtle point.
I think my love of being fat was fundamentally different from Ian’s though. I think my favourite part was the complete rebelliousness of being fat. In today’s society so many rebellious actions are cool: tattoos, piercings, funky hair cuts, provocative dress… it’s all been done. If you do it, you’re not rebelling against society any more: you’re just moving to a different clique.
But being fat has not become cool. Now, that’s not to say there aren’t plenty of cool fat people, but many of them are cool DESPITE being fat. Kids grow up wanting tattoos, or piercings, but who grows up wanting to be fat?
So I was a bit of an ultimate rebel. To be sure, that wasn’t the ONLY reason I was so big. I did like to eat, and I did enjoy the constant change in my life. But at the end of the day, I loved that I could walk into a room, be the fattest person there, and know that people had no idea what to make of it.
Again, I know I’m not the first person to say “I’m Fat, Get Over It.” But it’s just not common. And if it does become common, that’s great. I’ll still enjoy my size on other grounds, and have a secret joy in knowing that I was ahead of the curve.
I really don’t think Ian cares much for this. He does enjoy being unique, but it’s not his favourite part. If everyone was his size, he’d be just as happy as he is now.
If everyone was Ian’s size, I’d probably still be 110 lbs!
Ian really is enjoying his excess weight. I’ve read what he’s written on it (part 1, part 2), and it barely scratches the surface of the day to day joy he experiences simply because he’s fat. Ian could write for months, and I don’t think he could do justice to the incredible experiences he has in just one day.
Some days I’m jealous of him. I was once quite large myself, and I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as he did. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t let myself enjoy it. Or maybe this really is the way he was meant to be, and it just wasn’t for me. Everyone has different things that make them happy, and I’m absolutely ecstatic that Ian has found his. I’m also quite pleased that a fat Ian is one of the things that makes me happy.
All of what Ian writes about enjoying his weight could certainly apply to me. I might change the order around, I loved eating more than I loved being fat, I think he loves being fat more than eating. But it’s a subtle point.
I think my love of being fat was fundamentally different from Ian’s though. I think my favourite part was the complete rebelliousness of being fat. In today’s society so many rebellious actions are cool: tattoos, piercings, funky hair cuts, provocative dress… it’s all been done. If you do it, you’re not rebelling against society any more: you’re just moving to a different clique.
But being fat has not become cool. Now, that’s not to say there aren’t plenty of cool fat people, but many of them are cool DESPITE being fat. Kids grow up wanting tattoos, or piercings, but who grows up wanting to be fat?
So I was a bit of an ultimate rebel. To be sure, that wasn’t the ONLY reason I was so big. I did like to eat, and I did enjoy the constant change in my life. But at the end of the day, I loved that I could walk into a room, be the fattest person there, and know that people had no idea what to make of it.
Again, I know I’m not the first person to say “I’m Fat, Get Over It.” But it’s just not common. And if it does become common, that’s great. I’ll still enjoy my size on other grounds, and have a secret joy in knowing that I was ahead of the curve.
I really don’t think Ian cares much for this. He does enjoy being unique, but it’s not his favourite part. If everyone was his size, he’d be just as happy as he is now.
If everyone was Ian’s size, I’d probably still be 110 lbs!
Monday, December 15, 2003
Just a post
Just a post
I’m not a religious person. I simply don’t care if there is a God or not. I don’t need the promise of heaven to be a good person, or the fear of hell to stop from doing nasty things. I know that civilisation hangs by a precarious thread where enough people have to be ‘good’, and I’d like to keep things on that side of the balance.
However, there are a few ironies in life that make me wonder. For example, the rampant commercialisation of Christmas just seems to be divine punishment for previous commercialisation of Christmas. Every year it’s harder to find the perfect gift. Every year the crowds are bigger, and the parking lots are inexplicably smaller (or perhaps people driving those mammoth SUVs should be required to take parking lessons!) Every year there is more to do, and less time to do it.
It just can’t be a coincidence, can it?
Enough armchair philosophy.
Ian’s been eating quite well as of late:
Saturday morning: I went out and bought him a pack of Cinnabuns. It was just a six-pack of the full sized ones, but he enjoyed it none-the-less.
Lunch was just McDonald’s. He hadn’t tried out the New McNuggets yet, but 20 later, he’s satisfied. They’re not as greasy, but certainly tastier. He also had a double big mac, large fries and two hot apple pies.
Dinner was his company Christmas party. We had some sort of pasta dish, I couldn’t quite identify it. It was actually pretty good, better than many ‘family restaurants’. They had quite a dessert table, and Ian did his best to ensure there weren’t any leftovers.
It was fun getting to know the people he works with. They’re all quite impressed with his girth and appetite, and yet who wouldn’t be!?
The next day was a bit of a cheat. Frozen waffles for breakfast (the whole box), frozen pizzas for lunch (the whole box) and I made a stew in the crock-pot for dinner. We need to get a bigger crock-pot I think!
I’m not a religious person. I simply don’t care if there is a God or not. I don’t need the promise of heaven to be a good person, or the fear of hell to stop from doing nasty things. I know that civilisation hangs by a precarious thread where enough people have to be ‘good’, and I’d like to keep things on that side of the balance.
However, there are a few ironies in life that make me wonder. For example, the rampant commercialisation of Christmas just seems to be divine punishment for previous commercialisation of Christmas. Every year it’s harder to find the perfect gift. Every year the crowds are bigger, and the parking lots are inexplicably smaller (or perhaps people driving those mammoth SUVs should be required to take parking lessons!) Every year there is more to do, and less time to do it.
It just can’t be a coincidence, can it?
Enough armchair philosophy.
Ian’s been eating quite well as of late:
Saturday morning: I went out and bought him a pack of Cinnabuns. It was just a six-pack of the full sized ones, but he enjoyed it none-the-less.
Lunch was just McDonald’s. He hadn’t tried out the New McNuggets yet, but 20 later, he’s satisfied. They’re not as greasy, but certainly tastier. He also had a double big mac, large fries and two hot apple pies.
Dinner was his company Christmas party. We had some sort of pasta dish, I couldn’t quite identify it. It was actually pretty good, better than many ‘family restaurants’. They had quite a dessert table, and Ian did his best to ensure there weren’t any leftovers.
It was fun getting to know the people he works with. They’re all quite impressed with his girth and appetite, and yet who wouldn’t be!?
The next day was a bit of a cheat. Frozen waffles for breakfast (the whole box), frozen pizzas for lunch (the whole box) and I made a stew in the crock-pot for dinner. We need to get a bigger crock-pot I think!
Thursday, December 11, 2003
What could be better?
What could be better?
Ian’s back to gaining weight, I’m still losing weight, and the holiday season is in full swing!
Yup, I finished my Christmas shopping, so from here on it it’s just sitting back, cooking the occasional huge meal and having fun!
Well, work is busy, which is fun. Lots of people come in with no idea what they want, and I rather enjoy informing them of their own tastes (it’s not really that hard once you learn what questions to ask and what the responses mean).
I’m really excited about seeing Amanda again. I realised I haven’t seen her since August! She’s at a great age, she’s learning so much, growing so fast. And of course, I’m learning lots, but shrinking ;-) Jeri doesn’t know how much I’ve lost since then, I think she’ll be surprised.
Ian’s back to gaining weight, I’m still losing weight, and the holiday season is in full swing!
Yup, I finished my Christmas shopping, so from here on it it’s just sitting back, cooking the occasional huge meal and having fun!
Well, work is busy, which is fun. Lots of people come in with no idea what they want, and I rather enjoy informing them of their own tastes (it’s not really that hard once you learn what questions to ask and what the responses mean).
I’m really excited about seeing Amanda again. I realised I haven’t seen her since August! She’s at a great age, she’s learning so much, growing so fast. And of course, I’m learning lots, but shrinking ;-) Jeri doesn’t know how much I’ve lost since then, I think she’ll be surprised.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
#FF1493 |
Your dominant hues are red and magenta. You love doing your own thing and going on your own adventures, but there are close friends you know you just can't leave behind. You can influence others on days when you're patient, but most times you just want to go out, have fun, and do your own thing. Your saturation level is high - you get into life and have a strong personality. Everyone you meet will either love you or hate you - either way, your goal is to get them to change the world with you. You are very hard working and don't have much patience for people without your initiative. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation. |
Friday, December 05, 2003
Memoirs of a Fat Man
Memoirs of a Fat Man
Wow.
Ian wrote a pretty long post about what it means to be 470 pounds to him.
I don’t normally read his diary, but he insisted on this one entry.
Now I feel like I need to write something like that for him.
He also says that he wants to write more about it, that he just ran out of time.
I don’t know what else he could write!
I’m so glad he feels this way though.
As a matter of fact, I find his candour quite a turn on!
Wow.
Ian wrote a pretty long post about what it means to be 470 pounds to him.
I don’t normally read his diary, but he insisted on this one entry.
Now I feel like I need to write something like that for him.
He also says that he wants to write more about it, that he just ran out of time.
I don’t know what else he could write!
I’m so glad he feels this way though.
As a matter of fact, I find his candour quite a turn on!
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Is it Christmas Yet?
Is it Christmas Yet?
In my teens I was one of those obnoxious people (let me finish!) who would decry the crass commercialism of the holiday season, and yet freely partake in it (hey, a good price on denim is a good price on denim!). I was just never very ‘Christmassy’, so I never fully appreciated the traditions surrounding this time of year.
I still refuse to decorate, or listen to constant streams of Christmas music. Wedging myself through throngs of people to shop isn’t exactly my favourite activity these days, but finding decent times to shop isn’t that difficult either.
However, I have discovered the joys of ‘Christmas Food’. There are boxes of candy everywhere. Candy canes, chocolates, chocolate oranges, chocolate turtles. Not to mention fancy cookies, cookie recipes. And of course there is the expectation of a big ol’ Christmas dinner.
Ian has been sick this week. It’s affected his appetite quite severely. He’s no where as bad as he was last week with the paint fumes, but he looks so pathetic lying on the couch sniffling and sneezing. He still manages to polish off whatever holiday treat I bring for him, but I can tell he’s just not enjoying it. I hope he’s better soon, this is his time of year to shine!
Christmas itself should be interesting. We’ll be back in Toronto for it, of course. Christmas day with my family, Christmas eve with his, and then Boxing Day with Jeri and Amanda. I haven’t seen them in so long! Just not getting back to Toronto as much with Ian in London. I feel bad about that!
I’m not sure how cooking chores will be split out. I’d LOVE to make three dinners, except I’ll be a guest three times. Well, I won’t really be a guest at home. But Ian’s mom is pretty serious about these dinners (we’re doing Christmas Eve morning with his dad, and the eve night with his mom).
So that’s what’s going on with me.
Oh, I’ve lost more weight.
I’m downto 344 pounds. It feels good. I played basketball this week, and it was my best game of the season. I’m still the worst player out there, but I’m surprising people, which is good! The positioning is there, and the skills are returning, it’s mostly a mobility issue now.
In my teens I was one of those obnoxious people (let me finish!) who would decry the crass commercialism of the holiday season, and yet freely partake in it (hey, a good price on denim is a good price on denim!). I was just never very ‘Christmassy’, so I never fully appreciated the traditions surrounding this time of year.
I still refuse to decorate, or listen to constant streams of Christmas music. Wedging myself through throngs of people to shop isn’t exactly my favourite activity these days, but finding decent times to shop isn’t that difficult either.
However, I have discovered the joys of ‘Christmas Food’. There are boxes of candy everywhere. Candy canes, chocolates, chocolate oranges, chocolate turtles. Not to mention fancy cookies, cookie recipes. And of course there is the expectation of a big ol’ Christmas dinner.
Ian has been sick this week. It’s affected his appetite quite severely. He’s no where as bad as he was last week with the paint fumes, but he looks so pathetic lying on the couch sniffling and sneezing. He still manages to polish off whatever holiday treat I bring for him, but I can tell he’s just not enjoying it. I hope he’s better soon, this is his time of year to shine!
Christmas itself should be interesting. We’ll be back in Toronto for it, of course. Christmas day with my family, Christmas eve with his, and then Boxing Day with Jeri and Amanda. I haven’t seen them in so long! Just not getting back to Toronto as much with Ian in London. I feel bad about that!
I’m not sure how cooking chores will be split out. I’d LOVE to make three dinners, except I’ll be a guest three times. Well, I won’t really be a guest at home. But Ian’s mom is pretty serious about these dinners (we’re doing Christmas Eve morning with his dad, and the eve night with his mom).
So that’s what’s going on with me.
Oh, I’ve lost more weight.
I’m downto 344 pounds. It feels good. I played basketball this week, and it was my best game of the season. I’m still the worst player out there, but I’m surprising people, which is good! The positioning is there, and the skills are returning, it’s mostly a mobility issue now.
Monday, December 01, 2003
And Ian’s appetite is back!
Friday night we ordered Chinese food. We got our normal order (about $100 worth), and Ian finished it off (like he normally does).
Saturday I put together a decent breakfast: pancakes, bacon, sausage and hashbrowns. Not the biggest breakfast he’s ever had, but he did pretty good. He was on his own for lunch, but he had a couple sandwiches and some ice cream, I think. For dinner he had a large pizza, a bunch of wings and snacked on chips during the hockey game.
Sunday was a busy day, we went out shopping, so he didn’t eat as much as I’d hoped he would. We did pick him up a dozen Krispy Kremes though. For dinner I just put together some pasta, nothing fancy. He did finish it off though. He also had a big banana split afterwards.
So besides Ian’s eating, the weekend was good.
I worked on Saturday.
Sunday we did some Christmas shopping.
I gotta say, losing weight has made shopping easier! I can go longer before my legs and back hurt. Not to mention being able to weave through crowds a little more effectively. I’m not at the top of my game, not by far. But it certainly helps compared to last year!
Friday night we ordered Chinese food. We got our normal order (about $100 worth), and Ian finished it off (like he normally does).
Saturday I put together a decent breakfast: pancakes, bacon, sausage and hashbrowns. Not the biggest breakfast he’s ever had, but he did pretty good. He was on his own for lunch, but he had a couple sandwiches and some ice cream, I think. For dinner he had a large pizza, a bunch of wings and snacked on chips during the hockey game.
Sunday was a busy day, we went out shopping, so he didn’t eat as much as I’d hoped he would. We did pick him up a dozen Krispy Kremes though. For dinner I just put together some pasta, nothing fancy. He did finish it off though. He also had a big banana split afterwards.
So besides Ian’s eating, the weekend was good.
I worked on Saturday.
Sunday we did some Christmas shopping.
I gotta say, losing weight has made shopping easier! I can go longer before my legs and back hurt. Not to mention being able to weave through crowds a little more effectively. I’m not at the top of my game, not by far. But it certainly helps compared to last year!
