Friday, March 28, 2003

Okay, I’m officially sick of...

... Gulf War 2/Attack on Iraq/The Revenge of Bush or whatever history is going to call this current brouhaha.

Actually, I’m sick of the coverage. Everyone and his brother on TV has an opinion, and they’re all contradicting each other. No one knows the whole story, and I don’t care right now.

So onto other things!

Ian’s upto 446 pounds. Holy crap did that boy get fat fast! I haven’t seen him in a few weeks, but he’ll be visiting us this weekend. Woohoo! I’ve already gotten the food ready, he’s not going to know WHAT hit him! (That’s a lot of exclamation points!)

Hopefully it will be nice out this weekend, though I’m not sure what we’d do outside. Maybe go for a walk, but it’s still kind of slushy out. I guess we’ll play it by ear.

Hmm, I guess that’s it.


Monday, March 24, 2003

Okay, I haven't felt like updating.

It's not like tonnes is going on in my life right now. Ian is always busy, and if he's not, then it's me who's busy. So I'm in a bit of a rut.

I've settled into my 'new' lifestyle. I'm going for walks, eating better food, and reasonable portions.

I think the whole War thing is getting me down. I'm for the war, but a lot of people are against it. It is tiring trying to figure out why people are against it (by all means, if you¡¦re against the war, make a comment, or else I'll believe all my readers are anti-Saddam)

Maybe some nicer weather will cheer me up :-)

Or maybe seeing Ian again will help!

He says he's upto 444, that's only one pound from his all time high! Also, that's within striking distance of 450, I can't wait to help him past that target!

I'm also kind of curious how much weight I'm losing. It's been a while since I got on a scale. I think I'm down, but who knows?


Monday, March 17, 2003

What a fabulous weekend!

Amy and I went for a walk around the neighbourhood yesterday. Everyone was out, kids playing, guys washing their cars, even saw a few bikers go by on their hogs! No truer sign of spring than the motorcycles coming out!

I didn’t do too much else. I worked Saturday and Sunday, but no one was in to shop. Nothing sucks more than being stuck in a dead shop on a great day!

I guess business will pick up as people do their spring cleaning they tend to want some new art to spruce up their places. Sounds good to me!

Maybe I’ll try to get out and do some painting this spring.

I’m definitely aiming to get out and do more walking! Eventually we’ll see about jogging, but not until there’s a hundred less pounds crushing my knees on each step!

I’m a little amased at how well I’m sticking to a reasonable diet. I haven’t cut out all the good stuff, just cut it back to reasonable levels. We had blueberry pancakes Sunday, but just salad and pasta for dinner.

Ian’s back from Nashville, they’re trying to sort that whole thing out. He loves going down there though, I think he really could become a ‘good ol’ boy’ with no trouble at all!

I hope I can get down there sometime too.


Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I guess I should mention that Ian is in Nashville again this week.

I guess with the current world situation all plans have been bumped back, and may be re-evaluated. I understand that a company has to be responsible to the bottom line, but when the place where Ian is going to live is in doubt… it makes it hard to make long range planning!

On the other hand, it’s not such a big deal, as it means we can put off our long range planning, lol. I’m not in a hurry to get the wedding underway. I’d like to be as trim as possible for it. Why? I’m not sure, but when I was a little girl I never pictured my wedding would feature a bride who weighed hundreds of pounds.

Not to say I wouldn’t get married if I was this weight, or 500 or 1000 pounds.

With Ian out of town I don’t know what his weight is, so I can’t log it. I don’t know my weight, but that’s okay.


Tuesday, March 11, 2003

War with Iraq

Since this seems to be contentious issue numbero uno these days, I feel I should write out my thoughts, so I can look back and see if I was right or wrong.

Any readers should feel free to disagree with me. Vehemently, if need be. I’m not here to tell you HOW to think, just to tell you what *I* think. If you disagree, let me know. Maybe you have a point that I missed. Wouldn’t you feel awful if I continued my misguided beliefs, when it was possible for you to correct me?

First, I believe Saddam Hussein is an awful human being. If aliens came to earth, and kidnapped him, and the fate of mankind hung in the balance of what they learn from him, we’re screwed. Hussein is probably not the worst person alive, nor the worst person who has ever lived. Doesn’t mean he’s not a nasty bug that needs to be squashed.

I believe the United States and United Kingdom are doing the right thing by invading Iraq sooner rather than later.

Why?

It has to be done. Saddam Hussein has not complied with the cease-fire he signed in 1991. The cease-fire must be honoured, and if the UN isn’t going to do it, then I see nothing wrong with the US/UK doing so.

Why now? Iraq is under crippling international sanction. People die in scores due to malnutrition and lack of medicine. Iraq has no basic sanitation infrastructure, no sustainable industry to speak of. If the sanctions are not lifted NOW, we condemn Iraqis to living in the hell their country has become.

If the sanctions are lifted without Iraq honouring the UN cease-fire, then no one will honour a UN cease-fire again. Why should they? The only way to lift the sanctions is to remove Saddam Hussein from power, and ensure a new government that will honour the cease-fire is in place. If they’re democratic, so much the better. If they have the interests of innocent Iraqis in mind, so much the better. If they want to turn Iraq into a shining beacon imitated throughout the Mideast, Asia, Africa, the world, so much the better.

Will innocent Iraqis die in the war? Probably. But they’re dying already, would you rather be bombed in an instant or starved over six months?

Will American soldiers die in the war? Of course. They know that, and they go anyway. How dare anyone tell them NOT to do their job? I know full well I can’t make a living as a painter, and yet I love to paint. If anyone told me I couldn’t paint because I will starve to death, I’d spit in their face. These aren’t conscripts. They’re free to leave at any time. (Well, there are rules, but a dishonourable discharge still saves your life.)

Do I agree with George Bush? On a lot of counts, no. Iraq has nothing to do with Al Quida/ 9/11. Iraq DOES support Palestinian terrorism.

Do I think that Israel is right in their treatment of Palestinians? No. But the Palestinians do not help their cause killing innocent people, and hiding weapons factories in residential neighbourhoods.

Back to Bush. He has forced the world into a position where someone has to blink. The USA has the most powerful military ever. If you have the most powerful military, it means nothing if you blink. If no one blinks, then Bush wins, and he knows it. He will not blink, unless someone can let him win by blinking. No one has provided an option for the USA other than war.

The USA cannot keep their troops there indefinitely. It costs money, it keeps families disrupted, it causes tension. They must fight or leave. If they leave, and Saddam is still oppressing his citizens, then the USA loses. If there is a third choice, then I don’t know what it is, and I’m sure George Bush does not know what it is.

Would I go to war? No.
Would I send my son to war? If he chose to, then I would fully support him. If he chose not to, I would be proud of him too.

This is not about oil. It is not about democracy. It is about civilisation. Saddam Hussein rules the land that is known as the cradle of civilisation. And yet few people would consider Iraq to be a cultural, intellectual beacon. Free Iraq to join the world again. Let them become something great. Let them become something nice. Let them show the world what can happen when people are allowed to prosper.

Okay, I’m done.

So… to sum up… Saddam Hussein stinks. I think everything should be done to rid the world of him. Period.


Monday, March 10, 2003

This is for Harry!

First:

Sorry Andi… I haven’t bought any honey to try eating peas on a knife! I do want to try that, but alas, it will take time. I know it will be as sweet at you are though!

Second: for Harry, “Talk about your weight gain as well...Your pig out sessions with Ian and the most you guys ever consumed...favorite fattening foods...”

Okay, I can do that.

It’s sort of funny think about my ‘weight gain’ as one topic. It’s not, it’s really about many different aspects of my personality, and time. I can say that I did not wake up one day and go… ‘gee, I think I’ll gain 300 pounds now’.

The best place to start would be, of course, the beginning.

In high school I never thought of myself as an average girl, but in retrospect, I was, and it is average to consider yourself not average! I valued being thin because that’s what an average girl does in highschool. My friends were thin, my boyfriends liked thin girls, so I was thin!

I was lucky too, I had gone through my last growth spurt, which made me tall, and skinny. Staying skinny is easy, you just don’t eat a lot! Again, looking back I probably had an eating disorder, I didn’t eat much. I snacked on celery and carrots, I ate salads, or picked at fast food that friends had. But I was also active, I played basketball and volleyball, so I was pretty fit I guess.

In university I was less active, I did play pickup sports from time to time. I still was careful about what I ate, but I was also learning about ‘fitting in’, peer pressure and such. I really wanted to stay who I was, and I maintained my weight even as other friends gained the ‘freshmen 15’ or succumbed to the munchies. It wasn’t that much effort for me, and I didn’t feel I was missing anything by not getting fat.

So what changed? My friend got pregnant. She was in a really bad situation with her boyfriend (exboyfriend!), her job, and her living situation. Under the best of circumstances, I’d understand if she started overeating to cope with stress, but all of those things together really whacked her badly. She overate like it was a sport!

At first I thought it was kinda funny, watching her try to cope with life as best she could. It was weird watching her fit body (she was a good soccer player) bloat up as her nine months progressed. Towards the end she was getting quite large. We even talked about it. I thought she would be miserable, going from 120 to 200 pounds like that. But she wasn’t. She said she had enjoyed feeling the changes she’d gone through. She also enjoyed finally being able to ENJOY food. She could find things she liked and eat as much as she wanted. She also enjoyed people reacting to how she’d changed! She liked the idea of people’s eyes going wide when they saw how wide she was.

After her baby was born, she decided to keep going the way she had. She enjoyed her appetite, and wanted to continue. If that meant gaining weight, then so be it. She loved to eat!

Also, after her baby was born, she needed a place to live. I offered to room with her, since my lease was up too. It wasn’t long before her eating had rubbed off on me. I figured if she could be happy eating everything she wanted, why can’t I be happy eating anything I wanted? So we did.

Quickly it dawned on me that we could save a lot of money if we made the food ourselves. Since she was busy with her baby, I took it upon myself to learn how to cook. I viewed preparing a meal to a work of art, instead of paint or marble, I would work with ingredients to create something to tempt the senses. As I learned what we liked, I learned how to make great, filling meals.

It wasn’t long before I started gaining weight myself, as my friend continued her expansion. I enjoyed as much as she did people reacting to her new size. Asking how she could let herself go like that, and yet she was happy! The funny part is no one ever commented on my weight… I was with her, and she was HUGE, so what if I was 20 lbs heavier?

Eventually we revelled in the weight gain itself. Even though she had a head start, I was trying to catch her. We were always pushing our appetites to the limit, in a sort of game to see who could eat more!

But, as all good things… this came to an end. As her daughter became more and more mobile (crawling, walking, running!), she realised that being very large would become a problem. She just couldn’t run after her daughter, and she wanted to be involved in her life growing up, how involved could she be at this size? So she started to watch what she ate.

I, on the other hand, was having the time of my life! I was big. I was eating what I wanted. I loved the changes my body was undergoing. I loved getting new clothes as I gained.

That’s when I met Ian. Ian had always dated fit women. Why? Probably for the same reasons I was always thin. It’s just what he’d always done. He was very taken by me, for reasons beyond my weight, but the weight thing did intrigue him. He found the idea of my weight gain very exciting!

So I started spending more and more time with Ian, visiting his place. He has a great job, and could afford to spoil me. I’d never eaten better! Not only was I enjoying my food, but Ian was enjoying it. He loved to explore what I could eat, how much, and he enjoyed testing my limits more than I did. He was very accommodating, and, well, he spoilt me!

At this point my friend felt my presence was a little detrimental, she was trying to lose weight, and I was trying to gain weight. It was putting a strain on our friendship. Her situation was much better, she could afford to live with just herself and her daughter. So I moved in with Ian!

At this point I really could focus on my fuelling my appetite. I ate without abandon, enjoying very nice meals, some very good TLC. I was in heaven, and my weight gain really took off.

So what did I enjoy about the weight? I loved how I could enter a room and be the immediate centre of attention. I liked that I had control over my body, I was fat because I wanted to be. Not for any other reason.

I hope that’s good for you Harry!

If you want to know more (I’ll try to write about a ‘feeding session’ sometime!), then just ask, okay?

And, if any other readers want to read something specific, just ask!


Friday, March 07, 2003

This is for Snackie
My first All Request Blog Entry!

Ian’s weight gain eh?
Alrighty :-)

First off, his weight gain was accidental. He was encouraging me to gain weight, which meant I was eating very well, lots of snacks, lots of treats. Well, with my meals being so big, and snacks being readily available, it was impossible for Ian not to partake himself! He gained about 40 pounds without even noticing! Once he did realise what had happened, he decided to go for it, what’s food for the goose is good for the gander, right?

At first I was opposed to the idea… I’d never dated a big guy before, and certainly had never intended for Ian to gain weight. I wanted him back to the way he was. It became a battle of wills which, fortunately, he won!

It took sometime getting used to the idea of a fat, and gaining, Ian. But once I did, I embraced it! It was something we could share, I could cook my food, pamper him, as he had done for me. It’s only fair.

It became a challenge to create meals that would fill him up just a little more each time, making sure he never got bored, and always wanted that little bit more. I also enjoyed watching his body change, and, it’s always nice when someone you love is very happy, which Ian was!

Reactions of Family/Friends
I was the first big girl Ian ever dated. Up until me, he’d always dated slim women, in fact his previous girlfriend was a fitness fanatic, and she kept Ian pretty trim! So, it was a shock for his family and friends to get used to me (being about 300 pounds at the time). They were all very polite about it, and never said anything to me to my face. I know they stared, I’m sure they said things to Ian behind my back. But I never really cared about that, so… I don’t know what was said.

As I was gaining weight none of Ian’s friends ever said anything. Of course, they may not have noticed, just wondering if they’d mis-rembered how big I really was. I know my own friends would do that: “Gees Char… I didn’t realise you were quite so large.” “that’s okay, last time you saw me I wasn’t this large!”

So, by the time Ian was gaining weight, his family and friends were already used to me being pretty big. It wasn’t until Ian was over 300 pounds that his brother mentioned something, but it wasn’t a big deal. And once you’re past 300 pounds, there’s really not much to say!

People have a lot of decorum, at least our family and friends do. No one knows how to politely say ‘holey shit you’re fat’! Works fine with me.

A more interesting observation is how strangers deal with us! Whenever we go to a restaurant together, all eyes are on us, of course. People are always curious to see what we’re eating… and we’re usually eating a lot! (I guess we reinforce the old negative stereo types… sorry about that!)

Cost of food
One thing that happened when I moved in with Ian is money became less of an issue. Ian does very well with his job. He has good savings, and was never one to spend money on extraneous things. So… while we do spend a lot of money on food, it’s well within our budget, and not really a problem. I try to do a lot of cooking from scratch, or with semi-prepared ingredients. I’ve found the ingredients I like, at the right places, sometimes only the most expensive will do, other times.

Our grocery bills add up to maybe $200.00 a week. It’s tough to tell because we don’t keep a close tab. And some weeks cost more than others, buying huge bags of rice and flour, for example, aren’t always done. Similarly, it’s not like we have steak every night either! (Steak is a good treat, but too heavy for serious weight gain!)

When we eat out our bills can approach $100 dollars, and a night of pizza can run $50 if we’re feeling gluttonous.

Sex with a Fat man.
Ian is the first fat guy I’ve ever dated.
I’m the first fat girl Ian has ever dated.
Ian is the first guy I dated since becoming a fat girl!

So, there was a bit of a discovery as to what works and what doesn’t.
Obviously we have to be little more selective about positions. We can’t do it on the kitchen table! With our size now, standing isn’t really an option. I kind of miss that.

In bed we still play a lot. As a matter of fact, with so much real estate to explore, foreplay is much better now than it ever was! A simple back massage streches out as fat is kneaded, and tight muscles lie buried under roles.

Having your stomach rubbed, especially when it’s full is just incredible. I wish I’d always been fat, because of all the years I had to go without this sensation! I think stretched skin is very sensitive. It takes deft hands to do it right, but god if Ian doesn’t have those hands! I think now that he’s as big as I am, he understands a little more what I like and why, indeed I know exactly what he needs!

Of course food does play a part in sex. Not that sex revolves around food, or that it’s always part, but some nights a box of chocolate is key to foreplay, and of course chocolate sauce was meant for some fun encounters!



Okay, I had a lot of fun writing this!
Andi, I'll get to yours... I'm not sure what I can write about eating peas with a knife, I've honestly never tried that, but I'm VERY intrigued. Everything tastes good with honey!

I'll be doing more request blogs when I have nothing to write about, so keep the ideas coming. Nothing's too odd!


Thursday, March 06, 2003

All request blog entry!

Well, not much going on today so you, my faithful readers can decide what I write about next! (Okay, unfaithful readers can decide too!)

Just make a comment in that link thingy. Ask a question, suggest a topic. Anything. I’ll talk about it, write what I can, BS if have to.

Have fun, that’s what I plan to do!


Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Well, it’s official, Ian is fatter than me!

Woohoo!

He’s 443 pounds, thanks to some friends and Fat Tuesday. I don’t know my weight, but I’m sure I haven’t gained three pounds (it’s entirely possible I have… but I don’t think so.)

So what else is new?

Despite protestations from Amy that we ‘must’ have pancakes on Shrove Tuesday (aka Mardi Gras, aka Fat Tuesday), I just had a ceasar salad. I pointed out that I was already fat enough.

So she went out with friends to have some pancakes at a church. Very nice of her, it was for charity.

I’d like to set Ralph and Amy up for a date. I’m not sure if they’re great for each other, but I think it would be fun.


Monday, March 03, 2003

So I had a decent enough weekend.

I worked both days, but went out Saturday night none-the-less.

Actually, Saturday I went out with one of our artists. He’s a pretty cool guy, I hadn’t met him before. He was (like most people) taken aback by my size when he first met me. He’s used to all the stick figure women who hang out in the ‘art world’.

The stick figure is an interesting idea in itself. It’s not that all seriously artistic women are thin. They’re not. But still, there’s a bit of a stereotype. I guess if you’re a good painter or sculptress or something you’re expected to not have time to eat! Or there’s always the starving artist syndrome… it’s hard to present yourself as someone who doesn’t care they’re poor because they’re always painting when you look like you’re eating well!

Alas, I guess not enough people realise that cooking is an art to be appreciated as much as oil painting or marble sculpturing…

Anyway, Ralph wanted to get to know me better, so we went out to a nice quiet pub and talked for much of the night. I do enjoy doing things like that. I enjoy being the centre of attention (who doesn’t!?) and I also enjoy talking about my weight. I certainly can’t hide it, so why not embrace it, right?

I was telling him about how for a while I considered my body a work of art, that by growing larger by my own will was as much an accomplishment as any body builder, who will tell you they believe their pursuits are artistic!

Indeed, there was a time when I’d considered going into body building, specifically because I wanted to artistically remake my body. But the time and effort involved would have precluded too much else… plus since I was about 300 pounds at the time I wasn’t exactly made to feel welcome in a room of men and women would as soon spit in your eye as eat a Big Mac.

Anyway, he told me about an artist he’d heard about once who gained weight, and then lost it, and became muscular! Sounds pretty cool. There’s not much about her on the web, but her name is Elizia Volkman. I couldn’t find any pictures, but I do find the idea that 200 pounds is her idea of FAT is hilarious!

I also told Ralph about the ‘work’ I’d done with Ian, how he was my current artistic project, feeding him, and doing sketches, maybe some paintings of him. He actually said it was very interesting, and he wondered if he could handle being a big guy! (Ralph is quite thin… I don’t know if he’s fit or just… thin.)

Either way, it was a nice evening. I always enjoy such discussions, I learn so much about myself everytime I try to put my thoughts into words. I also love seeing how other people see me!

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