Thursday, September 27, 2007
Karen & Michael: Getting Up There
They got dressed up, which was fun. It was their first chance to really see each other ready for 'clubbing'. They made sure everyone was going to fit in with the group. A quick once over showed they all had impeccable taste, and they were all gifted with athletic bodies with just enough curves to be irresistible.
The girls found the club, and already standing in line outside they could tell by the crowd, by the thumping of the music coming through the wall that they'd found the perfect place. They were quickly admitted and set about exploring.
There was a large dance floor, flanked on one side by a long bar, and on the other sides were risers where people were dancing. Karen and her friends took a moment to take it all in. The girls dancing on the risers were good, but Karen and her friends all smiled silently to themselves: they knew they could dance better.
They went to the bar and ordered drinks. While her friends dispersed onto the floor to get their grooves, Karen stopped to talk with the bartender for a moment. She'd noticed that most of the staff were just working part time for a few extra bucks, but the bartender looked like a pro, like he'd been at it a while, and really cared about his customers. She found out that his name was Tim, and he'd worked a few bars over the years, and really liked this one. Different nights they appealed to different crowds, and he was sure that Karen and her friends would love Fridays.
Karen eventually hit the floor and before long it was clear that Karen and her friends were among the cream of the dancers. They'd collected small knots of people around them admiring their moves, and their bodies.
They had a fantastic night, and were told they could use the risers if they chose to come back next Friday. Naturally they took the opportunity.
***
The end of the semester was coming up, Karen didn't go out with her roommates on Friday nights any more. Her soft generous curves didn't fit in with their angular bodies. She preferred to go out on Thursday nights where people like Michael could appreciate her mix of generous proportions and dancing skills.
It was fun for her to dress up on Thursday night. She was never quite sure what would fit, what would be obscenely tight, and what she just couldn't squeeze into at all. It was getting harder and harder to find a selection of clothes that would fit her growing body, but she always managed to put on something that would emphasise her voluptuousness as well as let her dance.
The line up was always short on a Thursday night, but if there was one Karen was always allowed right in anyway. Once getting in she always made a beeline for the bar where Tim always had a plate of food waiting for her. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to keep her energy up.
Tim and Karen would talk for a few minutes while she ate. They'd catch up on their week, talk about anything that struck them as peculiar that night, or even about how much weight Karen had gained. At first they were both a little uncomfortable talking about Karen's weight, but once the ice had broken he was happy to notice it, and she was relieved to have someone to talk about it with. This week she was mentioning how tough it was to tie her boots, and he suggested finding some new ones that were designed to fit over a plus sized calf, as many of the girls on the risers had on.
After finishing her snack, she'd find Michael, the man she'd met months ago at this club, a man she found indescribably cute, sweet and generally perfect. She'd worked hard to impress him, and when she learned he liked bigger girls, she'd swiftly let her tiny dancer's body round into its current plus sized grandeur.
Typically they'd talk a little, dance a little, and then he'd set her up with a meal so she could gain enough weight to perform on the risers. She was dying to perform on the risers, she could dance as well as any of the girls up there, they were just a few pounds bigger than she was, which is what they wanted to see on Thursday nights.
Tonight wasn't typical though. Michael looked her over and casually remarked "It's a little tight, don't you think?"
Karen smiled, she knew this was a compliment from Michael. "It's a lot tight, actually. I don't know that I'll be able to wear it next week."
Michael gave her another glance. The seams were tight, her underwear could be seen pressed against the material. Rolls of flesh were clearly visible wherever the outfit gathered. "Are you sure you can dance in it?"
Karen rolled her eyes. "Of course I can dance in it."
He reached a hand out to her. She took it, unsure what to do for a moment before he started to guide her up to the nearest riser.
She was stunned for a moment before bursting into a big smile, and then putting on her best dance. She was dancing for Michael, but every eye in the club was on her.
Labels: FA, feeder, fiction, Karen, Michael, weight gain
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Me Time
The other story that is really sticking is the Megan/Geraldine story. I was going to write the next installment as the first episode of the TV show, then realised I have no clue how to do that. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear.
So, with my creative writing on hold, might as well go back to reality. It's my favourite time of year again, the leaves are changing and we're awash in colours. The weather has been odd, it was stinky hot yesterday, London set a record by a few degrees. Now it's rainy, which I don't really like, who wants to see piles of mucky leaves?
As I've been wrestling with the decision of the future, my stomach has been making its vote heard, I'm now 519 pounds. Ian's more than happy to keep me growing, and when someone is bringing you food, and you're used to just eating, it really is tough to stop without making an effort. I don't know how much longer this can go on, though I do know it's going to go on a little bit longer.
Ian's weight is now 395 pounds. He's just a machine, he is very dedicated to exercising and eating right. He says working out is the best way to fend off stress from work, so maybe once his work settles down he'll get fat again. Tough to say. I'm enjoying the ever changing Ian. Having him shrink helps me feel even bigger, which is always fun.Right now he's been talking about getting to 350 and re-evaluating his goals/routine. He's also propose that I keep gaining until then, so we can work out our goals together. That'll probably take us until next year so I don't think I'll wait that long, but I don't really have another plan in place either.
Finally, Amy. She's holding in at 531 pounds. Thomas is truly satisfied with her size, so while she's still trying to gain, she's doing it without his help. Not that he's disregarding her by any means, just not providing all the food she wants. She's doing her best to keep gaining, but she is finding it tough to find the time to really go for it.
Labels: Amy, Char, diary, Ian, weigh in
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Byline: The Fat Life - A New Lifestyle
It would be the height of arrogance to compare myself to photo journalists who put their lives in dangers to get pictures of the front line, or hard hitting interviewers who attempt to get into the minds of a serial killer on prime time TV, but I lack another metaphor. I'm doing this so you don't have to. I'm doing this so you'll know what it's like for me, and everyone else who is classified as obese.
The change in lifestyle will go far beyond wearing a fat suit for a day. I will gain the weight, I will go out in public as 'me'. I'll buy food, buy clothes, go to the movies, and everything else I normally do. This will be observations over time, not a snap shot of one day where I'm out to prove how tough it is. Putting on a fat suit and looking for discrimination makes it easy to find. Being fat and just living life, is there as much discrimination as people say? More? Less? Whatever the answer, I plan to find out, rather than decide ahead of time.
Since my last writing I have changed my lifestyle. It's a lot harder than I thought. While skipping the gym and having an extra slice of pizza might seem like the ticket, it's not. We think we make a lot of choices through out the day when in fact we're following a routine. I've had two cups of coffee with low-fat milk before I realise I should have cream. I've asked for the salad without dressing without thinking. I take the stairs rather than wait for the elevator, finish eating when my stomach says I'm full, and go for a walk around the block with my friend because she asked.
I am learning though. I've always had a soft spot for Ben & Jerry's that I'm starting to indulge. Letting the escalator take me to the top rather than jogging up. They're little steps, but they're good enough for me to gain a pound.
More, and more of me, to come, dear readers.
Labels: byline, fiction, weight gain
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Matt and Annie: 3 Months Later
The changes to his body were swift too. His weight jumped up as his body stored away the new stream of calories he was enjoying. Matt always made a point of having his favourite foods, rather than what he 'should' eat. He was surprised to learn that he had a lot of favourites. He was also surprised to learn that not all his favourites were junk. He was eating a lot of junk, but he felt that he was getting in all his essential vitamins and nutrients too. His body was becoming softer and rounder. He was more relaxed about it. He rarely sucked in his belly, which made it seem that much more pronounced, in addition to the rapid growth it had experienced.
He happily went out to buy new clothes as his older clothes became too small. There was a momentary pang when he realised he had outgrown the last of the clothes that Annie had bought him. It was a tshirt and sweatpants she'd bought him. They had been so big at the time, and they were so comfortable, they were his eating uniform. When she'd given them to him, he'd been embarrassed that she saw him as being so fat. Now he was happy to be fatter than she'd even imagined.
He kept thinking about Annie though. She was a lot of fun, she was bright, funny, and so beautiful. He felt totally out classed by her, and while he missed her, he knew that things would have gone sour anyway. He was glad that he didn't have to worry about keeping her happy, about keeping his weight down.
He threw the pants away, closing that chapter of his life.
Over time he wondered if his love of food and fat would change, if it was a phase he'd get through, or if it would be his life from now on. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months and if anything, his appetite grew stronger. Eating to his heart's content was no longer new, but a part of his routine. He knew what he wanted, and he knew when he wanted it. He was still eating a vast variety of foods, so even though things were well planned out, things were always fresh and exciting for him.
Matt always took time to see how he had been changing. It was impossible to even pretend he was thin now. His belly hung over his belt. His double chin was as prominent as the first. His cheeks were round. His arms were soft. His legs wiggled and jiggled when he walked. His chest was broad and flabby. Even his back had rolls forming on it. From head to toe, he was undeniably fat.
One evening as he was eating pizzas and watching some action movies at home his phone rang. He answered it and there was a pause. "Hello?" he asked again.
"It's...me," the voice whispered.
"Annie?" Matt never expected to hear from her again.
"Can I...come over?" She sounded incredibly nervous.
Matt thought. Why did she want to come over? Why was she so nervous? Did he want her to come over? He had gained so much weight since she'd seen him last, she'd be repulsed.
"Matt? Matt? Are you there?"
He realised he hadn't answered. Well, if she really wanted to see him, she'd see just how fat he was and that was that. "Of course you can come over," he whispered as he hung up.
20 minutes later she was buzzing to come up to his apartment. He was standing the door way, defiantly waiting for her. He wished he'd kept something she gave him, just to show how impossibly tight it had become. She was going to get the shock of her life when she saw just how fat her ex-boyfriend was.
The door swung open; Matt froze in surprise.
Labels: annie, ffa, fiction, matt, weight gain
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Stuck at Sea!
Many people would have been ashamed to let these things happen, but Peter and Denise found the events very erotic. The discussed them often, and aside from having a healthy family, enjoyable careers, their main goal was to see how much bigger Denise could get and see where else she might get stuck. They certainly didn't seek out places for her to get stuck, and always avoided them when the kids were around. This week to themselves, on the other hand, they weren't planning to be nearly so careful.
Denise been 123 pounds when they married, and each of their three children had added significantly to her girth. From there it was Peter's discovery that he loved a bigger Denise that led Denise to continue getting bigger. This summer Denise was bigger than ever, tipping the scales at 465 pounds.
It was difficult choosing a place to go on vacation. At her size Denise didn't want to do a lot of walking. The RV was out of the question, it was too small for her a couple years ago, impossible now. Last year had been a trip to Niagara Falls. It was a lot of fun, but a lot of walking too. It had taken her a month to recover from that, and she was much thinner then! The perfect trip finally presented itself: a cruise! There wouldn't be much walking for Denise, and they wanted to test the rumour that you always gained weight on a cruise.
Though they had a nice cabin, a cruise ship is ultimately a moving hotel, and there are concessions that must be made to keep it as small as possible. Doors are a little tighter, bathrooms a little smaller. When first setting up in their cabin there was some worry that Denise might find a place to get stuck sooner rather than lighter. Though there were some tight fits, there weren't any problems.
The ship made a cruise of the Caribbean, and while it made a few stops, Peter and Denise remained aboard the ship. They discovered the rumours were true, and that food was plentiful even beyond their imagination.
As the week wore on it became clear that no matter how much Denise ate, and how tight things seemed aboard the ship, she wasn't going to get stuck anywhere. The food and privacy did provide them with plenty of entertainment anyway.
On their last full day on ship they went to their favourite buffet. Peter was going to bring her plate after plate of food, as he had all week. This time they were going to go for broke and stay until they were told to leave.
As then entered, they realised they weren't alone in enjoying the buffet. The place was packed! They looked around for an empty table, an empty booth, something. Eventually they settled on a booth that already had a couple in it, but wasn't full. The husband and wife were seated across from each other. The husband was quite large, maybe an equal for Denise. There was already a large plate of food in front of him. Peter and Denise asked if they could join them, and the couple said yes. They moved around so that Denise was facing the husband, and their spouses were on the outside of the booth.
The booths were roomy, and the tables moved, which was why Denise hadn't gotten stuck in them as they'd hoped a few days earlier. However, sitting across from this other large man, the table was much tighter. Even still, Denise could still get up if she needed to.
As the afternoon wore on it became clear that this other couple had the same intention as Denise and Peter: to get in as much of this great food as possible! They chatted about the experiences on the cruise, all the great food they'd eaten and places they'd been. Denise and the husband would keep eating as their spouses gathered plate after plate of food. As the day became evening, a competitive spirit took hold. It was a friendly competition, but each couple was determined to eat the most.
The restaurant slowly emptied, and they could have moved to more comfortable chairs, or their own booth, but the Battle of the Bulges continued. Denise had eaten more than she could ever recall, and was uncomfortably full. She was pretty sure the same was true of her counterpart.
Finally they were the last people in the place and the staff was eager to clean up. The food was put away, and the race was on to polish off their last plate first. It ended in a virtual dead heat. Everyone smiled, Denise and the fat husband had dreamy looks on their faces, they were very pleased with themselves, and also happy that the food had finally stopped.
Denise turned to get up.
At least, she tried to turn. The table jostled, squeezing into her belly. She and her eating companion tried moving in different ways, with each other, against each other, sitting still, trying to go up, down, left right, but it was no use.
They were stuck! Stuck at sea!
Labels: FA, fiction, stuck, weight gain
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Karen and Michael: A Big Step
She was going to eat it.
She reached out, tentatively took a fry. A fry was safe. It was small, tiny, she'd had millions before, why not another? It tasted like a McDonald's fry. She'd heard they tasted the same the world over, for some reason. She wondered why, and then she wondered how. She continued to slowly chew the fry. It was a fry like any other, but it wasn't. This fry, it was the start of something, something new, something big, something that was going to make her happy.
She reached out for the Coke. She'd never really liked Coke, she had sips from boyfriends from time to time, but it always was so syrupy, so sugary. She'd wondered why anyone drank it at all, it was awful AND it made you fat. She took a sip. It was syrupy. It was sugary. It was going to make her fat. She took another sip.
She grabbed a few more french fries. The same texture and flavour as the first, but already the sense of the occasion was fading. Fries were fries. Another sip of Coke put off the next step for another moment.
She took the Big Mac in her hand. She'd never had a single, much less a double. How could anyone possibly eat this? Was it going to fit in her mouth? She crushed the burger slightly, so she might eat it easier. The flavour was overwhelming! There was so much to taste in the burger, so much familiar, and so much new and exciting.
She took another bite. A bigger bite.
Another sip of Coke, another handful of fries.
Karen's hesitancy was gone. Though it didn't cross her mind at the time, she'd discovered what so many others had: junk food tasted good, and you could at a lot of it without even noticing. She enjoyed each bite. The fries were familiar, comfortable. The Coke seemed better as the ice melted into it, the flavour becoming fuller.
The Big Mac, that Double Big Mac, though, it was so new, so incredible. In a flash she went from wondering how she could possibly eat it all to wondering how she had eaten it so fast.
Her fries and drink were gone too.
She sat back, shaking a little with the realisation of what she had done. She'd eaten an entire McDonald's combo. With a Double Big Mac. Supersized. And it had gone by in a flash.
***
Karen sat, staring. Her friends had decided to buy her dinner. They'd decided to have a little fun with her. The array of food before her was tremendous. There were samplings from all the different fast food places nearby: burgers, fries, tacos, chicken, even a pizza.
She looked up her giggling friends. "Is that all?" she asked as she took the first piece of pizza.
Even though she was trying to be blaze about all the food, inside she was very nervous. She'd never eaten so much at once, and wasn't sure she could. Also, she wasn't sure if her friends expected her to eat it or not. What would they do if she did? What would they do if she didn't?
Before she knew it Karen had already eaten half the pizza, a couple tacos and only one burger remained. She wasn't sure how long she'd been eating, but her friends were sitting around her. For the first time she noticed the astonishment on their faces. They hadn't expected her to get this far, and she still had room for more.
Seeing Karen pause gave her friends a chance to speak up. "I had no idea she was that much of a pig." "I can't even eat one of those, and how many did she have?" "I don't care how fat she is, I knew she couldn't eat all that!"
Staring at the girl who made the last comment Karen reached out for another piece of chicken and took a large bite of it. She continued her assault on the dwindling buffet. It was getting harder to eat, she was getting so full, but the gauntlet was down, she was determined to finish everything off.
She paused again and looked up at her friends. They shared a look of disbelief. She waited for them to say something, but after a moment, only one of them quietly said, "are you finally done?"
"There's still food, isn't there?" Karen said matter of factly. "Just need to get a little more comfortable." With that she adjusted the waistband of her pants below her belly and hiked up her shirt a little. She didn't really need to do that, but it let her stomach spill out, and she took a moment to enjoy the look of absolute horror in her friends' eyes before she tucked in to finish the rest of the meal.
With the evening getting late she finally finished the last piece of pizza and licked her fingers. Her friends were all still there, completely dumbfounded. Karen was surprised she'd managed to eat it all, and quite proud that she could show her friends up like that. She was also too full to move.
Labels: FA, feeder, fiction, Karen, Michael, weight gain
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Matt and Annie: The Breakup
His cheeks were puffier, a double chin was impossible to ignore, and he was pretty sure he was forming man boobs too.
Despite his best intentions, his plans to join a gym hadn't really worked for him. He tried to watch what he was eating, but it didn't seem to have much of an effect.
He sighed, noticing his massive stomach rise and fall in the mirror. Annie was a great girl, she just wasn't going to stand for him gaining weight much longer. She was so beautiful, so shapely, she just wouldn't be seen in public with a fatso. She was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he couldn't even lose a few pounds for her.
He wondered if he should just end it with her now, save her the trouble. At least people would understand, you're allowed to get fat after a breakup.
He smiled at that prospect.
He didn't mind being fat. There was part of him that really liked it. He'd always... well, he couldn't say he'd fought it. He never joined a gym, he wasn't a health nut in the grocery store, he'd always been 20 pounds overweight. But he'd always made sure things never got out of hand like they had lately. Now that they had though, he wondered... what if he gained more weight? What would it feel like? What would people think? How much could he gain? How fast? What would it be like to eat what he wanted?
As he became larger and larger in his imagination, Matt's reverie was broken by the telephone ringing. Annie was coming over.
He became very nervous. He'd come to a decision, it was time to break up with her. He didn't know how to do it, or what to say. He wished he had more time. He didn't have to do it now, but felt it would be dishonest to string her along. He'd have to do it now.
Matt put on an old grubby t-shirt he had. Annie had certainly never seen it, it was stained, torn. He'd had it for years, and couldn't remember when he last put it on.
Or when it fit last. It was tight, his belly spilled out the bottom of it. He wondered for a minute if he should change it or not. He thought about how ridiculous he must look, decided to keep it on.
He tried to put on an old pair of jeans, but they didn't even get past his knees before he gave up on them. He did find an old pair of sweat pants that he managed to squeeze into. The waist band dug in, he could feel his belly hanging over it, and was pretty sure he could shame any plumber with the crack hanging out at the back. Perfect he smiled.
Matt went into the washroom to check out his ensemble. Even though he was a few minutes removed from realising how fat he'd become, he was surprised to see how fat he'd become. The pants looked like they were painted on, the seams were pulling apart. His belly hung ponderously over the waistband. The tshirt was downright embarrassing. His upper body resembled a sausage while half his gut swung free where the thsirt rode up.
He lost track of how long he was staring at himself when Annie buzzed to come up.
Matt panicked for a moment. What was she going to think of him? She was the best thing that had ever happened, was this right? But he settled down as he reached for the knob. They weren't right for each other. He was going to be free to gain weight, and she'd find someone better for her. Everyone would be happier.
He opened the door.
Annie's jaw dropped. The bags of food she was carrying falling a stunned moment later. She stammered, "Matt, I... wow... um... Matt..."
He directed her to the couch. He was acutely aware of her eyes taking in every detail of his appearance. He became very conscious of how much his belly was wiggling as he moved. He wanted to run and hide, wanted to apologise for letting her see what a mess he'd become. He resolved to get this over quickly.
"Annie, I'm sorry," he put his hand up as she tried to interrupt. "This isn't easy for me, I need to get it done now while I can." He drew in a big breath, feeling his stomach ballooning to unimaginable proportions, "Annie, we need to break up."
He saw her look from his belly to his face, and then down to her lap, "but why?" Tears were already starting to well up.
"I just..." he wanted to be honest, but he didn't want her to think he was nuts. He wished he'd planned this out rather than just staring at how fat he was in the mirror. "I don't feel that this relationship is bringing out the best in me... I need..."
"Is it your weight?" she blurted out.
"Yes," he sighed. "Yes, it's my weight."
"But Matt..."
He cut her off, he didn't want to hear that she didn't care. She might say it, but he knew, deep down, a girl like that wouldn't really not care. Some day she'd finally be tired of having a fat boyfriend. Better to get this out of the way now. "I know, but... you're so pretty, so thin, you really need someone who's in better shape, someone that you've got more in common with."
"So..." she was trying to compose herself, "I'm too thin for you?"
"Yes," Matt saw anger flash across her face. "I mean no, I mean... I just mean you deserve better than me."
"Isn't that for me to decide?"
"There's more to it." He took another deep breath as his belly impersonated the goodyear blimp. "I've always worked so hard to keep thin," he couldn't believe he was saying this, "and I'm going to stop. In fact... in fact I'm going to get fatter.
Her face lit up. Matt's heart sunk. He was right. He could imagine that she was thankful for the bullet she'd dodged, being saddled with some fat nut job.
"So..." she couldn't help but repeat herself. "So, I'm too think for you, and you're going to get fatter? Is that right?"
His mind desperately screamed no, but... this was the perfect moment to end it. "Yes."
"Well," she got up and went to the door, "that's that then." She picked up the food she'd dropped and handed it to him. "Think of it as a parting gift." She turned to gape at him one more time as the door closed.
Matt let out a giant breath. He could feel his belly deflate back to 'normal' in his imagination. He looked at the food in his hands. He sat down and dug into it. If he was going to really gain weight, this was the perfect time to start
Labels: annie, feeder, ffa, fiction, matt
Friday, September 14, 2007
Stuck! Again!
Peter and Denise never let on exactly how baby oil got everywhere to anyone else, but often talked about their experience themselves. At 330 pounds, Denise had become wedged in the shower of her parents' RV. After a few other attempts to get her out they had finally used some baby oil to slide her past the door. She'd been on her feet for too long at that point and had gone to sit right down. Unfortunately with her back side oiled up, she slipped right to the floor. It wasn't long before baby oil was every where and they were slipping and sliding with each other for the rest of their vacation. It was the most fun they'd ever had, but it was a big mess.
This summer they merely rented a suite in Niagara Falls to have a second honeymoon. On their last honeymoon Denise had been quite a bit smaller at 123 pounds. Over the years she had softened up, gaining considerable amounts of weight with each of their 3 pregnancies. Peter learned that he enjoyed Denise more when there was more to enjoy. Denise learned that when Peter enjoyed more of her, she enjoyed it too. So over time she had reached her 330 stuck-in-the-shower pounds.
They had enjoyed that event so much that Denise's appetite had been renewed to a new level, meaning that Peter had a 393 pound bride to take on his second honeymoon. Unfortunately, carrying her across the threshold didn't happen this time. Heading directly for the bed, with clothes flying every which way did happen again though.
After a few hours Denise headed to the washroom to freshen up. She looked around. She frowned and laughed together when she noticed that the shower was more than generous enough to accommodate her and Peter. She looked at the Jacuzzi tub. It seemed pretty big, but she wasn't sure if there'd be room for both of them in it. Only one way to find out though. She began to fill it.
The tub was big, and it took a long while to fill. They both waited patiently in the robes supplied by the hotel. They laughed as Denise's robe was far from a good fit. By cinching the belt tight they did manage to tie it around her waist, but her belly and boobs were on fully display. She could barely breath in it. When Peter mentioned that he'd seen showers that were a better fit Denise laughed so hard the belt broke. They both fell into fits of laughter with that.
As the tub filled Denise slipped into it. The water level rose dramatically as she submerged herself; Peter had to move quickly to stop the tub from over filling. A quick glance told him that while it was a tub built for two, his wife was built like two: he wasn't going to fit. They were both a little sad about this, but they decided to make the best of it.
She just soaked, enjoying the pressure of the jets against her soft body. He fed her a box of chocolates as she relaxed. After a while he decided that he'd wash her with some body wash he found in the shower. It was a little awkward for him, but feeling her fat under the water, sliding around with the body wash felt quite spectacular, it was worth the effort.
She really enjoyed it too, finally deciding to get out of the tub only because the water was getting cold and she was getting wrinkly. As the water drained she turned to get up.
And slipped.
She tried to plant her foot on the bottom of the tub, and it was slippery. She realised it was from the body wash, it clung to both her and the tub, and provided absolutely no friction at all.
As the water drained she tried again and again without success. There were no grab bars, and with the depth of the tub, she couldn't get a good grip on the side. Even with the water out her skin and the bottom of the tub were too slick.
She was stuck.
Again.
Labels: FA, fiction, stuck, weight gain
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Stuck!
After going to college, and meeting Peter she never really got to get out on the road again. She really missed it, but it was something that Peter just didn't really want to do. When they camped, Peter preferred to 'rough it', and she came to enjoy camping that way too.
Once they were married, and especially after having kids, Peter and Denise's lifestyle was far less active. They didn't get out as much, and they certainly didn't dare go camping with their little kids. As a result of being more sedentary, they gained some weight. Denise also gained a little more weight with each baby she had.
In fact, it was more than a little. Denise had been quite fit when they met, carrying 115 pounds on her 5'3" frame. By the time they married she was still considered svelte at 123 pounds. When she first became pregnant she was already a little chubby at 150 pounds. 9 Months later, she was waddling around at 240 pounds. After having the baby she managed to get her weight down to 200 pounds, but she just didn't find the time or energy to exercise more, and she couldn't really help eating all the food she liked. Besides, Peter rather enjoyed the softness of her body, and often mentioned that he missed how big she'd become when pregnant. It wasn't long before another pregnancy took her from 200 to 270 pounds. Her weight dropped to 250 afterwards, but it quickly crept back up to 270 just in time to become pregnant a third time. She gained 'only' 50 pounds this time, but her weight wouldn't drop below 300 again, and would in fact settle around 330 pounds.
Her friends and family assumed that she was miserable with her weight, but she was quite pleased with it. It had really strengthened her relationship with Peter. He quite literally couldn't get enough of her. She was three times the girl that Peter had first met, but he loved her 10 times as much, so it was going very well for Denise.
With their kids growing up a little, they decided to leave the kids with her parents for a week and take some time for themselves. Peter thought it would be a blast to go camping like they used to. Denise pointed out that it was fine when she was 130 pounds to sleep on the ground, but there was no way she was going to try it now.
Instead they borrowed her parents RV so Peter could see just how much fun it was to camp in comfort.
Their first night was when Denise realised that she wouldn't be reliving her childhood experiences. Dinner was a little more awkward than she'd expected, the table was a booth, and while she could squeeze in, her belly was perched right on the table. They both thought it was fantastically funny, but it was uncomfortable. Eventually she shifted so she was sort of sitting sideways, with her belly hanging out the side. At night the bunk they slept on was much smaller than their bed at home. It was very cosy, which suited them just fine.
It was the next morning where the real surprise happened though.
Peter was having his shower, and Denise snuck up to join him. Even though she tried to squeeze in with him, it was abundantly clear that there wasn't going to be room for both of them, so she waited patiently for him to finish up.
Denise squeezed into the shower and realised that even without Peter it was a tight fit. She twisted and turned, but she couldn't seem to get the shower door to close. Finally she called Peter to close it from the outside. It pressed into her back as he closed it, but it did close as she wiggled and pushed with her bum. Her breasts and belly were squeezed as flat as possible against the opposite wall.
With the door closed she had just enough room to turn around. She couldn't help but be touching at least one wall, and found that should be be touching ever wall of the stall with some part of her body if she stood relaxed. She thought it was pretty funny, and once her body was slicked up with her body wash, it actually felt really nice to be slip along the wall. She wished that Peter could join her, this shower was by far the best she'd felt in a long time all by herself! She just revelled in her oversized body pushing this tiny stall to its limits.
When the shower was done she was fresh and relaxed. She tried to open the door, but she wasn't too surprised that she couldn't. She called for Peter, who was more than happy to help out. He pushed, she squeezed. It just wasn't getting past her. She spun around, hoping that might give more room. He kept pushing on the door, but all it did was press into her flesh. The harder he pushed, the more it dug in and hurt.
They weren't sure why the door could close but not open. They weren't sure how she was going to get out. They were sure of one thing though: Denise was stuck!
Labels: FA, fiction, stuck, weight gain
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Down to 400
He's still fat, of course, but to me he brings to mind 'bulky' more than 'fat'. He's still got a considerable gut, but it's framed by broad shoulders and some powerful arms. Even through all that fat, you can tell there are muscles at work in his chest, arms and legs. He's starting to remind me of those strong guys from the competitions! I know he's not that strong, but still, the visual effect is there.
As for my own weight, I'm still at 517 pounds. It's been an interesting week, almost like rediscovering myself. Again. It's been fun, the difference between being 517 and knowing that I'm 517 is far greater than I'd ever have imagined. It's been a week of feeling absolutely incredibly big, even though nothing changed. I've been moving slower, noticing how tight everything is, how tiny everyone at work is. My appetite has grown to become insatiable again. It goes to show how much 'being fat' is in your head!
My plans for the future are murky, again. Ian would like me to gain more weight now. We've discussed 530 as a goal, or maybe just starting my diet in the New Year like everyone else. I can't say that in my heart I'm all that opposed to either suggestion. I still know that to have more kids, I really need to get my ass in gear, so we'll see how things pan out.
An interesting twist, though, is Sherry. She's on Ian's side here, she'd like to push me a little bit further! I was really surprised by that. I just might have to indulge her a little on this!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Megan: The Comeback
The show wasn't going to be scripted, however, the producers did have plans for the girls. They were told what sort of conversations they should have on camera, the kinds of remembrances they would have, and what their daily routines were going to consist of.
Megan was going to be spending time with nutritionalists, fitness experts and personal motivators. Geraldine would continue her work, the restaurant was abuzz with the free TV time they would get after coming to an accommodation with the producers. Geraldine would also be consulting with a nutritionalist, though it would be offscreen. Her diet was going to be closely monitored, she'd have little choice about what she ate, though there would be plenty.
While reacquainting themselves with each other, Geraldine couldn't help noticing how much Megan seemed to eat. Megan just smiled back at her, "how do you think I got so fat so fast? I just love to eat! And you're going to love it too."
Geraldine was still apprehensive. She didn't want to get fat, but she didn't want to toil in obscurity either. Maybe she wouldn't gain all that much weight. She doubted she'd get as bloated as Megan had.
The show began filming, and the girls quickly learned how to stage conversations. It was was billed as 'reality', though it was anything but. It was acting, and it was very tough, they had to act like themselves, but they had to act like they weren't acting. When you're surrounded by cameras and lights and microphones, being yourself becomes impossible, unless you're a skilled actor. The girls proved themselves quite adept.
Even though she knew she'd be eating a lot, Geraldine couldn't believe how much she was eating. She ate what she was told to, and she felt like every time the camera was off she was told to stuff her self, and every time the camera was on something was put in front of her. She felt like she'd eaten more in the first week than the previous year.
By the second week of filming, Geraldine had become used to the 'always full feeling' that had been forced upon her. Her body was still aching to work out from time to time, but she was getting used to the more sedentary lifestyle she was leading as Megan's 'Rock'.
The theme was Megan getting her life back together, getting her weight under control, her name back out there, and eventually getting a movie deal. Their conversations ranged from 'what happened', 'what've you been up to', 'remember this' to 'what are your dreams for the future' kind of stuff.Labels: fiction, Geraldine, Megan, show, weight gain
Friday, September 07, 2007
Responding
2) Thanks, I guess I've learned a little bit about writing over the last few years.
3) There are many paths to happiness, and some paths that lead to short term happiness, but then lead to long term sadness, and similarly forboding paths that lead to long term happiness. Just because I'm happy now is no guarantee I'll be happy later.
Of course, no guarantee that if I make a sacrifice now I'll be happy later.
That's what makes life difficult ;-)
4) I get online from time to time for chat. you can always email me: charmcd@gmail.com or charlotte_mcd@yahoo.com
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Wednesday Weigh In
Cow
When I hit 500 pounds back in May I'd resolved to just let it go during the summer. I'd eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and I wouldn't step on the scale.
And I did that. No longer did I let my food control me, I ate when I was hungry, not to gain that extra pound. It was good, I really enjoyed the summer, it was really freeing, really. I did a lot more, I ran errands, cleaned up around the apartment. I didn't worry about expending extra energy. I didn't worry about 'sweating off the weight'. I just had fun.
I got to know myself better than I was expecting. I'd sort of gotten into the mindset of being a bit of a lump, an eating machine. I hadn't always been like that, and was hoping to get out of it. Turned out that my body was more than happy to get up and moving again. I certainly didn't have the stamina I had years ago, but I got around better than I thought, and could stay on my feet longer than I'd have guessed.
Not to say there weren't days that I cursed my body for being so big and unwieldy, but, they were certainly outweighed (so to speak) by the days where I just enjoyed the sensations that my body had to offer. I'd spent so much time focusing on eating and getting bigger, I hadn't really taken the time BE bigger. It's tough to explain, but basically, I was so focused on the changes, I wasn't really focusing on what I had. It might seem tough not to realise that you're fat, but there's a difference between knowing it and feeling it.
I'm going to keep trying to explain this, bear with me!
There are two mindsets here. The first one, is when you are fat. This is the standard derogatory sense of the word, the feeling sorry for yourself, inert, big, fat. I didn't feel sorry for myself or anything, but I was in a world where I was fat. It's who I was, what I was, and what I was concerned with. Now, I've moved into being a person who is fat, a person with a body that happens to have fat. You do things, and maybe your fat gets in the way, maybe not. It doesn't matter. You do what you do, and the fat is along for the ride. Sometimes your fat dictates what you do, but for the most part, it doesn't matter.
There we go.
So, rather than being fat this summer, I was Char, who happens to have a fat body, this summer. I hope that makes sense.
I did a lot more than I thought a fat person ever could, and I'm proud of that. I realise that my thinking was wrong, fat people can do pretty much whatever if they allow for being a person, rather than just 'fat'.
Now, I do need to clarify, being 'fat', rather than a 'fat person', can be fun. I certainly enjoyed it. There's a single-mindedness, purposefulness that can really be comfortable when embraced. I loved being fat, but it was good to make the transition too.
Anyways. Since I was no longer big fat foodie Char, but rather dynamic, embracing life, enjoying being fat, but not dwelling on being fat Char, I figured my weight would drop. Food wasn't a priority, and I was far more active. I could feel myself losing weight. I could feel myself gaining energy, it was easier to get around, I fit places I hadn't fit in a while. I liked being 500 pounds, but I didn't let the weight loss stop my summer of fun.
Without weighing in, it's tough to say how much you weigh. Even when you're tiny, sometimes gaining one pound might seem like ten, and losing 3 pounds might seem like 15. At my size, weight is really a product of the imagination. 500 pounds is bigger than 499, so when I'm 500, I feel bigger than 499.
At different times this summer, I've felt different sizes. I know I went over 500 pounds in June. For some reason I ate more just because I didn't have to. It was a lot of fun, really.
Then I got more active, especially our vacation in August, and my weight really started to plunge. It was tough to say, but I figured I was 480, maybe 470... even an outside chance of 490 if I gained a lot in June.
But I've been living these last few weeks as though I was 480 pounds. Big, sure. Jiggly? You bet! I still eat a lot for mere mortals. I love treats, but keep things balanced. I'm still wearing colossal clothing. I still pick my seats very carefully. I still avoid stairs whenever I can.
Today was my weigh in.
Holey
Cow
When it spun up to 517 pounds I could FEEL myself gain that weight in an instant. I went from Char-who-happens-to-be-fat right back to Fat-Char. Gravity reached out and reaffirmed its grip on me. My tummy jutted out 10 more inches. My energy dropped. And my appetite roared. It felt incredible, all that at once, just reminding me how much I love being fat, not just someone who happens to be overweight, but to just be FAT. Feeling gravity pulling on me, feeling my body fold over itself, wiggling and jiggling with every step, every breath. There is just so much! I'd gotten so used to what I could do, I'd gotten away from who I am.
Which brings me to a problem. I do want to lose weight. I'm still aiming to be 280 pounds. But I just don't think I'm ready for it. I'm just having so much fun, sitting here, typing, snacking, being 517 gloriously fat pounds of Char. I don't want to give it up, and yet I want to move on very much so.
It's going to take a little time to decide what happens next.
Incidentally, Ian's down to 404 pounds.