MsCezanne's Odyssey

It is amasing how fast a winterwonderland can turn into a frozen hell. (To anyone who uses the expression 'when hell freezes over' has never been outside when it's minus 20. It is hell.) Everything is covered in a dull frost, the salt on the roads turns a pasty white; however if you're actually outside, you can't look around for fear of the wind blasting your eyeballs out.

The worst part is that it rained last night, so all the snow is gone, so under the frost is brown. Ick.

I'm in the market for a new car, haven't quite decided which way to go yet. Still have friends in high places at a Ford dealership, so we might see about getting something from them. Not sure what I want to drive yet. I like Ian's Murano, but since my car is the 'grocery runner', I don't need an Explorer or anything! Ian thinks we should get a Mustang.

In the world of Wasting Away, Ian's now down to 361 pounds. He's very happy with where he is now, he's big and strong without being particularly awkward. I like that he's got plenty of energy to get things done these days. I think we might be in a position where we can really keep up with buying a house.

We haven't discussed that yet though.

Maybe we will.

I've become a svelte (and palindromic) 494 pounds. I can handle stairs now. I don't want to handle stairs, but if I, oh, say, owned a house with stairs, I'd be fine.

You know what? We're going to buy a house, whether Ian wants to or not. I'm ready, he's ready, we're ready.

Labels: Char, diary, Ian, weigh in

I know that winter can be long, dreary, cold and miserable. I also know that winter can the source of a light, fluffy, magical snowfall. I can say this because I don't have to shovel, but the last couple of days we've gotten magnificant snow falls, couldn't ask for anything better really. They're not enough to bring the city to a standstill, but plenty enough to cover trees, houses and everything else in a nice, soft, puffy shell. Everything looks different, even if it is the same underneath, and I just love it.

The irony of course is that my own outside continues to become less puffy, while there are changes underneath. Just last night someone asked me how it felt to lose 25 pounds. I don't feel like I've lost 25 pounds, I feel like I've lost 100. Or more. It isn't the weight that gets me down, it's the fitness. I've been working hard in the pool, and my body is responding. I'm getting stronger, my stamina is building up, and life is just EASIER. I almost regret that it's cost me 25 pounds to get this feeling.

My goal does continue to be 280 pounds, but it's going to feel much different than I was thinking it would. I've been asked if this is still my 'long term goal'. I always reply that I don't have long term goals. Planning to hit 280 is the longest I've ever planned anything. I can't say what I'll choose to do next once (if) I reach this goal, and I'd be quite disappointed in myself if I could.

Thanks for the suggestions for writing. I haven't even tried writing since last week, I guess my creative urges have been supplanted by my efforts in the pool. I'm a little sad to see that I have to sacrifice one aspect for the other, but I'm sure over time my creative juices will begin to flow again.

I also think I said too much about Amy last week, in trying to not say too much. I'm sorry. She's fine, she really is. For most people losing a couple of pounds isn't a big deal, or even noteworthy. Everyone has ups and downs, and she's no different. It won't be long before she's fatter than ever!

Labels: Char, diary, weigh in

I'm back to 499 pounds, with any luck that's the last time I'll be crossing 500 pounds for a while. If not I won't be too broken up about it, but all the same, I'd like to get to 280 as fast as I can, and have another baby or two.

Then I can think about 500 pounds again.

It's been a bit of a weird week. Sherry has been told she needs to lose weight for work. She's become quite buff, and I guess there's concern that she might be intimidating clients a little bit. They'd like her to be a little leaner, a little softer. She's not so happy about it, and it just seems weird to me. She works at a gym, surely being superfit is a good thing? It's not like she looks like me or anything.

On the other hand, between the two of us, who are you going to trust for food more?

Ian continues to whittle off his weight. He's now at 369, the lowest he's been in years. The changes aren't all that drastic, but he's feeling better than ever he says, which is something since he's been busy with work.

I've been busy at work too, end of the year means the start of taxes, and people never seem to quite learn that they a) come every year b) are pretty much the same as last year c) you don't have to wait until the last minute to do things. Oh, they also forget that I don't set tax policy, and being sworn at doesn't really make things any easier for anyone.

I know if you're reading this you're probably interested in Amy's weight too. I'm okay with that. I have to report she has been losing weight for details that are best left offline. Suffice it to say that stress kills her appetite these days.

I know my story output has dropped off significantly. I've tried writing some new chapters, I've tried starting some new stories, and can't quite get something I'm interested in writing a complete story (i.e., beginning, middle, end) out of. I've got bits of beginnings, middles and ends, but can't seem to string the whole thing together.

Weight gain stories are fundamentally shallow, and if I want to keep it realistic, there's only so many reasons people will gain weight in such a way as to make a fun story.

I could certainly explore stories that aren't so happy, but I'm not sure there's much of a market for that (even if they are 'free', lol).

I could always go off into more fantastical fiction. It would certainly allow some interesting things to develop.

Or maybe it's time to just ask for suggestions, seed the garden of imagination, so to speak.

Karen was so full she could hardly move. It had been a week since she'd started eating as much as she could, and she still wasn't used to it. There was a part of her that thought she was out of her mind. But that part lost out to the part that saw gaining weight as the only way to interest Michael.

Her clothes still fit, though they felt a little tight. Karen wondered if she really had gained that much, or if it was just in her head. It wouldn't be long before she really did have to buy some bigger clothes. Again part of her thought she was off her rocker. Again, the part that wanted Michael was in control.

While she loved dancing with her friends on Friday nights, they wouldn't be caught dead joining her Thursday night when the 'fat girls' were at the club. Karen really did feel out of place, she was the smallest woman there, many were twice her size, and a few where three times her size or larger. One of the largest women was Andrea. She always had the complete attention of Michael. They were the informal king and queen of the club on Thursday nights. All the women wanted Michael, all the women wanted to be Andrea. Karen didn't want to be Andrea though. She wanted to be more than Andrea.

Arriving at the club she looked around. Andrea and Michael weren't there yet, so she stepped up to the bar to chat with Tim, the bartender. He was very friendly, always happy to talk with her. He had a drink for her before she even had to ask for it. She asked if he had a menu.

"Of course, the kitchen gets a great work out on Thursdays," he handed one to her.

There was the standard pub grub. As Karen looked over the list of 'appetizers' she realised they were all available in small, large, and extra large. "So how big is an extra large nachos?"

"You and all your friends couldn't handle it," he smiled back.

"Who could?"

"She can," he pointed.

Karen turned to see Andrea waddling in. She was impeccably dressed. Her clothes were as stylish and attractive as Karen’s, just much larger. They were also tighter than Karen's were.

Before long it was clear everyone had made note of Andrea's presence. The men were pretending to be interested in their dates, and the women pretended that the men couldn't see her. It's the reception Karen and her friends would receive on Friday nights.

As Andrea climbed up to dance on the risers, Karen realised that Michael was sitting in a booth and was entranced watching Andrea, his Queen.

Karen just pretended that he was interested in her, not Andrea.

***

Karen was so full she could barely move. She'd been pushing herself extra hard all week, and it felt really good. Part of her wished she'd been able to eat more. Part of her was sure she'd eaten enough to get Michael's full attention at long last.

Her clothes were a little tight. They still fit though. Karen wondered if she'd gained enough that she should have bought something new. It wouldn't be long before she did have to buy more clothes in bigger sizes. She wondered if she should just start prebuying larger sizes. She also thought that Michael probably liked the tight clothes, and it was probably better this way.

Karen missed going out with her friends, and she missed dancing on Friday nights. It had been a long time since she'd gone dancing on Friday nights though, and she didn't really fit in there. She was as big as any three girls. She felt far more comfortable on Thursday nights where she was amongst the largest women, and twice the size of many of the 'fat' women there.

Tonight was going to be the night, Karen was sure, where she'd have Michael's complete attention.

Karen entered the club and looked around. Right away she could feel the women look and look away. She could see the men trying to glimpse at her without their dates noticing. Michael and Andrea weren't there yet, so she basked in being the centre of attention.

She waddled over to the bar where Tim had her drink and an extra large tray of Nachos waiting for her.

He glanced over her as she struggled to get onto the stool, "You know, I remember when you weighed less than a plate of nachos."

Karen, her mouth full of corn chips and cheese, just glared at him.

Before long Andrea made her entrance and everyone, including Karen turned their attention to her. When they'd first met, Karen couldn't believe how huge Andrea was, now though, Andrea didn't seem so big. Of course, Karen was now larger than Andrea had been when they met.

Andrea slowly waddled across the floor and paused. She looked forlornly at the dance risers and took a small step, as though she might try to get up on them. She didn't though. Last week had been difficult enough for her, there was no need to repeat it. Instead, she turned towards Karen and pointed her towards the risers.

Karen gulped down the last of her drink and nachos, gave Tim a wink, and waddled over to the riser which was left empty for her. Every eye was on her, including Michael, back in his booth.

Karen could see that he was interested only in her, not Andrea.

Labels: FA, fiction, Karen, Michael, weight gain

I broke 500 again. This would be my third time, twice going over, once dropping under. Won't be long before I break 500 a fourth time. I hope.

Obviously, at 503 pounds I've been enjoying my holidays, and haven't been doing a lot of genuine exercise. I'm back home now, it'll be easier to get back on track with eating normally and getting in the pool. It will be a bit tougher without Sherry, it's her busy time as everyone tries to get their New Year's resolutions underway.

Ian's been bad too, he's up to 375 pounds. He's not too concerned about it. He's becoming very comfortable with his body lately, and I'm happy about that. He's still got his commanding size, but now he's got a fitness and agility that he likes, and really belies his size.

Surprisingly, Amy is only 542 pounds. That's what she weighed a few weeks ago, which means she didn't gain at all while visiting. I was SURE she was good for 2 pounds just visiting with us. She did spend a few days at her parents', she doesn't eat as much there, and plenty of time at the airport, as well as in the car, so maybe she didn't get to eat nearly as much as normal.

We didn't do anything fancy for my birthday, just a quiet dinner with a few friends. I just don't have the energy for anything fancy any more! It's very nice though, just a quiet night. Guess I'm getting old.

Labels: Amy, Char, diary, Ian, weigh in