MsCezanne's Odyssey

We had out American Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday, since we had to work on American Thanksgiving (and Stephen Harper was supposedly going to turn us in mini-USA).

It's the first big meal I've made since Canadian Thanksgiving, so I was looking forward to it. I didn't to anything extraordinary, turkey, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, steamed veggies, gravy, stuffing, store bought cranberry sauce.

It was just me, Ian, Sherry and Ken (and the kids, who have no appreciation for fine dining), so it was tough to know how much to make. I planned on having leftovers, and while we did, we had less than I'd expected.

For me it was my first time turning my appetite loose since I've started my New Life. I didn't eat as much as I could have in the past, but was still quite full. I did eat a little more than I was expecting, so that was a pleasant surprise. Ian ate about how I figured he would. These days his appetite is surprisingly normal. He can eat if he really pushes, but really, he ate about as much as Ken, who's half Ian's size. My biggest surprise was Sherry. I always forget that with her metabolism, she eats a lot more than a women her size normally would. She still ate less than everyone, but a lot more than I would have at her size!

Today's weigh in was what we were expecting: I maintained a weight of 505 pounds, while Ian gained a pound to reach 381.

It was fun to take a little break from our new lives, but on Monday we settled right back into it. I wasn't too surprised by that. Sherry can be a stern taskmaster, but she really does make it easy.

The part that sucked the most is that now Ian expects me to help clean up! He was more than happy to do it when I was gaining, but not now. I gotta get preggo so he'll do all the work again!

Labels: Char, diary, Ian, thanksgiving, weigh in

They say time flies, and for me it certainly has. Four weeks since I began this assignment? Impossible, it feels like I just started yesterday.

And yet, upon further reflection, has it really been only four weeks? Was it just four weeks ago that I would rather go to the gym than read a book? Could I really have had a breakfast without doughnuts just four weeks? Has it really been 28 days since I last took the stairs rather than the elevator? These habits seemed impossible to break at the time, and now, they seem alien to me.

It is more than my habits that have changed. I finally had to purchase new clothes, even my fat clothes weren't cutting it any more. I was absolutely dreading buying new clothes. What would people think, me coming into the store to buy bigger clothes? What would they think seeing how tight my clothes would be? How would I feel having to buy clothes designed for a woman who is 139 pounds?

I found the sales staff to be discrete. They were happy to get me a variety of sizes and styles, and they seemed to be quite knowledgeable at how I should be dressing at my new size. My biggest surprise that, with the right clothes, I look fantastic! My hips are curvy, my chest is attention grabbing, and with the right waistline, I've got a killer hour glass figure.

I never thought for a moment I'd look BETTER with more weight!

With my new clothes on, it really changed how I felt. I knew I looked like a million bucks, and people could see it. I got a lot more attention than I've been getting lately from men, and more jealous stares from women than I've gotten in a long time. I'm no longer a fat slob, but a curvaceous woman, and it feels better than I'd have thought (even with my open mind).

Now that my lifestyle is better suited to gaining weight, and now that I'm finally feeling comfortable with it, I think that I might be gaining more now. 9 pounds in 4 weeks is plenty, but it's just the beginning for me.

For the first time I can honestly say I'm looking forward to the weight, not just the deluxe fudge sundaes.

Labels: byline, FA, fiction, weight gain

Sherry is giving us a one day pass on our diets so I can make an American Thanksgiving this weekend. She knows I really do love to make a big meal like that, and she really wants to have it, so that's what I'll be up to this Saturday. I'm not sure what I'm looking forward to the most: cooking or eating!

I do know it'll be my smallest Thanksgiving dinner in years, hope I can scale it back okay. It will be interesting to see how much I can eat now. I know that it didn't take Ian long to lose his eating capacity, after a month, how can I go?

Paul's now 2 years old. Time flies these days, he was just a baby, and then he learned to walk, then he learned to talk, and suddenly I have this little boy who laughs and smiles and runs and is just so incredible. I can't wait to have another one just like him. Though having one who's completely different would be fun too.

We had his party back home in Newmarket with my family, and that was a lot of fun. I think my mom misses doing that kind of thing for her kids, so she had a lot of fun putting this together for us. Thomas the Tank Engine everywhere!

Labels: Char, diary, thanksgiving

I've been tying myself in knots trying to ensure I was telling original stories that seemed plausible enough. I figure the plausibility is important, even if it's not entirely realistic. I'm trying to appeal to the 'it would be so cool if that happened' part of the brain, while avoiding the 'that's impossible' part.

There's only so much I can accomplish with my skill level, and I might have hit that limit. So I'm going to go back to basics and see what I can do.

There was this girl, she was very attractive, perhaps an elite athlete, an undiscovered supermodel. She was living a nice life, many doors were open to her, but she couldn't quite meet the right man for her, or maybe she just couldn't find the right ingredient to making her life perfect.

One day our fair protagonist comes across a man who is unlike any other. He might be rich, or at least have a very lucrative career path ahead of him. He's probably very cute, but he might be way out of her league.

However it is they meet, she learns that he is not like other men. He looks past her super-fine superficial appearances and digs down to see how intelligent, whimsical and full of life she is. He also understands that there is something lacking in her life, and he is quick to suggest that she might be happier if she didn't spend so much time trying to fit into social norms of being beautiful.

She is apprehensive at first, but she quickly discovers that she both enjoys letting her appetite for food come to life, and that having a little 'extra padding' makes her sex life absolutely incredible. Before long she is happily gobbling up a tremendous amount of sweets and fattening foods.

Her new beau is happy to open her eyes to the world of fat, and continues to encourage her to eat more, to buy bigger clothes, to quit her job so she can gain weight full time.

There might be a time where she runs into old friends who can't believe she's let herself go. She'll cleverly tell them that she's happier than ever, and if they can't understand it, they should go suck a carrot stick.

Meanwhile he'll have to deal with jibes from his buddies about dating a girl who's wider than she is tall. He'll tell them not to knock it until they try it.

Eventually she grows to magnificent proportions, her weight becoming so massive that she can't even get out of bed. Maybe she's even as big as a bed herself. She probably has a custom built bed to hold her, maybe even in a facility that is dedicated to making sure she is comfortable healthy, and, above all, well fed.

That's how it might go.

In fact...

That's exactly what happened to me when I sprained my ankle doing high jump in the Miss Universe competition and I met Miguel, a medical student with wealthy parents. He built me this house, which has a giant feeding tube so I'm never hungry, and a special computer designed around the fact that I'm so fat, I can only wiggle my fingers a little bit.

Labels: FA, fiction, weight gain

Vivian lived in a shallow, vapid and desperately lonely world. Life hadn't always been this way for the statuesque blonde. She had spent a long time trapped in a quiet, ordinary and contemplative lonely world. She was ready to trade back to her old life.

Vivian had always been tall. She was always the tallest girl in her class, and until high school, often the tallest student in her class. Her height intimidated the boys and made the other girls jealous of her. She had few friends, but didn't mind, she enjoyed reading and studying. She was always at the top of her class, which never really helped her popularity.

When puberty hit, she was one of the first girls to develop curves. She thought that might help her popularity, but it mostly invited attention from older boys. She knew what was on their mind, and she didn't feel ready for that. She developed a reputation of being stuck up, which certainly didn't help her out on Friday nights. She continued to study, focusing on getting into law school once she graduated.

Just as the boys in her classes were finally catching up with her in maturity, Vivian found that she had started to gain more weight. Her transformation surprised her. She went from being the object of crude advances to someone who seemed like a friend. Now that the guys weren't drooling over her, they were much more friendly with her, and the girls weren't nearly as stand-offish. She had friends to study with.

When the weight first started coming on, Vivian was worried that it would doom her meagre social life. When she learned that it had actually helped her gain friends, she was only too happy to help it along. She always studied with a supply of snacks. When hanging out with her friends, there was always pizza, or fast food or desserts. It wasn't long before she was the biggest student in the school.

Upon graduating from high school Vivian was by far the top of her class, a good friend to many people, and well respected. She had also become enormous, dwarfing all the others on stage when making her speech and receiving her diploma.

During the summer Vivian wasn't sure about her weight. It had helped her make friends, but she hadn't gone on a date since she'd been much thinner. It was tough to find clothes, and everyone told her that she'd be much happier if she lost weight. She didn't feel so much 'unhappy' as she did lonely. She would like to dress like the other girls, she'd like to go on dates like the other girls. She even missed the guys drooling over her. Still, she was in the school she wanted to be in, she was on the path she wanted to becoming a lawyer.

Also, eating less and exercising more? She just didn't want any part of that.

Going off to school was an eye opening experience for Vivian. Strike number one was finding decent clothes that fit and let her fit in with her peers. Next, university was a big place, with lots of stairs. Getting from class to class was a huge challenge for her. She was always out of breath and dripping with sweat, not exactly a great first impression. From there she had to deal with squeezing into desks that would be tight if she lost 100 pounds.

Vivian really had trouble finding friends, and was relegated to studying by herself. With the increased work load she really needed to have friends to study with at least, so she finally decided to get back into shape.

Going to the gym worked out very well for her. She made friends from her class there (everyone feels better working out next to someone fatter than them) and eventually got into study groups. Her weight also dropped off quickly, and Vivian found it easier to get around campus, fit into seats, and even attract a few dates.

As Vivian completed her undergrad degree she went from obese to chubby to curvy. She found life was much easier, she could find fantastic clothes, she could always find a date, and there were lots of people who were willing to be her friend, help her out, or just be near her.

She continued to be at the top of her class, and this time giving her Valedictorian speech she was one of the most striking figures on stage. She had the complete attention of every man in the audience, and many of the women were wishing she was still fat so their boyfriends would stop drooling over her.

Over the summer preparing for law school Vivian continued to eat right and work out, turning her curvy body into a truly fit, statuesque frame. She was getting more attention from men than ever, but she was starting to get tired of the used feeling. It reminded her of when she first developed as a teenager, it was fun at first, but it got tiresome quickly.

Through her first year of law school Vivian found that things came to her easily. She was a quick study, and always had her pick of study partners. She found that she had the attention of her professors. She was at the head of her class, and she started to wonder if she was getting preferential treatment. She picked up on rumours and whisperings that she was using her good looks to get ahead. She found that few of her friends were 'true' friends, and seemed more interested in simply being associated with her.

That's when Vivian realised that while life seemed better when she was thin, it really had been better when she was fat. She resolved that day she was going to make her way through life on the merits of her mind and her work, not her dedication to the gym.

Vivan quickly fell into old habits, and discovered that just indulging in food, spending more time on hobbies than at the gym, that she was much happier. She was also more choosy about her friends, picking people that would genuinely help her study, or who really just wanted to have fun during down time.

It wasn't long before her body took on its curvy shape again. While she was getting plenty of attention from men still, she was starting to get advice about keeping in shape, dieting etc. She'd forgotten about that part of being fat, but she quickly put it behind her. No one was going to tell her how to live, how to enjoy life.

As Vivian transitioned from curvy to plump, it became clear that she really was getting by on her hard work and natural brilliance. She could tell that the men in her classes were disappointed to see that her formerly toned body was now jiggling, but she was happy to know that people were more interested in her mind than her body again.

As graduation grew nearer, Vivian grew larger and larger. She took a lot of comfort in her old frame. She remembered the limitations it had imposed, and she remembered wishing she'd been more popular. Now she knew what 'popularity' meant, and she knew she would be happier being left to her own. She still had some good friends, and some classmates who were very happy to study with her, even if they weren't keen on being seen with her expanding mass.

Graduation came, and again, Vivian was at the top of her class, and again, she was an unmistakeable presence on the stage. She knew that everyone believed she belonged there, and wondered if they'd think so if she had still been the barbie doll she'd been when she first started.

Labels: FA, fiction, Vivian, weight gain

I've hit a bit of a creative dry spell. I've written dozens of fragments, but nothing that I'm happy with, certainly nothing with a 'beginning, middle and end'. It's possible that I'm raising my standards, or it's possible that the well has run dry for now.

I've been trying to write another chapter of Geraldine's story, not as an episode of the show, but how her life is changing. It's hard for me to come up with a complete story though.

I've been trying for another chapter of Karen and Michael, but it's getting repetitive, and I'm not sure where I'd like to take the story. It might be time to end it, but I really do like the premise, even if it's tougher to write now.

I've had fun writing Ellen's story, but again, now that things are set up, I can't think of anything interesting to put in there. For anyone who doesn't know, I actually posted an original 'Ellen' story at Fantasyfeeder.com. I might repost it here. Let me know what you think.

If anyone has any story they'd like to see, let me know, it might be all that I need to get something up.

So that's my excuse for not having any interesting stories to post. As for having nothing interesting about my life to post: same old same old, I find my life dull, and just not compelled to write it up.

I've been busy at work, getting everything in order for the end of the year so that when January comes we'll hit the ground running. It's been quite a change, but with any luck, changes for the better.

My pursuit of the New Char continues. I'm starting to wonder at the wisdom of having my best friend be my trainer. I love her to death, of course, but there are times I just want to kill that skinny bitch. She knows me well, so she can push me just right, which means that I'm always right along that line of 'no pain no gain'. She is getting results though, I'm already down a total of 11 pounds, which isn't too bad for a month. I'd like to say I have more energy, but I'm spending so much of it in the pool, I don't really. I guess I can feel that I'm working more now, so I guess that's evidence of more energy. The changes I feel mostly are being a lot stiffer than before.

Ian's working out on his own, since Sherry is busy helping me. He's really gotten past needing someone to help him along anyway. Going to the gym is just part of his daily routine. He's still fat: 380+, but looks like a new man all the same. He's got tonnes of energy, and our apartment is in better shape than ever. Everything is clean, everything is put away. It's so very nice. He's still busy with work, but he's been good about it. I think being in better shape has gone a long way to making it easier for him. I still miss supersized Ian, but I'm really enjoying the New Ian too.

Labels: Char, diary, Ian, weigh in

The day after Matt finally learned that Annie not only liked his extra weight, but had been trying to get him to gain weight was one of the best days of his life. He'd loved Annie so thoroughly, and was so sure that he'd ruined things with her that he might never find happiness again. He'd also come to believe that eating, gaining weight and being fat might be a path to happiness. He'd never dreamed he could have Annie AND be fat. He got to have his cake and eat it too!

After work, Matt was settling into his couch with some McDonald's while trying to decide what he'd have for dinner when the phone rang. Even before answering reaching for the phone he knew it would be Annie. Sure enough, she promised to be along shortly with a surprise dinner.

Now that Matt knew Annie was always bringing extra food for him, he wondered how much food she'd be bringing for him now. He quickly finished off his snack, a mere double Big Mac combo, supersized as he waited impatiently for his dinner to arrive.

Finally Annie buzzed to come up, and Matt was standing by the door, waiting for her. When there was a knock at the door, he opened it and was greeted by a stack of pizza boxes, topped with two cheesecake boxes. "A little help here," he heard her ask from behind all the food.

Matt took the food from her and stepped aside to let her in. "You know," he said, "I don't want to disappoint you, but I don't think I can eat this much."

She took the cheesecakes into the kitchen and gathered plates and drinks for their pile of dinner. "I know you can't eat that much, but it's for both of us!" she called back to him.

"Yeah, but you're good for what, a few slices at most?" he said.

"How soon he forgets," she said in a playful voice as she came out of the kitchen.

He had forgotten too. The Annie he'd known, the Annie he fell in love with, was a tiny girl. She always gave him the extra food off her plate. The woman crossing the room to so sit to him was a far cry from that. Annie had gained a lot of weight, as was clearly shown by clothes that seemed to be bursting at the seams. As much as Matt had embraced gaining weight in their three months apart, she seemed to have gained more.

"Even still," he said, "I don't think we can eat this much together."

"I think you're going to be surprised, fat-boy!" Annie began serving the two of them.

As the evening wore on, Matt had to admit he was impressed. Annie went bite for bite with him, and didn't appear to be slowing up. There was still an entire pizza left, and Matt wasn't sure if he'd be up to finishing his half. Annie just ploughed through it, and Matt did his best to keep up.

Before he knew it, they were sitting back on the couch, their stomachs full to almost bursting, and a pile of empty pizza boxes were on the table.

"See?" Annie prompted, "I knew we could do it. Do you want to get the cheesecake? I... can't seem to get up."

Matt laughed, "Get up? I can't even move! Annie, I've never eaten that much in my life. How can you even think of cheesecake now?"

"Really? I've got room. I thought you'd be able to eat more, what with being so fantastically fat. You're not going to let some little girl out eat you, are you?"

"If you see a little girl, you'll have to let me know," Matt grinned.

"Oh, are you calling me fat again?"

"And this time I mean it!"

"Big talk coming from a guy whose ass has it's own zip code. Are you getting my cake or what?"

Even though he was too full to move, Matt felt energised and slowly managed to get to his feet. He really hadn't ever eaten so much, he was so full, his body just wanted to sit and rest. He walked very slowly, trying not to disturb his stomach too much. He could feel his body swaying heavily with each step.

"You certainly know how to give a girl a show!"

Matt stopped and wiggled for her.

"Woooohoooo!" she called out. "Enough play, your fat honey is HUNGRY."

Matt still couldn't believe she really had room for cheesecake. He took his time in the kitchen, he found it very difficult to reach for the plates in the cupboard, so he took a few different tries before settling on some tupperware that was on the counter. He headed back to the living room.

"Just one? What are you going to eat?"

"Seriously!?" Matt didn't really want to turn around and head back to the kitchen.

"Okay, I'll share with you, but only because you're so skinny."

As Matt gingerly lowered himself back onto the couch and tried to arrange himsself to get comfortable, Annie cut the cake up into 6 massive slices and handed one to Matt before digging into her own.

Matt slowly ate the cake. It was incredibly delicious, and when each bite hit his mouth, he managed to find the room to swallow it. It was a long process, but he didn't mind taking his time, savouring every bite. His stomach was so full that it hurt, but the cheesecake felt so good, he just willed himself to finish the slice.

Finally he finished his piece, looked over at Annie and smiled triumphantly. He saw that she'd already finished her piece. Then he looked over at the table and his eyes bulged: she'd finished 2 other pieces as well.

She was watching him, and seeing his eyes bulge, she pointed at the remaining slices and asked, "are you going to eat those?"

Matt just shook his head no. His body was so occupied with digesting all the food she'd brought over, and his mind was trying to fathom how Annie could possibly eat more. He just couldn't speak.

He watched as she finished one slice, and then another. Finally she said, "Well, I guess you were right. That other cake was too much."

They both sat on the couch, too full to move, too happy to speak. They just enjoyed the company of each other, and their full bellies.

Labels: annie, FA, ffa, fiction, matt, mutual gain, weight gain

It was just one of those mornings where nothing went right. Ryan forgot to set his alarm, so he overslept. His shower was cold (at least that helped him keep it short), the coffee maker created sludge, and the bagel he hoped to eat on the way was mouldy. Worst of all, he was going to catch a later train, and be late to work.

One thing that Ryantruly hated was taking a later train. He liked to get going early, and catch a train that wasn't busy. He'd get a seat, he'd get some room to himself. Not now. The platform was crammed, he'd be moving along with a mass of people, and standing for 40 minutes while the subway headed downtown.

Suddenly Ryan's day got much better. Suddenly Ryan caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly Ryan had a purpose in life.

Ryan had caught sight of a woman who was beautiful. Many people would disagree with him, for the woman was quite overweight by just about any standard. Ryan's standards were different. This woman was quite beautiful, and at perhaps 300 pounds, was at a very appealing weight to him.

For as long as Ryan could remember he'd had an attraction to bigger girls. It was something he found embarrassing, because in this day and age being fat was frowned upon, how could he tell people that he liked fat women? So he kept his feelings to himself and dated skinny women. A few of them weren't dreadfully skinny, and he certainly did enjoy their company, they just never really filled the place in his heart that was waiting for a really big girl.

This woman wasn't the first big girl Ryan had ever seen of course. As he tried to cast a critical eye on her, without being seen to stare, Ryan could admit she wasn't the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Certainly not a classic beauty. There was a quality about her though that made her far more desirable than any woman he'd ever seen before. Across a crowded, moving subway car, it was impossible to tell what it was.

For the whole trip he tried to move closer to this woman, but found it impossible without being too obvious. He couldn't really bring himself to just force his way through. People would know what he was up to. 40 minutes passed too quickly, and he was forced to leave the train and get to his office.

Ryan's day was pre-occupied by this woman. Who was she? Why had he never seen her before? Would he see her again? What was it about her that had struck him so completely?

On the ride home he looked around for her, but he couldn't find her. Ryan spent the next few days trying to find her on the train, but he was so set in his habits he found it difficult to wait for a later train. He couldn't find her again, and while she remained in his thoughts, she faded.

***

Several months later Ryan found himself having another bad morning, and being forced to take an overcrowded later train. As he was busily willing the people around him to die he caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of his eye. He noticed a woman was sitting not far from him, and there was no one beside her. There was no room on the seat beside her, she was taking it up.

It was her.

His miserable morning quickly forgotten, Ryan turned his full attention to her. Again, he tried to make sure he wasn't staring at her, but he had 40 minutes to take in as much detail of her as he could. He had a much better view of her than he'd had before.

She looked bigger, had she gotten bigger? Or was it a trick of the imagination? She was as beautiful as before. She was well dressed, she must have a good job or, his heart sank for a moment, a rich husband. No ring on the finger. He chose to believe she wasn't married. Again, he was struck by how beautiful she was, even though she didn't look quite as beautiful as he felt she did.

It was an odd sensation. He finally realised what it was. Most big women he spied in public seemed to be embarrassed about their weight. They dressed to hide, they kept their eyes down, hoping no one would notice them. Not her. She seemed like she might be queen of the subway, if anyone bothered to notice. He noticed.

Again she occupied his thoughts for the day. Again he attempted to find her again over the next few weeks. Again, it wasn't to be, and she faded from memory.

***

This pattern repeated itself a few times where he would come across her, notice that she was bigger than before, and not quite get the chance to talk to her. He knew that if he REALLY wanted to talk to her, he could. He just... couldn't. He wished he could, but just could not seem to get that extra ounce of confidence he needed.

One time he saw her and his heart almost broke: for the first time she actually seemed SMALLER than the last time he'd seen her. If only he could tell her it was okay to be fat.

Over time he saw her again and again, and each time there seemed to be less and less of her.

***

Finally the day came. Ryan got on the subway. It was busy, but not crowded. He could deal with that. He looked around and saw there was a free seat he could get to. He wondered why no one wanted it. As he got closer, he could see that the woman sitting next to the empty seat was taking it up a little bit. A moment later he realised it was her.

He sat down, trying not to touch her, though when their elbows brushed, he felt like a million volts were passing between them. She turned to him, apparently a little surprised he was there.

He smiled and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ryan."

She looked a little stunned before stammering, "Um, hi. I'm... I'm Ellen."

Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain

Ellen was alive again. When Ryan had told her that he'd like to see her gain weight, it was like waking from some awful nightmare. No longer did she have to torture herself to fit into some sort of brutal socially ideal size. Gone were the days of carefully planning to ensure she got exactly the nutrients and calories she needed without a bit more.

Ellen was going to live the life she was meant to live, and it was all thanks to Ryan.

When she woke up in the morning, she ate. She had a big breakfast with toast, eggs, bacon, fruit, yogurt. She took along bagels with cream cheese, maybe some danishes or muffins, to snack on during the ride to work.

At lunch she would hit the food court and get the supersized value meal from which ever place suited her fancy that day. Sometimes she'd order an extra side to go along with it.

She kept a supply of snacks and treats at her desk. They were set out for all to enjoy, but it was Ellen who ate most of them.

Dinners were more complicated. If she could plan ahead, she'd ensure there was a meal prepped for her to cook when she got home. If she didn't have the time, she wasn't above having some frozen dinners, picking something up on the way home or calling for delivery. As she became accustomed to her new eating habits, it wasn't uncommon for Ellen to pick something up, cook something and then call for a late delivery.

She became a familiar face at the market, butcher and bakery she used to visit regularly. A few staff still recognised her, and she was very happy to get back in touch with people she hadn't realised had been her good friends. Before long it was as though she'd never stopped visiting.

People around Ellen noticed the change immediately. At first they assumed she was just in love. They weren't far off the mark, she was very fond of Ryan, but it was her love of food that had turned her back into the bright, engaging and focused woman they used to know.

Ellen did notice that few people seemed to put together the fact that she was happy and had stopped dieting. She was used to people seeing the world through their own prisms, and it had never occurred to them that losing weight was the cause of sadness, and that gaining weight would be the source of rejoicing. It was okay with her. She was happy.

***

If Ellen had left it up to Ryan, they'd be seeing each other every waking second of every waking day. She appreciated his excitement of finding a woman to gain weight, she was very happy to find a guy who liked her to gain weight. She wasn't ready for that kind of commitment yet. She was taking her time getting her own life sorted out, she wasn't quite ready to share it with Ryan completely.

She still dated Ryan, of course. They would run into each other on the subway in the mornings, and he'd often track her down at lunch. He was very sweet, he would be happy to just sit quietly and watch her eat, or crowd into the seat next to her on the subway so no one else would.

For one date he had challenged her to eat through the entire menu of appetizers at a family restaurant. Another date saw her facing down a stack of pizzas. They spent one night at an all you can eat buffet, with Ryan making numerous trips for her until the place finally closed.

This time they were at a restaurant renowned for its cheesecakes. Ryan had ordered a slice of every flavour for Ellen and she was doing her best to eat them all. She knew that he loved to see that, and she really did like the idea of pushing her appetite and surprising herself.

As she took a break to let the piece she'd just finished settled she finally asked Ryan, "Just how big do you think I should get?"

"Oh, I don't really know. 500 pounds seems like a nice, round number, doesn't it?"

"500 pounds?" She replied, thinking about it. "I've never even been 400 pounds, that's going to be pretty big, I think."

Ryan smiled, "Sure, it's big, but that's what you want, isn't it?"

Ellen smiled back, "no, it's what YOU want, isn't it?"

"I'm pretty sure you want it too." Ryan pushed a slice of wildberry cheesecake in front of her.

She quickly finished off the cake before moving on to the next slice. She paused and said, "You know, I've already gained 20 pounds. It's not really going to take me all that long to reach 500 pounds. Maybe 600 is more realistic?"

Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain

Ellen felt lighter than she'd ever felt before. It wasn't because she'd lost weight though; it was because she was so happy at having met Ryan. Her friends always told her how special it was to find someone that makes you happy. She'd always dismissed their claims, but now she got it. She really did feel like she was floating through life. She couldn't wait to see Ryan again!

Unfortunately, she did have to wait, he wasn't on the subway that morning. She tried calling him at work, but through their various meetings didn't get in touch until after lunch. When they did finally talk Ellen was pleased to learn he'd had as much fun meeting her as she'd had meeting him. They planned to go out for dinner on Friday.

Friday could not come soon enough for Ellen. She bought something new to wear. She spent extra time at the gym burning off nervous energy. She cleaned her apartment. She got her hair done. The week was a interminable dull blur to her. Nothing mattered, she just wanted to get to Friday.

Friday did come, and Ellen went to meet Ryan at the restaurant. It was a nice little place she'd heard of, but never went to. It wasn't a place with a dress code, but it seemed like it should. Once again, Ryan was there first. Once again, Ryan's mouth was agape when he first laid eyes on Ellen in her form fitting dress.

They had a pleasant dinner, talking about their respective weeks, talking about how nice it was to find someone that they've clicked so well with, talking about other things they might go out to do together.

Finally, as they finished their entrees and waited to order dessert, Ryan burst out, "I can't hold it back any more. I mean I know I'm not supposed to ask your weight, and I know you don't want to tell me, but I want to know. I need to ask. There, I've asked, you don't need to answer. But I want to know." He cast his eyes down on the table.

Ellen smiled, "I never understood why people don't talk about their weight."

Ryan's eyes lit up, looking deep into Ellen's. Her smile broadened.

"It's been a couple of days since I weighed myself, but I was 332 pounds then. Probably a little less now, I've been hitting the gym pretty hard."

"Three hundred and thirty two," Ryan repeated slowly, as though he now had the secret of life. "Um, would it be too much to ask how much you used to weigh?"

"Not at all," Ellen had never talked about her weight with anyone outside her family. It didn't really come up very much within her family. They weren't embarrassed to discuss weight, but since they were all big, and comfortable with it, there was very little to discuss. Opening up about it to Ryan was quite exciting to her. "The most I've ever weighed is 387 pounds. That was about a year ago."

"Three hundred and eighty seven? Wow!" Ryan's eyes were wide in appreciation. "What's that like, you know, being that big?"

"Lonely," Ellen laughed.

"Really? I'm sorry. But that's not what I mean, I mean... how does it feel?"

Ellen thought a moment, "It's hard to say. I was bigger. My clothes were bigger, I couldn't run. I don't really run now, but I don't think I could run then. It was just who I am."

"So how does it feel now?"

"It's awful! I feel like I'm depriving myself, I think I ate more tonight than I did all week. I'm always at the gym, I'm always eating 'right', I feel like my life is one big sacrifice, just losing weight to find someone who likes me."

Ryan took a moment to choose his words, "So you don't like losing weight?"

"No."

"You don't want to be thin?"

"I had to lose 50 pounds before a boy would talk to me."

Ryan paused again. "You didn't need to lose 50 pounds for me."

"It sure feels like I did," Ellen sighed.

"If I'd known, I'd have talked to you earlier."

"There wasn't room on the seat earlier."

"That's true," Ryan laughed. "So you really like being fat?"

"Yes."

"Would you like..." Ryan was interrupted by their waiter clearing the plates and giving them a dessert menu. "Would you like to be 387 pounds again?"

Ellen let out a wistful sigh. "Yes."

"So do it."

"Do what?" Ellen asked. "Gain weight?"

"Yes."

"On purpose?"

Ryan almost shouted, and took a moment to compose himself, "yes."

"Why?"

"Because you want to! Because you looked so good when you were fat. I mean bigger, I mean. You know what i mean. You looked incredible. I mean you look incredible now, but then you were so... ahhh... well..."

Ellen interrupted him, "you really want me to gain weight? To be 387 pounds?"

Ryan nodded, trying not to let his voice rise and thoughts ramble.

She turned to the waiter and ordered three desserts. She could see Ryan nearly explode with pleasure.

Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain