Friday, November 28, 2003

The Friday Five

You can do it too!

1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not?

Indeed I do love to shop. Over the years my tastes have changed, and what I like to shop for has changed, but I do enjoy browsing, seeing what’s new, seeing what’s old but overlooked. I love putting things together in my head, and then trying out that combination for real.

2. What was the last thing you purchased?

Paint for the apartment

3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why?

Online?
Online!?
Where’s the fun in that!?!
You can’t appreciate what you’re looking at from a fuzzy little picture on a computer screen. You need to see the colours in person, get the aromas, the texture, the weight, the whatever. A computer cannot capture that

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it?

Yes.
Hmmm.

It varied with age, topping out at my age in dollars every… 2 weeks? And then specific chores paid as well.

5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing?

I wish I’d bought paint that had less odour!


Just for fun, these are the answers I think Ian would give:

1. Do you like to shop? Why or why not?

No. That’s what girls are for.

2. What was the last thing you purchased?

My breakfast this morning

3. Do you prefer shopping online or at an actual store? Why?

Online, less effort

4. Did you get an allowance as a child? How much was it?

Yeah, lots.

5. What was the last thing you regret purchasing?

My leather jacket. I bought it before I started gaining weight. $500 out the window.


Thursday, November 27, 2003

What A Tragic Web We Weave

Perhaps I’m being a little melodramatic.

This past weekend I finally painted the apartment. Nothing fancy, just some pastels to make the place feel homey, which it does. Once I’ve got things figured out, I can easily paint over it.

I’m surprised at how nice it turned out, though I’m already kicking around ideas on what to do next.

But there’s a downside.

All the fumes from the paint have put off Ian’s appetite! The big guy just isn’t hungry. I’ve tried cooking aromatic foods, we’ve tried going out, but it’s just overwhelmed him. He lost 3 pounds this week (sure, 3 pounds isn’t a lot to him, but it is to most people!)

We’re trying to air the place out, but it’s so cold!

Next time, I paint in the summer!

I lost 4 pounds for the effort though.

I’m under 350 pounds! I don’t FEEL under 350 pounds. Or do I?

Huh.

Friday, November 21, 2003

The Friday Five

You can do it too!

1. List five things you'd like to accomplish by the end of the year.

Paint the apartment
Put Ian over 500 pounds
Lose 10 pounds myself
Set a wedding date
Find a decent pair of jeans

2. List five people you've lost contact with that you'd like to hear from again.

Joanne
Karen
Jamie
Kevin
Christine

3. List five things you'd like to learn how to do.

Fresco
Sew
Computer programming
Sculpt marble
Become a real chef

4. List five things you'd do if you won the lottery (no limit).

Open a restaurant
Open a gallery
Tour Europe
Buy a big ass house
Make Ian the fattest man alive

5. List five things you do that help you relax.

Paint
Sketch
Cook
Chat online
Read

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Old Friends

I just had lunch with a friend from a LONG time ago.

We were in grades 5 and 6 together, before her family moved to… London! I hadn’t even thought of her in years. It didn’t occur to me to try to look her up once I was in town. Now I feel bad that I hadn’t!

It was funny, she came into the store just looking for something for Christmas for her mom. I sort of thought I kind of recognised her, but she didn’t recognise me (I was really skinny back then!), of course. When I saw her credit card, I guessed that it was her and said hi.

We ended up chatting for a bit, and then decided to just do the lunch thing.

She’s doing okay, she’s working as a supervisor at one of the call centres here in London. She has a daughter who is the same age as Amanda, which is pretty cool! She’s not married, though is still friends with her daughter’s father.

She was surprised to see how much weight I’d gained, especially without having kids. I got to go into my whole spiel about just enjoying life and embracing my love of cooking, eating and gaining. I didn’t tell her about Ian though… instead we’ve exchanged numbers, I want to see the look on her face when she sees him. I love that look on people’s faces.

I’m not sure when I’ll get to see her again, but soon I hope! If she hadn’t moved away, then she might’ve been my best friend instead of Jeri. Of course, who knows where that would have lead me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

How disappointing!

I made Ian a HUGE meal on the weekend, a bit of a house warming event, although it was just Amy and Thomas over for dinner. He ate and ate and ate and ate… and he can’t even gain a single pound. How’s that for gratitude?

Ah well, can’t win ‘em ell I suppose.

He’s holding steady at 478 pounds, which is still pretty big. Bigger would be better, of course, but this is the time of year to count your blessings, and 478 of them is pretty good!

I lost another couple of pounds myself. I’m quite pleased with the progress I’ve been making, when I decided to lose weight, I had no idea I’d be able to lose this much this quickly! Not that I’m complaining, it’s just… with our goals being dependant on me losing weight, they’re coming faster that I am prepared for.

Of course, if I had to choose between me losing or Ian gaining, I’d pick Ian gaining any day. Hopefully he’s just been busy at work and not getting his snack time in. I’ll get him gaining again soon.

In other news, I gave up. I’m just going to put up some pastels in the apartment and then sort it out after Christmas. I went to the paint store yesterday and got some chips to compare with the furniture. It’s not very exciting, but it gives me the time to do it RIGHT.

Friday, November 14, 2003

Return of: The Friday Five!

How could I forget?

I used to do this.

I will try to keep doing it.

(You can do it too!)

(Wow, when I was trying to find this link, I read some old diary entries, I was pretty fucked up! Oh wait. I still am.)

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.

UGH.
(Or, if you prefer English: plain)

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.

Smart
Driven
(No, she doesn’t read this)

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.

Creative
Immersive
Delicious

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.

Engrossing
Tedious
Hurried
Rewarding

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.

Colourful
Dynamic
Delicious
Engrossing
Kissable

Decoration

Okay, I thought it would be fun to have an entire blank canvass to start with, but it’s not! It’s becoming a bit maddening really, we’ve been in the apartment almost 2 weeks, and I have NO CLUE what I want to do with it!

Part of the problem is I think I bit off a bit more than I should have. Instead of working on one room, I’m trying to get together an overall theme. I should stick to rooms, and work on a theme later I guess.

Another problem is that I didn’t realise I drew inspiration from what existed: fixed what was wrong, and accentuated what was right. With the apartment being new (to us), there is nothing right or wrong about it, just how I’ve arranged stuff so far. There is no starting point!

Maybe I should pick up some magazines, or watch some of those shows. Or head to Ikea.

Oooh, now that’s a thought. That’s the worst part of living in London, I can’t ‘just go to Ikea’, it’s like a 2 hour drive now! We have to make an event of it. And it’s not that we really need anything, we’ve got all the crap we need.

I just need some inspiration, and driving for 2 hours (each way) is not my idea of inspiring (Ian, of course, would drive to the end of the Earth, just for fun.)

My fall back position is to just pastel up the place. Easily painted over, but giving me a jumping off point. Then after Christmas, I can really dig in. At that point the apartment will be lived in, the things that bug me will be apparent. Also, if I try to get decorating ideas these days, I may inadvertently put too much ‘Christmas’ into the place.

Ahhhh.

I could do the whole place up like Christmas, then redo it all in January!

I’ve never really been all that into Christmas, but I’ve never had a chance to be. Not like this!

Not that I’m Christian or anything, but I can put together a good renaissance motif, that will adapt very well to being tweaked next year.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Thanksgiving Redux

Okay, with the American Thanksgiving coming soon (why so late? Are you waiting for more to be thankful for?), I've adjusted my Thanksgiving Story so FAs (guys into fat chicks) can enjoy it. Hopefully I got all the pronouns sorted out, if not, give me a shout. And I'll fix it for ya.

Thanksgiving for FAs

Thanksgiving for FFAs (the guy gets fat)

Monday, November 10, 2003

Ruminations on Losing 100 Pounds

Losing weight is turning out to be just as fascinating a process as gaining weight was. It’s certainly very different, and to be honest, I had a lot more fun gaining weight than I am losing weight, but in terms of the isolated events of weight gain/loss, they’re equally interesting.

When I was gaining weight, there was the issue of changing balance, I had to adjust how I walked to accommodate my changing centre of gravity, the way my legs rubbed together, and the length of my stride to carry weight from foot to foot.

Now that I’ve lost over 100 pounds, I’ve noticed that the same issues are at play again. My centre of gravity is changing, my legs don’t rub as much together, and I find that my leg muscles are used to carrying more weight, so my stride is ‘off’. I’m not sure how, I guess my body is used to waddling, when in fact I don’t really need to any more.

Another fact of getting fatter is that my clothes would get tight every couple of months, and I’d have to go out and buy new ones. I rather enjoyed that feeling of accomplishment, and enjoyed an excuse to buy new clothes.

Now, my clothes are getting looser, and I’ll just notice that they look ‘wrong’ on me, or feel like they’re about to come off. It’s not nearly as much fun to go digging into boxes of old clothes as it was to buy new stuff. On the other hand, it’s nice to get a little life out of outfits that I really was sad to outgrow. It’s also interesting to remember how something fit before, and notice it fits differently now. I guess weight goes on and comes off of different places. Or else I just misremember how I used to be.

Then of course there is the issue of where my fat ass can physically fit! I remember the day that sitting down at McDonald’s physically hurt. I always thought it was funny that I was too fat for a fast food restaurant! Other places grew too small: seats on the subway, seats at certain movie theatres. I learned to avoid chairs with armrests in general.

Then, just as I get used to the massive amount of space I required, I started losing weight, now I can breeze through openings that my mind labels as ‘too small’! Sometimes I don’t even notice, like at work I’ll squeeze down an aisle and not have my thighs bump into things that I suddenly remembered I have to worry about knocking over. It’s weird. It’s a little like growing up: just like I could reach things I forgot I ‘couldn’t reach’, I can now go into places that I forgot I ‘couldn’t fit into’. It’s quite an extraordinary feeling, and very tough to describe if you haven’t had it.


Now, of course this does NOT mean I prefer losing weight to gaining weight (or remaining at the same weight). It just means that there is as much to experience on the way down as I found on the way up.

There certainly are benefits to losing weight: I find I have more energy. I can just ‘go longer’ now. But that could easily be because I’m exercising much more now. I can also buy a much larger range of clothes. I’m into sizes that have more variety again. There is the afore mentioned being able to fit into places. Except there’s still not many places I fit… yet.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still huge! There is still a limited selection of clothes, few places I can really fit into, and I’m not about to run a marathon.

And also, while I find losing weight to be fascinating, I did enjoy gaining weight more. For one thing, I love to cook and eat! Since I’m eating much less, I’m doing less of something I love to do. Of course, with Ian here, I still cook tonnes, and to be honest, without Ian, I’d probably still be 460, probably more by now!

I didn’t mind getting bigger, all the changes one way I loved just as much the other way. I actually relished getting ‘too big for society’. I’ve always liked to see myself as a bit of an outsider… and in a society that links obesity with McDonald’s, there is a perverse pleasure to be had in being too big for a place known for it’s fat! I just like falling outside of society’s norms.

Friday, November 07, 2003

Yikes

Okay, I know I told Ian that I would marry him.

And I know that we decided to wait to have kids until I got down to around 300 pounds.

And I know that we decided to be old fashioned and start trying for kids on the honeymoon.

Well, Ian has figured that I’ll be 300 pounds by next May or June, so if we want a wedding, we really need to start planning it NOW.

I’m not ready to plan a wedding.

It’s been years since I fantasised about my wedding. I was still SKINNY the last time I gave it any serious thought!

Why? I don’t know, I’ve been engaged for 10 months now, I should have given it a little thought eh?

Where will we do it? Who’s going to come? Where will we go for the honeymoon? What will I wear? What will Ian wear? How do we figure that out when we know that we’re going to change between now and then!?

And that’s the easy stuff! Flowers, music, photographer, seating arrangement, invitations. There’s more, I know there is.

I’m not ready for that. Not yet.

But it’s what I promised to do.

So…

Fuck.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know when I have to know what to do. Or what I want to do.

It’s not cold feet. I do want to marry Ian. And I want it to be right.

I just can’t imagine myself at 300 pounds so soon!

But he’s right, I’ve been doing pretty good at losing weight. Of course, if we set a date, I’ll probably gain 100 pounds right back.

I’ll think about it.

I know it’s going to happen. I guess it may as well be sooner rather than later!

Monday, November 03, 2003

Wow

Quite a busy weekend we had.
We didn’t do much for Hallowe’en this year, we knew that Saturday was going to be busy, so we saved our strength. And we needed it!

Saturday we loaded all of Ian’s stuff up into a Uhaul and brought it to our new place. We got everything sorted out at the apartment, but we’ll still have to get my clothes, paints etc from Amy’s place, but she’s said there’s no hurry, so I’m sure it’ll be a month before I’m completely moved in at the new place.

I love the new apartment, we’ve got a good view, and nice clean walls for me to play with! I’ve already got some ideas for colours and some paintings I want to hang up. One room I think I’ll put up a mural. I’m a little out of practise, but once I get it finished, I might do another one in the main room. We’ll see.

One disadvantage to having a boyfriend who is massively fatter than you are: he can’t move furniture! I had to get everything sorted out while he played with his TV and computer.

We also finally dug out Ian’s scale. I was a little surprised that he’s only gained a couple of pounds over the last couple of months. But I guess with all the moving he burned a lot of calories. 477 pounds is certainly nothing to snuff at.

As for me, I was pretty hesitant to get on the scale. I was 390 last time I weighed in, and I felt like I’d been making good progress, and yet was worried that it would take forever to lose weight. I’ve been thinking I was about 375, secretly hoping I was 365, so I wasn’t prepared to see that I’m in fact 356 pounds!

I guess my diet really is working. It’s been almost a year of depriving myself, exercising, getting out and all that crap, and I’ve actually lost more than 100 pounds.

I never ever thought I’d lose 100 pounds (of course, I never, ever thought I’d weigh 460 either, so I guess that’s not all that surprising.)

So I’ll be keeping it up, this has reinvigorated me really. I’m gonna run home and not eat!

Well, something like that.

It also means that Ian is fully 100 pounds heavier than me. Actually, more than that, there’s about 120 pounds between us. Wow.

I don’t feel that much smaller than Ian, although sleeping in a queen sized bed really helped me feel smaller last night. Who knows? It’s always fun adapting as my body changes. Or adapting to Ian’s changes.

Anyway, we’ve got the new place, I’m going to get the kitchen set up, and start working on decorating it and making it HOME.

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