MsCezanne's Odyssey

Fat Tuesday

I know that it’s technically Shrove Tuesday. And I know that it has its roots in Lent, which is a Catholic period of mourning or some such (feel free to leave a comment if I’m wrong). But damn if we can’t celebrate a day known as Fat Tuesday!

Many heathens call it pancake Tuesday, so who am I to argue against pancakes? So, we had Thomas and Amy over (of course), and I made up a tonne of the flat treats. I’ve never been great at making them from scratch, or more to the point, for the effort, they don’t taste all that much better than the mix. Of course, you could slather belt leather in maple syrup, and it would be delicious to me.

Thomas and I actually took turns at the skillet, so we could sit and enjoy watching Ian and Amy enjoy their dinners. This means that no one kept track of who ate what, but we did go through a couple boxes of the mix, not to mention a pack of sausages and $20 worth of syrup.

Thomas may not have the culinary expertise that I have, but he does enjoy watching Amy and Ian eat as much as I do. And how could he not? There’s a certain pleasure when you see the person you love in ecstasy. It’s pretty much the same feeling you get when you give someone a blow job. You know they’re loving it, so that means you love it.

When the carnage was over, Ian broke with tradition and weighed in Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning. He wanted to go through the ritual with Amy and Thomas. It’s a fun idea for special occasions, but I rather like our private little weigh ins. We can do them naked.




Oh, sorry, was just thinking of Ian waddling up to the scale.

His fair skin rippling with each step.

Fat flexing around his powerful muscles as he steps up onto the scale.



Um.


Where was I?

Right, Ian’s fantastic paunch.

No, wait.

Oral sex?

Pancakes?
Um.

Okay, one more jiggle.

Got it out of my system.

It was a lot of fun having a big ‘official’ weigh in with Ian and Amy. Ian did strip down to his underwear, though Amy was more modest. It’s the first time that Amy had seen Ian like that, and she was definitely awed by what she saw. I’m not sure if she was jealous of him, of me, or just… impressed in general.

Ian weighed in at 495 pounds. Still up from last week, but certainly his progress is slowing down. Amy topped off at 263 pounds. She’s gained a lot of weight pretty quickly. I must say I’m impressed by that!

As for myself, I lost a modest pound this week. Probably ‘cause of the pancakes last night… but still, 318 feels good.


Okay, I’m done writing.

I’m going to think about Ian’s doughy ass for a while.

Mmmmmm….



It is Ass Wednesday, isn’t it?

February Blahs

Alas, I was working on the weekend and not really in the mood to shop and cook.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I DID shop for clothes. Just not for food.

I bought a new dress at Cotton Ginny, it’s a little tight now, but that won’t last long. I can’t remember the last time I purposely bought something tight! Feels really good actually. Now I know why people yo-yo diet. Losing weight can be fun!

Ian didn’t get much eating done on the weekend anyway. He went out to test drive some cars. He really has outgrown his Neon, so it’s time for a ‘big boy’ car. He’s shown me pictures of some, and they all look weird. I don’t remember which ones he really liked, but he told me the best ones were too big for our parking garage, so he was a little disappointed he couldn’t get those ones.

There was, of course, hockey Saturday night. That meant, of course, Amy came over and, of course, they ate pizza and chips all night long. Doesn’t make up for the lack of dinner which I didn’t make, but at least someone’s on the ball when it comes to feeding my butterball.

I actually like the look his body is settling into right now. There seems to be a great ratio happening right now between his shoulders, his gut and his hips. Kind of like an anti-hourglass or something. Hard to put into words, but he’s at a profound roundness. Maybe he’s reached the proportions of Buddha? Hmmm. I’ll have to look into that. Maybe paint him gold, sit him down next to a statue, see what happens.

Part of it might be that he’s adapted to the jump in weight he went through. He carries himself a little better now that he’s used to his expanded dimensions. God he knows how to take up space with authority!

Haref

I have coined a new word. Can I trademark it?

Anyway, haref is defined as a group of men associated with one woman in a polygamous relationship. Basically, the reverse of a harem. (M = male, F = female)

So why have I come up with this word? I needed a word to describe my dream from last night, and I’m not aware of a reverse equivalent of ‘harem’. (I’ll let someone else come up for words to account for gay/lesbian equivalents.)

This dream was weird, it was by far the most vivid dream I’ve had in a while. I’m sure there are a zillion ‘meanings’ that can be read into it, but ultimately, I rather liked it.

In the dream I was slender again. Not quite my old 110 lbs, a bit curvier than that. I was wearing a very nice grey skirt suit. My hair was up, and was black. I was meeting a couple of associates who were in town, I wanted to show them something. The associates were a man and woman. I don’t really remember their features beyond the man was blond, and it was the woman I had a relationship with, he was just along as her boyfriend or husband.

I brought them to my bedroom (I don’t remember if it was a house, apartment, whatever, but it WAS in downtown. Probably downtown Toronto, not London. I’m not sure London really HAS a downtown!) which was actually a secret elevator.

It descended deep into a subterranean room. It was a large, opulent room that featured many TV displays. It also contained dozens of men. My haref. Each man was absolutely gigantic, the smallest of them was at least 500 pounds. Many of them were enormous pillows of flesh, far beyond being able to get up on their own. They all sat around eating and playing video games.

Each had a supply of food at the ready (how did it get there? I’m not really sure.). Some of the men even had feeding tubes which were constantly feeding them a clear liquid of some sort.

At this point the blond man became a little panicky, and my dream actually switched to the perspective of the woman. (Perhaps the woman was really me, and the other person in the dream is someone else?) I discussed with this blond man the possibility of him joining the other men (he was in pretty good shape).

He didn’t agree, took off, and some other people dressed in trench coats began to chase him.

I’m not sure what happened next, since that’s when I woke up.

Not entirely sure what it means, but that was the coolest room I’ve ever seen! It was like a harem from the movies, very ornate, big soft pillows everywhere (some were men, some were actual pillows), lots of chiffon and lace. Just with really big men!

More Ian

Ian has been a good little eater. After the deluge of chocolate I provided for him on Valentine’s Day, he’s up another 2 pounds. Of course, there’s more to it than just one day, whenever I have the time to make a big meal for him, I’m all over it. I love trying out new things and seeing just how much of it he can eat. More often than not he’s always got room for dessert, but we keep ice cream, cakes, pies and cookies on hand for just such emergencies.

This morning he weighed in at 494 pounds. Incredible. I always wanted him to get to be this big, but back at 300 pounds, it seemed so far away and unlikely. Even back then he was quite large, and had a heft appetite. It was hard to form a mental image of how he’d look with an extra 200 pounds, but it looks great on him now!

Although, what I’m finding more interesting is Amy’s gain. She’s definitely going through the same transformation I did way back when I was gaining weight. At first she just gave up resisting eating food. Like me she hated to eat because it made us fat. But finally we realised that if we just enjoyed what we ate, then we could enjoy life. If we got fat, then we got fat.

But now she’s gained enough weight to get a taste of what being fat truly means. She’s outgrown all the clothes she owned. Her stomach has become soft and round, she sports a double chin. She’s right where I was. Now it’s a matter of accentuating the experience. We want to feel what it’s like to get a little bit bigger, see where that next pound settles. Will our boobs get bigger? Will our ass become wider?

Even moreso than watching Ian gain, I get to relive my own glory days through her!

She’s completely at peace with her gain, which is good to see. I’m sure that Thomas has a lot to do with that. Whenever they’re together he’s all over her. It’s good to have that physical acceptance. I also know that he’s quite fond of the round female form, and is excited to explore a ‘fat chick’ for the first time.

I took a quiz to find my political leanings.

Turns out my role-model is Ralph Nader.

Huh.

Oh well:


Green - You believe that small economic units
should control the goods, and that the
government should be permissive of
"victimless crimes," respectful of
civil liberties and very strict towards big
business. You also believe in either a
socialist tax structure or more power to local
communities. You think that environmental
policies should be written into law. Your
historical role model is Ralph Nader.


Which political sterotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

My Feedee Quiz

I found this via Delako’s webpage. I’ve changed the language a little bit to use words I’m more familiar with. Ideally I’d have filled in this quiz while I was GAINING weight, not losing it. Also, I’m going to rework it to deal with Ian too! (I’m also going to get Ian to fill it in.)

http://www.livejournal.com/community/gainers/6324.html

My Feedee Quiz

<- Some History --

1. At what age can you remember having your first fat fantasy?
23 years old.

2. Who was the first fat person you admired/envied?
That was Jeri

3. As a kid did you ever tell anyone you wanted to be fat or pad while playing?
It never appealed to me as a kid.

4. At what age do you first remember overeating to intentionally get fatter?
24

5. Did you have any fat friends as a kid?
Not really

6. Where you a fat kid?
Nope

7. What is the heaviest you weighed before the age of 18?
112 pounds

8. What is the heaviest you have weighed after the age of 18?
460 pounds

-- Relations --

9. Have you ever dated a Fat Admirer?
Yes!

10. Have you ever dated an Feeder?
Yes!

11. Have you ever been fed?
Yes!

12. Would you rather be hand fed or encouraged to eat in other ways?
I prefer to be tantalised.

13. Is gaining a sexual "thing" for you?
The human mind lives in a sea of sensations. Myriad stimulations provide an cornucopia of responses for this complicated organ. I do find that as my body changes (up or down in weight!), the sensations change, making sex a greater combination of sensations. So, yes, it is a sexual thing, as weight gain makes sex better!

15. Are you strictly a Feedee or do you have Feeder tendencies also?
Actually, I see myself as a feeder, but fed myself!

16. Is it important to you that your partner know about your desires and goals in regards to weight gain?
Important? No. I’m happy about it though.

17. Would you date another Feedee?
I’m not sure I’d date someone who wasn’t!

-- Right now --

18. What do you weigh today?
322 pounds

19. What would you like to weigh?
280 pounds

20. If possible, would you just fatten a certain part of yourself? What part?
I don’t know. I like having a certain symmetry!

21. Are you more into the gaining, the eating, or both equally?
Definitely eating.

22. Who are your gaining idols?
Jeri and Ian are the only ones for me! Oh, and Elizia Volkmann

23. If you could switch bodies with anyone else on Earth, who would it be? (person can be alive or dead)
I always see the movie starlet du jour and wish I could be her, fatten up and have people ask me why.

24. What did you eat at your last meal?
Chicken ceaser salad

25. What will your next meal be?
Not entirely sure yet

26. What is your favorite meal?
Hmmmm.
Right now I could go for prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes, fresh, steamed vegetables on the side.

27. What is your favorite dessert?
Cherry cheesecake

28. What is your favorite beverage?
I’ve never settled on one. I like variety too much.

29. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope.

30. Does your family know about your gaining?
On purpose? No. In general? Yes.

31. Your friends?
Yes.

32. Co-workers?
On purpose? No. In general? Yes

33. Anyone?
On purpose? No. In general? Yes

34. Do you ever regret your gaining? Why?
Yes, because I want to be a mom NOW damnit

35. What is your most recent fat fantasy?
Ian being twice my size.

Ian: Beneath the Fat

The way I prattle on about Ian’s growing bulk, you’d think that’s the only thing I like about him. That’s definitely not true. It is a fact that at first I did not like him getting fat, he gained 80 pounds before I finally accepted him gaining weight!

Certainly when I met Ian he wasn’t fat, he wasn’t gaining weight, he wasn’t waddling towards 500 pounds. And he didn’t have plans to. It’s good to write about what I love about Ian.

Of course, don’t get me wrong, I am still infatuated with him gaining weight, but I’d still love him if he were still 220 pounds.

What first attracted me to Ian was his love for the round female form. He was the first guy I’d ever met who admitted he liked fat women! It’s not that I didn’t believe such men existed… but actually meeting someone like that wasn’t something I’d ever anticipated. Of course, those were the days when Jeri dwarfed me, but Ian was quite interested to learn that I had aspirations for plumpness myself.

If that had been the extent of Ian’s interest, I figure we’d have been together a few months. I’d been in plenty of relationships that were based on physical chemistry and nothing more. I’d have had fun, I’d still have gained weight, but I’d have moved on. So what else was there about Ian that kept me interested?

He’s a bright guy. Maybe not the brightest guy I’ve ever gone out with, but it gets pretty fuzzy. He can always form an opinion on something, he can always pick out important details, and he pays attention to things that I had no idea he was paying attention to. Certainly that’s why he’s good with computers, they need attention to detail.

He’s not very social. I know, that sounds sort of like a bad thing, and sometimes I almost think it is. And yet, there’s a certain open honesty too. It’s not that he’s rude. He just isn’t aware of all the social mores people are expected to follow. Or sometimes he is, and he just thinks they’re stupid, so he ignores them. I can’t really come up with a decent example. But it’s nice.

Finally, the guy has an iron will. If he sets his mind to something, then it’s set. He sees life as a challenge, and he is up to every moment of it. Where many boyfriends would back down to me, he doesn’t. He never concedes an argument unless he’s proven wrong. Fortunately, he’s smart enough to learn, so it’s easy to beat him in an argument if you’re actually right. It is incredibly… hot. He has such passion, such self belief. I love to argue with him! It’s never fighting, there’s a mutual respect, we disagree, we argue, we shout, but I don’t feel genuine conflict.

Not to say we don’t fight, we do, but it’s not the same as arguing.

A rather pedestrian weekend.

I worked both days of the weekend, again, so I didn’t get to spend as much time with Ian as I’d have liked to.

Fortunately, Amy seems to be capable of filling my shoes and making sure he’s well fed. She doesn’t cook, but is more than happy to spring for pizza, Chinese food, snacks, whatever. I guess there was a lot of hockey on over the weekend (All-star game and something Saturday night), and judging by the empty boxes they generated, they did pretty well.

I did make Ian a roast for Sunday dinner. It didn’t turn out quite right, I’m not as good at cooking things that take so long. He ate it happily, he might have liked it like that, but now that I’m not eating as much, I demand higher quality from myself, for myself. At least I didn’t have to worry about left-overs!

This week should be a big week in Ian’s future. I just don’t think he’ll be eating like he has been, and the scale will reflect that. I hope he doesn’t get discouraged by it, we’re getting so close to 500 pounds.

Besides, next week is cheap leftover candy week! I’m pretty confident we’ll hit 500 by the end of February!

Success!

Well, close, anyway.

Ian hit 490 pounds on the scale this morning. Four hundred and ninety pounds, just ten pounds shy of five hundred.

So why is this a success? After seeing that number come up, we talked a bit about the last couple of weeks where Ian really has gained 10 pounds. He says he feels more alive than he has in a long time, and he’s ready to go past 500 pounds. We’ve talked about him going past 500 before, but he’s never given an unequivocal ‘yes’. He always talked about ‘taking time to enjoy being 500 pounds’. Now he’s on a gaining streak, and he wants to keep it up as long as he can, and I fully intend to keep it going as long as I can.

He gives me credit for helping him along, but I think what’s made the difference is Amy. She’s gotten into a ritual with him where they eat while watching hockey. Ritual eating seems to be working wonders for them, so I’m going to let it go on. I miss spending time with Ian in the evenings, but the effects are well worth the lost time! It may be only 10 pounds, but you can see how it’s changed him more than any other 10 pounds he’s gained.

Last night I went out to the University to play some basketball, again. I can feel myself getting better every week. Sure, a lot has to do with the weight I’m losing (326 pounds!), but I also think that the exercise is doing wonders for my strength and cardiovascular endurance. No one expects anything from me, so when I pull my one move a night, it’s always surprising enough to earn two points! It won’t be long before I have two or three surprises in me in one night.

I’ve started doing sketches for a mural I want to do in our living room. I’m thinking something along the lines of ‘The Creation of Man’, but under the influence of Picasso’s Rose Period. Ideally it will create a sense of grandiose whimsy.

Happy Birthday Mr. Lewis!

Yesterday was Ian’s birthday, and we had the day off so we could celebrate properly!

First off, breakfast in bed. Eggs, toast, bacon, Cinnabons fit the bill pretty well.

We actually stayed in bed all morning, to keep Ian’s energy up, we had a dozen Krispy Kremes on hand…

Since I didn’t have a chance to make a fantastic lunch, we just ordered in some pizza. Pizza Hut must love it when our number shows up on the caller ID. Two large pizzas later, (I had half of one, of course…) we had Ice Cream. I bought a pint of ‘Chubby Hubby’. I guess Ian isn’t their idea of a Chubby Hubby, he liked it, but wasn’t blown away by it. We’ll try again in September, lol.

Over the afternoon Ian munched on cookies as we watched Indiana Jones on video.

For dinner we went out to The Keg with Amy and Thomas. We all ordered appetizers, but one guess who managed to ‘sample’ everyone’s. Ian had the steak and lobster, and then a ‘sampling’ of everyone’s desserts as well.

Amy says there used to be a great place in London for desserts, but they closed down a couple years ago. Too bad they didn’t know Ian was coming! But we did get out to a place near home called ‘Fatty Patty’s’. Sounds more promising than it was. We had some drinks and wings before finally calling it night.

I got Ian some clothing gift certificates. I know… I know, I’m his fiancée, how could I be so thoughtless? Well, he’s tough to buy for. We have all the electronic gizmos we’ll ever need. He could care less about the knickknacks I put up around the apartment. I’d like to get him jewellery, but if he’s going to gain more weight, that might not be a great idea. So clothes are the way to go. But I didn’t want to get clothes and hoped they fit. I’d rather go out and get him to try stuff on. So, yeah, it’s kind of a gift for me too ;-) I just think he needs a good suit that fits him, and would love to see one on him!