MsCezanne's Odyssey

It's time for my Wednesday Weigh-In. Now that Sherry has me into a routine of moving every day, I'm really starting to feel it. At 514 I'm not tiny or anything, but I can feel the difference now. I'm getting past the point of feeling like it's all too much, and starting to feel like it's just another part of the day.

I remember Ian going through this, but I have several advantages over him. First, I was more active this summer than he was when he started working with Sherry. Second, Sherry has learned a lot working with Ian, so it's been easier to get effective exercise for me. Third, I've basically done this once, so I've got a better idea of what it takes than he had at first.

Ian's still losing weight though, he's down to 387 pounds this week. He's really starting to firm up. He's still fat, but the fat seems to cling to him, rather than hang from him. Maybe it's just my perception. He's moving better too.

Amy's reported in. Hockey season has helped her get her gaining weight again, she's up 536 pounds now. She says she can really feel the weight piling on again, and she loves every jiggle of it. She also says that even though she's not gaining very quickly, her body is adjusting. One of her clients is a tailor for her, and says that her measurements have changed more over the last six months than she'd have thought.

As for life, Sherry and I took the kids trick-or-treating around the building. It was a lot of fun, a chance to get to know the neighbours a little bit better, and see just how many kids there are in the building!

I must add that Sherry wore a costume, though I did not. I just haven't had the time to make anything, and have no idea where I'd buy something that fits, much less suits my taste.

Labels: Amy, Char, diary, Hallowe'en, Ian, weigh in

Ellen was in a state of confusion. She's always been fat, fat as a teenager, fatter in college, and ever fatter as an adult. She finally took steps to lose weight, and suddenly she meets Ryan, who tells her that there are men who actually like women who are fat.

And then she doesn't see him for two weeks.

Was he playing a joke on her? Did she only hear what she wanted to hear? Was it really just a dream? She continued her workouts and her diet, the feelings of torture and deprivation they brought on were more intense than ever. She hated to diet and exercise, and she hated herself for hating it. She'd finally decided she needed to lose weight, and she was doing it and then, well, she didn't know what she wanted now.

She looked in the mirror. The clothes she wore were too large for her. She was getting used to that. It certainly looked better than wearing clothes that were too tight, something she was much more used to seeing. It made her look like she was playing dress up though, the clothes just didn't fit right. There was no time to change though, and besides, this was the smallest outfit she had to wear.

She was late for the subway that day, and it was more crowded than normal. While she hated being thin enough to share a bench on the train, at least she could get her thinner body through crowds much easier. In fact, the other day she actually ran for a train. She couldn't remember the last time she'd run (except on the treadmill).

Despite the crowd she did manage to find a seat. A few more stops and the train was filled to capacity, and Ellen had to deal with someone sitting next to her, pressing against her. She was reminded of when Ryan sat next to her that one time and looked, but it wasn't him. She'd mostly given up looking for Ryan after a week. She wasn't sure if she'd see him again, and felt silly hoping to see him.

Over her shoulder she could hear people muttering, someone was pushing their way through. It was Ryan! He'd seen her, and was trying to get close enough to talk to her. The crowd was too thick though, and while they waved and smiled, they couldn't really say anything.

Ryan's stop came up before the crowd would disperse. Ellen could see that Ryan was torn between getting off and staying on. Suddenly she jumped up (and she couldn't remember the last time she'd jumped up!) and made a dash for the door. He took her cue, and they both exited, meeting on the platform.

They stood smiling at each other. Ellen was panting from her exertion. Ryan motioned her over to a bench and they sat down while she caught her breath. Ryan was very clearly getting a good look at her. He finally said 'I rarely get an unobstructed view of you'. He suddenly became embarrassed, realising what he'd said. 'I like what I see though.'

Ellen just smiled, her breath coming back to her. 'Thanks, you're not so bad yourself.'

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Ellen spoke again, 'did you mean what you said? I mean on the subway before, when you said you like bigger women?'

Ryan looked at his watch, tried to look back to Ellen, but couldn't look her in the eyes. Instead he focused on a poster for some gum. 'Yes. I do. I think you're incredibly beautiful. I always wanted to tell you, but... I don't know.' He looked at his watch again, 'Um, I'm going to be late for work, I was glad to talk to you though.'

Ellen turned to him, 'I'm not going to make it to work. I'm still too winded. I'm going to call in sick. Why don't you, I mean why don't we,' it occurred to Ellen she'd never asked anyone out before. It's what she wanted to do, but what if he said no?

Ryan got up and gave her his card, 'I'll be at my desk in 20 minutes, you can call me then.'

Ellen watched as Ryan virtually floated up the escalator and out of sight. She sat for another few minutes, catching her breath, watch the other commuters on their way to whereever. She didn't care. She had a date. Sort of.

***

Now that she was had the day off, had a date for lunch, was wearing clothes that just didn't fit, and was downtown, Ellen decided to go treat herself to a manicure and get some new clothes.

After getting her nails done Ellen was off to buy clothes. Normally she hated buying clothes. She'd never been 'into fashion', and the bigger the sizes, the smaller the selection, she would always get something comfortable and be done with. Her friends always bugged her that she was making enough money she really should dress like it. As she'd lost weight the selection of clothes grew, though she still put little effort into shopping. Not today. She found a nice plus sized boutique and told the saleswoman exactly what she needed an outfit for.

She tried on several different outfits, and rather liked how they looked. Eventually she settled on a skirt suit that seemed the most right to her. Ellen had to admit that the way the fabric framed her curves she looked very beautiful. Ryan was going to love it.

It was easily the best morning that Ellen could remember having in a long time. Certainly the best morning she'd had since she started losing weight. What better way to celebrate than going out to eat?

***

Neither Ryan nor Ellen had been to the restaurant before. It was well regarded for both its cuisine and speed of service; if you had a business lunch, this was the place to go. When Ellen arrived, the place was already busy. In fact, Ryan was waiting for her at a table not too far inside.

When she got closer to the table she could see that Ryan was openly staring at her. She turned a little pirouette for him before she sat down, and smiled when she saw his chin was practically on the table.

He handed her a piece of bread and said, 'You looking absolutely stunning.'

'Thank you,' she smiled and took the bread to butter it. 'I'm glad you noticed. Back when we first talked on the train, I didn't know if you were being serious or not. Now I know you are though.'

They chatted during lunch. They talked about their work, and generally just getting to know each other. Ellen would have enjoyed the lunch without Ryan, she was so far off her diet, she was in absolute heaven. She could see that Ryan was enjoying watching her enjoy her food. She felt self conscious about it, but it was so good, she didn't really care too much.

When it was time for dessert, she could see Ryan waiting hesitantly for her order. She smiled and got what seemed to be the highest calorie plate from the cart. Even though her heart was racing, she almost feel Ryans pounding faster.

'So,' she said between bites, 'how long have you liked bigger women?'

Ryan came to life, but also squirmed a little. It was obvious he wanted to discuss it, and yet he seemed embarrassed to do so. 'As long as I can remember, really. I remember seeing fat women in cartoons, on talk shows, just wherever, and was entranced. There was a girl in my class, she was so fat, and I liked her so much.'

'So what happened?'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, what happened with this girl?' Ellen asked.

'Oh. I never asked her out.'

'Why not?'

Ryan paused, and lowered his eyes. 'I was just too embarassed to talk to the fat girl. What would my friends think?! I mean, it sounds silly now, but it was a big deal back then. If I could go back... I would.'

'So how many big girls have you dated?'

'Really big? None. Kinda big? Well... none. I've only ever really dated 'normal' women. Usually kinda curvy, but none really big.'

Ellen could see the pain in Ryan. 'So why me?'

Ryan looked her in the eyes, 'Well, you're so incredibly beautiful for one. As for myself, I knew I finally had to get over my fear of asking. When I saw you on the subway, I knew you were the one I had to ask out. I knew it. I'd always try to get next to you, but I never could. And then one day I did, and, well, it just worked out.'

Ellen smiled at him. 'I'm glad it worked out.'

Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain

A sick day is never fun. Especially when you're the victim of a full body dry hacking cough.

On the plus side, I'm getting plenty of exercise hacking up a lung.

My new lifestyle is going pretty well. Been spending plenty of time in the pool, less time in the kitchen, and I've dropped 5 pounds so far. I'm not in danger of slipping down the drain any time soon, but it's still progress, which is the drug that makes me keep going.

My favourite part is swimming. I wish I'd been swimming more, it feels absolutely incredible. When I'm in the water, I almost feel like my body is melting into it. I'm plenty buoyant, and feeling the water against all my flesh feels so nice. The most interesting part is when I get out of the water, and my weight returns. At first I didn't really like it, going from sleek and care free in the water to heavy and slow on the deck, but I've really gained a fuller appreciation of how big I am because of it.

I've had a chance to knock out some more story chapters. I've got a few in reserve I'll be putting out. I've been trying to keep a balance of the stories, but I'm clearly more inspired for some than others. Given that my recent posts haven't gotten much attention, I'll probably stop writing those stories, unless something comes to me.

The other thing I've noticed is that I never really planned 'endings' for my stories, so some of them are kind of limping along, rather than actually going any where.

I've also taken the step of writing a 'spin off'. Even though I've only posted on chapter of Ellen and Ryan, I've written 2 more. I've also written 5 chapters of Andrea and Ellen, a story that focuses on Andrea, but involves Ellen. My goal is to bring the characters together and start writing where there are more than 2 main characters.

As always, if anyone has any suggestions or requests, they’re welcomed and encouraged.

Labels: Char, diary

Karen had always found that wearing heels was an instant way to a man's heart. They pushed her legs up, and turned her well defined dancers muscles into a shape as close to perfect feminity as she could imagine. That alone was enough to turn men into putty.

Then, with the right amount of heel, it would be easier to look a man in the eyes, to kiss him without moving too much, to hang her hands around his neck without putting too much pressure on him. Even though guys don't know how important that can be, it was always very successful for Karen.

The problem was finding shoes that gave her the right lift, and were supportive enough for dancing. Eventually she did find some boots that worked out very well for her. From then on, she knew how to find the perfect boots to drive the men crazy, with her legs, with her looks, and with her dancing.

Karen's friends scoffed at how important it was to have the right boots, but she pointed to her track record with men. She pointed out that they could dance like her, and they were as pretty as her, the difference was the boots.

Over time a few of her friends finally decided to give the same serious thought to footwear that Karen did, and they found that there were indeed perfect boots for them too. Before long their trips to the shoe store were far more critical than finding something that merely matched their skirt.

***

Karen had a problem. She couldn't get her boots on. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get them to zip up over her calf. They'd been getting tighter and tighter and even though they were stretchy, they would simply stretch no more. She desperately searched around her closet for a pair of boots, but those had been her loosest pair. She wished she'd noticed earlier, there wasn't time for her to go out and buy new boots.

She tried to find some shoes, but anything she found just didn't have the support. While gaining weight had it's challenges, walking in heels was by far the hardest. Her centre of gravity changed so much, she really needed the support her boots offered. None of her shoes fit the bill, she was sure she would just twist an ankle by trying to dance in them. Unfortunately all her shoes were too high for her to dance in. A few of them she could barely stand in now!

She raided her friends' closets, looking for something that would fit and let her dance, and match her outfit. Eventually she settled on a pair of flats. It took a few minutes to get used to walking around in them. She hoped dancing would be okay.

She arrived at the club and stopped for a quick bite with Tim before heading to dance on the risers. He noticed immediately "You're getting shorter!"

She laughed, "no, just couldn't get my boots on. I mean, I'm used to outgrowing my pants, my skirts, even my underwear, but I never thought I'd outgrow my boots!"

Tim peered over the bar and she stepped back to show him. He whistled as she twirled for him. He gave her a second plate of fries to help her build up her energy.

When she finally got up on the riser Karen was a little off. Her balance was thrown by being so flat on her heels. It took her a little while to get going. Eventually she did get into her rhythm, and she found that it was easier to dance without the heels. She finally found Michael in the crowd and began to focus on him.

Without having to balance on the heels she found she had more energy that night. She was worried that Michael would end up with one of the other, fatter dancers, so she was surprised to see that he was still waiting for her when she finally took a break from dancing.

"That was simply incredible! I don't know what it is, but your legs, your butt, they're just popping tonight. I could NOT take my eyes off you."

One of the other dancers, who had been waiting for Michael, shot Karen a glare. Karen just smiled back, and then tucked into the platter of nachos he had waiting for her.

Labels: FA, fiction, Karen, Michael, weight gain

As a journalist I'm in a tough position, I want to write a piece that is unbiased as possible. It's my job to report the facts, and then leave my readers to draw their conclusion. However, this series is about my experiences, it is, in essence, my own opinion. So, for example, a good journalist would never say that 'She is turning into a fat slob.' However, as the subject of a story about gaining weight, I feel like I'm turning into a fat slob!

I am trying to keep an open mind about the experience, but it's hard. We live in a society where being thin is highly prized, and being obese is frowned upon. I cannot help but feel like I'm transforming myself into a fat slob. I use the expression with the utmost respect. In no way am I implying that fat people are slobs. In no way am I a slob myself. Just, in the interests of being open and honest, the words are connected in my brain. Sitting on the couch eating chips and cookies, I just feel like a slob, even though in no way am I.

I am getting fat though.

I gained almost 3 pounds this past week, and while it doesn't seem like much on its own, altogether I've gained about 6 pounds, and I'm starting to feel the effects. Certainly some of the effects are from living a more sedentary lifestyle. I know there are many people of size who aren't sedentary, but if I kept up my activity levels, I'd never gain weight. I can't replicate everyone's experience.

My clothes are getting ever tighter. My appetite has expanded, before I was forcing myself to eat, and now I find that I'm often looking for something to eat. The overall changes are subtle, I don't know that anyone has noticed them yet. My cheeks are rounder, my stomach is bulgy, my hips are thickening. My breasts feel fuller, so it's not all bad. (I say this as the subject, not the journalist. As the journalist they appear bigger. As the subject, it's good that they're bigger.)

Labels: byline, FA, fiction, weight gain

A black screen.

A loud resounding thump.

The screen is white, but out of focus.

Another resounding thump, the camera jumps slightly with it.

The screen focuses, it's a white tiled floor.

A third thump is heard, the camera jumps again, it's getting closer.

The camera pans around something fuzzy and green is approaching.

Another thump as the fuzzy green shape fills the frame.

The camera pulls back, it's a towel wrapped around someone. A woman's legs are seen from beneath the towel and take a step. The resounding thump is the sound of her walking. The steps are in slow motion, the legs are plump and can be seen to wiggle and jiggle in slow motion with each step.

She walks past the camera, the camera focuses on how enormous her back side appears when wrapped by the towel. She steps on a scale, and we return to normal camera speed: there is a blood curdling scream. The woman turns around, and is revealed to be Megan Stewart, her hands on her face, and her mouth hanging open.

Music plays, and the titles come up: "The Comeback: Megan Stewart". A subtitle appears after the credits, declaring "Episode 2: Turning it Around"

***

Megan is standing on the scale in the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. The towel is large and fluffy, and Megan looks absolutely gigantic wrapped up in it. Her hands are clapped over her mouth, and her eyes are wide as she looks between the camera and the readout on the scale.

The camera moves and zooms in past her pudgy toes to the readout on the scale: 186 pounds.

Megan turns and runs from the bathroom.

Geraldine is sitting on the couch, she's dressed in shorts and tight top, revealing her slender figure, and reading Variety. Megan runs into the room, still wrapped in her green towel and sits down on the couch. Geraldine bounces up and down with the force of Megan's weight hitting the couch.

Geraldine turns to Megan, "So how much?"

Megan whimpers.

"160?"

Megan whimpers and turns her head no.

"170?"

Another whimper, and a finger pointing upwards.

"Not 180!"

"One hundred," Megan's voice is trembling, "and eighty six pounds."

Geraldine whistles, "I'm sure glad I'm not you! But we'll get through this. Your agent called, you've got an appointment with a nutritionist, and a personal trainer. You'll look like me again in no time."

Megan smiles at Geraldine.

"Oh, one more thing," Geraldine adds, "I've got an audition!"

Megan's smile turns to a scowl as Geraldine gets up and walks out of the room.

***

The camera is again focused on the scale, the view turns, and in slow motion Geraldine walks into the washroom wrapped in a towel that is tight to her curves. As she approaches the scale the towel drops away to reveal Geraldine in her underwear. She steps up on the scale, and the readout quickly displays 120.

Geraldine smiles at the camera and walks away with a sexy swagger.

***

Megan is sitting in an office. She's wearing a tracksuit that appears a size too large. A man walks into the office, he's tall, dark hair, well tanned. He's wearing bicycle shorts and a muscle shirt to show off just how fit he is.

He smiles and takes her hand, "I'm Eduardo. I'll be your personal trainer Miss Stewart." As she stands up, he looks her over with a bit of disdain, "I see I have my work cut out for me!"

A montage video has Geraldine being weighed and measured, poked and prodded, and finally doing a variety of fitness tests. At the end she poses in a sports bra and shorts, which have her flesh bulging around them, for her 'before' pictures.

***

As the last flash from Megan's picture goes off we switch back to her house. Geraldine is sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of photo albums. She's flipping through them, and stops to hold a page to the camera.

"See? That's not long after we met. We were working together at some place off the strip. Everyone told us how much we looked alike." The camera zooms in, Geraldine and Megan are standing, wearing matching uniforms, looking practically identical.

Geraldine stands up and mimics the pose to show that she has changed very little since the picture was taken.

She sits back down at the table and grabs a cookie to eat. The camera catches, for just a moment, that there is a whole plate of cookies beside the stack of photo albums. Geraldine reaches for another cookie and continues flipping through the pictures.

***

Exhausted by her fitness test, Megan is now talking with Angela, an impossibly tiny blonde woman, about eating habits and propre nutrition. Angela lectures about food groups, eating strategies, what to avoid.

Finally Angela equips Megan with a massive binder. "This has all your recipes, and you're going to eat every day. After a week we'll see how you're doing."

***

Megan comes home, and sees Geraldine looking at the pictures, "what are you doing?"

"Looking at pictures of you when you were hot like me," Geraldine grinned. The plate of cookies is briefly in view, and clearly empty. "Come on, I'll get you a snack."

Geraldine reaches for another bag of cookies, and Megan stops her. She flips open the binder, "Nope, I'm scheduled for..." she walks over the fridge, opens it up and searches, "... aha, carrot sticks!"

"Suit yourself," Geraldine sets out another plate of cookies as the two friends start pointing at old pictures of each other.

Labels: FA, fiction, Geraldine, Megan, TV show, weight gain

Matt was sitting on the couch, working his way through a bucket of fried chicken and a box of fries and gravy. It had been a few days since Annie had stormed out of his apartment, and he still wasn't sure what happened exactly.

He still loved her, he knew that's what formed the ache deep down inside him. He wasn't very nice to her, and he wasn't sure why. He was just so used to having time to himself. He was so ashamed to let her see how fat he was now. And he was shocked to see that she'd gained so much weight herself.

He really wasn't prepared to see her fat.

With a few days of eating through the problem, Matt was getting up the courage to call her back and apologise and figure out if he'd blown it for good or not. Having decided he needed to call her, he began trying to decide what to say. Did he want more time? Was he okay with her weight? Would he lose weight? What did she want from him? What did he want from her? Where did all the chicken go?

Matt laughed, he supposed that whatever family this meal was for didn't have someone like him in it. He tore into the pack of brownies and tried to get his thoughts back on track.

The phone rang.

Matt's mouth was stuffed with brownies, he was desperately trying to chew as he reached for the phone, which rang again and again. He finally answered 'Hewwo?', the sweet chocolate treat still coated his mouth and he reached for his drink.

'Matt? Oh, are you eating? Is it a bad time, I can call back?' it was Annie, Matt's heart was racing.

'Oh, um, no,' he'd finally cleared his mouth out to talk. 'No, not eating, just, uh a snack. I'm done.'

'No, I'll call back, you keep eating.'

'No, no, now's good, I can talk,' he wanted nothing more than another family meal, but he just couldn't let Annie know that.

'I just wanted to apologise. I shouldn't have surprised you like that.'

'Look, you don't need to apologise, I was rude to you, I was awful. I didn't mean it, I just, I didn't know what I meant. I was happy to see you. I missed you, a lot.'

'Okay, look, we'll just talk, okay? I think there are some things we need to tell each other. I'll stay here, you stay there, and we'll do this over the phone, okay?'

Even though it's exactly what Matt wanted, he wasn't okay with it. He wanted to avoid this, he just wanted to eat. Why was life so complicated? What did she want? How long would this take? 'Okay'.

'Me first,' Annie injected into the silence. 'First of all, I should tell you, I've gained some weight.'

Matt chuckled, 'Yeah, I may have noticed.'

'Yes,' Annie's tone darkened for a moment, 'Three months ago, when you said I was too thin to date you, it really hurt, it really struck home. Part of me figured that if you were fat, I needed to be fat. It was so easy to just lose myself in my food, I was eating more and more. It felt so good to just let go, to enjoy it.'

'Look, Annie, I don't have to be fat. I mean, you don't have to be fat. I can lose weight for you. I really can. I mean I know I've gained a lot of weight, but if I need to lose it to keep you,' the words were pouring out, Matt knew he meant them, but at the same time, wasn't sure he really could. He LIKED being fat, and wasn't sure he could lose weight for Annie, no matter how much she loved him.

'Matt!' she interrupted, 'Matt, Matt, Matt! I should have told you. I should have been honest with you. Matt... ' she paused, the words just not coming. 'Matt, I like your fat. I really like your fat. Matt, I made you fat!'

'What do you mean you 'made me fat'?'

'Well,' she paused again, 'you weren't exactly skinny when we met. But I saw something in you. You were cute, and I knew you'd gain weight with just a nudge.'

'No, you didn't make me fat, I made me fat. I ate like a pig, I never joined the gym, I...'

Annie interrupted again, 'You ever notice I always brought too much food? I always ordered too much when we went out? You always had an extra dessert, never quite seemed to get to the gym if you told me you were, and I even made sure you had clothes that were big enough! I was so scared you'd find out I was fattening you up. I wanted you to know, but I knew you wouldn't like it. I mean who wants their girlfriend to fatten them up!?'

A long pause.

'Wow,' Matt said, barely a whisper, 'you did make me fat. Why?'

Another pause.

'You didn't want to be fat, I think you look good fat, I wanted you, and I wanted you fat. It was the only way I could do it.'

'Well, now I'm fat, are you happy?' Anger was creeping back into Matt's voice.

'No, I'm not happy. I want you to be my fat BOYFRIEND, not some fat guy on the other end of the phone.'

'So... you still want to see me?'

'YES!' she shouted into the phone. 'Yes! You silly boy, yes, yes yes! I want to see more of you! I want to see you all the time, I want to see you getting fatter and fatter!'

'So I didn't blow it?' relief flooded over Matt's anger.

'No!'

'And... you're okay with me being fat?'

'Okay?!' she enthused, 'I wouldn't have it any other way.'

'I was so worried that I was getting fat and that you'd hate my and... you really want me fat?'

'Yes! Fat! F-A-T! Fat Matt!'

'Okay, then Annie, can I ask you something?'

'Anything, anything.'

'I'm STARVING, can we wrap this up so I can have some ice cream?'

Labels: annie, ffa, fiction, matt, weight gain

Ellen looked in the mirror, examining herself from different angles. She couldn't see the problem. Sure, she was fat, but she had excellent skin, luxurious hair, and her face was at least 'girl next door'. She knew she was biased, but she had been told enough times that she had 'such a pretty face, if she only lost some weight', it was probably true.

Ellen had always been fat. Her parents were fat, many members of her family were fat. Some of them tried desperately to lose weight, but some of them, like Ellen, just accepted themselves the way they were. She was born fat, she had grown up fat. She was fat. Why fight who you are?

Ellen sighed and looked in the mirror. It was Friday night. She was home alone. Again. Maybe that's why she had to fight it.

***

When she'd started high school she was amongst the biggest students in the school. By graduation she was clearly the biggest. It didn't bother her, she was working hard to getting into university.

When university came, she was among the biggest students in the school. By the time she graduated, she was again clearly the biggest. It didn't bother her, she had a full scholarship, she was a sought after Teaching Assistant. She had offers for graduate studies, as well as lucrative job offers.

She'd focused on studying for so long, she knew that her social life had suffered. It was time to get on with life, it was time to get a job and be a grown up. Getting the job was tougher than she thought, too many people judged her by her weight. It didn't bother her too much, she knew these people couldn't help being narrow minded. She did eventually get a job that turned out to be better than what she'd hoped for anyway.

With her professional life established, Ellen finally tried to get her personal life in order. She spent more time with friends, getting to know them better outside the academic setting she'd always focused on. She was surprised to learn that they unanimously believed she needed to lose weight. She didn't need to lose weight, she'd simply find someone who could look past it.

She went on a few blind dates that didn't go well. She tried to meet men by going out with her friends, and had even less luck.

***

Another sigh, another look in the mirror. She started to look up gyms in her neighbourhood. It didn't feel right, changing for some unseen, unknown man, but not changing for some unseen unknown man just wasn't working for her.

It wasn't long before friends and co-workers were heaping praise on her. Ellen just smiled awkwardly and steered the conversation in another direction. She was following her diet and exercise regime with the same fervour she had brought to school, and the effects were clearly noticeable on her. Despite her friends' commendations, Ellen just didn't feel right. She felt as though she was depriving herself, she felt as though it was a self imposed torture. As her weight dropped, she became miserable.

Her friends noticed this change too, and Ellen found herself more lonely than ever. She hadn't lost enough weight to become 'desirable', she hated what she was doing to herself, and she couldn't help but take it out on others. She just kept her focus on work and on losing weight, hoping that something good would come of it soon.

***

One day Ellen got on the subway to work. She sat down and smiled to herself, now that there was room to sit next to her, she couldn't think of anyone she wanted to sit beside.

A stop later someone did sit down beside her. Ellen's smile turned to a frown, she wasn't used to sharing her space on the subway. Chalk up one more reason to hate what she was doing to herself. She recognised the man sitting beside her. She'd seen him on the subway many times before. They'd exchanged glances a few times, but they'd never sat together. Of course, Ellen realised, she'd never sat with anyone, not just him.
He smiled and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ryan".

Still miserable about having her space invaded, Ellen was taken aback by how friendly Ryan sounded. "Um, hi. I'm... I'm Ellen."

"It's nice to meet you Ellen. I've seen you on the subway before."

"Yes, I've seen you too," she felt dumb for saying it, but wasn't sure what else to say. He was smiling at her. A man, was sitting, talking, and smiling with her.

"I notice you've lost some," Ryan offered nervously.

"Yeah, I've been on a diet and exercising," she shrugged. She felt awkward that he'd noticed.

"Um," Ryan hesitated for a moment, apparently trying to decide if he should ask or not, "why?"

Ellen was ready to snap at him for asking, but she could see the look on his face. He really wanted to know, there was a look in his eyes that asking this question would be the most important thing he'd do all day. He deserved a polite answer. "It's simple," she sighed, "I haven't had any luck finding a boyfriend. Men just don't want fat women."

"Not all men."

"Pardon me?" Ellen couldn't have heard him right.

"Not all men don't, I mean, some men like fat women."

"And where would I find these mythical men?" Ellen rolled her eyes, desperate to end the conversation now. Wishing she could just go back to normal, never have to sit next to anyone again.

"On the subway. Right next to you." Ryan's voice was quivering.

Ellen realised that he was being honest, actually, more than that, he was baring his soul to her, on the subway of all places. She turned to him and smiled. She couldn't think of anything else to say.

The next few minutes passed in an awkward silence as Ellen's stop eventually came. As Ryan moved out of her way, he finally spoke, "Ellen, it was a pleasure to finally meet you. I'll see you soon."

Ellen could not take her mind off her discussion with Ryan all day long. She wasn't sure what to think. What he said seemed right to her. Why would he lie about that?

On the ride home she looked all over the subway for him. Even with the weight she'd lost, she couldn't really squeeze through the throngs of people to find him, she wasn't even sure if they were on the same train or not. She didn't find him, and was very disappointed.

In fact, for the rest of the week she was on the look out for him, but she just couldn't seem to catch a break. What had happened to him? When would she see him again? Could she even hope to see him again?

Labels: Ellen, FA, fiction, Ryan, weight gain

Karen could feel herself being watched. She was arguably the hottest girl dancing on the risers that Friday night, and she was arguably the best dancer of the group too. She knew she had an appreciative audience, and she was doing her best to give them something to appreciate.

On her best nights, of which most were, she could get into a zone where she could perform at a top level for longer than any of the other girls. They would step down for breaks and she could keep going.

The trick that Karen used was to pick out one person, and perform for them. Making it personal added a warmth and personality that the others could not match. And by focusing on one person, it was easier to put everything she had into her dancing. She hardly ignored the rest of her audience though.

When she finally did come down from the risers that evening she was approached by a series of men happy to buy her drinks and give her their phone numbers. Tonight she was approached by the man she'd chosen to dance for. This didn't always happen, but tonight went so well, she was naturally inclined to join him and his friends. He bought her drinks, and they even danced a little bit that evening.

Karen spent the night at his place as well, departing before breakfast the next morning. She'd enjoyed her time with him, but she wasn't really into him. She loved his attention, but didn't feel any need to find anything more from him.

He wasn't the first such encounter for Karen, and he wouldn't be the last. There were times she wondered if there was more to life, but then Friday night would come about, and it was enough for her lithe body to be the centre of attention.

***

For the third Thursday in a row Karen found herself dancing on the risers. It had taken some time for her to acquire the curves she needed to be accepted as a chubby dancer. Despite her plus sized frame she was the thinnest of the dancers. She was also the best dancer, probably because she was the thinnest.

Karen was also aware that she garnered the least attention. The men in the club on Thursday nights appreciated their women with curves, and Karen just didn't have enough for their tastes.

She was dancing her heart out, she could stay on the risers far longer than the other girls. She still danced for one man in particular, but now it was Michael. He knew she was up there, but she knew that she had to fight for his attention with the bigger girls.

In fact, she looked over at him once to see that one of the biggest dancers had sat down with him. They were talking, laughing, eating. She was overcome by a moment of rage, wishing she'd taken the time to get down and talk to Michael. The part of her that loved to dance kept her up though. She was a dancing girl, and Thursdays were her one chance a week to really let go.

She had spent so long in limbo though, too fat for dancing on Fridays, and too skinny for dancing on Thursdays. She just had to get up there, to perform, to be who she was, even if she couldn't have the audience she wanted.

When she was finally worn out, and her anger had cooled, she stepped down from the riser and realised that Michael had left with the bigger girl. Karen went over to the bar where Tim was waiting with a drink and a plate of food for her.

He even knew what was on her mind before she said anything. "You've got his attention, you do. You think that girl he left with was always that big? She used to be quite a dancer, but never as good as you are. When you fill out a bit, you're going to be the hottest girl up there. You've got the moves, you just need the pounds."

Karen smiled. Tim always knew what to say to her. She drank, ate and eventually found some people to dance with. She did end up having a great night, considering she still didn't have the man she wanted.

Labels: FA, fiction, Karen, Michael, weight gain

I'm sorry that my fiction has come to bit of a halt. Work has become incredibly busy, so I have to spend my time working, rather than coming up with something interesting to write.

At home I'm going to the pool to exercise, so I've got less time to goof around, and when I do have the time, I don't really have the energy.

My creativity has also run a little dry. I'm sure it has to do with lack of time to flesh out ideas, since I've still got some ideas, but they take time to convert into meaningful stories. I've got some inspirations for new stories, and to continue existing stories.

In fact, I was waiting for a little feedback on my 'TV Show' post before going on. I wasn't sure it really worked out, did anyone feel like they were watching a TV show when they read it? Does it need more detail? Less? More or less of anything? Should I scrap the presentation entirely and shift it back to a conventional story?

I've been the New Char for a week now, and 'New' is the key word. I don't feel like myself at all, but it feels very good, just in a different way. Sherry's been really pushing me. We started out basically where she started with Ian, but I'm in better shape now than he was when he started. I guess the extra 80 pounds makes a difference eh? So, she's been pushing, just to get a better idea of what's going to what I can do, and what's going to work.

With all the swimming and walking, I really am pushing myself. My body is reacting in many ways, with exhaustion being at the top of the list. I'm not nearly as sore as I thought I would be, but I'm far more in tune with my body than I ever remember being, which is pretty incredible, since I thought I was in pretty good tune with it during the summer! I really can feel where my muscles end and my fat starts, it's quite a surreal feeling, like I'm surrounded by myself. There is the part of me that knows this would be easier without the fat, and then there's the part of me that just wants more fat. We'll see what becomes of New Char.

Labels: Char, diary

It's a dream assignment, I can, nay, must eat everything I want. At least, it seemed like a dream assignment. It turns out eating everything I want isn't enough, I need to eat everything I see, and let me tell you, food really is everywhere! At the end of the day I've eaten so much I can barely move, and at night I lay awake wondering if I've eaten enough.

There's more to it than simply eating more. As a journalist, I'm used to making sure I'm observing the story, and doing my best not to be a part of it. This series is the very opposite, I am the story, and I'm finding it goes against the fibre that I built up over the years at school and on the job.

Even though I'm not a well known personality, I do get recognised from time to time, and now I'm starting to get recognised as the girl who's getting fat. I've changed where I shop. The people at my grocery store recognise me, and I can't face them when my cart has three times as much food as normal. When I go to the drive through, I never make eye contact with the people serving me. I'm a people person, but with so much food being bought, I just can't bring myself to be in contact with people.

Is this my journalistic instinct trying to keep me out of the story as much as possible? Maybe I'm worried about people recognising me? Am I simply embarrassed about how much I'm eating? Are other fat people embarrassed by how much they eat?

Speaking as the central part of my own story, I need to address a question that has come my way frequently. Well, a few questions, really. 1) No, I'm not out of my mind. 2) Yes, I'm being paid for this. Seemed like a lot at the time, not so sure now. The main question I'd like to address though is what my significant other thinks of this. The answer is, I have no significant other. Over the years I've had trouble finding someone to connect with. I'd move on to better opportunities as they came up. I'm very exacting with the kind of man I'd like to be with. I'm smart, opinionated, well educated and (with all due modesty), fairly cute: I can intimidate men without trying. I do date, and have had successful dates, and even a few relationships in the past.

Currently I'm going solo, and haven't quite decided how I'll approach the dating scene. Finding love is a universal quest, for the fat and thin, so to complete this adventure, I will have to date. For me right now, I'm adapting to a new lifestyle, so I'm not sure I'm ready to adapt to a new person or people. Also, what would a date be? An all you can eat buffet? How romantic is that?

Finally, this past week I've gained another 2 pounds. I thought I'd be way fatter by now, but my clothes are getting tight.

Labels: byline, fiction, weight gain

It's kind of snuck up on me, but today was the proverbial 'first day of the rest of my life'. Or at the very least the first day of another chapter. Today's the day I changed my lifestyle with a goal of getting to a reasonable baby bearing weight. I'd like to get to 250. 280 is fine. We'll see how I feel at 350 though. So there's a while to go.

I'd always considered one big weekend to sort of cap off the fat life, and while Thanksgiving SEEMS like an ideal weekend to do that, it really isn't. We were back home in Toronto, visiting family and friends, and that was the focus. I did cook up a traditional dinner Sunday, and that was fun. I ate plenty, of course, but not an orgy of food and gaining that one might hope for.

The thing is: I didn't hope for it. I've been enjoying my weight, enjoying my life, and I'm really ready to move on, there was just no need to celebrate it. I'm not going to be skinny any time soon, and I'm going to let myself eat when I feel the need to, so we'll see how things work out in a few months.

Today wasn't exactly a radical departure for me. Normal breakfast, bagel, muffin, fruit and juice. I had less to snack on in the morning, a little less at lunch, a little less in the afternoon and a little less at dinner. I'll tell ya, it was a pretty big feat to ensure there were actually left overs!

Because of the long weekend I didn't do a great job of co-ordinating with Sherry, so we hit the gym tomorrow, not today. That'll be the real start of the New Char, I suppose.

Labels: Char, diary

The TV Turns on.

A woman's hand reaches for a bowl of chips.

It's the 'The Stumbles', a movie revolving around an family of spies who can never seem to get anything right, except for saving the world.
The woman's hand reaches for a bottle of Coca-Cola.

Megan Stewart played a Stumble Cousin who helps out in a car chase.

The TV channel changes, it's now 'Dino Attack', a group of explorers stumble on an island which has mysteriously appeared off the coast of California. The island is populated by prehistoric creatures.

The woman's hand puts down the empty chip bowl and reaches for a giant chocolate bar.

Megan Stewart's character is eaten by a Tyrannosaurus despite being told not to go ashore.

The TV Channel Changes. It's 'What have you Done?' The movie is a spin off of 'The Stumbles', starring Megan Stewart. The movie didn't even make enough money to cover her salary.

The woman's hands discard the wrapper for the candy bar and reach for an entire chocolate cake.

There is a knock at the door, it opens and a statuesque blonde stands in the door way. She bears a strong resemblance to Megan Stewart, but she's not, instead she says 'Megan Stewart, what have you done?'

The camera pans to reveal a flabby Megan Stewart sitting on the couch surrounded by empty dishes and wrappers, about to eat the chocolate cake.
Music plays, and the titles come up: "The Comeback: Megan Stewart". A subtitle appears after the credits, declaring "Episode 1: What have you Done?"

***

We're introduced to Geraldine. She's a typical struggling actress from the Midwest: tall, blonde, skinny, waitress. She had been friends with Megan, who had been just as typical, before Megan got her big break. Over the years they'd drifted apart, but now that Megan needed a friend, Geraldine has come back into her life.

Geraldine comes in and sits down beside Megan, "Seriously Megan, what have you done to yourself? You were so thin, so cute before, now this?"
Megan laughs an ironic laugh before replying, "Well, when 'What Have you Done?' flopped, I sort of withdrew. I tried really hard to avoid falling into drugs and alcohol, and you know that's not easy out here, but I did. Still I needed something, and when you've got $10 million in the bank, you can buy a LOT of pizzas before anyone says anything. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself. Word got out I'd given up acting, and I sort of believed it myself."

"Yeah, I'd heard that too. I actually thought you'd gone back home to Missouri!"

"I really thought about it, but I've got a good place here, and I had the money to keep it up, and I just couldn't go back home a failure. I certainly couldn't go home as a FAT failure!"

"So what now? Are you going to act again?"

"I think I'm ready. At least, I'd like to. But who's going to put this in their movie?" Megan gives her belly a big slap and lets it wobble for the camera.

***

Megan is wearing an outfit that is two sizes too tight and makes her greatly resemble a sausage. She's moving gingerly, aware that the outfit could tear at any time. She makes an aside to the camera, "this is the biggest size they make. I know it doesn't fit, but, there's not a lot of designer things in my size any more".

She opens the door, and a pull back reveals that she's entered a talent agency.

She sits down opposite a mature well appointed man who smiles earnestly, "Megan! Megan Stewart! I haven't heard from you in years. I'll be honest though, not a lot of people have been asking for you either. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Megan reaches into the candy dish on his desk and says, "I'm ready to work again. I needed some time off, to get my head back together. I know I can do better than 'What Have you Done?'. You know I can. It's time to let everyone know it!"

"Well, I'll put the word out that you're back. I know the entertainment shows are going to love your... new look. I don't know if I'll be able to get you any parts until you... well, lose your weight."

"I'm way ahead of you. I've got a friend who's going to help me get back the body that made me famous! In fact, I think I'll bring her in for you to meet, she's very good, I think you can work your magic for her."

***

Meanwhile Geraldine is back at Megan's house. She's cleaning up the kitchen, making comments and faces about how much a pig that Megan's become.

After a little while Geraldine stops to find a snack. "Healthy... healthy... she's got to have SOMETHING healthy in here."

A video montage shows her going through the cupboards and finding cookies, Twinkies, candy bars, going through the fridge and finding half eaten cakes and leftovers from various delivery places, going through the freezer and finding a variety of ice creams and frozen desserts, but nothing healthy.

Eventually she comes across some Ben & Jerry's ice cream. "You know," she confides to the camera, "I've never actually had this. I mean, you see what it did to Megan! I'm sure a taste won't hurt though."

Through accelerated video Geraldine eats the entire pint and licks her lips. "That IS good. I wonder how much of this she has?

***

"So I've been to my agent," Megan tells Geraldine as they're sitting at the kitchen table. "I'm going to lose a few pounds, and then the word will be out that I'm back!"

"Losing that weight isn't going to be easy," Geraldine warns. "In fact, I think we need to clear out all this junk you've got, you know, to remove temptation."

"I've thought about that," Megan replies, "but I was thinking, it's always going to be there, so if I can keep it around, and still resist the temptation, then I'll know I've really won."

"Oh, one more thing," she continues, "I'm going to get you in touch with my agent. We're going to be stars together! Just like we always dreamed."

Labels: fiction, Geraldine, Megan, show, weight gain

This is it, I've reached my tipping point. I want a baby more than I want to be fat. Next week I'll begin my new lifestyle. Why now? Well, it makes sense, the holiday season is always a time when routines change, so, if my routine is going to change, might as well make the change I want. Also, if I wait until next year, the gyms will be busy, and Sherry will be busy, so if I want her help, it'll be better to get into a new routine now, than when she can't help out.

I'll be following what worked for me before, adjusting for what has worked with Ian. I'll eat less, I'll snack better, and I'll exercise more (more than none? I think I can handle that.) I've been more active since the summer than normal, so I don't think it'll be as tough as it would have been if I decided to do this in June.

I have no goals set for the near term, simply to get into a routine that I can stick with and fits into my lifestyle.

I'll keep up my diary, though I'm sure I'll lose fans, but I'm okay with that. I do plan to keep up my fiction, but I can't guarantee that a change in my lifestyle won't affect it. Which begs the question: is there a such thing as erotic weight loss fiction? I guess I could always look for it. I'm not planning to write any. Especially if there's no market for it, lol.

As for my writing, I'm really happy with my story from yesterday: Dream a L'il Dream. People have been asking for more stories just focusing on the body itself, so I think I've got that. I surprised myself a little bit with it though. The whole time I was writing the story, I knew she was going to wake up skinny, then call Rob up and say she wanted to get fat, and yet the ending I wrote just came out. It's nice when you can be surprised by your own story! I like the way it works, as it's technically more honest than what I'd intended, I hope it was a pleasant surprise for other people too.

So even though I'm planning to start losing weight, this week brought another couple of pounds my way. I'm up to 521, which puts me just 10 shy of Amy who hasn't been able to gain for a while now. I know there are people who are eager to see me surpass her, and... it's not my goal. I really am big enough. If there was part of me that really wanted to, I probably would, but it's just not something I feel like I need to do. It might be different and we were still seeing each other on a regular basis, but I'm the biggest person I see on a regular basis, and that's enough for me. Besides, if I wanted to be truly bigger, there's always the BMI argument because of my height, so 531 wouldn't be enough anyway.

I notice I've been linked to www.fantasyfeeder.com I think that's pretty cool, so thanks. I'm not a member of the site because I don't really have time for it. I poked around once before without joining, and it's changed since then, I can actually see a lot more now than I could before. Maybe I will join and see about getting my stories in there somewhere. I worry that when they scroll off the main page of my diary they're kind of forgotten. Do the tags help with that? Does anyone have any suggestions for what I might do to preserve my stories in a more convenient format?

Finally, as always, I'm looking for feedback on the stories. I'm getting up some steam on 'Byline'. 'Karen and Michael' seems to be foundering a little, and 'Matt and Annie' is becoming a little operatic, not sure what I'll do with that. I might write another 'Stuck' story. I've got one in mind, it just needs to be fleshed out, so to speak. I might try some more one off stories like Dream. At least they might point me in interesting directions. Geraldine's story remains on hold. I've got it planned out, but simply cannot get it right on the page/screen.

Also, with Thanksgiving coming up in Canada, why not re-read my old Thanksgiving yarns?

Labels: Char, diary, weigh in

Lillian woke up with the sun peaking out from behind her blinds. She was tucked warmly, comfortably under the blanket. She smiled to herself, happy to enjoy sleeping late on a Saturday morning. She sighed with the realisation that she was probably going to be fully awake in a few moments. She closed her eyes to enjoy those few moments before finally stirring to get out of bed.

Even before the blanket was off, there was something wrong. It was hard to say, but something just didn't feel right to Lillian. Again she moved to take the blanket off. She must've slept wrong somehow, the blanket just wasn't sliding away like normal. Eventually she had the blanket flipped aside and she moved to sit up. Now there really was a problem, it felt like there was a weight on her chest, and that there was something between her stomach and legs that seemed to be in the way.

Grudgingly she opened her eyes to see what the problem was. Her eyes immediately opened wide in surprise. What she was looking at was definitely wrong. She was looking down at a massive pair of breasts perched atop a rotund expanse of belly.

How could this be? She was a fitness fanatic, she always had been. When Lillian was little her mother was very fat. She remembered how sad her mother always had been and then one day her mother had committed to losing weight and getting in shape. From that day forward Lillian had lived fitness and healthy living. She never touched junk food, she exercised every day. It was the centre of her life, as she changed cities, jobs, boyfriends, whatever life threw at her, there was always her fitness, her health, her thin body. What was this?

Adrenalin flooded her system and she sat up, feeling the flab bending, rubbing, flowing as her body's position changed. She paused for a moment as she regained her balance. The sensation of the fat moving on it's own was simultaneously alien and yet very soothing, almost comforting to Lillian. She wiggled experimentally, feeling how wide her bum was, and how her weight distributed across its surface and pressing down into the mattress. She noticed that her belly and breasts were still swaying slightly. She could also feel that her arms and chin seemed to be wobbling as well. She repeated the wiggle and couldn't help but laugh at how absurd this all was.

The laughter completely took over her body, every where she was bouncing and jiggling, and the more she laughed, the more her body jiggled, and the more her body jiggled, the more she laughed. It fell into a rhythm that Lillian found mesmerising. She'd never felt anything like it before, it was simply incredible. It took her a few moments to calm down.

With a wriggling motion she finally dropped to the floor with a reverberating thud. She felt all the weight of her body catch up a moment later, and it knocked her off balance for a moment before she finally got her footing. Now that she was standing, Lillian could feel the entire weight of her body pressing into her joints. Again she had the odd sensation of her body being alien, yet comfortable.

She began walking towards the dresser to put something on when she realised that she couldn't walk. She looked down and smiled, remembering her view was entirely blocked by her fat. She leaned over a little bit to catch a glimpse of her legs, but she couldn't really see anything but the flesh of her upper body. She concentrated on shifting her weight and made a small, awkward step. Even though it sent some interesting shockwaves through her body, it just didn't feel right, even with everything else going wrong this morning, she knew that wasn't how to take a step. She relaxed and let her body move itself. Lillian was surprised to find that rather than going forward, her legs and feet moved at an angle. In amazement she headed over to the dresser, slowly, her body swaying side to side more than up and down.

Finally she reached the mirror and Lillian saw someone in the mirror. At first she was reminded of seeing her mother when she was little, but looking closer, yes, it was Lillian, not her mother. She could see the eyes and mouth were clearly hers. Her hair was the familiar tangle of long black locks she had each morning. Even though she recognised her face, it was not her face. Plump cheeks rounded out her normally angular face. A soft stretch of flesh formed a double chin that obscured her neck. Lower down she could see broad round shoulders extending across the top of her body, replacing the powerful well defined deltoids and clearly visible clavicles. Further on she could see the massive breasts which had blocked her view earlier. Now she knew why some people referred to them as melons, hers hung like enormous watermelons atop her stomach. The stomach was big beyond believe, it folded over itself forming a few rolls, and it was so large that she couldn't see the bottom of it in her waist high mirror. She could see that it expanded far out to her sides, forcing her arms to rest on it at an angle, rather than hanging loosely.

She moved a little bit, just to make sure it was in fact her reflection she saw and not something else. She smiled, her reflection smiled back. She winked, her reflection winked back. She waved and, seeing her reflection raise its arm, she saw how big her arm was as it wobbled back and forth with her waving. She would swear that her upper arm was further around than her waist. At least, further around than her waist had been.

Lillian went through the motions of getting ready: brushing her teeth and hair, getting dressed, makeup. The whole experience continued the feelings she'd been having all morning, that everything was all right, except for the fact she was clearly very very fat. She kept thinking she should be feeling like an awkward pathetic oaf, but she didn't. She felt warm, happy and confident. She felt like rather than driving at something to achieve perfection, she simply needed to let perfection happen.

She slowly made her way down the stairs. Normally she would bound down the stairs, taking them two or three at a time. She took them one at a time, very slowly as she planted a food and regained balance on each step. Rather than wish she could just get down there, she was enjoying the subtle movements of her body; all her muscles working in coordination to keep her balanced, all her fat moving and rippling with each movement. She could feel her muscles flexing and adjusting to her ever moving weight so she could keep balanced. Each step felt like a miracle to her, and she was almost sorry to reach the bottom and begin waddling to the kitchen.

She could hear someone, probably her husband Rob, moving around in the kitchen. She paused. Her husband Rob? She'd met Rob a few years ago, they'd dated, and while they had fun, they never really seemed to connect. They ran into each other from time to time, but... they were barely friends. She wished they had connected, and she felt he felt the same way. It came down to time. Rob wanted to spend more time with her, but with Lillian always working out, it just never seemed to happen.

Along with hearing Rob in the kitchen, she could smell the bacon that was cooking, and she knew there would be eggs, sausage, toast, hashbrowns, muffins and some fresh fruit waiting for her. Lillian's mouth began to water and for the first time all morning she really did wish her body would just hurry up and get her into the kitchen.

She sat down heavily as Rob laid out the food in front of her. She adjusted in her seat, sliding back and forth as her belly settled between her thighs, forcing her legs apart. There was a lot of food in front of her, and there was part of her wondering why there was enough to feed an army. Another part of Lillian was hoping that more was coming.

After clearing her plate she began to fill it up again and used this time to finally speak with Rob. "I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamed that it was a few years ago, you know, before we were dating?"

"Dating the first time or the second time Lil?" he asked, pulling some cinnamon buns out of the oven which made Lillian's heart flutter with anticipation.

"Um, I don't really remember that part of the dream. I was so skinny though, you remember how skinny I was?" He nodded and she quickly worked through a second helping of bacon and eggs along with some fruit and a couple of muffins. "Can you believe that I actually thought I was happy like that?"

She sat back with her hands folded across her stomach. All the food was gone, her stomach was full, and now she was happy.

Labels: dream, FA, fiction

"So, Matt," Annie smiled from the door way "are you still too fat for me?"

Matt's mind boggled at what he was seeing. Here was the love of his life, a spectacular, bright, beautiful woman; a woman he had no business being involved with; at his door. He had broken up with her three months ago because he knew that she deserved better than a fat slob like him, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before trading him in for a sleeker model.

She came back to him though. She came back, and now she was fat too.

Matt couldn't believe his eyes. The delicately slender Annie had been replaced by a woman who was bulging at the seams. Her face was softer, her cheeks and the hint of a double chin framing her beautiful face. Her ample breasts were pushing at the confines of her shirt which was riding up, exposing an inch of the soft expanse of her belly. Her hips were round, her thighs thunderous.

"Can I come in?", she interrupted his staring. "I'm really hungry," she added, holding up a couple of large fast food bags.

Matt looked from her cherubic smile to the bags of food. His stomach growled loudly. "Of course."

She walked over to the couch. Matt noticed the extra weight made her seem a little awkward. He wondered how awkward his own extra weight seemed. He followed, suddenly very conscious of the fact he was waddling.

They both dropped heavily onto the couch and dug into the bags of burgers, fries and chicken that Annie had brought over. After a few minutes Matt realised that their hips were touching. Her soft warm body against his felt a little odd, and he became self conscious, moving away from her slightly.

They continued to eat in silence until Matt realised he was more focused on the food than he was on Annie. He looked over at her and realised she focused on him intently. She'd been watching him eat this whole time, and she hadn't said anything. She smiled, realising she finally had his attention. He looked from her eyes to her food, expecting to see it all sitting there. It wasn't, her wrappers were as empty, and as plentiful, as his.

"So Matt," she began again, "are you still too fat for me?"

Matt wasn't sure what to say. He chewed on his fries for far longer than he would, especially as of late. "I didn't ask you to get fat, you know."

"No, Matt, you did. You said that I was too skinny to date someone fat like you."

"But that's not what I meant, Annie, I mean..." he fell silent, and lamely reached for more fries.

"And if you really thought you were too fat for me, then how come you've..." she gesticulated widely to indicate his increased girth. "I'd have thought I was worth fighting for."

"I didn't want you to hurt me. When a girl like you dates a guy like me... I just know she'll eventually go for something better. I saved myself that, I saved your that, having to choose."

"Where do you get off choosing who I date? And what do you mean a girl like me!?"

"Oh, I just meant, you were so pretty. You were, you know. Very beautiful."

"I was? And what am I now?" she stood up, enraged with Matt.

"Well, now you're..." he pointed at her expanded frame and shrugged.

"So, you wouldn't date me because I was too thin, and now you won't date me because I'm too fat?"

Matt shrugged again, desperately wishing there was another burger he could eat to avoid the conversation.

Labels: annie, FA, ffa, fiction, matt, weight gain