Friday, January 31, 2003
Again, I have nothing noteworthy to put here
So I’ll just put the Friday Five
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Wonder Woman! Who else was there? Batgirl and Supergirl were sidekicks. Not Wonder Woman!
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
Hmmm. A horse, of course.
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Vancouver. Or maybe Florida. Which is further from Toronto?
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Italian
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
It’s Ian’s birthday! Gonna get fat boy loaded.
So I’ll just put the Friday Five
1. As a child, who was your favorite superhero/heroine? Why?
Wonder Woman! Who else was there? Batgirl and Supergirl were sidekicks. Not Wonder Woman!
2. What was one thing you always wanted as a child but never got?
Hmmm. A horse, of course.
3. What's the furthest from home you've been?
Vancouver. Or maybe Florida. Which is further from Toronto?
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn but haven't yet?
Italian
5. What are your plans for the weekend?
It’s Ian’s birthday! Gonna get fat boy loaded.
Thursday, January 30, 2003
It’s Ian’s birthday this weekend.
I won’t write what I got him here. I know that he says he doesn’t read my diary, and I trust him. But maybe someone we both know reads it and might accidentally let it slip.
I doubt that would happen either, but wouldn’t all involved feel silly if it did?
Okay, you got me. I got nothing to write today.
I won’t write what I got him here. I know that he says he doesn’t read my diary, and I trust him. But maybe someone we both know reads it and might accidentally let it slip.
I doubt that would happen either, but wouldn’t all involved feel silly if it did?
Okay, you got me. I got nothing to write today.
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Okay. I have a proposal.
We take January, and put it between July and August.
That way we have a really hot month, then a really cold month, and then a really hot month again.
At the beginning of January you’d really appreciate it, rather than already being frostbitten by December, it’s a godsend after a sweltering July. And in August, it’s not the dog days anymore, but a relief from the frozen wastes of January!
I don’t know if I should write my MP, the UN or the Pope. Anyone know who’s in charge of this sort of thing?
I bet it works south of the Equator too, putting a summer month in the middle of winter!
We take January, and put it between July and August.
That way we have a really hot month, then a really cold month, and then a really hot month again.
At the beginning of January you’d really appreciate it, rather than already being frostbitten by December, it’s a godsend after a sweltering July. And in August, it’s not the dog days anymore, but a relief from the frozen wastes of January!
I don’t know if I should write my MP, the UN or the Pope. Anyone know who’s in charge of this sort of thing?
I bet it works south of the Equator too, putting a summer month in the middle of winter!
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Charlotte on the Balance
Things that suck about my life:
1. My fiancé lives in another city
2. I don’t make nearly as much money as I’d like
3. I’m a little overweight
4. I’m never satisfied with what I’ve created
5. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. More to the point, I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish the rest of my life
Things that are great about my life:
1. I’m engaged to the greatest guy ever
2. My fiancé makes a comfortable living
3. I have a nice car (Ford Focus ZX3)
4. I can always find new creative outlets
5. I’ve lived my life in a few different lifestyles, I know how to keep an open mind
6. I get to work with some really cool people
Woohoo, more good than bad.
Gotta like that!
Things that suck about my life:
1. My fiancé lives in another city
2. I don’t make nearly as much money as I’d like
3. I’m a little overweight
4. I’m never satisfied with what I’ve created
5. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. More to the point, I don’t know how I’m going to accomplish the rest of my life
Things that are great about my life:
1. I’m engaged to the greatest guy ever
2. My fiancé makes a comfortable living
3. I have a nice car (Ford Focus ZX3)
4. I can always find new creative outlets
5. I’ve lived my life in a few different lifestyles, I know how to keep an open mind
6. I get to work with some really cool people
Woohoo, more good than bad.
Gotta like that!
Monday, January 27, 2003
Okay, so I didn’t post anything over the weekend
But I’ve got a good excuse!
I took Saturday off and went to visit Ian back home.
First things first, I got to weigh myself for the first time in exactly one month (since Christmas, when I weighed 456 pounds). I am the proud owner of a 451 pound body. Not the skinniest I’ve ever been, but it’s a start. Once I get full swing into my diet I’m sure I’ll be losing 8 pounds a month!
Secondly, poor Ian! He’s wasting away at an alarming rate. We weighed him Saturday morning, he was 427 pounds! Not long ago he was a whopping 445, he’d have been bigger than me if he’d kept it up. But alas, I’m still the fat one.
But all is not lost! With his fiancée there to bring hope to the hopeless, Ian came back to his fat boy ways. I stuffed him like, well, I’ve stuffed him more before, but certainly he ate more than he has for the last few weeks.
For breakfast he had blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. Plus bacon eggs and sausage. He washed it down with a tonne of orange juice and some cream. I love it when he drinks cream!
As that settled I made a beans and greens soup for him for lunch. It’s got bacon in it, and you can slather it with cheese. Not the most fattening thing you’ll ever have, but on the other hand Ian ate a tonne of it.
With lunch settling I gave Ian one of trademark tummy rubs. He loves them, and I love them! I could feel the weight loss in him, his fat was ‘flabbier’ than normal, if that makes any sense. I guess his skin hadn’t quite caught up with his weight. He drank milk while things settled, he was really really thirsty all weekend, but I suppose he’s still dehydrated from his flu, which means the weight will pile back on as his body rehydrates!
In the afternoon he had a snack of a dozen buttertarts. And these were good ones. I’ve never tried making them myself, but they don’t look that hard. They came from Ian’s family, I think they’re onto our eating habits these days, lol.
In the evening I decided it was time for a break and we just ordered pizza. Ian polished of an XL pizza, and I was still hungry after my medium… we watched the hockey game with popcorn, chips and finally ice cream sundaes.
At night we’d gotten Ian upto 431. Of course… I’d inadvertently gotten upto 453. Oops.
The next morning he’d wasted back to 429. Gotta love being obsessed with the scale eh?
Any way, I just heated up a box of Eggos for breakfast. I think they were cinnamon flavoured. I also finished up the bacon for Ian, and made some toast with cream cheese. We were out of cream by then, but I made up a new jug of OJ for Ian to drink. For lunch I cooked up a half dozen grilled cheese sandwiches. We put ham in the middle of them, very nice that way! I also made some fries for Ian in the oven.
I had to get home, so alas I didn’t get to do dinner with Ian. But he was upto 432 when I left. Not bad eh?
So, that was my weekend. I feel it was time VERY well spent with my fiancé. I felt so awful not being able to take care of him when he needed it, yet I know it was very special for me to help get the big guy back on track to his goal of gaining to 500 pounds! Yeah, I put off my chances of seeing 300 any time soon, but it was totally worth it!
But I’ve got a good excuse!
I took Saturday off and went to visit Ian back home.
First things first, I got to weigh myself for the first time in exactly one month (since Christmas, when I weighed 456 pounds). I am the proud owner of a 451 pound body. Not the skinniest I’ve ever been, but it’s a start. Once I get full swing into my diet I’m sure I’ll be losing 8 pounds a month!
Secondly, poor Ian! He’s wasting away at an alarming rate. We weighed him Saturday morning, he was 427 pounds! Not long ago he was a whopping 445, he’d have been bigger than me if he’d kept it up. But alas, I’m still the fat one.
But all is not lost! With his fiancée there to bring hope to the hopeless, Ian came back to his fat boy ways. I stuffed him like, well, I’ve stuffed him more before, but certainly he ate more than he has for the last few weeks.
For breakfast he had blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. Plus bacon eggs and sausage. He washed it down with a tonne of orange juice and some cream. I love it when he drinks cream!
As that settled I made a beans and greens soup for him for lunch. It’s got bacon in it, and you can slather it with cheese. Not the most fattening thing you’ll ever have, but on the other hand Ian ate a tonne of it.
With lunch settling I gave Ian one of trademark tummy rubs. He loves them, and I love them! I could feel the weight loss in him, his fat was ‘flabbier’ than normal, if that makes any sense. I guess his skin hadn’t quite caught up with his weight. He drank milk while things settled, he was really really thirsty all weekend, but I suppose he’s still dehydrated from his flu, which means the weight will pile back on as his body rehydrates!
In the afternoon he had a snack of a dozen buttertarts. And these were good ones. I’ve never tried making them myself, but they don’t look that hard. They came from Ian’s family, I think they’re onto our eating habits these days, lol.
In the evening I decided it was time for a break and we just ordered pizza. Ian polished of an XL pizza, and I was still hungry after my medium… we watched the hockey game with popcorn, chips and finally ice cream sundaes.
At night we’d gotten Ian upto 431. Of course… I’d inadvertently gotten upto 453. Oops.
The next morning he’d wasted back to 429. Gotta love being obsessed with the scale eh?
Any way, I just heated up a box of Eggos for breakfast. I think they were cinnamon flavoured. I also finished up the bacon for Ian, and made some toast with cream cheese. We were out of cream by then, but I made up a new jug of OJ for Ian to drink. For lunch I cooked up a half dozen grilled cheese sandwiches. We put ham in the middle of them, very nice that way! I also made some fries for Ian in the oven.
I had to get home, so alas I didn’t get to do dinner with Ian. But he was upto 432 when I left. Not bad eh?
So, that was my weekend. I feel it was time VERY well spent with my fiancé. I felt so awful not being able to take care of him when he needed it, yet I know it was very special for me to help get the big guy back on track to his goal of gaining to 500 pounds! Yeah, I put off my chances of seeing 300 any time soon, but it was totally worth it!
Friday, January 24, 2003
The Friday Five
This is fun, when I remember about it. Check out the official webpage of the Friday Five!
1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?
You know, over the years I’ve had a lot of self perception issues. What I dislike most about my body is that it doesn’t spontaneously bend to my will. I’ve been very happy with my body when it was thin. I’ve been very happy with my body when it was fat. Right now it’s a little too fat, but I’m working on it.
2. What are two things you love about your body?
My body is an expression of who I am. I know lots of people hate being judged by how they look, but since it’s true, why not embrace it?
Thus, the two things I love about my body:
i. I can shape it how I want.
ii. I can wear what I want to show the world what I want them to see
3. What are three things you want to change about your home?
i. Huge ass kitchen with everything
ii. Huge ass painting studio with southern exposure, and lots of storage space to hide my works until I’m ready to show them
iii. Huge ass Ian should be in it.
4. What are four books you want to read this year?
No idea. I don’t plan my reading ahead.
5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?
i. I graduated from university
ii. I’ve explored every thought I’ve had about how to live my life
iii. I got work at an art gallery that lasted more than a month
iv. I’ve kept on my diet for a few weeks, but I don’t see myself not doing so
v. I’ve never hit someone in a fit of rage
This is fun, when I remember about it. Check out the official webpage of the Friday Five!
1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?
You know, over the years I’ve had a lot of self perception issues. What I dislike most about my body is that it doesn’t spontaneously bend to my will. I’ve been very happy with my body when it was thin. I’ve been very happy with my body when it was fat. Right now it’s a little too fat, but I’m working on it.
2. What are two things you love about your body?
My body is an expression of who I am. I know lots of people hate being judged by how they look, but since it’s true, why not embrace it?
Thus, the two things I love about my body:
i. I can shape it how I want.
ii. I can wear what I want to show the world what I want them to see
3. What are three things you want to change about your home?
i. Huge ass kitchen with everything
ii. Huge ass painting studio with southern exposure, and lots of storage space to hide my works until I’m ready to show them
iii. Huge ass Ian should be in it.
4. What are four books you want to read this year?
No idea. I don’t plan my reading ahead.
5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?
i. I graduated from university
ii. I’ve explored every thought I’ve had about how to live my life
iii. I got work at an art gallery that lasted more than a month
iv. I’ve kept on my diet for a few weeks, but I don’t see myself not doing so
v. I’ve never hit someone in a fit of rage
Wow, the diet must be working!
I have a tonne of hits on my sight from the Google Search skinny girls!
And another from Yahoo! about getting skinny quick!
I don’t need to post anything interesting, just some bizarre keywords for the search engines to find, lol.
But I must post something interesting. I’m not just out to trick search engines into listing my page for no good reason.
Of course, that requires something interesting to post.
So, I’ll get back to you when it happens.
I have a tonne of hits on my sight from the Google Search skinny girls!
And another from Yahoo! about getting skinny quick!
I don’t need to post anything interesting, just some bizarre keywords for the search engines to find, lol.
But I must post something interesting. I’m not just out to trick search engines into listing my page for no good reason.
Of course, that requires something interesting to post.
So, I’ll get back to you when it happens.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Okay, I’ve officially had it with winter.
I remember in high school I HATED winter! You work hard to keep a nice, trim body, who wants to bundle up under coats, sweaters and hats? That’s right, when you look good, winter sucks.
As such, I loved summer, hated winter.
Well, as is wont to happen as I gained a couple of pounds, the insulating effects of fat kicked in and suddenly summer was just too hot. Who needs all that sweating? And there just aren’t enough good fat summer clothes to look good in!
Not that I developed a love for winter mind you. I just hate summers more these days. I guess spring and fall are where it’s at. Actually, they always were: spring has all the fantastic blossoms, new growth, you can see greens popping up everywhere; and fall has the cascade of golds, reds, and ambers that can take your breath away.
But that’s for another diary entry.
I’m talking about fucking cold: wind, snow, ice.
As a fat chick I hate the winter because of the ice! I just don’t have the balance I had in my slender days, and ice is always a deathtrap now. This morning I fell on my ass, where the one advantage is the padding. But I got snow all up my skirt, it was miserable!
Oh well.
Life goes on, right?
I feel better now.
No I don’t, but it seemed like something to write.
Now I feel better.
But only a little.
I remember in high school I HATED winter! You work hard to keep a nice, trim body, who wants to bundle up under coats, sweaters and hats? That’s right, when you look good, winter sucks.
As such, I loved summer, hated winter.
Well, as is wont to happen as I gained a couple of pounds, the insulating effects of fat kicked in and suddenly summer was just too hot. Who needs all that sweating? And there just aren’t enough good fat summer clothes to look good in!
Not that I developed a love for winter mind you. I just hate summers more these days. I guess spring and fall are where it’s at. Actually, they always were: spring has all the fantastic blossoms, new growth, you can see greens popping up everywhere; and fall has the cascade of golds, reds, and ambers that can take your breath away.
But that’s for another diary entry.
I’m talking about fucking cold: wind, snow, ice.
As a fat chick I hate the winter because of the ice! I just don’t have the balance I had in my slender days, and ice is always a deathtrap now. This morning I fell on my ass, where the one advantage is the padding. But I got snow all up my skirt, it was miserable!
Oh well.
Life goes on, right?
I feel better now.
No I don’t, but it seemed like something to write.
Now I feel better.
But only a little.
Now that must’ve been a disappointment!
Someone came to my webpage looking for Russell Crowe pictures!
I mentioned him like once, but I got a high hit on Yahoo! I think it’s ‘cause I spelled his name wrong.
Sorry world, there are no pictures of Rusell Crowe, or Russell Crowe on my website.
Someone came to my webpage looking for Russell Crowe pictures!
I mentioned him like once, but I got a high hit on Yahoo! I think it’s ‘cause I spelled his name wrong.
Sorry world, there are no pictures of Rusell Crowe, or Russell Crowe on my website.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
skinny girls get fat
Huh.
I was checking my referral logs. (Again, Andi, thanks!) I got a hit from a Google Search ‘skinny girls get fat'.
Well, that certainly describes me, doesn’t it?!
Too bad whoever that was didn’t leave a message!
Can’t wait for the Google Search ‘fat girls get skinny’ to work on my website too!
Too bad Jeri doesn’t have a website, she could get those hits too.
I wonder if Amy’s log has any skinny girls get fat hits? Not that she’s really fat or anything. But Google doesn’t know, does it?
I should get Ian to install this sort of thing on his site, see if he gets ‘fat guys get fatter’ or some such on his website!
Speaking of Ian, he’s lost a tonne of weight, he’s lost 16 pounds in two weeks! He’s miserable about it, of course. He’d rather I lose the weight not him. On the plus side, since it’s a lot of water weight (you know from vomiting), he’s going to regain like crazy once he finally does get his appetite back!
I might pop back for a quick visit sometime this week. He needs some lovin’. Hell, *I* need some lovin’ damnit! What’s the point of being engaged if I can’t have sex three times a day!?
Besides, I want to get onto his scale and see how much weight I’ve lost *grin*.
Oh, I had a weird dream last night.
I dreamt Ian was a big muscle guy, like HUGE, Arnold Schwarz-whatever big. But he wasn’t very nice at all! He would hit people just for fun, including me! I hope it’s not a dream of things to come. I don’t remember how I looked in the dream, so I must’ve looked ‘normal’.
Huh.
I was checking my referral logs. (Again, Andi, thanks!) I got a hit from a Google Search ‘skinny girls get fat'.
Well, that certainly describes me, doesn’t it?!
Too bad whoever that was didn’t leave a message!
Can’t wait for the Google Search ‘fat girls get skinny’ to work on my website too!
Too bad Jeri doesn’t have a website, she could get those hits too.
I wonder if Amy’s log has any skinny girls get fat hits? Not that she’s really fat or anything. But Google doesn’t know, does it?
I should get Ian to install this sort of thing on his site, see if he gets ‘fat guys get fatter’ or some such on his website!
Speaking of Ian, he’s lost a tonne of weight, he’s lost 16 pounds in two weeks! He’s miserable about it, of course. He’d rather I lose the weight not him. On the plus side, since it’s a lot of water weight (you know from vomiting), he’s going to regain like crazy once he finally does get his appetite back!
I might pop back for a quick visit sometime this week. He needs some lovin’. Hell, *I* need some lovin’ damnit! What’s the point of being engaged if I can’t have sex three times a day!?
Besides, I want to get onto his scale and see how much weight I’ve lost *grin*.
Oh, I had a weird dream last night.
I dreamt Ian was a big muscle guy, like HUGE, Arnold Schwarz-whatever big. But he wasn’t very nice at all! He would hit people just for fun, including me! I hope it’s not a dream of things to come. I don’t remember how I looked in the dream, so I must’ve looked ‘normal’.
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Dream a little dream.
I had a bit of a weird dream last night.
Like I was in some sort of B horror movie. I don’t watch a lot of them, couldn’t even name the last one I saw. Hmm, I don’t even know if Amy has any. Anyway.
I was lying on a raft in a pool, getting a tan. By the way, I was really really skinny and wearing a polka dotted bikini.
Then a bunch of ants came over the hills around the pool and started drowning in the pool.
I don’t really remember anything else… just that I was skinny, and the ants didn’t seem all that bright. Of course, real ants aren’t very bright anyway. But the real me isn’t skinny either.
Alas.
Ian says he still doesn’t have his appetite back.
I’m actually doing pretty good myself. I’m hungry, sure, but not giving in. I made a ginger pork stirfry last night, pretty good.
I had a bit of a weird dream last night.
Like I was in some sort of B horror movie. I don’t watch a lot of them, couldn’t even name the last one I saw. Hmm, I don’t even know if Amy has any. Anyway.
I was lying on a raft in a pool, getting a tan. By the way, I was really really skinny and wearing a polka dotted bikini.
Then a bunch of ants came over the hills around the pool and started drowning in the pool.
I don’t really remember anything else… just that I was skinny, and the ants didn’t seem all that bright. Of course, real ants aren’t very bright anyway. But the real me isn’t skinny either.
Alas.
Ian says he still doesn’t have his appetite back.
I’m actually doing pretty good myself. I’m hungry, sure, but not giving in. I made a ginger pork stirfry last night, pretty good.
Monday, January 20, 2003
Every day, once a week… whatever… ;)
So what did I do this weekend?
Well, I put in some hours at the gallery. Not much shopping going on right now, but that’s okay, gives me time to twirl my hair.
I’m still sticking with my low fat eating. I’m not sure if I’m surprised or not. I’ve only been a ‘bad’ eater for a few years, so my body remembers living on rabbit food for my teens. And I’m motivated, and once I get motivated, more often than not I get what I want.
I guess I’m surprised that I AM motivated. This is the third or fourth time I’ve tried to drop a few (hundred) pounds, I guess I mean it this time.
Should’ve gotten engaged a while ago eh?
Amy’s the one who’s cracking. She ordered pizza while I was working Saturday. Silly girl! Of course she knows as well as anyone that a lifestyle change is different for different people. But if she keeps it up, I’ll be skinnier than her by summer. I think she’d hate that.
Ian says he’s doing better now, but his appetite just isn’t back yet. That’s distressing, he could waste away to being ‘clinically obese’ from his current ‘morbidly obese’ status! I miss him a lot, we’ll have to find out next time we can get together.
So what did I do this weekend?
Well, I put in some hours at the gallery. Not much shopping going on right now, but that’s okay, gives me time to twirl my hair.
I’m still sticking with my low fat eating. I’m not sure if I’m surprised or not. I’ve only been a ‘bad’ eater for a few years, so my body remembers living on rabbit food for my teens. And I’m motivated, and once I get motivated, more often than not I get what I want.
I guess I’m surprised that I AM motivated. This is the third or fourth time I’ve tried to drop a few (hundred) pounds, I guess I mean it this time.
Should’ve gotten engaged a while ago eh?
Amy’s the one who’s cracking. She ordered pizza while I was working Saturday. Silly girl! Of course she knows as well as anyone that a lifestyle change is different for different people. But if she keeps it up, I’ll be skinnier than her by summer. I think she’d hate that.
Ian says he’s doing better now, but his appetite just isn’t back yet. That’s distressing, he could waste away to being ‘clinically obese’ from his current ‘morbidly obese’ status! I miss him a lot, we’ll have to find out next time we can get together.
Friday, January 17, 2003
How is this fair?
I’m trying to lose weight, Ian is trying to gain weight, but he gets the flu, pukes his guts out, and he’s lost 5 pounds!
Oh yeah, I guess I should be concerned he has the flu!
lol
He’s a pretty hardy fellow, he’s already getting over it. I guess I’d be more concerned if I was there with him, you know, taking care of my baby and all that. He does sound pretty run down, but he’ll be better by the time I see him next. No idea when that will be… but looking forward to helping him regain those 5 pounds!
I’m trying to lose weight, Ian is trying to gain weight, but he gets the flu, pukes his guts out, and he’s lost 5 pounds!
Oh yeah, I guess I should be concerned he has the flu!
lol
He’s a pretty hardy fellow, he’s already getting over it. I guess I’d be more concerned if I was there with him, you know, taking care of my baby and all that. He does sound pretty run down, but he’ll be better by the time I see him next. No idea when that will be… but looking forward to helping him regain those 5 pounds!
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Okay, so much for posting ‘every day’.
But what do you want from me?! I’m only human! (Mostly…)
On the plus side, I got a hit on my website from the Google search “Ice Cream Milkshakes”. So that’s kinda cool.
I could sure go for an ice cream milk shake.
Mmmm mmm. Maybe I could become the official website for ice cream milk shakes. What do you think?
I’m sure my robust physique would be the perfect ad for a nice delicious ice cream milk shake.
Okay, so I’m tired.
Ian’s sick, he didn’t even weigh himself yesterday, that’s how sick he is.
But what do you want from me?! I’m only human! (Mostly…)
On the plus side, I got a hit on my website from the Google search “Ice Cream Milkshakes”. So that’s kinda cool.
I could sure go for an ice cream milk shake.
Mmmm mmm. Maybe I could become the official website for ice cream milk shakes. What do you think?
I’m sure my robust physique would be the perfect ad for a nice delicious ice cream milk shake.
Okay, so I’m tired.
Ian’s sick, he didn’t even weigh himself yesterday, that’s how sick he is.
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
I’ve never seriously ‘dieted’ before.
Yeah, in high school I didn’t eat, but that wasn’t to lose weight, just to not gain weight. This is different, actually trying to lose weight. Of course I’m not simply not eating. I know better than to just cut out food. I still need to get my nutritional and caloric requirements, or else the diet will backfire.
But, I’m not sure how dieting is supposed to ‘feel’. Am I supposed to feel hollow? Hungry? Deprived? Longing?
I wonder, not because I’m feeling these things, because I’m not. Well, I guess a little hungry, but I can wait. I’m just feeling ‘normal’. Of course, I’ve only been at it for a little bit, and I’m still having treats, just trying to cut back on them.
Hopefully I’m doing it okay, but if nothing happens in a few months I guess I’ll see a nutritionist or something.
I just need a new hobby. Maybe I’ll break out the paints again. Or… hmm… what else can I do? I could learn some stuff about my computer. Ian and Jeri seem to be fine with it, so how hard can it be?
I could learn to sew. Make my own clothes! But I don’t have a sewing machine, and I have no idea how much they cost.
Maybe I’ll take up swimming. It’s a good form of exercise, no stress on the body. I’ll have to find a place with a pool I can use.
Yeah, in high school I didn’t eat, but that wasn’t to lose weight, just to not gain weight. This is different, actually trying to lose weight. Of course I’m not simply not eating. I know better than to just cut out food. I still need to get my nutritional and caloric requirements, or else the diet will backfire.
But, I’m not sure how dieting is supposed to ‘feel’. Am I supposed to feel hollow? Hungry? Deprived? Longing?
I wonder, not because I’m feeling these things, because I’m not. Well, I guess a little hungry, but I can wait. I’m just feeling ‘normal’. Of course, I’ve only been at it for a little bit, and I’m still having treats, just trying to cut back on them.
Hopefully I’m doing it okay, but if nothing happens in a few months I guess I’ll see a nutritionist or something.
I just need a new hobby. Maybe I’ll break out the paints again. Or… hmm… what else can I do? I could learn some stuff about my computer. Ian and Jeri seem to be fine with it, so how hard can it be?
I could learn to sew. Make my own clothes! But I don’t have a sewing machine, and I have no idea how much they cost.
Maybe I’ll take up swimming. It’s a good form of exercise, no stress on the body. I’ll have to find a place with a pool I can use.
Monday, January 13, 2003
I used to live an interesting life.
When I was younger, at school, just looking to have fun, find thrills, whatever.
I guess I’ve grown up somewhat. I got to play mommy to Amanda for a little while. I’m engaged to a great, down to earth guy. I don’t need to do crazy stuff to be happy any more.
As such, my diary isn’t nearly as exciting as I’d envisioned. Of course, when I was all that exciting, why would I have stopped to write it down? I wouldn’t so… what’s the point? There isnt’ one.
Yes there is. I read other people’s online diaries. They post frequently, and I get upset when they don’t’ post each and every day. And yet, if I don’t post each and every day, how can I expect any one else to post each and every day?
So, just so I’m allowed to get angry at people, I’m going to try to post something each and every day. I don’t know what I’ll post. If I’ll put up my menu (as some weight loss sites do). I might put up amusing stories I find in my journeys through the web.
Or maybe I’ll just complain about the world being so dull, even though I’m starting to understand why.
I love you all. Yes, even you.
When I was younger, at school, just looking to have fun, find thrills, whatever.
I guess I’ve grown up somewhat. I got to play mommy to Amanda for a little while. I’m engaged to a great, down to earth guy. I don’t need to do crazy stuff to be happy any more.
As such, my diary isn’t nearly as exciting as I’d envisioned. Of course, when I was all that exciting, why would I have stopped to write it down? I wouldn’t so… what’s the point? There isnt’ one.
Yes there is. I read other people’s online diaries. They post frequently, and I get upset when they don’t’ post each and every day. And yet, if I don’t post each and every day, how can I expect any one else to post each and every day?
So, just so I’m allowed to get angry at people, I’m going to try to post something each and every day. I don’t know what I’ll post. If I’ll put up my menu (as some weight loss sites do). I might put up amusing stories I find in my journeys through the web.
Or maybe I’ll just complain about the world being so dull, even though I’m starting to understand why.
I love you all. Yes, even you.
Friday, January 10, 2003
My incredibly smart and sexy friend Andi turned me on to these little things you can put on your webpage from Bravenet!
Now you can see how popular I am.
I can also put up these voting thingies.
Now you can see how popular I am.
I can also put up these voting thingies.
Thursday, January 09, 2003
Wow.
Ian’s upto 445 pounds now. Assuming I’ve lost 1 pound since New Year’s, that means he’s only 10 pounds less than I am. Won’t be long before I get to call him fatty!
That’s also more than twice the size he was when we met. Of course, I’m pretty close to twice my size of then too. But when we got together we knew I’d be gaining weight, but there was no plan for Ian to gain any weight, much less 220+ pounds.
I still remember when he was about 280 pounds. I really didn’t like the idea of him getting any bigger, and was trying to get him to lose weight. But he was stubborn and rapidly gained another 40 pounds, against my wishes. I’m so glad he did. I had no idea how his transformation would make me so happy. Looking back, I’m not sure how I could have felt that… I know how happy I’ve been with my weight, so why not the same for Ian?
Now I’m looking forward to losing my weight while Ian remains large, or grows larger! I would LOVE to be 120 pounds tomorrow, just to see how it feels to snuggle up with Ian as he is now without my own body getting in the way. C’est la vie.
He was talking with a friend last night, discussing his weight, what goals he has. He mentioned the possibility that when I got down to 200 pounds he might have reached 600, and he’d be three times my size! I’ve never even dreamt of dating a guy three times my size, but damn if that doesn’t sound like something fun! If I get down to 140, then Ian already would be three times my size.
Very exciting times I think! Once you get engaged, your mind just fills with infinite possibilities. I know, I thought my head was full of them before, but now… it’s different, there are more infinite ideas.
I was talking with Jeri yesterday, getting diet and exercise tips. She didn’t exercise much until she got under 300 pounds, so she doesn’t have much in the way of suggestions for me now. But it seems walking is a good one, so I’ll find a good place to go for walks. London has a lot of malls, and they’re not too crowded, so we’ll see. They have one downtown that is practically empty, even though it has a library and movie theatre in it. The stores carry a lot of crap though.
Of course, maybe I shouldn’t be getting diet tips from Jeri, she seems to be ballooning a bit herself. Of course she was always bad about getting fat over the winter.
I’ll be doing some low fat pasta tonight, the recipe looks pretty good, it’s as much effort as a ‘fat’ sauce… I’m not sure if I was expecting low fat cooking to be more or less work. I just know I wasn’t expecting it to the same work. I guess that makes sense, same process, different ingredients.
Ian’s upto 445 pounds now. Assuming I’ve lost 1 pound since New Year’s, that means he’s only 10 pounds less than I am. Won’t be long before I get to call him fatty!
That’s also more than twice the size he was when we met. Of course, I’m pretty close to twice my size of then too. But when we got together we knew I’d be gaining weight, but there was no plan for Ian to gain any weight, much less 220+ pounds.
I still remember when he was about 280 pounds. I really didn’t like the idea of him getting any bigger, and was trying to get him to lose weight. But he was stubborn and rapidly gained another 40 pounds, against my wishes. I’m so glad he did. I had no idea how his transformation would make me so happy. Looking back, I’m not sure how I could have felt that… I know how happy I’ve been with my weight, so why not the same for Ian?
Now I’m looking forward to losing my weight while Ian remains large, or grows larger! I would LOVE to be 120 pounds tomorrow, just to see how it feels to snuggle up with Ian as he is now without my own body getting in the way. C’est la vie.
He was talking with a friend last night, discussing his weight, what goals he has. He mentioned the possibility that when I got down to 200 pounds he might have reached 600, and he’d be three times my size! I’ve never even dreamt of dating a guy three times my size, but damn if that doesn’t sound like something fun! If I get down to 140, then Ian already would be three times my size.
Very exciting times I think! Once you get engaged, your mind just fills with infinite possibilities. I know, I thought my head was full of them before, but now… it’s different, there are more infinite ideas.
I was talking with Jeri yesterday, getting diet and exercise tips. She didn’t exercise much until she got under 300 pounds, so she doesn’t have much in the way of suggestions for me now. But it seems walking is a good one, so I’ll find a good place to go for walks. London has a lot of malls, and they’re not too crowded, so we’ll see. They have one downtown that is practically empty, even though it has a library and movie theatre in it. The stores carry a lot of crap though.
Of course, maybe I shouldn’t be getting diet tips from Jeri, she seems to be ballooning a bit herself. Of course she was always bad about getting fat over the winter.
I’ll be doing some low fat pasta tonight, the recipe looks pretty good, it’s as much effort as a ‘fat’ sauce… I’m not sure if I was expecting low fat cooking to be more or less work. I just know I wasn’t expecting it to the same work. I guess that makes sense, same process, different ingredients.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Okay
I'm not so happy with Enetation right now. That's the name of the little 'Poseurs' thing at the bottom of my posts. It only shows up half the time, and why is it called 'Poseur' now? I know, how much can I complain for something I don't pay for? Well, there's no chance I'll pay for it now!
Anyone know a better one to use?
email me:
ccezenne@icqmail.com
I'm still engaged.
Yay me :)
I'm still on my diet.
Yay me :)
I'm not so happy with Enetation right now. That's the name of the little 'Poseurs' thing at the bottom of my posts. It only shows up half the time, and why is it called 'Poseur' now? I know, how much can I complain for something I don't pay for? Well, there's no chance I'll pay for it now!
Anyone know a better one to use?
email me:
ccezenne@icqmail.com
I'm still engaged.
Yay me :)
I'm still on my diet.
Yay me :)
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Yay me!
I feel very excited to be starting an honest lifestyle change.
I always love a chance to reinvent myself!
I’ve been thin.
I’ve been a glutton.
I’ve been fat.
Now it’s time to see what it feels like to be someone who loses weight! I’m not going on any crazy fad diet or anything. I’ll be making meals with lower fat, trying to limit carbs, and generally, eating well, but not excessively.
I know that I’m used to eating lots. I don’t even notice it unless someone points it out. I’ll probably get hungry sometimes. I’ll probably find myself visiting McDonald’s to satisfy my cravings.
But that’s okay. I didn’t get fat overnight, I won’t get thin over night.
Do I have goals? Sure.
My immediate goal is to be thinner than Ian. That’s no biggie. I could stay the same and that will be solved in a few months!
I would like to get to 300 pounds, and then I’ll reevaluate.
A dream goal I have is to get to 120 pounds. I think it would be something cool to get married at 120 lbs, because, let’s be honest, all the best wedding dresses are for skinny girls!
I would like to be under 200 pounds when I become pregnant. It’s just a health issue, for both me and the baby. Who knows, maybe once I’m pregnant I’ll balloon like Jeri did? She had fun with it, why can’t I?
If I had to set a goal in stone: I would like to be 300 pounds for next year. Of course, losing 150 pounds in a year isn’t possible. So… um…
Well I guess 400 pounds by New Years is feasible, but quite wimpy.
So lets say I’ll be 350 pounds come next New Years. And 250 the New Years after that.
Woohoo!
I feel very excited to be starting an honest lifestyle change.
I always love a chance to reinvent myself!
I’ve been thin.
I’ve been a glutton.
I’ve been fat.
Now it’s time to see what it feels like to be someone who loses weight! I’m not going on any crazy fad diet or anything. I’ll be making meals with lower fat, trying to limit carbs, and generally, eating well, but not excessively.
I know that I’m used to eating lots. I don’t even notice it unless someone points it out. I’ll probably get hungry sometimes. I’ll probably find myself visiting McDonald’s to satisfy my cravings.
But that’s okay. I didn’t get fat overnight, I won’t get thin over night.
Do I have goals? Sure.
My immediate goal is to be thinner than Ian. That’s no biggie. I could stay the same and that will be solved in a few months!
I would like to get to 300 pounds, and then I’ll reevaluate.
A dream goal I have is to get to 120 pounds. I think it would be something cool to get married at 120 lbs, because, let’s be honest, all the best wedding dresses are for skinny girls!
I would like to be under 200 pounds when I become pregnant. It’s just a health issue, for both me and the baby. Who knows, maybe once I’m pregnant I’ll balloon like Jeri did? She had fun with it, why can’t I?
If I had to set a goal in stone: I would like to be 300 pounds for next year. Of course, losing 150 pounds in a year isn’t possible. So… um…
Well I guess 400 pounds by New Years is feasible, but quite wimpy.
So lets say I’ll be 350 pounds come next New Years. And 250 the New Years after that.
Woohoo!
Friday, January 03, 2003
Now that’s a birthday!
Ian proposed to me!
I said Yes!
He got me a very nice diamond ring, of course.
We don’t have plans to get married, but we do plan to marry each other when we do.
We talked a lot about where we’re going, and we concluded that we’re actually pretty happy where we are right now, so we’ll give it some time. I don’t think we’ll be married this year, and probably not even next year, but we’ll see how things are in time, especially with Ian’s job situation in flux.
We ALSO decided that we do want to have kids. That means that I have to drop a tonne of weight. Of course if I can’t we can adopt, but we’d both rather have our own kids, so I guess I’m officially on a diet. (Won’t Amy be happy? lol)
As for my birthday day… Ian and I have had a goal where he would outweigh me by sometime. Of course sometime keeps coming, and I’m still bigger than he is. It’s not any problem on his part, I’m just not losing the weight very quickly. The last blown one was for him to outweigh me by 2003. Well, I’ve still got 15 or so pounds on him. Not very much… but still.
So, for my birthday I got to pamper Ian. I know, traditionally it goes the other way, but damnit it was my birthday, and if I want to spend my birthday fattening my fiancé, then that’s how I’m going to spend my birthday!
We started out with waffles. I don’t have a waffle iron, so it was just eggos from the freezer. They were ‘plain’ eggos, but we put butter, syrup, jam, chocolate sauce on them. After the eggos were gone I made Ian an omelette with 6 eggs. That was harder than I thought, but it went pretty well. Ian was drinking cream, instead of milk or juice. Of course that’s normal for him these days!
After breakfast I massaged his stomach while we relaxed, we watched ‘Monsters Inc.’ on DVD. Even relaxing he managed to eat a package of liquorice allsorts. I love cuddling up with Ian, and I’m surprised how much I enjoy rubbing his fat! I’d rather massage his tummy than he massage mine. Who knew?
For lunch we ordered pizza. Ian normally does a large pizza on his own, but he managed to do one and a half today! I made milshakes to drink with the pizza.
We watched Toy Story 2 while that settled. Of course we had popcorn and a bag of chips.
Dinner was another piece de resistance. Amy joined us and we had $120 worth of Chinese food between the three of us! She may not enjoy being fat, but after a dinner like that, she knows what we’re getting out of it.
For dessert I made sundaes for all three of us. Huge honkin’ sundaes with all kinds of goodies on top.
I love days where I can spoil Ian, especially when it’s my day!
I love even more days where I can spoil my fiancé!
I love that word!
I love Ian.
I love life!
Ian proposed to me!
I said Yes!
He got me a very nice diamond ring, of course.
We don’t have plans to get married, but we do plan to marry each other when we do.
We talked a lot about where we’re going, and we concluded that we’re actually pretty happy where we are right now, so we’ll give it some time. I don’t think we’ll be married this year, and probably not even next year, but we’ll see how things are in time, especially with Ian’s job situation in flux.
We ALSO decided that we do want to have kids. That means that I have to drop a tonne of weight. Of course if I can’t we can adopt, but we’d both rather have our own kids, so I guess I’m officially on a diet. (Won’t Amy be happy? lol)
As for my birthday day… Ian and I have had a goal where he would outweigh me by sometime. Of course sometime keeps coming, and I’m still bigger than he is. It’s not any problem on his part, I’m just not losing the weight very quickly. The last blown one was for him to outweigh me by 2003. Well, I’ve still got 15 or so pounds on him. Not very much… but still.
So, for my birthday I got to pamper Ian. I know, traditionally it goes the other way, but damnit it was my birthday, and if I want to spend my birthday fattening my fiancé, then that’s how I’m going to spend my birthday!
We started out with waffles. I don’t have a waffle iron, so it was just eggos from the freezer. They were ‘plain’ eggos, but we put butter, syrup, jam, chocolate sauce on them. After the eggos were gone I made Ian an omelette with 6 eggs. That was harder than I thought, but it went pretty well. Ian was drinking cream, instead of milk or juice. Of course that’s normal for him these days!
After breakfast I massaged his stomach while we relaxed, we watched ‘Monsters Inc.’ on DVD. Even relaxing he managed to eat a package of liquorice allsorts. I love cuddling up with Ian, and I’m surprised how much I enjoy rubbing his fat! I’d rather massage his tummy than he massage mine. Who knew?
For lunch we ordered pizza. Ian normally does a large pizza on his own, but he managed to do one and a half today! I made milshakes to drink with the pizza.
We watched Toy Story 2 while that settled. Of course we had popcorn and a bag of chips.
Dinner was another piece de resistance. Amy joined us and we had $120 worth of Chinese food between the three of us! She may not enjoy being fat, but after a dinner like that, she knows what we’re getting out of it.
For dessert I made sundaes for all three of us. Huge honkin’ sundaes with all kinds of goodies on top.
I love days where I can spoil Ian, especially when it’s my day!
I love even more days where I can spoil my fiancé!
I love that word!
I love Ian.
I love life!
Thursday, January 02, 2003
That time of year!
It all comes one on top of the other… Christmas, New Year’s, Birthday… bam bam bam. It’s nice that people can birthday shop for me in boxing week, but some people have their birthdays… their special days… out on their own. Not me. Still hung over from New Year’s, I get to get drunk again tonight, lol.
So how was Christmas? Very nice.
Ian got me a diamond necklace. Very very nice.
My family got me some new dishes for my kitchen. Again, very nice!
I got Amanda another art set. She loves painting and drawing, and I love to encourage her to do these things!
I got Ian some art to hang on his walls. They’re original works from our place, I think they go very nicely with his décor, of course, it’s the décor I picked out!
We had Christmas dinner with my family, and then I made boxing day dinner for Ian, Jeri, Amanda and James. The rest of boxing day was just Ian and I, which was very nice. I treated him to a biiig breakfast: pancakes, bacon, sausage, cinnamon rolls. And then for lunch I made soup and sandwiches, followed by an ice cream sundae!
He’s getting a little chubby though: 440 pounds Christmas day! And then yesterday he weighed in at 442. For the record, I’m 456 (as of Christmas day).
Ian came here for New Year’s. We went to a party at one of Amy’s friends’ place. Lots of fun, just watching TV, playing trivia, drinking.
Ian’s still here, for my birthday, which is very nice!
It all comes one on top of the other… Christmas, New Year’s, Birthday… bam bam bam. It’s nice that people can birthday shop for me in boxing week, but some people have their birthdays… their special days… out on their own. Not me. Still hung over from New Year’s, I get to get drunk again tonight, lol.
So how was Christmas? Very nice.
Ian got me a diamond necklace. Very very nice.
My family got me some new dishes for my kitchen. Again, very nice!
I got Amanda another art set. She loves painting and drawing, and I love to encourage her to do these things!
I got Ian some art to hang on his walls. They’re original works from our place, I think they go very nicely with his décor, of course, it’s the décor I picked out!
We had Christmas dinner with my family, and then I made boxing day dinner for Ian, Jeri, Amanda and James. The rest of boxing day was just Ian and I, which was very nice. I treated him to a biiig breakfast: pancakes, bacon, sausage, cinnamon rolls. And then for lunch I made soup and sandwiches, followed by an ice cream sundae!
He’s getting a little chubby though: 440 pounds Christmas day! And then yesterday he weighed in at 442. For the record, I’m 456 (as of Christmas day).
Ian came here for New Year’s. We went to a party at one of Amy’s friends’ place. Lots of fun, just watching TV, playing trivia, drinking.
Ian’s still here, for my birthday, which is very nice!
